


Day by Day

by mistyhollowdrummer



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, F/M, I lied, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mentions of underage drinking, Mute!Pidge, Sexual Content, Shatt, Slow Burn, Swearing, Violence, mentions of minor character death, no i'm not, plance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-15 23:37:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 96,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13623885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistyhollowdrummer/pseuds/mistyhollowdrummer
Summary: So far, it’s been an unsuccessful attempt at finding the paladin’s. The one and only who could pilot the great machines. The things of legend. Built by God’s. While the rebellion does all they can do to stop the Galra from their cruel enlistments and kidnappings in an attempt to find said paladins, their forces are spread thin. They cannot stop all of them, and it becomes personal when Matt’s young sister is ripped right out of his arms.Ten years later, with three of the five paladins found and working with the Galra, the future is bleak, but he remains optimistic that he can find her, with or without the rebels at his side.





	1. Little Girl

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Am I going to once again attempt two fanfics at the same time? Hell yeah I am. Let's start this shit show! Or should I say... Shatt show~ :D  
> Okay, all seriousness. Next to Plance I actually adore the Shatt ship. I don't see enough fanfiction of it though standing alone. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough, but I usually see another ship as the main with this one being a side ship, so I'd like to reverse that roll if we could. Just as a reminder though that there will be another ship in this fanfic next to this one, but this is the main one. This is also a slow burn kind of fanfic, so be ready to buckle up. Put on your big kid panties and let's start this. I'm also uploading this now, because I felt like I was losing my spark to this, and I thought that, if anyone liked it, that could be my motivation to keep it going. So let's get started! :D  
> -Misty

Katie’s eyes travel curiously about her surroundings. She saw the buildings in the distance, sky scrapers, houses, apartment buildings, business buildings, and more, covered in a thick fog of smog and dust. Charred remains of the once great city.

That was what her brother had said at least. Matt had called it a city, telling her all about the place and how it used to function. How humans lived in unison, and, while not always peaceful, they thrived.

The idea was so foreign to her young mind. She couldn’t picture human’s living together as one, but, then again, she’d only ever seen one other human besides herself, and that was her bid brother.

Matt was twelve years old, but he told her stories, woven tales of a life once lived before the Galra went on their manhunt for the paladin’s of Voltron. At once a myth, and even more an idea conspired by gods, but the Galra swore by a prophecy. They believed in their existence, and they searched for them.

When she was a baby, she had been told by Matt, who had only freshly turned seven, that they went on the run. Her whole family ran when Galra came to their town, searching for the ones destined to be Paladin’s, later to be forced into a horrible life working for them. Their efforts were valid, but in vain. Colleen and Sam hid her and her older brother in a small trunk, locked away in a car with very little supplies. They hadn’t had much to begin with. Matt had told her that they fought to live another day, but something told her that he had lied.

If there was resistance, there was death. That’s what he always said, and even at five years old, she could put the pieces together.

He kept her stable though. He kept her alive. He kept her fed, taught her how to hunt, fish, and fight. He was only twelve, so he wasn’t strong, but Matt was fast. Faster than anything she had seen, minus maybe the little, white bunnies she had seen running away from him when he tried to catch them.

Matt was her support through all of this, and she was reminded of it as he drove past the giant, burning city on his hover bike. Katie sat on the back, holding on around his waist with an oversized helmet on her head. The wind was harsh in her face, blowing her long, brown hair every which way, but she couldn’t speak up about its annoyance. She’d been told not to talk, at least not until they got to their safe zone. Once there and out of prying eyes, she could speak again.

So she stayed quiet. She stayed quiet, watching the city disappear in the distance as they drove further and further into the country, the sound of his hover bike humming loudly in her ears past the wind.

The weight of their supplies sat heavy on her shoulders, but she didn’t complain. Couldn’t complain. She had been told not to, at least not until they got to safety.

Safety seemed so far away too. Even after she lost sight of the city, they kept going for what felt like an eternity to the five year old.

Their trailer was finally up ahead though. Up far in the desert, surrounded by tall grass with a leafless tree not too far away. Matt pulled his bike up to the handmade canopy, slowing to a stop. His sister didn’t move to get off, simply leaning back to allow him to sit up.

“Alright,” Matt sounded with relief as he pulled his helmet off. “We are safe and sound.” He announced. He absolutely adored the smile that beamed across the young child’s face, her freckles popping out on her pale skin from the sun. She didn’t get out much. This was one of those times Matt had allowed her on one of his trips, and it had been smooth sailing, it seemed.

“Finally,” She reveled in the sound of her voice again. She hadn’t talked since early this morning, way before the sun had shown itself, and now it was dimming over the land. “That-That was long, Matt.”

“I know, sweetie, but it has to be done.” He excused, hopping off of his bike and setting the helmet on the foot rest. “You know how it is.”

“I know,” The child practically whined as she held out her arms. Matt smiled as he picked her up into his arms, but internally he was broken.

There was no reason to tell a five year old that, when not home, she couldn’t speak. That, when they were scavenging, they couldn’t make a sound. That she couldn’t go off and play like she wanted to, instead being stranded inside all day with minimal toys. There should have been no reason at all, and yet he had no choice. He had to condition her to be safe and alive, even if it meant taking away her childhood.

At least they found some crayons on their run. Now she could draw like she wanted to.

“So are you going to draw me something pretty when we get inside?” He asked of her, picking up his backpack and throwing it over his shoulder. Once they had everything, they went inside their small trailer, the door shutting and locking behind them with bolted locks Matt had personally installed. It would never hold up against Galra, but it would buy them time for an escape.

“Yes!” She cheered, her toothy grin big and bright, warming his cold heart.

“What are you gonna draw me?” He asked, setting her down on their bed.

“Uh, uhm…” The child hesitated as she thought. Matt busied himself with opening up their packs and taking out their recent haul.

Canned goods were always an essential, as well as clean, bottled water. With it they managed to find some things that were microwavable, but could be eaten uncooked, as well as half a loaf of bread. The rest of it had molded, but this was more than enough to last the two of them.

At least her. With Matt’s growth into a pubescent body meant that he needed more nourishment. His body was craving more than the usual serving size, even more so than they had, because it was growing, and a growing body needed protein and other health related things he didn’t know about to become strong.

He needed to become strong. He needed to in order to protect his baby sister, but he had to resist the urge to eat just an extra bite of corn from his can, or an extra few heavy gulps of water to stay hydrated.

“I don’t know…” The child finally concluded somberly, reaching into her pack to pull out the box of crayons consisting of colors of the rainbow, with a few missing, and one broken. It was all usable, however, and it was more than enough for her.

“How about you draw me something like a flower?” He asked her, setting aside their canned goods to toss his backpack on the top of the fridge. “Or maybe a rabbit.”

“Oh! I can draw a rabbit!” She exclaimed enthusiastically, pulling out black and white crayons.

“It would make me super happy if you drew me a rabbit.” He told her.

“Ok-Okay,” Her little stutter was minimal, and Matt tried assuring himself that it was a thing she’d grow out of, just like her crooked teeth. She’d grow out of a lot, and she’d grow to be a beautiful young woman someday, because he wouldn’t allow for anything else.

The Galra weren’t going to lay a finger on her. So long as he was alive, he’d make sure of this.

* * *

Matt’s tired eyes opened to crisp, morning air. Dust. Allergies. His eyes were swollen and his nose was congested, but they didn’t have any more allergy medicine, so he was going to have to suffer through it.

He had a trip planned today, and, if he was lucky, he could find some. It’d help with the dust kicked up from the desert air.

He shifted carefully, trying not to disturb the sleeping child resting half of her weight on him. He slid out from under her carefully, letting her hands fall to her side so he could stand and prepare himself for another long day of scavenging. At this rate, he was going to have to venture into the city where the Galra were. That was the only way they were going to get any decent supplies.

It was dark in their trailer, but he felt around for his armored breast plate, the belt with his pouches on the side, his thick boots, and his backpack. His eyes squinted to see better in the dark, but it didn’t do much. It didn’t help any that his glasses weren’t strong enough for his poor eyesight anymore, and this left him blind regardless.

He could make out the outlines of the small living room, kitchen, dining room… Combo. The fridge, the table, the small couch. Katie’s toys strewn about the floor, broken crayons on the table next to the picture of a rabbit, that she had later decided she wanted green, and the old stains of some sort of juice stained into the carpet. He could see their bed, where Katie slept soundlessly.

The sight of her warmed his heart, his smile tired, but affectionate for the only thing he had left for himself.

Matt tucked her in gently, bringing their thin blankets under her chin and kissing her forehead. The child barely flinched, telling him that she was so asleep that she wouldn’t hear him leave, so he did, but not before grabbing his pocket knife and locking the door behind him.

The child wandered to their canopy, pulling out his hover bike with only one helmet for himself. He set his empty pack on the back where Katie sat when she was with him, and hopped on. He was barely able to get his helmet on his head when he suddenly heard crying. Distant, but distinctive crying.

With a rush of fear, Matt got off of his bike and ran back to the trailer. He nearly broke the locks getting the door open, but that didn’t matter to him when he could hear his baby sister crying from inside. Once the door was open he ran in, seeing her sitting on the bed, rubbing at her eyes with her stuffed mermaid doll in between her arms.

“Katie,” He said her name as he picked her up, pulling her into his arms for her head to rest on his shoulder. She cried, stuttering, her small arms wrapping around his neck and her tiny hands pulling on the ends of his short hair. “Shh, shh, Katie, what’s wrong?”

“I-I couldn’t find you!” She cried into his neck, her doll squished between them. “It’s dark, Matt! I don’t l-like the dark!”

“Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry,” He apologized profusely, sitting down on the bed so he could keep her in his arms. “I was just going out to look for supplies again. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

The child sniffled multiple times, her tears leaving a damp stain in his cape. Her fingers made grabbing motions through his hair while she wiped her nose against his shoulder.

“Can-Can I go with you?” She asked with a whimper.

This was why Matt always left early. He couldn’t handle the look she gave him when she wanted to go out, and while he couldn’t blame her for wanting to leave, it scared him knowing she was out there, even if she was with him.

That _look_ though. Those big, amber eyes of hers with her bottom lip jutting out in a pout. She was pleading with her big brother to go out, and he simply couldn’t resist.

“I guess it’ll be okay…” He uttered in defeat. Katie quickly smiled her toothy grin, the tears in her eyes ceasing now that she knew that she wasn’t alone, and that she could go outside. “I need my little Pidge to help me stay focused.” He teased lightly, tucking her long bangs from her eyes.

“I hate it when you call me that!” She whined, frowning at the nickname.

“Sorry, _Katie,_ ” He corrected himself with a smile. She couldn’t be too mad at him, because there were more important things to think about, like going outside to search the world. “Well let’s get you dressed so you can go.”

“Yay!” She cheered, jumping from his lap to find clean clothes, accidentally kicking him where the sun didn’t shine. Matt groaned in pain, falling to the bed with his hands between his thighs, but the child didn’t take notice. She only stopped to talk to him after a few minutes of searching for her clothes, needing help putting them on.

Matt helped her into her shirt, pulling her hair back into a side ponytail to keep it out of her eyes. She got herself into her pants on her own, though backwards, but she was so proud of herself that he didn’t have it in him to tell her they were backwards, so they were left as is. She then got her shoes on herself, but Matt had to tie her laces for her.

When all of that was said and done, he grabbed her bag for her from the top of the fridge, handing the small, purple bag to her before noticing she was holding out something for him to take.

“What’s that for?” He asked, looking down at his glasses between her tiny fingers.

“You-You need them to see, don’t you?” She asked, holding them out for him.

“They don’t really help much…” He tried to explain, but it fell on her child-like ears. She frowned at him, a small whine escaping her in a quiet plea for him to simply take them. “… Alright,” He said, again in defeat as he took the frames from her.

Katie jumped up and down in place, excitement bubbling up inside of her as they walked outside into the dim morning light. Matt put his glasses on despite their weakness, but it made her happy to see them on, and he wasn’t about to upset her again. Katie grabbed his hand, her tiny fist enclosed in his own as they walked over to where he left his hover bike. Her eyes were staring at everything again, a healthy curiosity that he couldn’t diminish.

He knew it was dangerous, but it wasn’t fair to leave her alone.

* * *

Their scavenging went well, all things considered. His little sister did as told, kept quiet, and stayed close. Being as small as she was helped them get through smaller places like dog doors he couldn’t really fit through anymore, so she could always unlock them. There were some advantages to having her around while he was getting supplies, but he couldn’t make this a habit.

She was five after all.

They got back as the sun started hitting the horizon. It nearly blinded him on the drive back, but he managed just fine.

They got back to the trailer, and as he pulled under the canopy, she cheered.

“Yay!” Her hands clapped wildly. “Let’s do it again tomorrow!”

“No, no, that’s enough for a week.” He said, but realized too late what he meant by that.

He just gave her the idea that she’d be joining him again in another week.

“Can I- Can I go to the city with you next time?” She asked him as he picked her up, walking away from the bike.

“Not to the city, no. It’s too dangerous there.” He told her. He may have broken by letting her outside, but he wasn’t about to let her get even ten miles close to the outskirts of the city. It just wasn’t happening.

“But…” She tried to argue, but he wasn’t having it.

“No buts. No means no, and you’re not going there.” He reprimanded her. Normally Katie liked to argue, but instead, she slowly lowered her head down against his shoulder. Maybe she was simply too tired to argue, or even-

“Well, well. Look what we have here.”

With the sound of another voice came startling realizations. Ideas he hadn’t once fathomed a possibility, because he refused to let it happen, but it was happening.

They had been followed.

Or even more so, they’d been caught, because the men surrounding them slowly had been waiting at their trailer.

They were being ambushed.

Matt turned around with Katie firmly in his grasp, but two Galra soldiers stood behind them, and off to his right, another two. One was to his left, and three more by the door to their trailer.

They were surrounded.

“Matt-” His sister tried to speak, but he shushed her.

“This is a no talking zone now, Katie. Don’t talk until I say it’s okay to talk.” He told her, pushing her head down into his shoulder.

“Look at that,” A Galra soldier to his right sputtered, his sword lifting to point at them, or more specifically, at _her_. “She fits Sendak’s description pretty well, doesn’t she?”

“Pretty sure that’s her,” Another man said.

Matt grabbed at his pocket knife from his back pocket, but the chances of him winning this fight were spread thin. A pocket knife and him versus all of these highly trained soldiers? Not a chance, but he wasn’t about to lose his sister.

“What do you want?” Matt demanded of them, his knife aimed at each of them as he turned rapidly to keep his eyes on all of them. “You want food? Water? Medicine? You can have whatever you want, but leave us alone!”

“What we want,” One of them said, and i shook him to his core when he realized how close he had gotten without him realizing it. “Is the paladin in your arms.”

“She’s not a paladin! She’s a little girl!” He turned around swiftly, tossing his blade at the man, but was shocked at the pain that spread across his cheek.

Matt fell to the ground with Katie still in his arms, who cried out in fear. His glasses fell off of his face as he reached up, feeling the fresh, deep wound in his cheek that bled profusely. All because the man cut him with his sword, and at such a speed he couldn’t keep up with.

“Hand her over, boy.” One of the Galra soldiers said. Clawed hands reached out for him, but Matt scrambled to his feet with Katie still tucked against his chest, staying quiet like she had been told and keeping her head down.

“Back off!” Matt yelled, swiping his blade back at them.

The end of his knife barely scratched along the man’s palm, making him cry out in pain. Momentarily stunned, Matt darted forward, but stopped short when two men grabbed at him. He kicked with all of his might, but they were so much stronger than he was, and it was only confirmed as Katie was pulled out of his arms.

“M-Matt!” She cried out, reaching for him. In one of her hands were his glasses, and when she had picked those up he wasn’t sure. She was pulled away though, kicking and screaming, yanking at purple ears to free herself from the man’s grasp.

“Katie!” He called out for her, watching her be taken away, powerless to stop it.

He was aware of the other men gathering around him. His arms pulled back, trapped, with a sword aiming at him, but his eyes were locked on her. Watching as they pushed her into the back of their glider, in a small cage meant for an animal. She was crying out for him, crying his name with tears streaming down her face. She banged her small fists into the metal bars, but received a small shock when the iron bars electrified.

“Katie!” He cried out, his own eyes burning with tears. “Don’t ever stop fighting, Katie! Don’t ever let them win!”

“Matt!”

The glider wasn’t driving off yet, and that was because the other men weren’t on yet.

The man he had cut had a personal vendetta against him now.

“I’ll find you, Pidge! I swear I will! I promise!”

A burning in his lungs stopped him from calling out to her. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, and couldn’t think beyond the pain spreading through his body.

The Galra soldier in front of him pulled his sword back, letting blood gush from the open wound in his stomach. Matt choked for air, his vision blurring as he dropped to the ground.

“Matt!” Katie’s little fists banged into the walls of her cage as the other soldiers piled in, but the one with the sword still had something left to finish.

Matt wanted nothing more than to tell her to look away, but he couldn’t find his voice.

Another stab of pain radiated through his whole body, starting from his chest. The air left in his lungs fled him, blood taking its place. He coughed and sputtered, tasting iron as blood spilled past his parted lips.

He still had it in him to barely glare at the man, seeing the smug grin across his features as he withdrew his sword. He finally turned away, satisfied with his work, and entered the glider.

Matt’s head fell to the side, his vision darkening around its edges. As dark as it was, he could barely see the glider beginning its depart. His sister was crying out for him, yelling his name and only his name. Nothing more, nothing else, and even that was getting foggy.

Everything around him was beginning to feel weightless. He couldn’t see much, and for some time he thought he couldn’t even hear. Nothing made a sound to him for what felt like a slow eternity, pain still immense and breathing strained.

Regret heavy on his mind.

He had failed, and more than anything he wished for death. He deserved it after all, even after promising his baby sister he’d find her again. Even after telling her to fight.

That’d make him a hypocrite. Dying in midst of a battle he told her she needed to fight and win.

He couldn’t do that, but sleep sounded so good now. Sleep, in a nice warm bed, with his parents by his side.

Tears burned behind his closed eyelids, and the feeling of being weightless was even greater now. Like the ground was suddenly gone and nothing simply existed, except for the distinct feeling of arms around his body.

* * *

“You say you bring me the Paladin of the Green Lion…”

Katie’s eyes darted every which way, taking in her horrific surroundings. From where she stood, tied by her wrists to the man who had so viciously attacked her brother, she took in the large cargo ship, the deck they stood on consisting of oddly colored metals. Metallic lights surrounded them, and at any other time would she have thought that they were pretty, but she was in a situation far greater than the lights.

She yanked hard on the ropes around her wrists, but they didn’t budge. Her tiny fingers still held tight to Matt’s glasses, refusing to let go, even if it meant for freedom.

He needed these. He needed them to see. When he came to save her, he needed his glasses back-

“What you’ve brought me…” The man standing before them was huge, even in comparison to the soldier at her side. He had one arm, and another that was connected by a bright light in her eyes. Robotic, with claws that extended greatly. They were even bigger than her body. “Is a child.”

“I assure you, Commander Sendak, this is the Green Paladin of Voltron.” The man holding her rope assured him with anxious hesitation.

“When sightings had been made, I was unaware that we were looking at a child.” He spoke in a deep, bruiting voice that made her shake in place.

“She can be trained, sir.” One of the other soldiers spoke up. “She can be groomed into a soldier worthy of Voltron.”

“If she’s a paladin.” Sendak assured them with a gruff tone. “Bring the child to the bridge.”

Katie was tugged behind them, but she followed quietly. She hadn’t said a word to anybody yet, and that was how it was going to remain.

Matt had told her not to talk. She couldn’t say anything until he told her otherwise.

She gripped at his glasses harder.

The five year old walked for a long time it felt like. Her small legs couldn’t keep up with their long strides, and often she spent the time pacing or running to keep up with them. She was tired by the time they made it to wherever they wanted to be, but by then, despite her exhaustion, she was mesmerized by the great, mechanical beast in front of her.

She was in awe of the green and white paint, the lion shaped exterior, and the giant paws. Such a thing was something she had once drawn, saying it was a giant lion that could fly.

Maybe her drawing came to life?

“Bring the child to the lion.” Commander Sendak ordered.

The man holding her rope yanked her forward, tugging her towards the beast.

There was an odd vibration she felt. Like something was humming loudly, and in the back of her mind was a warmth she hadn’t felt before. Something very soft and gentle, like a sweet lullaby.

Like someone was telling her everything would be alright, and that she was safe no matter what.

Where this strange sensation came from, she wasn’t sure, but the child’s eyes didn’t leave the giant robot for even a second. She felt like she couldn’t look away.

“Nothing is happening, sir!” The man holding her announced, a slight tone of panic with it.

Commander Sendak was a man with little patience, it seemed. Katie didn’t need to know him to figure this out, and she was a child. However, with a pointed glance, it seemed an order had been given. An order that needed to be followed through.

Katie was yanked back roughly, falling to her bottom with Matt’s glasses falling from her tiny fists. She cried out in pain, but there was an even more threatening presence looming over her.

She looked up to see the Galra soldier standing over her, pulling his sword from its holster that still had Matt’s dried blood on it. It gleamed in the iridescent lighting of the room, her reflection showing her fear in the clean parts of the blade.

_He’s going to kill me._

He brought the sword down.

_Help me._

The ground rumbled heavily, taking him by surprise and knocking him off balance. Katie looked behind his head, seeing the great metal beast that had once been sitting not far off suddenly looming over them, its reflective glass surface for eyes peering down at them.

She felt an anger in her stomach, but not coming from herself. It was directed at the man. An anger she felt all too well towards him, but not in spite.

In rage.

The lion pulled back slightly, only to jump forward and let out a horrific screech that hurt her ears. She covered them, but didn’t stop looking at it as it’s paw lifted, striking the soldier so hard and fast that he simply disappeared. His body was gone from her sight, leaving her to only stare at the creature that had saved her life.

There should have been fear. There should have been horror. This small child could have felt threatened, feared being eaten, or far worse by the green and white lion, but she felt none of these things or thought any of these thoughts.

The source of the warmth came from the lion. The feeling of safety and protection was coming from it. While she couldn’t figure out how she knew this, or why she knew for certain it was the lion, all she could figure out was that it was going to protect her. It was going to keep her safe.

She was unaware of what this meant for her, and how this fact sealed in her future.

* * *

Brassy eyes opened slowly, carefully. Everything seemed so dim and dark, but too bright for his sensitive eyes to handle.

The weight of the world felt like it was sitting on him now. The pain of ten thousand pounds sitting on his chest, making it hard to breathe. Making it hard to move. He felt like even lifting a finger was asking too much of him.

Matt’s eye lids barely fluttered open once more, taking in his change in scenery.

This wasn’t his trailer. This wasn’t even the desert he and Katie lived in. This was a room of plain white walls, with a dim light over his head. Next to him were a bunch of poles with so many different bags hanging off of them, thin tubes stringing down from them and entering his body via needles in his arms and legs.

The world spun around as he tried to rationalize what he was seeing; it was still asking way too much of him right now, so he simply took in a slow, deep breath. Calculating and sparse so as not to hurt himself, but he didn’t feel any pain. Just a heavy weight on his body he couldn’t explain.

“Oh wow…” A voice interrupted his thought process, spooking him into slowly turning his head. The motion did well to bring on a wave of nausea like no other, but he couldn’t move any more to search for something to puke in.

Nothing came up, and he felt like that was from a lack of food. He couldn’t possibly puke what he didn’t have.

The source of the voice was more or less surprising. It had been a very long time, years even, since he had seen another human other than his baby sister. The teen sitting beside him was older, but young, with jet black hair, and strong features. He was tall, thin, but with some muscle definition to him that looked intimidating. He was Asian too, judging by his facial features, but that was all he could discern from the teen.

“You’re awake…” The teen said, moving to sit beside him in a chair placed next to the bed he was apparently laying in.

Matt’s lips parted, but then closed. He had so much to say, so much to _ask_ , and yet nothing came out. Nothing seemed to leave him despite his will to speak. All that came out was a strange, strangled sound, and air. A very good attempt at speaking, but not good enough.

“I don’t think you should talk right now. I know you have a lot of questions, but we’ll tell you everything in a bit.” The black haired teen said, but that wasn’t good enough.

Matt wanted answers. _Needed_ answers. He needed to know where Katie was. He needed to know where he was so he could get out of here and find her.

Despite being overtaken by nausea, Matt lightly shook his head. He was having none of it.

“ _W-_ Where am… I?” His voice croaked, scratchy, and his throat burned with bile. It hurt so much that his eyes watered, but he wasn’t going to stop now.

“I’m surprised you can talk…” The teen muttered. “You’re in a base called Arus. We’re lightyears away from where you were found on Earth…”

Matt’s eyes widened at the answer, his head spinning with that information.

The kid was joking, right? They weren’t even on Earth? How? None of this made sense.

“I told you to wait until later.” The teen said, and Matt frowned. “My name is Shiro. _Can you_ tell me your name?” The question was asked more as the question of his physical capabilities, not sarcasm.

“… _Ma_ -Matt… Holt…” He replied, swallowing hard.

“It’s nice to meet you, Matt.” The teen, Shiro, said to him, looking down at the floor. “Or, I guess it’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve known you for a while now, and I came to visit every day, but this is the first time we get to talk.”

Matt frowned at his words, sluggishly rolling his head to look towards the floor where Shiro’s black eyes were trained. He couldn’t see past the railing of his bed and Shiro took notice, so he leaned down and picked up a few books he had stashed there. They were small books meant for children with pictures inside, but it was something. He didn’t get the chance to see a lot of books these days.

“I was reading to you for a bit.” Shiro mentioned, setting the books down in his lap. Matt leaned his head back into the pillow, deep in thought.

“You don’t… Kn- _ow_ me…” He groaned in pain when his words got caught in his throat.

“Not personally, but I’ve been taking care of you for years, so that means something I’m sure.”

The words didn’t make any sense to him.

“Y-Years…?” Despite the pain, Matt kept going. He still needed answers.

“Yeah…” Shiro frowned, his hands tightening around his books. “Our leader, Alfor, found you. You had been attacked by the Galra, and you were gonna die, so he brought you back here, but… That was two years ago.”

There was a strange pang in Matt’s chest at his words. Something in them he didn’t believe, but somehow everything just clicked into place. He couldn’t understand, and yet he did understand.

“You’ve… Been in a coma for two years.”


	2. A Reason to Live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeeey~ Guys. As I said when I uploaded Spring Day, I'm uploading this chapter on a Wednesday instead of the weekend, because I'll be at Katsucon! So I won't have time to upload over the weekend. So here is the chapter update, but there won't be one over the weekend. However, there will be one next week. :)  
> With that being said, enjoy!  
> -Misty

Matt’s eyes looked about the base he was in, curiosity piqued at the work put into this place.

They were on a planet called Arus, far, far away from Earth. Far away from his home. It was a smaller planet with an even smaller population. The people on it (if he could even call them that) were called Arusian’s, who’d built their small homes outside of their base of operations. They allowed the rebellion to stay on their planet so long as they had protection, and it was given. The Arusian’s had been safe from Galra hands for a long time now because of this, longer than Matt could imagine.

The base itself, the center of all of the rebellion was smaller than he thought something like that would be. He hadn’t known of a rebellion in the first place, but always imagining something like that would be huge. He expected something bigger and greater, but he knew their forces were spread thin.

It wasn’t as to say that what they had wasn’t spectacular in the slightest. The clear, white walls, metallic beams, glowing lights, and long halls and corridors he could get lost in. A training room so big that he could barely see the top, a swimming pool (subsequently upside down), rooms and rooms of stored supplies, so much food that he could get fat if he wanted to, and all of these people staying here.

There were aliens of all species. Aliens he didn’t know existed outside of the Galra and the Arusian’s. Some of them looking more human than others, like a few of the leaders of the rebellion.

One of them was named Coran. He was an older man with orange hair, a matching mustache, and fancy attire Matt never thought he’d see in his lifetime. He ran most of the bases inner operations, taking care of the small details Matt couldn’t really care much for, but he played a vital role. He also took care of most of their internal controls to the base. Things he didn’t understand really, but it sounded important.

Then there was Allura, a beautiful woman with dark skin, hair as white as snow down to her waist, and tall for her young age. She was the newly appointed leader of the rebellion after her father’s passing months ago, before Matt even woke up, but apparently she ran things like clockwork. No one stepped out of place, and things got done.

She was the one who dealt with internal communications outside of their base. She was the one who organized missions, kept plans and charts and all of those things that made no sense to him, but he knew that it was all very much needed in a rebellion. He was beyond impressed, but he wasn’t envious. He wouldn’t want a job like that in a heartbeat.

Again, more things Matt couldn’t care much for, but at his age, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

At his age.

Matt had to think hard about that, because he kept going back to his default age of twelve. He wasn’t twelve anymore though. He was fourteen, going on fifteen in a matter of weeks. He’d been in a coma after being attacked by the Galra, which meant that his sister had been in their hands for two years. Two years and god knows what they did to her.

She was still alive. She had to be. There was no way she couldn’t be, because he wasn’t going to believe otherwise.

If she was gone, there was no reason for him to be alive. He didn’t need to be wasting these people’s resources for no reason.

Matt felt ill at the thought. Physically ill, but it wasn’t just from the horrific memories of two years ago. It wasn’t the images of his sister’s tear stained face that made his stomach roll, but the physical exertion it took to simply stand here on the observation deck, looking at the clouds floating by.

He felt sweat collecting at his fridge as he leaned his weight into his wheelchair, trying to steady himself, but it didn’t help. He leaned forward too far, his arm reaching for the railing in front of him and missing. His ribs pressed hard into the cool metal rails, knocking the air out of him, but his bigger fear was his toppling weight over the edge.

Matt lost his balance, falling forward over the railing some before strong hands grabbed at his arms and pulled him back. He fell back against a sturdy chest, grunting at the impact of his head into their collar bone. Vaguely he heard them make a gruff sound in response.

“You okay…?” Matt recognized that voice fairly quickly, looking up to see Shiro standing over him, still holding him up and against him so he wouldn’t sway with the nauseous feeling.

The brunette didn’t respond right away, simply staring at him in an almost dumbfounded manner. The teen just seemed to be there at every right moment when it was needed. When he woke up, when he fell out of bed, when he needed help getting dressed, and even now as he stood here, nearly plummeting to his death over the railing of the observation deck.

Shiro was always right there, and while a nice gesture, it was also kind of creepy. The teen may have known his physical form for years, but he didn’t know him personally.

“I don’t feel so good…” Matt muttered, closing his eyes to quell the feeling of motion sickness. It didn’t help that the ship was constantly humming with energy.

“You shouldn’t have gotten up in the first place.” Shiro mentioned, pulling his wheelchair up to him and turning him around in his arms. “You need to sit down. I’ll take you back.”

“No, I-I’m fine,” Matt refused, lightly pushing on his chest. He couldn’t do much else.

“No you aren’t,” Shiro told him, using the impressive strength he had over him to force Matt into his seat. “You’ve been in a coma for two years. Your muscles have deteriorated, so you can’t do what you think you can do. It’s going to hurt you more than you think it is.”

Matt groaned, leaning his weight into the arm of his chair. It hurt even doing that, because Shiro was right. He had no muscle definition left in him. It was just bones scrapping against bones, and it hurt.

It hurt even more knowing he’d fallen so far. Knowing he was so weak, barely able to stand for even a few minutes killed him, because, if he couldn’t even stand, how was he supposed to save his baby sister?

His baby sister who was seven now. She _was_ seven, because she was still alive. She had to be.

“Fine,” He replied, his eyes burning with tears he refused to shed. Shiro smiled lightly, a slight nod of his head following before he began pushing his wheelchair back into the corridor. Matt had his arms crossed over his chest now, showing his immediate displeasure to everything that was happening around him, and he hadn’t even been fully informed of it all.

There was still so much he needed to know, but there wasn’t enough time to explain it all. He knew for sure that he wasn’t on Earth, that he was on a base on a planet called Arus, run by rebel leaders Allura and Coran, who he hadn’t met in person yet. The guy who saved him was dead, and his sister was gone.

That was all he needed to know, and yet he was curious about other things, like the man pushing his wheel chair past the training room.

“… H-How long have you been here?” Matt asked, his voice scratchy and weak from the lack of use, but he managed enough to talk to him.

“On Arus? A couple of years now. My family escaped the first waves of colonization, but I’m the only one who made it to the escape pods.” Shiro told him, looking down for just a moment to speak to him before looking back up. He was taking him back to his hospital room; Matt could tell simply by the familiar halls.

“And… How old are you?”

“I’m seventeen.” Shiro told him with a smile. A bright smile that was reassuring to say the least. So he had been ten when the Galra attacked. At least he wasn’t alone. Shiro was somewhat closer to his age, so maybe they could hold a decent discussion, unlike his doctor who kept going on about music from a time when Matt wasn’t even a thought to his parents. “What about you?”

“I’m twelve,” He said, but instantly corrected himself with a frown. “Fourteen, I mean… I’ll be fifteen soon.”

The words were hard to stomach, and even harder to say. He’d missed out on two years in his life. His body was so different, meant for an older version of himself, but he was still the same Matt. Nothing about _him_ had changed, but everything else around him did.

When he’d gotten to his showers, he noticed hair in different places suddenly. Sparse, but still there. Even light colored hair on his chin, but barely noticeable, even to himself. The only reason he noticed was because he ran his hands over his face so frequently that he felt it. The hair, along with the now prominent scar across his cheek, made a huge difference to him simply from the touch.

When he spoke, he noticed a sudden change to his voice. Every now and again it’d catch and squeak out of nowhere, and sometimes it was even deeper than it was, but his voice wasn’t deep to begin with.

He was nothing but skin and bones now. Without any muscles, he was no less than horrified when he saw himself in the mirror without his shirt on, to see his ribs sticking out, his stomach receded, and the hallows of his cheeks, neck, and collar bone prominent.

He was no longer the child he once was, but he hadn’t grown to be the person he wanted to be. He was a shell with barely a voice, and that was it.

“We’ll have to do something for your birthday then.” Shiro told him, pressing a button that opened the door to his hospital room.

“Like _wh_ -what?” Matt couldn’t help but ask.

“I don’t know, but something. This is your first time awake for a birthday, so it should be special.”

Matt felt a strange pang of regret in his chest. Of guilt. He knew why for that, because it meant two years of being a dead weight, and two years going by not being able to celebrate his sister’s sixth and seventh birthdays. He understood the pain just fine.

What he couldn’t understand was the warmth behind it. Peeking out from behind the darkness, like a small ray of hope. He wasn’t sure why it was there or what was causing it, but he felt guilty for having it exist. He couldn’t be happy without his sister in his arms again, so he killed that feeling quickly.

There was no need for it here.

“I’ll help you up,” Shiro told him as he wheeled him up to his bed.

“I can do it,” Matt said, his mood darkening from his thoughts and with the annoyance of his uselessness.

“Are you sure?” The teen asked him with a frown, locking the wheels into place so the chair wouldn’t move.

“I got out…” Matt began, pushing on the arms of his chair to get himself up. The pain was excruciating, but he kept pushing himself, gritting his teeth together to hold out. “I can get back in…”

“Getting out is easy,” Shiro said, stepping back to watch him.

Matt struggled just to stand on his own two legs, but managed after a couple of pain-filled minutes. Once he managed, he grabbed the bed railing and held tight. The cool metal felt great against his heated skin, a welcoming distraction as he pulled himself up. It took so much more than he thought it would to lift a leg, to get it hooked up on the mattress so he had some leverage to go from, but it didn’t work. He thought maybe he could throw his weight and roll onto the bed, but just as he tried that, he remembered any weight he had left was leaning off of the bed.

The brunette would have hit the ground hard had it not been for Shiro. The taller teen caught him in his arms, careful of his frail bones and lifting him back into bed.

In all honesty, Matt was waiting for the “ _I told you so”_ to come from him, but it didn’t. He wasn’t that type of guy. Shiro simply helped him up, laying him down gently with his eyes looking at the wall and nothing else. When he was settled, Shiro stepped back, allowing him his room to handle everything else.

“One thing at a time, Matt.” Shiro spoke, his smile gentle and not at all condescending like Matt feared it would be. “You only woke up a few days ago. Pushing yourself is only going to do more damage, so just take it easy. One baby step at a time.”

And with that, Shiro moved his wheel chair away from his bed, where Matt couldn’t reach it if he felt the need to leave his room unattended again. Off to the side of the wall on the other side of his small, dark hospital room, Shiro offered up a small wave before walking out of the room, leaving him to his thoughts.

Matt was never one to take advice from strangers, but with the way his body felt now, it was almost like he had no choice.

He had no say to this situation, and he hated it. He needed to get out and save his sister, and in order to do that, he needed to be better already. He needed to be stronger; stronger than he ever had been, because he would most likely fight the Galra again, and the next time he did, he would win.

He had some unresolved issues with the Galra soldier who did this to him, and he needed them fixed as quickly as possible.

* * *

Two weeks went by. Two weeks of being stuck in his room, stuck in his bed, watching alien television that made no sense to him. He really didn’t understand the appeal of a dinosaur admitting its feelings to an alien woman and then leaving her for an adventure. He just didn’t.

At times he’d get up, using the railing of his bed and the walls of his room to keep himself stable. He was fed three square meals a day, all of it packed with protein and other nutrients to get him strong again. Walking was the least he could do for a workout, but it helped. He went from taking a few steps a day, to ten steps an hour, to twenty steps in half an hour. It was taking its damn time, but he was getting there.

In two weeks’ time, Shiro had spent most of it with him. He visited often, sometimes helping him walk, sometimes telling him that he needed to rest, and most of the time telling him he needed to take a shower.

Matt truly didn’t understand this teenager at all, but it was company. Someone else to talk to during the day actually kept him sane, so he figured it best to allow this time while he had it. He didn’t plan on staying long.

After many different doctor visits and talks with Shiro, he finally met fresh faces.

The woman who stepped into the room first was exactly how Shiro had described. An absolutely beautiful woman with long, white hair, soft, dark skin, and light blue eyes. If he was tactless, he probably would have jumped up and screamed about her beauty, but he didn’t have the strength to do so. Maybe at one point, had the Galra not taken control of the universe, she would have been a model, but that’s when he noticed the pointy ears.

She wasn’t human, and neither was the man who stood beside her, orange hair and mustache with fancy attire to match his well groomed physique. The way he stood spoke regal attributes about himself, just like the woman with him.

“Hello,” The woman spoke with an enticing accent, soft and smooth, like a small lullaby. “You must be Matt Holt.”

“I am,” He said. Two weeks had given his voice time to heal, and all of the time spent talking to Shiro and doctors had strengthened it. “Who are you…?”

“My name is Allura,” The woman introduced herself with a hand against her chest, walking forward to be at his bedside. “I am the princess of Altea.”

“Oh…” He uttered. “Shiro talked about you. He said… Your father saved me.”

The woman’s expression fell slightly, and all too quickly did Matt realize that he’d said something too soon. It hadn’t been that long ago when he died.

“I-I’m sorry,” He apologized.

“No, please do not apologize,” She told him, her frown turning into a gentle smile. “I understand.”

“I just…”

“It’s alright,” Allura assured him. “I know you have many questions, and I apologize for taking so long to come meet you in person, but Coran and I have been particularly busy on Olkarion.” She explained, looking back at the man who had been silent until now.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mathew.” He greeted him, his accent just as exotic as her own.

“It’s nice you meet you, Coran, and please, call me Matt.” The teen told him.

“Alright then, Matt. I’m sure you have some questions, so we’ll do our best to answer them.” Coran told him.

“Okay…” Matt began, slowly looking to his lap. He had so many questions for sure, but he wasn’t sure where to start. From the very beginning would be great, but that was asking for too much. Simple, small things would be a good start. “I’ve been in a coma for two years…” He mumbled.

“Yes, you have. Your wounds were very severe, and my father feared you wouldn’t make it.” Allura told him.

“How did I survive?” They knew that one was coming.

“We have stasis pods here that healed your wounds.” Allura explained with a nervous laugh. “You should have woken up afterwards.”

“I guess you had to catch up on your beauty sleep.” Coran tried to joke, but Matt couldn’t laugh, even if he wanted to. Being in a coma for two years was nothing to sneeze at.

“It can’t heal my muscles…?” Matt asked slowly, lightly rolling his shoulders for emphasis.

“No, I’m afraid not. The deterioration is disregarded when it’s naturally caused.”

“Naturally caused…” He snorted. Somehow that just didn’t make any sense, but it did.

“It isn’t something permanent though.” Allura assured him. “All of your injuries were healed, so now it’s a matter of building yourself back up.”

“How long would that take?” Matt asked her, his apprehension showing.

“Well,” She began, and something in his stomach dropped. He had a feeling he wasn’t going to like her answer no matter what it was. “With the deterioration, it could be a couple of years to bring yourself back to where you once were.”

“A couple of years?” He snapped, taking them both by surprise. “No, no! I don’t have a couple of years! I need to leave now!”

Matt’s voice broke at the sudden upheaval, shaking at the pitch it wasn’t yet used to.

“What’s the hurry?” Coran couldn’t help but ask.

“Matt, you’re in no condition to go anywhere.” Allura told him, but he was having none of it.

“I have to! My sister is with the Galra, okay? They took her away and left me for dead!”

“You have a sister?” Coran asked him.

“Yes, and they took her away!” Matt slammed his fists into the bed, a simple act of anger to release his frustration and distract his mind. “And I have to go find her! She can’t be alone with them! She’s only five!”

He stiffened.

No. She wasn’t five. She was seven now, coming up on eight in a few months.

He’d been gone long enough. He needed to find her.

“What does she look like, Matt?” Allura asked. Matt would have asked her why she needed to know, but there was something different in the tone of her voice. Something more authoritative, like an order, not a question.

“She’s small, a-and she has brown hair like mine, but it’s darker and longer.” Even when his hair was now past his shoulders. Allura must have known that his memories of her would be different and possibly foggy compared to what she looked like two years ago. “She’s got round cheeks, a big smile, and… She has my eyes.”

“What’s her name?” Allura questioned, leaning forward to rest her hands on the railing of his bed.

“Katie Holt.” He told her. “I call her Pidge…”

“Coran, go contact Thace.” Suddenly, Allura’s attention was gone from him and on the man standing at her side. “Tell him to divert his mission and find records of this child. Find out where she is.”

“I’m already on it,” Coran left the room after pulling some sort of high tech cell phone from his pocket. That was all Matt could make of it when he put it to his ear as he walked out of the door.

“… W-Who’s Thace?” Matt asked.

“A Galra soldier on our side. An agent on the inside getting information for us.” She told him, taking in a deep breath for a few seconds before letting it out. The tension in her shoulders visibly melted as she looked to him, setting a hand down over his own. “We’ll find her, Matt. Thace will find out where she is and make sure she’s safe.”

“Really…?” This was the best news he had heard since he woke up.

“Yes. We will get her back.”

The smile on Allura’s lips and the gaze in her unique, blue eyes made Matt understand why Allura was the leader of the rebellion.

It wasn’t just the work put into the cause. It wasn’t just the years of sacrifice; it was her open, honest, and trusting spirit. Just one look from her, and he genuinely felt like everything would be alright. That he’d get his sister back and they could be together in safety. One word, and he felt like, even when he didn’t know anything about her, she was alive and safe.

All it took was her gentle tone and confident words to make him feel like everything would be alright.

* * *

It took four days to hear any news on his sister. It drove him insane not hearing anything, but Shiro kept him company.

Matt learned that Shiro was in training. He was becoming a soldier, so when he wasn’t keeping Matt entertained with useless chatter, he was training. That would explain the definition in his muscles and the strength in his core. That also answered a lot of questions he had about the teen, so Matt found it a little confusing how he didn’t figure it out sooner.

When he wasn’t there, Matt was training himself. It was nowhere near what Shiro did, but Matt figured he needed to have enough strength to at least pick up his little sister again, and he could hardly stand for longer than ten minutes. It was painful and tough, and the food he got to help build up his strength wasn’t always good food. Alien food was not as good as human food, but it helped.

Every day he felt more energy in himself. He felt stronger, healthier, like he could run great distances, which he couldn’t, but that was okay. He would soon.

He’d jump and run and pick up Katie in his arms, within this safe place where they wouldn’t have any worries.

He hadn’t felt this good in years. He felt stronger than he had in a long time, even when he couldn’t do anything productive besides pick up a spork, but emotionally he felt ready to take over the world.

So he couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be taken down.

Allura was accompanied by Shiro when he saw him again. He was walking around the room, using the wall as a guide to keep himself steady. He’d been walking for ten minutes and he was already panting, ready to crumble, but he wasn’t going to stop. An extra five minutes. Beat his goal from yesterday.

He could do that while talking to them.

“Hello, Matt…” Allura greeted, far less amicable than he would have liked.

“H-Hi princess…” He replied in a breathless manner, turning himself around to talk to them.

“Matt,” Shiro said, less as a greeting and more of an acknowledgement. “You… You should sit down.”

“I’m fine,” Matt assured him with an impish smile. “I’m pushing myself, b-but I can go a few more minutes.”

“No, Matt,” Allura said, and it was now that he heard the odd tone of dread in her voice. “You need to sit.”

Matt frowned at her, sensing a strange air from not just her, but Shiro as well. What was he doing here anyway? He was normally training at this time, so why would he be here?

“What’s… Going on?” Matt asked cautiously, taking short steps to his bed. Allura waited first, waiting for him to have himself leaning against the railing before she spoke.

“… We found your sister.” Allura finally admitted, her voice low like she was trying not to startle him.

“You did…?” Matt asked hopefully, but there was that tension again that made him stop. The air in his lungs went cold as he looked between the two of them, his smile falling when he realized that what she was here for wasn’t good, and that what Shiro was here for was comfort.

Something was wrong.

“Yes, we did…” Allura’s fingers touched together as she spoke. Matt couldn’t be sure why.

“… No,” He said, turning away to pull himself tight against the bed. His eyes burned, his lungs ached, and his heart dropped into his stomach. He couldn’t breathe around the lump of pain forming in his throat, and the strength he once felt was all but gone. “No, no, no…”

“Matt…” Shiro spoke his name gently as he came to his side, putting his hands on his arms to keep him up.

“No! Don’t touch me!” Matt smacked him away, instantly regretting it when he felt the residual pain. His bones crushed together in an instant, making him hiss and pull his arm back to his chest. “No!”

“Matt, listen-!” Shiro tried to stop him, but he backed up into the railing, barely keeping himself up.

“No, no! She’s not, s-she…!” Matt dropped his head, the pain in his heart excruciating.

“Matt, she is alive.” Allura spoke up, her hands still up in an attempt to calm him.

Matt’s brown eyes lifted to her, looking skeptical. If she was alive, then why were they so cautious?

“… She is?” He asked, slowly stretching his back. Something still wasn’t right, and he knew it.

“She is,” Allura said, reaching forward to place a hand over the one still cradled against his chest. “Your sister… She is a paladin of Voltron.”

The words hit him like a ton of bricks, and the effect was much the same way to his body. He couldn’t feel anything in his body, the whole weight of her words numbing everything; every fiber, every nerve, and every muscle. He dropped to his butt, the painful rub of his bones barely a thought.

His sister. Katie. _Pidge_.

She was a paladin of Voltron. She was part of the prophecy, or whatever the Galra liked to call it, which meant that everything he had heard had been true. There really were giant mechanical lions. There really was a great weapon, and she had been chosen by one of the lions.

Now she was a warrior.

Katie was too young for that. Two years made no difference for a seven year old to pilot a lion of Voltron. His baby sister couldn’t do this, so how could they possibly make her?

“She…” His brain couldn’t even begin to form a coherent sentence at the moment, still trying to comprehend what he just heard.

“Your sister is the Green Paladin,” Allura told him as she slowly lowered herself to the floor, bringing herself eye level with him. At the moment, with his lack of knowledge on anything involving Voltron, he had no idea what that meant. “And I’m afraid that, due to her important standings within the Galra, Thace cannot get to her.”

“What…?” He snapped as Shiro slowly dropped down to sit on the floor beside him. “No! You have to get her out of there! She’s too young to fight! She’ll be killed!”

“Katie is safe,” Allura assured him, setting her hands down over his. “They are training her, but they will not put her into battle until she’s old enough to do so. They aren’t going to do anything to jeopardize their Paladin, so you can rest easy knowing that she is alive and safe.”

That wasn’t enough though. She was alive, yes, and she was safe, but that word was used sparingly. This training was all battle tactics, combat training, working with weapons too big and dangerous for her, and torture.

The Galra would never do anything to kill her, but they would threatened her. They’d work her to the bone. They’d train her until she couldn’t breathe, and then train her some more.

She was a war mongrel for them now. She was just a tool to them, used until she could go on no more, and if they could find a replacement, they’d kill her. She would be of no use to them.

She wasn’t safe, and he’d barely say she was alive, because she wasn’t living a life worth living.

“They can’t do this,” Warm tears finally fell down his cheeks, his lungs aching for air he couldn’t seem to take in. Matt hid his face within his palms, letting loose his inner frustrations and concerns. He cried like he hadn’t cried in years, letting go of all the pain he refused to ever show in front of his baby sister, and now in front of these people he barely knew.

Shiro didn’t seem to care for that fact, however. He leaned into his side, wrapping his arms around Matt’s tiny form and pulling him against his chest. He pressed his head into his shoulder, letting him muffle out the better part of his crying, letting him feel his own strange form of dignity, but letting him cry regardless. Matt’s fingers dug into his shirt, clinging to the fabric with barely any strength left in him, and he _sobbed_.

Shiro just held him in his arms for what felt like forever. Allura eventually left, leaving them to their own devices and giving them the privacy they needed. Hours passed by it felt like. Maybe it had been that much time. Matt was convinced he had never cried for that long in his life, but he tired himself out quickly.

All too soon did Shiro shift, pushing his legs under himself to get a quick start, but his arms didn’t leave the younger teen for a second. Shiro tucked his arms carefully under his legs, lifting him up. Matt didn’t argue with him, simply holding on for the ride as Shiro got him back into bed.

“Don’t leave…” Matt pleaded with him as Shiro tucked him back into his thin blankets. “Please…”

“I wasn’t planning on it,” Shiro assured him, taking a seat next to him on his bed and wrapping an arm around his shoulders for comfort. Matt settled himself into his chest, taking in his warmth and the scent of sweat from his training. All while thinking about Katie somewhere out in space, fighting for her life as a paladin of Voltron.

Fighting a battle that wasn’t hers.

Matt thought he didn’t have anything left to cry, but he was wrong. He cried himself to sleep against Shiro’s chest.

* * *

Matt stayed in bed for two weeks. He was fifteen now, but he didn’t celebrate his birthday like he should have. Any attempts to do anything for his birthday from Shiro, Allura, or even Coran were shunned, and he was left alone.

He didn’t move, he didn’t work out, he barely got up to go to the bathroom, and if it weren’t for Shiro, he wouldn’t eat. He just didn’t get out of bed.

Arusian’s brought him his food, but they’d come to accept that they set it down on his table, and eventually he’d pick away at his food. When he really needed it, he’d eat, and they weren’t going to try and argue him into eating.

That was Shiro’s job.

When Matt made a show of not eating, Shiro was asked to come make him eat, and he would. Shiro’s hallow threats to eat or be forced to eat would get Matt to nibble lightly on his food, deliberately slow in hopes that Shiro would leave, satisfied.

He didn’t. Shiro would stay until his plate was cleaned and his drink was gone. When it was, and only when it was empty would Shiro take his tray and leave. Sometimes he’d talk to him, sometimes he wouldn’t. Often times Matt would pout and pull the silent treatment, and while Shiro questioned every act of rebelliousness, he was reminded that Matt was fifteen, and still mentally twelve. He was a child, so he couldn’t be too angry with him.

That didn’t mean it didn’t work, however. Sometimes, depending on how his training went that day, Shiro was fine with it. He’d sit, cross his arms, and stare the brunette down until Matt ate his food. Sometimes he’d get pissed, and that was when he started threatening him. He’d threaten to force his food down his throat, and in more extreme cases, he’d threaten it to go in the other way.

Most days, that last threat would work. Today seemed to be a day unlike the others though.

Training had not been kind to him. Shiro had a head ache to take down an elephant since he woke up, his arm was aching from being twisted back so hard by the gladiator, and the air had been knocked out of him when he had been thrown to the ground. He hadn’t eaten breakfast, because he had been running late, and skipped out on lunch so he could make up for the training he missed. Now he was regretting all of it, and here was Matt, acting like a child for not getting his way. Pushing his tray of food away, seeming particularly irritable today for whatever reason he had.

Maybe two weeks in a bed would do that to someone, but Shiro had, had enough.

“Matt, you need to eat.” Shiro said, pushing his tray back at him forcefully, knocking around his pouch of water.

“No,” Matt refused, pushing his tray away. Shiro grabbed it and pushed back, knocking the younger teens elbows into his chest.

“That wasn’t a suggestion, Matt. That was an order.” He bit out.

“An order?” Matt gaped at him.

“You can’t not eat, Matt! You’re going to make yourself sick!” Shiro stated the obvious with an exasperated toss of his hands. The brunette looked away with a frown, his arms crossing over his chest.

“I’m not eating,” He concluded, his final words on the subject.

Shiro was normally a very patient person; he’d been trained with patience in mind, and ever so rarely did he actually find himself irritated to the point of stupidity, but it was a mix of his own recklessness and Matt’s childish behavior that had him finally snap.

“You’re going to eat, Matt.” His tone was laced with warning as he moved his tray table away.

“I already said no!” Matt exclaimed, refusing to a fault not to eat. He wasn’t in the mood for Shiro’s orders, and with how he felt right now, frankly he couldn’t care if Shiro jumped off of a cliff. “I’m not your little soldier who is just gonna listen!”

Right as he finished that, Shiro got up on the bed beside him. Matt only looked mildly surprised for a few seconds before returning his gaze to a direct stern, glowering at him as Shiro picked up his spork with the green, gooy substance and held it out towards his mouth.

“Open your mouth, Matt.”

So it had finally come to this.

Matt turned his head away, a blatant response to his command. He figured Shiro would just give it up there, but he was shockingly proved wrong when Shiro reached for his mouth, pushing his fingers past his tightly closed lips and into the lining of his jaw. With a hard push into the muscles, the brunette was forced to open his mouth.

Matt whined in pain, audible enough to allow Shiro room to push the spork and food into his mouth beside his fingers. When the food was in his mouth, Shiro retracted his fingers and covered his lips with the palm of his hand, forcing his mouth shut.

“Swallow it, Matt.” He demanded.

Matt made a muffled sound of distress, twisting and turning his head to dislodge his hand, but it didn’t work. Shiro’s hand was there and staying until he swallowed, leaving him no choice but to do so.

He thought that, once he’d done this, Shiro would let up, but he didn’t. The older teen grabbed another spork full of green goo, bringing it back to his mouth and barely releasing it so he could get it into his mouth. Matt slapped his hands, his blunt nails scratching at his arms and his shoulders and wherever he could reach if it meant getting him off of him, but it didn’t work.

This painful, demoralizing process continued for several more minutes, and the longer they fought, the weaker Matt felt. He didn’t have enough stamina to fight off someone training for a war, and frankly, he just didn’t have it in him to fight.

Halfway through his bowl of food, the tears finally started up. Matt huffed against his palm, swallowing the green goo so he didn’t choke as his eyes burned with humiliation, with dejection, and other big words his brain couldn’t think of.

Finally Shiro let up, pulling his hand away when he felt droplets soak his palm. His goal to get food in the brunette’s stomach was resolved, finally sitting back to take his weight off of his fragile bones.

“Matt…” He began, sitting beside him instead of on top of him so he could wrap an arm around his thin shoulders. “You can’t do this to yourself. I know you’re upset, but starving yourself isn’t going to solve anything.”

“I-I miss her so much…” Matt cried, leaning into Shiro’s side to hide his face. He hated crying in front of others; he felt weak by doing so, but he couldn’t help himself. He was falling apart in the older teen’s arms, and he was too tired physically and mentally to stop.

“I know you do…” Shiro ran a hand up and down his arm, the other one giving his thin shoulder a light squeeze. “But I know your sister wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself. She would want you to be strong, healthy, and happy. I don’t know where she is right now, but I bet that’s what she’s hoping for.”

Shiro’s words only made him cry harder, his sobs becoming wails of agony.

He was right in an annoying sort of way, but right all the same. Matt had told his baby sister to fight, and to not let the Galra win. What kind of man would he be if he were to be a hypocrite and fail in his own goal?

He had sworn to go back and get her, and that goal hadn’t changed. It had been blind sighted by pain, but it was still there. He just had to work for it.

“She’s waiting for you, Matt. She’s waiting for her big brother to save her, and if you want to do that, you need to take care of yourself.”

Matt was at a loss for words. His chest was aching, his bones shivering at the excessive use. He couldn’t breathe right let alone talk, so he simply nodded his head.

He knew better than to do this. If he wanted to save his sister, he had to grow up and be strong. He needed to be the hero she needed him to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just keep this angst train coming while I cry over how hot Matt is in season 5's trailer... If you're curious, yes. I am concerned by how much I love this character.


	3. Not Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy~ We coming close.  
> To what you may ask?  
> Haha, you shall see!  
> Yeah. I'm tired. Sorry. X'D

Matt was surprised by how fast time seemed to move in outer space. The artificial light reflecting off Arus’s atmosphere sunk past the horizon and rose from the south, backwards to Earth. It moved slower, the days and nights longer then Earth’s days, so it was easy to lose track of time.

When Matt had regained his strength, built up his muscles, and fortified his bones, almost three years had gone by. Nearly three years with very little realization of how long that actually was.

He’d been on Arus for five years now, and he was not the same as he once was.

Puberty hit him hard and fast. His eighteen year old self is much taller than what he had once been, an impressive six foot one, but he’s still shorter than Shiro, who was about to turn twenty one. The legal drinking age where he once lived, but that hadn’t stopped the older teen from drinking an excessive amount of nunville on his off days.

In addition to his growth, Matt’s voice dropped substantially. It was still too high pitched for his liking and not nearly as deep as Shiro’s, but the tone of it hadn’t been the same since he turned sixteen. He noticed that he was sweating more as he worked out, and that it smelled. He couldn’t go a day without showering to avoid smelling, especially now that he seemed to be more conscious about what other people thought of him.

Why did being self-conscious need to become a thing?

There was hair in awkward places now, including under his arms and his chest, and being in space didn’t bode well for the horrible sexual desire that he had. On multiple occasions going through puberty did he have to leave the room when he noticed the area between his legs harden, and it wasn’t okay to simply leave alone. Other instances left him waking up in the middle of the night, finding that he had what was called a _wet dream._

Puberty, he had come to find, sucked.

As embarrassing as it was, Shiro was the one who gave him the sex talk, because Altean biology wasn’t directly related to humans, and he was the only other human that was within a hundred kilometer range.

He wanted to die when it happened.

Regardless, he lived. He lived for _her_.

His goal was still in mind. He still had to save his baby sister, who would be ten soon. She’d been in the hands of the Galra long enough, and he was finally ready to start his real training.

It was time to become a soldier.

His personal training before consisted of simply building up enough muscles to stand, walk, and run. To lift things that weren’t too heavy, and to move about like a normal human again.

Now it was different. Now it was harder.

Matt never knew that training for new recruits started so early in the morning. He was up and out of bed when the sun was still down and was forced to do a mile run, or the equivalent to it, which was way longer by Altean standards. Just because he’d been recuperating didn’t mean that the generals let up on him either. If anything, they pushed him harder.

He’d fall multiple times, panting, the edges of his vision darkening, weak with hunger and dehydration, but they made him get up, made him go farther, and made him remember.

He had a goal in mind.

Once their run was done, it was all muscle training from there. The Altean’s had a strange way of training; at least strange to him. He considered muscle training to be more lifting weights and pushups, but instead it was running from holographic Klanmurl’s for hours with weights tied to his legs and arms. Sometimes they’d have to _“save”_ innocent bystanders by picking them up and carrying them to the safe zone, which was another eighty to ninety pounds added to them.

Arusian’s were small, but they were really heavy.

Weapons combat was something Matt didn’t excel in. He’d never been the strongest of fighters, even when he was faster than others. So it was easy to come to the conclusion that he would not do well fighting against the gladiator during training.

He was right.

In less than two tics, he was on his ass, twitching from the electric pulse the gladiators spear admitted into his body. When he tried to get up, it’d knock him right back down after dealing a blow to another opponent.

When the simulation was done, Allura informed him that the gladiator was set on its lowest setting, more fit for an Altean child, and yet he had failed so fast that even Shiro was left feeling the second hand embarrassment from up in the observation deck.

Altean’s were insane. Matt had concluded that Altean’s were fucking insane, and he was afraid to see the damage an adult could do if that was meant for a child, if not also morbidly curious.

His first night finished with training left him aching. Every step he took back to his newly appointed room (now that he no longer needed the hospital) left him whimpering. He stretched his muscles to keep them loose like Shiro instructed, telling himself that this would help keep the sore ache to a dullness.

That was a lie.

The morning after was far worse, and he could barely move. It didn’t help that his training had ended later in the day, so he woke up so stiff that he couldn’t get out of bed for at least thirty doboshes, subsequently making him late for his second day of training. The third one was much the same, and by the fourth day, he couldn’t even get out of bed. Shiro had to come get him.

Much to his chargin.

He pleaded with Shiro to stay in bed and rest his body, but he was sadly informed that their general wouldn’t allow them the privilege until the end of the movement, once they had completed their training. Apparently it was also a common occurrence to allow muscles to strain until their physical capabilities were reached and could no longer handle the pressure, and then and only then would they get a break.

For mostly every trainee, that was a week. For Matt, he’d hit that mark in four days.

That was another thing amongst the training and pain he had to endure. He had to study. Of all things he had to be able to do for a rebellion, he didn’t think he’d have to study. He was even put into a room so similar to that of a class room, where he’d have to take notes of languages, battle tactics, maps, math, science, and so much more.

This he could safely say he was good at. The mental aspect of war was an easy given, and he managed to excel at it at an impressive rate. It was good to know his brain hadn’t deteriorated in his coma as well.

This became his norm. This became his life. Each day training would be more intense than the last, eventually giving him weapons, putting him into dangerous situations, and barely keeping him alive. This was as crazy as it sounded, but he persevered. He kept going, kept fighting, kept training, and kept studying, all as a means to get himself to a point where he could go and get his sister back.

He pictured it in this aspect much more vividly:

What the rebel fighters were doing to train him wasn’t nearly as bad as what the Galra were doing to his baby sister.

* * *

“Ouch Shiro!” Matt yelped, wiggling for freedom under the man’s grasp.

Shiro sat on top of him, his arm around his neck in a head lock. In his hand was a knife; a real one and not some fake one used to test the younger trainees.

“I’m sorry, but you said don’t hold back.” Shiro offered, relaxing his grip from Matt’s neck and sitting back, but not fully sitting off of him.

“Ugh,” Matt groaned, attempting to roll over onto his back and failing with Shiro’s legs locked around his waist. “I forgot you’re a captain now. You play rough with all of us kids.”

That was another thing that had changed within almost three years. Shiro’s training had completed, leaving him at the top of his squad with the best academics and hand to hand combat skills anyone had seen. He’d been given his own squadron with the title captain, and so far they had been running simulations and training exercises for their missions.

The idea was incredible to say the least. Matt found it hard to believe that Shiro, who had sat at his bedside for two years, had become someone to fear in the field, which was why he had asked for his help.

Matt was doing fine with the academic portion of his training. The older man had even told him that, but that wasn’t good enough for the brunette. He wanted to be stronger. He _needed_ to be stronger. It was the only way he could save his baby sister, because if he wasn’t strong enough, he was only going to fail again, and then what? Lose his life? It was a miracle he lived the first time. He couldn’t let that happen again.

“I don’t mean to,” Shiro finally got off of him, plopping down beside the younger teen and resting and arm over his knee. “Maybe I’m not the best person to spar with. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“What? No way!” Matt denied quickly, sitting up to face him. “I have to train with you! It’s the only way I’ll get stronger faster!”

“Matt-” Shiro began, but was cut off before he could get his point across.

“The gladiators are unfair, and when it comes to sparring with the others, it’s not fair either! How am I supposed to learn if I can’t fight with a proper partner?”

“Matt,” Shiro began again, and this time the brunette let him speak. “I understand where you’re coming from, but can I ask you something personal?”

“Uh, sure…”

“You told me what happened when you lost Katie.” Shiro said, scooting forward just a little. “You were twelve years old, pinned against a bunch of older, _trained_ Galra. Is that fair?”

“No, but-” Matt started up, but Shiro held up his hand that didn’t hold the knife to stop him.

“When Arus was captured by the Galra, all of these Arusians, who believe in peaceful communication instead of fighting, were captured and held captive by the Galra. They were too defenseless to fight back, because they’re smaller, with very little training to help them. Is that fair?”

“No.” Matt grumbled. He saw where this was going.

“In training, the point of it is to give you the sense of adrenaline you’ll experience when actually fighting. To help you realize and understand the situation you’re really in, because if you think about it, that’s the only way you can win. People will use everything they have to one up the opponent, even if it isn’t fair, because that’s how you win. As horrible as it is, wars aren’t fair. It’s just a matter of life and death.”

Shiro’s words were dark. Far darker than the stories he read to Matt. It was even darker when he realized how right he was.

War wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair in the first place that he and his baby sister had to go through any of this, but they did. It was their war now, and they had to fight it.

War wasn’t fair, and neither was the training.

“The gladiators aren’t meant to be fair, and neither are your sparring partners. None of the simulations you go through or the training before the sun rises is fair, because none of it is supposed to be.”

“I get it.” Matt muttered, looking away. He got the point, but Shiro wasn’t done.

“The only reason I am where I am is because I trained until my bones broke. I trained until the gladiator wasn’t a decent opponent. That’s the only way you’re going to get better.” Shiro bumped his fist into Matt’s knee, making it shake. “ _I_ am in no way a fair opponent either.”

“No, you aren’t,” The teen agreed while he swatted his hand away.

“I know you want to save your sister, Matt, but training doesn’t happen in just one night. You have to work for it, and unfortunately there’s no way to work around that.”

“I get it,” Now Matt was whining, tipping over to lay on the training mat with his arms outstretched by his sides. He heard the man beside him chuckle, and if he didn’t know the man any better, he wouldn’t have known that he rolled his eyes at him and his behavior.

Matt was still young. He still had some childish behaviors left in him.

That was to say of course that Shiro had some too.

“Round two,” He announced, sitting up on his knees.

“What…?” Matt questioned, but he didn’t have time to react before Shiro was over him, reaching for his hands to pin them down.

The brunette instantly flailed, tossing his hands everywhere to avoid Shiro’s grip. This was by no means taught to him, but it was all he could do before the inevitable fate came and his hands were grabbed, pushed together in one bigger, stronger hand, and pinned above his head.

Matt struggled in his grip, but Shiro was far stronger than him. He held onto him with an iron grip, and when he couldn’t remember how to properly break free from situations like this, he did the only thing he knew he could do. He flailed some more.

Somewhere in between kicking his legs out and yanking on his hands, Matt pivoted his hips up into Shiro’s, throwing the older man off balance. It was actually something he hadn’t been expecting, so when Matt saw the opening, he took it.

He kicked his legs under him, giving him the momentum to push his whole back up and knock Shiro’s balance off. When he did, he rolled, forcing the man back and to the floor, where his grip faltered. It was a struggle when Shiro was so much taller, with more muscles and weight to him, but Matt managed by using the full force of his weight (What very little weight he had), and toppling over the man. One hand sought out the knife he had given up while the other pushed into his chest, keeping him in place.

When he’d found it, Matt pushed the blade to his throat. Not enough to cut him, but enough for the effect to be heightened. He had a knife to the man’s throat, and in any other circumstance, this would have been the perfect time for a final blow. However, because it was Shiro, and in the middle of training, Matt was morbidly aware of how this position was.

“I-I’m sorry!” He apologized hastily while tossing the knife away. “Really, I didn’t mean-!”

“That’s much better.” Shiro told him with a proud smile, or what seemed to be proud written all over his face.

“Huh…?” Matt uttered.

“That’s the kind of fight or flight instinct you need, Matt.” Shiro explained, not moving to sit up. “You _can_ do it. You just need to be in the moment.”

Matt looked away with a flush of color to his cheeks and a moue of distaste.

“Whatever…” A very childlike response, but that was all he could come up with. He wasn’t very keen on this whole “Being wrong while Shiro was right,” type of situation, and it had been happening more and more recently.

It wasn’t just the fighting. Shiro was getting on him about proper sleep, as well as a well-balanced diet. Matt vaguely remembered what his mother sounded like, but he was pretty sure Shiro sounded a lot like Colleen whenever he talked like this.

“Round three.” Shiro announced, and this time Matt didn’t even get a chance to react before Shiro had his arms wrapped around his waist, dipping him back to the mat.

“Shiro!” He yipped, but this time he wasn’t pinned down. Just held in place as his hands gripped at his sides. Matt snickered, wiggling about from the sensation, but that only clued Shiro in to his secret.

“Are you ticklish?” He asked incredulously.

“No!” Matt tried to lie, but it was too late.

In the blink of an eye, Shiro’s hands were running up his sides, squeezing and teasing him into a fit of laughter. Damn him and his sensitive sides. Shiro was taking full advantage of it too, tickling him until Matt was a panting and laughing mess under him.

Matt pleaded with him between gasping breaths, begging for him to stop, but he didn’t until Matt was fully aware that he would pee himself if he didn’t. Even then he thought Shiro wouldn’t stop.

“S-Stop! I-I’m gonna pee!” He warned again, and then and only then did Shiro finally relinquish his grip.

The two of them settled on the mat on the training deck, the quiet room only disturbed by their laughter. In such late hours of the night, everyone had gone off to sleep, but they stayed behind to laugh like the universe wasn’t asking something of them every few seconds.

Shiro was laying on his back, one arm above his head, resting on the mat while the other settled on his stomach, shifting every time he laughed. Matt laid beside him on his side, tears beading at the corners of his eyes as he giggled into his oversized sweater.

Maybe it was how late it was, or maybe it was the pure exhaustion from his training, but there was something very calming about this moment. This moment laying on the training deck with Shiro. It had only been a month since he started his training, and he’d grown accustomed to the abuse his body took on a day to day basis, but even then, there was something truly relaxing about this.

Something so endearing as he stared at Shiro’s face, taking in the wide grin and big, bright eyes. His clear skin with a light sheen of sweat from training. The hearty laugh he let slowly die as the universe around them stilled and silenced.

This wasn’t the first time Matt had taken in Shiro’s appearance like this. In their earlier days, when Matt had first met him and thought so oddly of him, he did it then. He seemed to take in everything since day one, all the way until now, watching as he cut off his laughter with a deep sigh, wiping under his eye when a stray tear managed to wiggle past his lashes. Watching the rise and fall of his chest and the small that stretched his cheeks apart.

Matt wasn’t entirely sure what he called this, other than creepy. He was pretty sure it wasn’t okay to stare at people this intently, but he couldn’t help himself. There was just something about the guy that had him staring.

“Matt…?” Shiro asked when he noticed the break in his laughter, or the way he seemed to go quiet.

“Hmm…?” Matt hummed softly.

“You okay? You look kind of spaced out.” Shiro told him, sitting up on his elbows to looked down at the brunette.

“I’m fine,” The teen assured him with a smile. “I think I… Hit my head. I’m a little dizzy.” He supplanted.

“Well that’s no good.” Shiro mentioned while holding out his hand. “It’s probably best you get back to your room and rest up. It’s your day off tomorrow, so I’d enjoy it while it lasts.”

“I guess…” Matt said while rolling his eyes. Shiro must have known that a head injury of any kind meant staying awake until he was sure nothing permanent would take place.

“It’s for the best. I’ve got my first mission tomorrow with my team, so I should be resting up for it too.”

“Really?” Matt sat up quickly with no help from the hand held out to him, his brassy eyes gleaming with excitement at the news. “What’s the mission?”

“Just a simple scouting trip. We’re supposed to get supplies off of a docking planet in a system not far from here.” Shiro explained, his arm leaning against his knee. “At least that’s all I know for now. We have our briefing early tomorrow morning and leave midafternoon.”

“That’s so cool!” Matt beamed at him. “Can I come watch the briefing?”

“Uh, I don’t think you can, Matt.” Shiro looked away, knowing Matt would pull _the face_ on him. “The briefing room really is for scouting teams and the Blade.”

“Oh please, Shiro!” Matt pleaded with him, grabbing at his arm to give it a shake. “I’ll be as quiet as a mouse! I’ll blend right in with Platt, Chulatt, Plachu and Chuchule!”

“Matt, don’t give me that face. You know I hate that face.” Shiro frowned when the brunette’s bottom lip stuck out, his eyebrows furrowed, and his eyes going wide.

“Please, Shiro. It’ll help me be ready for missions. It’s another step closer to my sister.” Matt begged, giving a small, puppy whimper for added effect. Shiro groaned as he looked away, turning his head into the palm of his hand.

He was fighting a losing battle.

“Alright,” He quietly gave in. Matt pumped his fist into the air in victory with a celebratory shout, but Shiro held up his hand to stop him. “If you get caught, I never saw you there.”

“Yes!” Matt pumped his fist into the air, his legs kicking out wildly. “This is so awesome!”

Shiro’s nervous gaze softened, his lips lifting in a smile. Matt’s overzealous behavior was infectious, even with the worry of bringing him along. The Blade wouldn’t be happy to have someone there who was only there for show, not for movement, but it would be helpful to him.

Besides, from what he had heard and what he knew, it was going to be a simple mission. There was nothing with any substantial information that’d be given out, so there weren’t any risks that he knew of.

Yet.

* * *

“Listen, before we go in…” Shiro’s hand caught Matt’s shoulder, stopping the excited teen from barging into the briefing room and making his presence know. The brunette whined, clearly annoyed and impatient, but this had to be said first. “I need to say something.”

“What…?” Matt asked him.

“I know this is supposed to be a simple briefing for a simple mission, but you’re still not supposed to be here.” Shiro reminded him, his tone taking on something more serious to make sure he got his point across. That seemed to be the only way to make Matt understand this was an important thing that needed appropriate behavior. “I need you to stay quiet and stay out of whatever this is, okay?”

“I know that,” He uttered, his arms crossing over his chest while a moue of annoyance crossed his face.

“This is serious, Matt. These people might someday be your own team, or even the people in charge of giving _you_ a mission. You don’t want to give them a bad first impression, right?”

Matt’s shoulders stiffened as he was told this, his excitement falling short. Shiro was right. He couldn’t misbehave around these people if it meant that someday he could go on missions himself, and someday hope to go get his sister. He had to make a good first impression if that meant these people would let him find his sister, and if not, the chances of him ever being in this room again were slim to none.

“Alright…” He mumbled, his arms falling to his side as he frowned. “Alright…”

“Okay,” Shiro let him go, his serious expression softening as he smiled. “It’ll be fine. You just have to show them that you can listen and comprehend. That’s all.”

“That easy…?” Matt remarked sarcastically, his eyes rolling. Shiro chuckled low in his throat before walking ahead of him.

“Come on,” He told him before the door slid open. Matt hesitated, his mind suddenly racing with apprehension at the idea of making a good impression, but that didn’t stop his legs from moving ahead of him.

He followed close behind, trying to keep his back straight, give off an air of confidence as people suddenly looked his way. Huge people.

Galra.

Matt had been told about this. He knew that there were Galra on their side, but he had never seen them within the five years he had been here. They were usually distant and kept to themselves, which he was fine with. He was still bitter, even when he knew these guys were on his side.

He didn’t know how, but he knew they were constantly on missions far bigger than what Shiro’s was planned to be. He only heard brief situations that was spread around the Arusians, and sometimes Shiro would tell him what he had heard, but that was it.

These ones looked different. These ones didn’t look like full blooded Galra. Shiro had once told him that not all of them were, and the ones on their side were most usually outcasts. There were still some that were full blooded, however.

The one standing off to the side, taking notice of Shiro and him standing close behind wasn’t a full Galra. Not that Matt could tell, even when he couldn’t see his face behind its mask. He had a tail though, and that told him that he wasn’t one hundred percent Galra.

Standing beside Coran and Allura was someone without a mask. Someone insanely tall who stood far greater than all of them. Even Shiro, who was incredibly tall by his comparison, stood nowhere near as tall as this man, who seemed to be entirely Galra. It was hard to tell at this point.

Matt remembered what the Galra looked like who took Katie from him. He remembered in great detail the color of their skin, the locks of fur on their bodies, their beady and narrowed eyes. He remembered it all, but none of them resembled them in the slightest, and yet he felt a burn in his chest. A pain where his scars were that reminded him of his past and the horrors.

These people were not _them_ though. He knew it. He knew that these guys were on their side, not the other way around, and that they were here to help, no matter how much his gut told him that he was wrong.

Just because they were Galra didn’t make them bad.

Matt forced his gaze away from them as they became weary of his presence, instead looking towards the center of the room, which he now realized was quite small for a briefing room. A large table in the middle took up most of the space while lights hung above it, blaring down on multiple chairs, some of them occupied.

He recognized someone in one of the chairs. A woman who he had once thought to be a dog, but that was just how she looked. If he remembered correctly, her name was Olia, and she did not, in fact, bark. She spoke perfect English.

Next to her was a child, a _human child,_ and the first human besides Shiro Matt had seen in five years. What he was doing here he wasn’t sure, but the child with black hair and oddly colored eyes couldn’t be any older than twelve, and sat with a grumpy expression, until his eyes lifted and saw them, that is.

“Shiro!” The boy smiled instantly, his mood perked up by the sight of the older man, who smiled in response.

“Keith, don’t do that.” Olia warned him, her hand resting on his shoulder when he tried to sit up and pushing him back down. The boy quickly frowned, his eyebrows furrowing together while his arms crossed over his chest. He was pouting.

“We told you, you needed to stay quiet.” A Galra spoke up, clearly another half breed.

There were so many huge Galra, and then Olia, and yet there was this _kid._ Keith. What was he doing here?

“I see I’m not the only one who had a plus one.” Shiro remarked, his hands resting on his hips with a smirk.

“Keith is young, and not yet in training.” The Galra closest to them replied, the one that had been sending chills up Matt’s spine. “His training will also be specifically for the Blade. You bring another human.”

“Another person in training for the cause.” Shiro was as casual as could be in a situation that seemed so tense, and yet Matt felt the need to walk right out of the room and pretend he never even came in. “He’s here to learn firsthand how this works.”

“Any and all briefing is to be kept under wraps.”

“For a scouting mission?” Shiro chuckled. “Come on, Antok. Unless there is something Kolivan hasn’t yet told me, seeing as how I am the captain now,” He placed a hand over his chest. “Then please. Speak up. Tell your commanding officer what’s being kept secret, and I’ll see to it that Matt leaves to train elsewhere.”

Matt felt like crawling under the table. He couldn’t see this Galra, Antok’s face, but he felt like pins and needles were crawling on his skin from the stare behind the mask. He was glaring daggers at Shiro, and yet the man was as calm, cool, and collected as could be in a situation like this. He wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t scared of him.

Matt wished with all of his heart that he could be that way.

“That’s enough,” Olia spoke up. “Sit down already. Set an example for the children.”

Very quietly, so quietly that only Matt seemed to pick it up, he heard Shiro mutter something under his breath. Spoken under a breath that was completely missed by anyone besides him.

_“I am.”_

“Are you quite done?” Princess Allura asked, her face showing true irritation to the situation. “This is the briefing room, not the sparring room.”

“Absolutely fine, Princess Allura.” Shiro assured her, any and all tension rolling off of his shoulders as he moved to sit. Matt came to sit beside him, just across from the Galra that had yet to be named, but stopped short when his chair pushed out.

A tuff of black hair appeared before the rest of him, the child who had been sitting between Olia and the Galra climbing into the chair and sitting before Matt even had the chance to pull it out. He had crawled under the table to avoid being pulled back into his own chair, and now he sat with a proud smile and a straight posture next to Shiro.

“Keith,” Olia spoke his name irritably. “If you cannot behave, you’re going to have to go back to your room.”

“But I don’t wanna go back,” The child quickly deflated, knowing he had no position to argue in this situation.

“Then come sit back down.” She warned, pointing to the chair beside her.

“It’s alright, Olia,” Shiro assured the woman, setting a hand down on Keith’s shoulder. “It wouldn’t hurt for him to sit here today.”

“Are you sure, Captain?” She asked him. “You have to do the briefing.”

“I know, but Keith can behave, can’t he?” The question was clearly directed to the child, with just a bit of a dominant tone lacing it. He was making sure he understood that he needed to behave, and he seemed to take it in without a problem.

“I-I will!” He assured them all, bringing his legs up into the chair and hugging them to his chest.

Matt couldn’t help but smile at the boy. There was something about him, maybe his height or young, not yet broken voice, or the bright light in his eyes that reminded him of Katie. This boy was clearly older than her, he was thinking eleven or twelve, but that innocence that children usually had was still there. This war hadn’t destroyed him yet, and he wished with everything in his heart that it never would.

Matt focused back on the table as he sat beside Shiro on the other side of him, noticing a tablet of sorts in front of the man. His eyes wandered, only to see that Olia and the Galra had one too. In Coran’s hands he held one, though his was activated, showing a display of something that the brunette couldn’t quite see from where he sat. One didn’t sit in front of him.

“Shiro…” He mumbled, hoping not to pull attention to himself. “W-Who is that?”

“This is Keith,” Shiro introduced, but quietly. That didn’t stop the child’s oddly colored eyes from looking over when he heard his name. “He was found a few months ago on a planet in the Nexus System.”

“By himself?” Matt questioned skeptically. Shiro nodded.

“No parents or anyone around. The planet was abandoned. We think he was a child dumped when he wasn’t a paladin of Voltron.”

“How old is he?”

“Thirteen,” Shiro’s response wasn’t too surprising. “He’s also part Galra.”

That was.

Matt’s eyes wandered to the child, taking in his small, _human-like_ form. He looked nothing like a Galra would. The ones who were in this room, regardless of being half Galra, all looked more like them than he did. He looked completely like a human. The only thing that could be some sort of clue that he wasn’t human was his eyes, but they were dark enough in certain lighting to be considered black.

What was he doing on a planet by himself? Why was he left there alone?

More importantly, was he brought here to train? As a Galra himself, that meant that he could eventually be a member of the Blade of Marmora. He could be a valuable asset to them, especially with his human like features. No one would be none the wiser, so why wouldn’t they make him a weapon?

His stomach turned.

Again, another child was used as a war mongrel. He was just another pawn for people to use, and he was _thirteen._

How was that fair?

“Matt,” Shiro spoke softly, his hand reaching under the table to touch his knee. “Don’t think about it. Feelings have to be left out of the briefing room.”

How could he possibly not think this? He didn’t care if they were talking about plans to destroy the empire. Keith was a baby, and so was Katie. They didn’t deserve to train and be soldiers in something they didn’t belong in.

“Are we ready to start?” The Galra standing beside Allura and Coran asked him.

“Yes sir,” Shiro stood up, grabbing his tablet in front of him. “First, I’d like to make formal introductions. This is Matt Holt.” He motioned down to the brunette sitting, causing him to stiffen up. “Matt was found unconscious and barely alive after an attack from the Galra. After the late King Alfor brought him back, he recovered from a coma.”

Introductions meant the whole story to Shiro apparently. Matt felt like details like that weren’t important, just his name. That was if he were to even tell everyone about himself. He had promised to be invisible, but he assumed that this wasn’t the case.

“More importantly, his sister is the Green Paladin of Voltron.”

The announcement made heads turn.

Antok had come to sit beside the other Galra where Keith once sat, but now he was frozen in a standing position. Matt could tell he was looking right at him, not Shiro, and it was making him shake in place.

Olia was clearly surprised, eyes wide and her long jaw dropped. Her paws clenched together, as if she were afraid of him, but her eyes expressed fascination. She was curious, and he remembered her being one for curiosity.

The Galra beside them, the unnamed one, didn’t move much from his position. Matt wanted to see his face to know what he was thinking, or if he possibly was asleep, because he hadn’t made much of a move since they came in. He actually thought that the Galra had fallen asleep.

Allura and Coran already knew of this. They had known for three years that Katie was a paladin, and were aware of the circumstances. She was not an enemy, no matter what she did. She was his sister, and he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. That was why this was a tough situation to be in, because the paladin’s were a threat, but now in Matt’s eyes. The other’s he wasn’t sure of, if there were any others, but he knew Katie wasn’t, and he wouldn’t let anyone touch her.

The Galra that stood tall didn’t seem surprised in the least. He must have been told this information, because he only blinked slowly, as if bored by the announcement, before looking away to the others.

“A relative of the paladin.” The Galra sitting beside Olia spoke. Okay, so he hadn’t been sleeping. “How intriguing.”

“He is an asset to the cause, and that makes her one as well. A Paladin of Voltron on our side would give us an edge to the war we haven’t had in years, so he is due some respect.” Shiro asserted, his head turning and eyes seeking him out. Matt watched his arm lift, pointing towards the quiet Galra. “Matt, this is Regris, our computer specialist.”

“N-Nice to meet you,” The brunette muttered, hating all of the staring they were doing. He suddenly felt like _he_ was the alien in the room.

“A child such as yourself could prove very useful,” The Galra, _Regris_ , said, leaning forward in his seat. “A possible paladin.”

The comment that he was a child was completely ignored.

“They already have a paladin to the green lion. An inquisitive mind such as his own could only match that, and she’s already been taken by his sister.” It sounded as if Shiro was defending him. Like the Galra was thinking of something he knew, and it wasn’t good.

“She…?” Matt hadn’t known that the lions possessed genders, but then again, he knew not much of them in the first place. He only knew of the prophecy, and that they were the stuff of legend. That was it.

“Matt, this is Antok.” Shiro introduced. “A weapon’s and battle specialist. He’s also second in command, as well as Kolivan’s right hand man.”

Matt regarded him with a nod, seeing as how the giant Galra didn’t seem fond of him already.

“This is Olia. She’s next in line and acting Captain in the chance that something should ever happen to me.” Shiro said, but the comment had him do a double take. Matt couldn’t possibly think of anything happening to Shiro. The idea was absurd at best. “She is also Keith’s temporary caretaker until-”

“I wanna stay with Shiro!” Keith announced, seemingly grumpy. Shiro groaned around the same time Olia did.

“Keith, what did Shiro say?” Olia reminded him, and the child sunk in his chair with a pout.

“This is Keith, like I said already.” Shiro said, sounding just the slightest bit exhausted. “He’s… Taken a liking to me.”

“Why…?” Matt couldn’t help but ask.

“And inquisitive mind indeed.” Regris stated, but the comment was ignored.

“Because his human appearance is closer to mine than the Galra’s. He’s more comfortable with me.” Shiro offered up the child a smile before looking away. “You already know Allura and Coran, and this is Kolivan. He is the leader of the Blade of Marmora.”

Matt seemed to understand now why he had been talking amongst Coran and Allura. He had to keep everything up to date between them as the leader, and as such, he was harder to touch than the others.

“Nice to meet you,” Matt tried straightening his back, hoping he came across as more confident than he felt, because right now he felt about four feet tall. Kind of like Keith.

“Pleasure,” Kolivan’s voice was far deeper than he could have ever have imagined, kind of like Antok’s, but at least he had a face to match the voice. “Are you ready, Shiro?”

“Yes sir,” Shiro responded. His tablet lit up as he touched the screen, pinching his fingers together and pushing out to pull a projection of a building up in front of the team. The colors flittered and formed, showing the design of what looked to be a station of some sort, but he wasn’t sure. Was this the space station Shiro told him about?

“As you all know, there is a space station about 900 kilometers southwest of our location.” Kolivan began, and Matt listened on.

The explanation of what they were doing was dry and boring. The details were tedious. His eye lids lowered, but as his attention drifted, he began thinking back to other things. Even when Shiro made the projection spin and show the details of inside the space station, his eyes fell to Keith.

Small, young Keith. Thirteen years old. A child. Just a baby in comparison to them, and yet they were totally find with him being here. All because he was Galra.

_How was that fair?_

He was so young, but his eyes looked to the projection, and he looked wrapped with attention for the subject. He actually enjoyed this, as sick and twisted as it was, because he was too young to know the dire situation that this really was, and what he was to face in the upcoming years.

Katie was the same way. Whether the Galra treated her like a queen or like garbage didn’t matter, because she was a child. A child who had no place in a war. She had no idea what she was about to face, much like Keith, and that wasn’t fair. She and him would face the harsh reality soon enough, and he wanted nothing more than to go get her. To stop this meeting, pick Keith up out of his chair and take him away. He wanted to shelter them both, but he couldn’t.

He was a kid too. Sure, he was eighteen now. A legal adult. He’d been training for a few weeks, and even more so fighting for his life. He was old enough to understand the consequences, even though he had to grow up very fast. He had learned the harsh reality too soon, and now he was figuring it all out while still trying to figure out where he’d go from here in order to save his sister.

He was still just a kid. Maybe not like Keith and Katie, but he was, and he was thrown into this just as much as they had been.

Only now he had come to realize that the empire had taken his innocence as a child away just as much as they had for the boy sitting beside Shiro, and for his baby sister.

He too was a prisoner of war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Baby Keith is here~


	4. The Final Unknown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for no updates last week. I forgot season 5 was coming out, and this wasn't done in time for Thursday. Also... Well. You'll see.  
> Hope you enjoy. ;)  
> P.S. Big thanks to Hail for proofing this. I was so damn tired trying to proof it (Actually falling asleep while my computer read it to me), so she really helped. Also left a few comments in there I couldn't stop laughing at. XD

To say that his training sucked was an understatement.

It sucked. Big time.

Two months in, however, provided a meager balance to what he would now call his everyday life. He just hated that he only got two days off, and the rest were spent literally dodging bullets and trying to keep himself alive.

His commanding officers were impressed by his academics. There wasn’t anything they couldn’t throw at him that he couldn’t handle on any level, and surpassed in just about everything. He even learned beginner level Galra language, which everyone agreed would be quite useful. Shiro said that they always needed people who could listen in on Galra radio chatter to pick up on things they needed, from supply drops at stations to any attacks on rebel forces.

He was an envy amongst his comrades in training. While they still threw him to the ground on multiple occasions, that didn’t mean eyes weren’t on him for his smarts. That also meant that he could find ways _around_ situations he wasn’t acclimated with.

Like fighting.

Allura found Matt in the training room late into the quintant, sitting comfortably on the floor by himself and surrounded by all sorts of useful technical equipment. Allura herself wasn’t as well versed in robotics and technical specs to their coalition as she would have liked to have been, so she couldn’t exactly put together all the pieces around on the floor and figure out from afar what he was working on, but she was curious. If only she had the time to sit and have a chat with him, but there were other pressing matters at hand.

She walked up quietly behind him, because Allura had always been one with quiet footsteps, but she was glad to see that his training was paying off some. In the dense quiet, her human companion was able to sense her presence, turning around to look at her, on guard, but dropping it when his eyes fell to her.

“Hi princess…” He greeted, but not without sleep tugging at the edges of his voice. It was late after all.

“Good evening, Matt.” She replied, stepping to stand beside him and not behind him, lifting up the edges of her dress so as not to trip. “What are you doing here so late into the night?”

“Working on this,” Matt held up a small pole in his hands, wires hanging out from one end with the other pointed into a dull ended dome of sorts on the other. He watched the curious confusion settle on her face as she tried to figure out what it was he was holding, but it was too late, and he was too tired to make her try and guess what it was.

“What is that?” She asked, and her voice too sounded just the tiniest bit sluggish.

“I’ll show you,” Matt struggled to get up, pieces of wires and a left over metal plate dropping from his lap and clanging to the floor. It had been so quiet that the sound was grating to his ears, but he focused on his task at hand. His project that he had been working on, and it was just about ready. Sure, there were some loose wires showing, but that didn’t matter. All of them were capped off to avoid a current sparking with another current.

“Alright,” Allura stepped back, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder and help steady him so he could stand. When he did, his back straightened, his face turning and eyes looking up to the top of the training deck.

“Activate Gladiator!” He called out.

The room lit up in a flurry of blue lights, the paneling in the floors flooding in colors as the training hall came alive. A panel up above them opened, allowing for a training dummy to fall to the ground on its own two feet and stand.

“Matt, I don’t think-”

“Stand back, princess.” Matt warned her, lifting his almost finished spear up towards the gladiator. From signs of danger, it brought up its own spear, aimed perfectly at him and ready to strike. Allura felt that there was no way to really talk him out of this now, seeing as how he was exhausted and handling open wires, but the young teen was stubborn. He wouldn’t be persuaded.

So she did as he said, taking a few steps back and letting her hands fall to rest on her thighs as he charged forward with his weapon, the gladiator doing the same. Their weapons collided, sparks flying off from the impact at an impressive speed. Matt had definitely improved on his defenses and blocking within the past couple of months, able to roll away from an impending attack, stand, and block another. Allura hadn’t had the time to watch over everyone’s training and help, but she was glad to see he had improved a fair deal.

However, that didn’t mean his attacks had gotten any better. He was still blocking too much and not looking for an opening to strike when he had one. There were a few smaller ones she could see even from where she stood.  He was waiting for the most obvious openings, which wouldn’t happen in a real battle. No one in a battle would leave themselves openly ready for an attack.

Well… Not everyone. He did on multiple occasions.

One she could think of was right now as the training dummy’s spear whacked him right in his ass. It was actually messing with him now, because he was leaving himself too vulnerable, and the yip he let out was enough to make her giggle into her palm.

Matt felt a flush of embarrassment, both from the smack to his rump and her laughter. She shouldn’t have been laughing. This was a serious thing he was trying to do, but clearly he wasn’t getting the point across. It seemed he needed to take this to a whole different level of serious, and that meant finally testing out his weapons fun features.

Time to get serious. Time to show her he wasn’t a comedy show (If she even knew what those were of course). Matt waited for his next opening, ducking and weaving in the meantime to create an opening of his own. When one arrived as the gladiator lifted its spear in the air, he pushed his own into its chest. He let off the electric current that ran through the metal into its body, but there was one or two things he might have miscalculated.

He had the conductor; the metal. What he didn’t have, however, was an insulator; something to break the currents path from going up into his hands and through his whole body. It was like a painful hit to his whole being, and his muscles reacted quickly to let go, but he dropped to the floor in a heap of twitches.

“Matt!” Allura came up to his side and dropped down, pressing a hand into his cheek to feel his clammy skin. “Matt, are you alright?”

“I-Is… Is-Is the g-gladiator down?” He was having a hard time speaking, his voice stuttering as his body dispersed the heavy electrical current. Obviously not enough to kill him, but enough to drop him to the floor.

“What…?” Allura looked to the robot, seeing it in a heap on the floor as well. The training dummy had been overloaded, and now it seemed to be ineffective, but for how long she wasn’t sure. “Yes, it is.”

Matt grinned wildly, or at least as much as he could do in his shocked (quite literally) state. He lifted up a shaking hand, managing to push his thumb into the air to show his approval.

“Then I’m g-good…”

“Well that’s rude,” Allura huffed, her eyes narrowed at his thumb.

“N-No princess, this is a human thing. It… It means I’m alright.” He assured her with a lazy smile. There was still some communication errors between them it seemed.

“Oh,” Allura brightened up at that, her hand lifting and her thumb awkwardly sticking up. She seemed quite happy with this new information that she could later use, because there was some confusion between her and Shiro and his human differences to her.

Ears had been a thing that came up in conversation multiple times.

“There you go,” Matt tried sitting up, only to feel numbness spread through his muscles. Instead of trying to sit up, he simply flopped back down, his head falling to rest on her lap. It was actually quite comfy, and he was completely fine with simply laying here like this with his head resting against her thighs, her hand lightly pulling out tangles from his sweat dampened and matted hair, but it seemed she had other things in mind.

“I was looking for you.” She spoke up. Matt looked up at the princess with expectant eyes, his lips curling in a smile.

“Really…?” He asked, as if what she had said could have been a joke or a lie.

“Yes. I had gone to your room, where you should have been resting.”

“Ah, who needs rest when you can build stuff.” He joked light-heartedly, but it was only now that he noticed the look in her eyes. Something she was hiding and wasn’t saying. “What’s wrong?”

“… Shiro’s team went out this morning for another raid at an abandoned supply station a few quadrants over, but… Unfortunately we’ve lost someone…”

\---

Matt could only remember one time he had run as fast as he did. He remembered it from when he had gone into the city in search of more supplies. Pidge was at home in their trailer, waiting for him to come back, but he remembered thinking that he wasn’t going to come back when Galra androids had spotted him.

He hid away from them and safely made it back, but he ran like his life depended on it the entire time, all the way until he was back in his trailer with the doors locked, with his baby sister safely tucked away, coloring in her coloring books.

This moment wasn’t that, but the way he ran was reminiscent of it.

He had gone all the way from the training deck down to the hangers, not once stopping, even as his lungs ached and his eyes burned with frustrations.

It hadn’t been true. It couldn’t have been true. It was just a routine raid. Nothing was meant to happen.

The elevators to the hanger felt agonizingly slow, as if taunting him. He took the time to breathe, bending over himself while he had a moment, but the second the doors were open, he bolted out.

The hanger wasn’t full, but for so late into the night, there were a lot of other people there. Arusian’s, Olkari, Galra, and some other aliens he had never picked up the names too, all surrounded a ship.

_Shiro’s ship._

Matt staggered into the crowd, pushing past some people who didn’t appreciate his behavior in such a horrible moment. He kept going until he finally pushed through to the opening in the middle where the doors of the ship were open, and Galra walked out slowly.

They stood around a body bag, their heads hung low, just like everyone else’s.

Matt’s eyes darted frantically, searching, _praying,_ until his brassy eyes finally landed on Shiro not far off. His head was down as well, his eyes closed, but he could read the pain spread across his features.

A smaller hand was holding his own. A small hand that could only belong to the halfling child Matt had only met a few weeks ago.

He looked so small right now, and yet so confused and sad. Keith seemed like he couldn’t grasp what was going on, and maybe that was for the better. He was too young to understand death, and for now, it left him confused.

Olia stood beside him and Shiro, but her eyes were open to let tears slip down her furry cheeks. Her paws were fisted at her sides, claws digging into the pads of them as she held back painful sobs of frustrations.

The only one beside them that Matt could recognize was Regris, and that was only because of his body shape. He was smaller than Kolivan or Antok, but still big in comparison to everyone else.

Towards the middle where the body bag was, Kolivan stood with his mask off. Coran stood beside him, a hand on the man’s broad shoulder, but he too kept his head down as a sign of remorse, but a sign of respect to the loss of their teammate.

If it wasn’t Shiro, Olia or Regris in the bag at their feet, the brunette could only come to the conclusion that it was Antok. The Galra who didn’t like him a few weeks back, standing away, always angry it seemed. He was the one who didn’t like Shiro as his commanding officer, who didn’t appreciate that Shiro brought him in the first place.

He wasn’t standing with any of them now, so it was easy to come to the conclusion of who had lost their life on the mission.

_“The station had traps that had been activated, and when they were, it set off a signal to the Galra drones and androids that we all thought were no longer active. It’s a miracle anyone made it out alive, but… We did lose someone…”_

Allura’s words rung in his head as he looked to Shiro. He hadn’t stayed to find out who it was who had died, because he was too fearful of who it could have been. Part of him wished it had been anyone but Shiro, and now he wished it could have just been no one.

He didn’t like Antok, and yes, he had his underlying resentment, but that didn’t mean he wanted the man to die. He didn’t want any more people dying in this war, and his heart ached to know it had come to this.

It should have been a simple mission, but everything fell apart all too fast.

“We’ve lost a great comrade today,” Kolivan announced, his head slowly lifting. Others followed suit, quiet to hear his words in a moment of pain. “Antok was a great soldier fighting for a better future for us all, and he will not be forgotten.”

Matt’s eyes fell to Shiro again as he listened to Kolivan’s speech, taking in the man’s dead expression. Someone who had a beautiful smile and bright, shining eyes; a clear goal for an end to the war, had never looked so broken and defeated to him before. It hurt to see him so sad, but so apathetic all at once. He was trying to hold back his pain, but that made him look like a shell of his former self.

Matt hated this way he looked right now, because he couldn’t imagine Shiro as anything more than his usually happy, caring, and strong self. To know he was in this much pain physically hurt him, and he wished there was something he could do. Anything if it meant getting to see Shiro smile again.

He wanted to go over and say something. _Do_ something. To be the one on the other side of him holding his hand and assuring him that everything would be okay, but he couldn’t.

Shiro looked down to Keith to say something he couldn’t hear from where he stood, watching as he let go of the young child’s hand before turning away. He heard Keith call out for him, saw Olia turn her head to watch him leave, but the man left despite it all.

He was gone before Kolivan could even finish his speech.

\---

Matt had spent a few hours looking for the man. It was a big ship with many rooms, and at one point he figured he could head out to the town where the Arusian’s lived and look around, but he thankfully found him before it came to that.

Shiro was in the cafeteria. Alone. He sat at one of the empty tables, his head hung low with a bottle in his hands.

The brunette approached him slowly, quietly so as not to spook him. The closer he got, the more he realized what this situation actually was.

Shiro was drunk, or slightly so. That was all he could figure out by the nunville in his hands, and the slight tilt of his shoulders as he swayed ever so slightly. The way his head hung seemed reminiscent of the time he saw an Arusian drunk, though that was a far more interesting sight than this.

“… Hey Shiro,” He finally announced his presence softly, taking a few steps to stand directly at his side at the table.

The man’s head slowly lifted, eyes blearily looking up at him through foggy vision. He wasn’t quite as drunk as Matt figured he’d be, but he was getting there. That’s what he was trying to do.

“Hey,” He replied, looking away and back to the table, as if something there was far more important than the teen standing beside him.

“Why are you here alone?” Matt asked him, but he was already aware of the answer.

“Just… Needed to be alone…” Shiro replied, and Matt could hear the way his voice strained to hold back his pain.

“Oh…” He uttered. “… Should I leave you alone then?”

There was a pregnant pause. Matt assumed that was his way of trying to figure out if he really wanted him to stay or not, but he didn’t like the dense quiet. He wasn’t used to the cafeteria being silent like this, and the silence was unsettling. He hated it.

“… It was my fault.” Shiro mumbled instead of a response to his question. Matt leaned forward a bit, resting a hand against the table so he could look at Shiro’s face better.

“What…?”

“It was my fault,” The man repeated himself, his hand tightening around the bottle. “When the drones were triggered, we all took cover. Regris got shot in his leg, and Olia ran out to help him. I tried to go after him too, but Antok stopped me. He said we had to leave them behind and run, but I told him that wasn’t how my team was going to be…”

Shiro sat up a little, his shoulders tightening as the memories overwhelmed him. His eyes burned with tears he refused to show to the smaller teen, but it hurt just as much to hold them back.

“I saw the Galra droid aim for me, and I didn’t have time to move. Another drone aimed at me, and I was cornered, and Antok… Just pushed me out of the way…” Shiro’s breathing strained as he tried to steady his voice. “The Galra leave others behind. It’s the only way they accomplish a mission, and that’s how they were trained, but…”

“He saved you anyway…” Matt finished for him. Shiro slowly nodded his head.

“I told Olia we needed to fall back. I didn’t care if the mission was a failure, so long as we could save Regris and Antok and get them in healing pods, but… Antok bled out too fast.” Shiro’s free hand squeezed tight, the memory of fresh blood on his hands sickening. It made his stomach turn with nausea, and he knew that drinking wouldn’t help him, but he didn’t care.

“Shiro, that wasn’t your fault.” Matt assured him, his knee resting on the bench. “You only did what you-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” Shiro suddenly snapped at him, his eyes narrowing at him like he was trying to burn him with his vision. “For hours I’ve heard people say that it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault. I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Shiro-”

“No, Matt.” His tone was practically laced with venom. “I don’t want to hear it. I just want to sit here and drink, and if you’re my friend, you’ll sit down and drink with me, or leave me the fuck alone, and don’t ever show your face to me again.”

That one stung. It hurt more than Matt wanted to admit. He knew that was mostly the nunville talking, and he knew that Shiro didn’t mean what he said. He was just in pain and under the influence. He wouldn’t mean it tomorrow when he was sober, but for now, he just wanted to forget everything for five minutes. He wanted to act like what happened today didn’t happen at all, and Matt couldn’t be mad at him for it.

He wished long ago that he could forget the day he lost his sister. If anyone had given it to him, he would have drunk his problems away as well. He had snapped plenty of times at Shiro for his own pain, so this was only his penitence for his previous actions.

If that was the case, Matt only saw one logical course of action now.

He stayed quiet as he slowly took a seat beside him, his legs swinging over the bench and settling down. He was staying put. He had no plans to leave him, especially not like this, because he was his friend. Friends did that for one another. At least that’s what he remembered from his days before the Galra took control.

Shiro watched him carefully, quietly, like he was judging him silently, or debating on whether he was serious about his actions or not. When Matt made no show that he was going to leave, Shiro pushed the half empty bottle towards him, as if testing his limits.

Matt had never tasted nunville before. He had never had anything resembling alcohol in the slightest, but he wouldn’t drink much. He needed to be the sober one here.

He took the bottle slowly, bringing it up to his lips and taking a small sip.

He instantly cringed.

Matt tried his hardest to keep it in, but he couldn’t stop himself from sputtering into his hand, swallowing only half of it and letting the rest slip past his lips into his hand.

“Oh my god,” He cringed in disgust, his whole body breaking out in shivers. “It tastes like hot dog water and feet!”

“Horrible, isn’t it?” Shiro asked him, chuckling darkly at his reaction.

“Why do you drink this?” Matt asked him, looking down the closure and neck to the purple liquid inside of the bottle.

“You get used to it after a while…” He assured him, resting the side of his face into his hand.

“Gross,” Matt muttered, shivering at the aftertaste. He couldn’t tell what was worse anymore. In fact, he was pretty sure his taste buds were starting to go numb.

“Give it here,” Shiro told him, reaching for the bottle. Matt handed it back to him while sticking out his tongue, gagging at the taste.

Yeah. His taste buds were starting to go numb.

Somewhere between licking his suit sleeve to get rid of the fowl taste and trying to figure out if he needed to puke or keep it down, he noticed Shiro chug some of the contents. It was actually impressive to watch the way he downed some of the drink, his eyes scrunched shut in distaste, but otherwise persevering through it.

The bottle pulled back with an audible pop and a gasp from the older man, his shoulders rolling as the cold drink made itself at home somewhere in the back of his throat. Clearly the taste hadn’t destroyed the last of his sense of taste, but Matt distantly wondered if that was what he was attempting.

“I don’t know how you can do that…” Matt mumbled. He hadn’t the foggiest idea.

“When you’re in pain, this is nothing…” Shiro explained, shaking the bottle lightly to hear what was left inside. It wasn’t much, which told Matt how much of it he had actually consumed given that the bottle was full when he had gotten it.

“Give me,” Matt said, taking the bottle from him so he couldn’t finish it off. There was really only one way to do that to someone who was already teetering on sobriety at this point, so Matt covered his nose and tilted his head back to take as big of a gulp as he could manage.

“There you go,” Shiro whacked him hard on the back, harder than he intended to, making Matt choke around a particular gulp and spit out what he had been drinking. He coughed a few times, covering his mouth with his hand to avoid spitting up anymore, but even as he did this, Shiro didn’t apologize. He just took the bottle back and drank out of it again.

* * *

“Where’s the floor?”

Matt tilted into Shiro’s side, staggering to stay up straight, but it didn’t help that the older man wasn’t any better.

Shiro tripped over his own two feet into the wall, barely catching himself and snickering at the motion.

“It’s up,” He replied, his arm reaching around Matt’s shoulders to yank him into his side. Matt grunted at the impact of his head into the man’s shoulder before looking up at the ceiling, watching little pulses of light drift through the pipes.

“Whoa…” The brunette uttered. “Fucking awesome…”

“You’re so drunk right now.” Shiro cackled at his reaction, dropping his head on top of his.

“Me? I’m drunk!” Matt pointed to Shiro before frowning. “I mean you’re drunk!”

“I’m not drunk,” Shiro shook his head back and forth more than necessary, just until he got dizzy. “No, no, no, no, no. Not drunk. Just tired.”

“Look at me and say that to my face.” Matt’s knees buckled slightly, his head turning back down to look at the man.

“I just did!”

“I’m down here, Shiro!” Matt poked at his side.

“Why are you so short?” The older man asked, his nose scrunching up.

“I’m not short. I’m fun sized.” Was the brunette’s slurred retort, looking down the hall. “I could fit in a… In a… Something small.”

“Itty bitty small,” Shiro mumbled, his head dropping back down on top of his, but his nose bumped a little bit harder than he wanted to into Matt’s skull.

Matt felt nothing, his fogged over mind too pre-occupied with thoughts of his comfortable bed. Well, not his. They were heading in the direction of Shiro’s room, and when they had this discussion he couldn’t actually remember. He just remembered wanting to go to bed, and Shiro saying that they both needed to sleep this off. However, they wandered in the same direction, and now his room was there, and Matt’s room was all the way on the other side of the castle.

Trainees and Captains had different quarters, so it wasn’t easy having to travel around. Right now Matt couldn’t even fathom walking all the way back to his own room, so in his drunken state, he hoped that he could get away with just falling asleep on Shiro’s floor, and not having to hear a lecture about sleeping there and going back to his room.

Yeah. That sounded pretty damn awesome.

Matt drunkenly stumbled forward, staggering down the hall to the man’s room. Shiro followed, his footsteps just as hectic, and later on when he was sober he knew he’d be glad it was late enough for everyone to be sleeping. He would be forever mortified to know someone saw him, a newly appointed captain, drunk to the point of stumbling over his own two feet and his speech slurring. What kind of example was that to set for everyone, Keith included?

The two of them took their time down the hall before nearly falling into Shiro’s room, which seemed to be just about as _Shiro_ as anything could be. His room was neat, organized, and void of anything that even gave an ounce of an idea as to who he was as a person. Matt expected that much, but his drunken self couldn’t seem to fathom the idea.

Before he even asked for permission, Matt hobbled over to his bed and dropped down on it. The soft mattress was inviting to him, calling his name, and right now all he wanted to do was take his clothes off and wrap himself up in the blankets, but he couldn’t.

Shiro dropped down only a few seconds later with a careless grunt, his face pressing into the crook of Matt’s neck while half of his weight was on top of him. The rest of it was on the bed.

Matt snickered in response, curling at the sensation of the man’s hot breath against his neck every time he let out a small sigh. He pushed lightly at his arm, his snickering becoming small laughter, but it did nothing to move the taller man.

“Shiro,” He practically whined, trying to look down at his face. “That tickles…”

“You’re ticklish…” It wasn’t really question despite how it sounded, and suddenly a warm hand was skirting up his side.

“Don’t Shiro,” Matt quickly told him, knowing exactly what was going through the man’s head. “I’ll pee myself.”

“Don’t do that on my bed,” Shiro muttered, lifting his head up.

The hand on his side squeezed ever so slightly as he looked into the brunette’s eyes.

“I don’t wanna…” Matt mumbled, focusing in on Shiro’s pale, flawless skin. He’d always had really nice skin, but Matt had never really been as close as he was now to look at it, and even when he had been, it had only been under certain circumstances.

All of those times were times where he’d been upset. Crying. When he’d just about given up, and Shiro had been there to keep him stable. At the time Matt was too emotional to do or say anything other than cry his eyes out and then fall asleep, but this time was different. All he was, was drunk after all, so he could sit here and look for as long as he wanted before the alcohol knocked him unconscious.

“You’re staring…” Shiro uttered, lowering his head back down to his shoulder.

“You have pretty skin…” Matt mumbled unabashedly. He would have never bluntly stated it like that had he not been inebriated.

“So do you,” Shiro said, sitting up a little so his hand could touch his cheek. “I like touching it. It’s soft…”

“Thanks…”

“Wanna know what else I wondered?” The older man asked him.

“What?”

“I wanna know… What it’d feel like to kiss it…” He spoke softly, his eyes struggling to focus on one particular thing at a time. He went from looking at Matt’s eyes, to his nose, to his lips, to the flush of color on his round cheeks, and even to his ears where the tips of them burned red.

“So… So why don’t you find out?” Matt asked him, and somewhere in the back of his head that was still barely sober, someone was screaming at him to stop, but everything else was on autopilot.

“… Can I?” Shiro asked, as if Matt hadn’t just given him permission to do so.

“Mhm…” The brunette hummed. “I wanna know what it feels like…”

“O-Okay…”

Shiro slowly sat up on his hands and knees, fighting to keep steady. The world was spinning around him already, but he managed to look down at the brunette who had his eyes on him and only him. He steadied himself with his knees on either sides of Matt’s hips, and his hands braced on each side of his head. It was almost like he had him trapped, and at any other point in time, maybe the sirens blaring in his head and the white flags waving would have been enough to make him stop, but he didn’t.

He bent down, his cheek nuzzling against Matt’s own soft one that still had a hint of baby fat to it. Their skin brushed gently, and Shiro concluded that he had been right. Definitely soft, but it was different feeling than with something that wasn’t his hands. He wanted to know what it felt like against other things.

Matt sighed softly against him, his breath fanning against his ear. His arms were splayed out to either side of him, laying uselessly at his sides and allowing Shiro this chance to explore. To touch things no one else had ever touched with a pair of lips. There was something about the idea of that that was exhilarating, giving him a buzz and feeling as if he were almost vibrating.

It was an odd sensation to say the least, but what was even odder was the touch of Shiro’s lips against his neck.

It wasn’t a bad feeling. In fact, it was kind of relaxing. The way his lips gently pressed into the place where his pulse beat the hardest, a light skirting of breath every time he breathed out. The sensation had him shiver, feeling goosebumps rise on his skin in the room that seemed suddenly like it was twenty degrees warmer than it had been only a few seconds ago.

Matt took in a deep breath, holding it as his lips moved down closer to his collar bone. He let it out when they brushed over pale skin, something wet following. His tongue. That was the only thing the brunette could think of that would do that.

“Shiro…” He mumbled, his fingers twitching ever so lightly to do something. To grab something or hold something. Or maybe even someone.

“Yeah…?” Shiro’s breath was hot against his skin as he spoke, his eyes looking up at him in an almost predatory manner.

He shivered again.

“That feels nice…” Matt murmured, turning his head to the side to give Shiro more space to work with.

“Does it?”

Matt’s chest lifted from the bed when hands left the sides of his head to touch the barrel of his chest. It wasn’t anything new; Shiro had picked him up, pinned him down, and helped him up plenty of times. His hands on been on him before, but this time it was gentler, but with an underlining strength that made him feel the need to submit and let Shiro do whatever he pleased.

It was a new sensation. He’d never felt anything like it before, but he couldn’t say he hated it. It was pleasant, and that feeling of strength from Shiro’s gentle touch was enough to have his head spinning.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, there was something telling Matt that this wasn’t okay. That what they were doing was wrong, and that he should stop it. He wasn’t nearly as drunk as Shiro was, so there was a part of him that could comprehend the situation.

Yet there was another part of him that didn’t care. He didn’t care what was happening, or as to where it could possibly lead them. All he cared about were the lips on his neck, sucking and nipping and leaving marks for people to see, and that was all he cared for at the moment.

So he let it happen. He let his body follow whatever Shiro wanted to do, because whatever he had planned, if he had anything planned to begin with, was fine by him.

“Hey Shiro…” He mumbled, looking down at the tuff of black hair next to his chin.

“Hmm…?” Shiro hummed, his hot breath fanning against his neck that was damp from his kisses.

“K-Kiss me,” He asked, or rather, demanded. He’d never been kissed before unless it was a peck on the cheek from Pidge, but that didn’t count.

Shiro sat up slightly, bracing himself on his hands and knees above the teen, but his body swayed.

“Are you sure…?” He asked him, his black eyes practically glowing under the florescent light strips in the corners of his bunk.

“Yeah,” Matt pushed himself up onto his elbows, hoping to close some of the distance that Shiro had put between them.

The older man hesitated for a moment, looking down at the brunette for longer than necessary and testing his patience before finally leaning down.

It was a hesitant brush of lips. Neither of them had been kissed before, so it was all new, unexplored territory. It was just a push together, noses bumping and breath fanning against upper lips. It was slow and not really anything that had been explained. No fireworks went off, and the world didn’t stop, but that didn’t make it unpleasant.

Shiro’s lips were soft against his own slightly chapped ones, moving slowly, as if coaxing his mouth to open more. To let him in and explore more. Matt followed his lead, because he really had no idea what he was doing in any of this. It was easier just to follow Shiro as the man coaxed him into laying down again, pressing his weight on top of him to make sure he stayed in place.

Doing that made him moan, and then freeze with horror when he realized what was happening.

He was hard. Very hard apparently, which he somehow hadn’t realized. He didn’t even know when it had happened.

His body had reacted, and now he had an erection straining on the inside of his pants, making him squirm under Shiro’s body. He wasn’t sure why he was like this, because they hadn’t done anything besides kissing, but he was hard, and it was very noticeable.

He wanted to tell Shiro to stop. He wanted to explain himself, but he was drowning in lips and tongue that pushed into his own mouth.

Matt had definitely never done this before. It was weird and wet, but hot and taking his breath away. He whimpered into his mouth, his hands reaching up to wrap around broad shoulders and hold tight. He couldn’t tell anymore if he was trying to push him away or keep him close.

Meanwhile, Shiro’s hands ran up and down his sides, sometimes putting pressure on him, and other times lifting his throw over up to skate over his ribs through his suit. It was warm, but the material was in the way. He knew Matt’s body was much warmer than this, and he wanted to feel more.

They parted to breathe, Matt letting out a whimper that had been trapped as Shiro pushed his upper half onto his hands. The brunette let his hands slide down his biceps, feeling the muscles tense beneath his fingertips. He’d never actually taken the time to feel what this felt like against his body whenever Shiro had helped him back to bed years ago, but that was then.

This was now.

Shiro wasn’t a seventeen year old anymore. He was an adult, trained in the art of battle, ready for a war. He had the body of a soldier, and for once Matt could take in that body without prying eyes or questions that followed such odd looks.

“S-Shiro,” He stuttered, hoping he could explain himself. There was no way Shiro couldn’t feel the outline of his cock pressing against his hips, pressed between them and _straining_ for freedom. It was actually starting to hurt with how hard he was, but before he could say anything, the pressure was released.

“Help me take this off,” Shiro mumbled, yanking at the hood of his throw over. Matt couldn’t even get out a syllable before it was pulled over his head, leaving him with the upper portion of his body suit and his sweats he wore over them.

His hands were insistent, reaching under his body and looking for the seam hidden somewhere in the fabric. He let a curse slip between his lips, irritated when it wasn’t right there in plain sight for him to pull apart, but Matt couldn’t seem to move to help him. He was too busy still trying to come to terms with all of what was happening, and _so fast._

Shiro finally managed to find where the seam of his suit opened and pulled, tugging the offending material off of his back and down his shoulders. Matt squirmed as Shiro continued pulling, just until it was off of his shoulders and arms, leaving his chest completely exposed.

There was only one other time Shiro had seem him with nothing on. Years ago when Matt had fallen trying to take a shower, and he was too weak to get back up. Shiro had come to visit and found him that way, but he had the common decency to cover him up with a towel before helping him up, letting him stay covered so he didn’t see anything.

This time, Shiro saw everything. He allowed himself a chance to look at the expanse of pale skin, littered with small bruises from training, and then the most obvious.

The scars across his chest and abdomen. The markings of his past, and the brutal things he had been subjected to just to try and save his sister.

Shiro hated those scars. He hated them with all of his being, because no one, no matter what age, should have been subjected to that, but most definitely not Matt.

Matt was so strong, so much stronger than he gave himself credit for by continuing to fight. By living, he was fighting a battle he didn’t realize, and Shiro really envied his strength. Maybe he wasn’t big and fit, or even had hulking muscles, but his mental strength would always exceed his own.

“S-Stop staring at them…” Matt mumbled, trying to turn away. He was ashamed of his scars, and ashamed by what they meant, but he didn’t see them the way the older man did.

No matter how much he hated them, Shiro also saw them as a good thing. He saw them as his reasons for being alive.

Matt may have never understood that, but that was alright. However, Shiro wasn’t going to let him hide away. He couldn’t do that anymore. He was a strong and beautiful person inside and out, and he needed to know that.

When Matt tried to turn over, when he tried to grab at the edge of the blanket to tug it over himself, Shiro grabbed at his hands and pinned them into the bed beside his head. The brunette squirmed lightly for freedom, but Shiro held him in place as he bent down, pressing his lips softly into his collarbone.

The sigh he got in response he considered a good thing. Matt wasn’t trying to move away or pull from his grasp, but instead curled into it, his body settling against his own to allow Shiro room to work.

That was good. He just needed to be in the moment, not in his head.

His lips moved slowly, occasionally his tongue peeking out to wet the skin and help the glide as he moved closer and closer to the scars. The closer he got, the more Matt got uncomfortable, but every time that happened, Shiro would stop to focus on a spot on him that’d help him relax. Once he was, he’d move on.

The pattern was a lengthy process, but it wasn’t like Shiro didn’t expect that of him. Soon enough, though, did his lips finally meet the edges of his scar, the long indents and discolorations in his skin a permanent reminder of what he had been through, and what he lost long ago. Matt’s breathing stuttered as Shiro sucked a patch of dark red skin into his mouth, using force to bruise it before moving lower.

His mouth passed over a pink nipple, pert with the attention and the cool air of the room. His lips brushed over it once, a teasing gesture to test the boundaries. When Matt shivered, his lips parting on a silent breath, he did it again. One hand let go of his wrist to tease the other one, lightly pulling at it to see what Matt liked and didn’t like.

Judging by the soft mewl, he liked that a lot.

“S-Shiro…” Matt huffed, his back arching into his touch. The older man hummed in response before closing his mouth over the nipple he’d been teasing, letting his tongue run over the raised flesh. “Aah…”

Shiro felt a warmth pooling at his hips, but the alcohol impeded his regular body functions. He was having a harder time getting up than Matt had, his own cock aching inside of his suit and straining against the body below him.

The man kept one hand at his nipple, teasing with light pinches and pulls while he trailed down his body to where his suit had been left on. His other hand let go of Matt’s to reach down and tug at the material again, frustrated when it didn’t just come right off.

Matt breathed out his name, slightly delirious as he reached down to push on the suit. He only managed to get it just a few inches down his hips before Shiro had to yank it off with both hands. The rest of it and his sweats got caught on his legs with his boots, but that was fine. Shiro was too frustrated with the rest of it to do anything more than get between his legs, letting them hook around his hips in the process.

Matt covered himself, even when he had his underwear on underneath. The outline of his cock was far more prominent now, the front of his underwear damp with his fluids and lifting. No one had ever seen any of this before, and it was _embarrassing_. He wanted to run and hide, especially when Shiro reached down to yank his hoodie over his head.

He wore a suit much similar to Matt’s own, but he wasn’t skinny like he was. Shiro had _muscles_ , from his pectorals to his biceps, and even a six pack. It was so prominent beneath his suit, and it made him all the more self-conscious about his position.

“Wow…” He said it before he could even think it through, his face flushing when he realized what he had just said while ogling Shiro’s body.

“Trust me. It’s nothing compared to you…” Shiro mentioned, his hand following the carved _v_ of his hips towards his underwear. His muscles shook underneath his touch, but he couldn’t seem to argue with him. He couldn’t seem to think around anything other than the fingers lightly tugging at the waist band of his underwear, black eyes looking over it to take a peek of what lay beneath it.

Matt shut his eyes tightly, his nose scrunching as he turned his head. He didn’t want to look and see the expression on Shiro’s face. It was weird that he was seeing him like this. They had talked about it once before when Matt needed to know what erections were, but never had they discussed doing it.

_Holy shit._

That’s what they were doing. They were having sex, weren’t they?

“S-Shiro,” Matt stuttered, moving to sit up on his elbows again. He wasn’t sure what he wanted to say, or if there was anything he _did_ want to say, but he wasn’t sure what. Too many thoughts were running through his head to focus on one particular one, or even to form a damn sentence.

“Yeah…?” Shiro asked him, his hand moving lower.

Matt closed his eyes and gasped, his head tilting back as Shiro’s hand brushed over his cock.

It didn’t feel the same when it was someone else’s hand. His own was nice, but Shiro’s was… _Better._ It had a firm, confident touch and didn’t hesitate, but didn’t push too far.

It was only just a brush too. If he could do that by only running his hand over him, Matt was eager to know what else he could do.

So he laid back again, allowing Shiro to do as he pleased. Matt wanted to know where this would take them, if anywhere besides this, but right now that seemed perfect. That was fine to him.

Shiro didn’t ask what he had to say either. He went back to what he had been doing, which was fine. Great really.

His hand cupped over the outline of his member from outside of his underwear, slowly stroking it. His thumb rubbed over the wet spot in his fabric over the head, teasing the slit in a slow, agonizing manner.

“Ahh,” Matt moaned, probably a little louder than what was necessary. Shiro had a different set of neighbors than he did, and he was just a bit too drunk to care.

“You sound nice, Matt…” Shiro breathed huskily, his free hand reaching up to push his hip into the bed.

“D-Don’t say that…” Matt breathed out harshly, his body fighting against Shiro’s hand to thrust up into it, but Shiro had him pinned. There was no moving.

“Why…?”

“I-It’s embarrassing…” He whimpered, covering his face with his arms, more so his eyes than anything else.

There was a moment of quiet, his breathing the only thing audible in the otherwise empty room before the bed creaked. Shiro’s presence loomed over him; he could tell without having to look. He felt heat above him and around him before lips pressed into the side of his face, hot breath fanning against his cheek.

“I’m going to make you do a lot of embarrassing things, Matt…” Shiro whispered, his voice deep and husky. The deepest Matt had ever heard it. The sound of it made him shiver before all of Shiro’s weight was on top of him again. This time, however, Shiro had his hips aligned with Matt’s, pressing their cocks together in a way that was tight and constricting, but so, _so good._

Matt moaned, uncovering his eyes, but was met with a firm kiss. His voice was muffled, only able to moan low in his throat as Shiro began rolling his hips into his.

This was so much better than what he had ever done to himself, and Matt wanted to voice that, but couldn’t. He just wrapped his arms around Shiro’s shoulders, his fingers tangling in his hair as he held on for the ride.

Shiro’s hands moved down his waist, pushing into the waist band of his undergarments to feel the supple, soft skin of his butt and holding it in an almost painful grasp. He used it as leverage to help thrust down, pulling him up at the same time that rocked them together in just the right way.

Shiro’s thrusting pushed him down hard into the mattress, making the bed creak with each grind. Matt panted against his lips, his mind reeling with thoughts as he was pushed further and further to that special place; that coil in his stomach tightening. It was already coming despite such little stimulation, but he figured the nunville had something to do with that.

“F-Fuck…!” He gasped, his nails scraping against Shiro’s scalp.

“H-How’s that feel?” He asked him, his voice thick, laced with a heady desire to reach that peak.

“Good,” Matt tilted his head back into the mattress below him, gasping for air. Every time Shiro pushed into him, it felt like he was breathless, his head spinning. “F-Feels so good…”

“Fuck, Matt…” Shiro pushed himself up onto his hands against the bed to rut into his hips faster than he had been, pushing harder into his body to the point that it’d leave a fabric burn, but he didn’t care. His mind was only focused on one thing, and that was this. This one moment where he had the brunette below him, whimpering and moaning with want and need to cum. It was something he himself had never experienced, but now that he had a taste of it, he needed to see it to the end.

“Shiro,” Matt whined, pushing himself up into the man’s body. His legs ached from the position around his hips, but he was trapped in his suit, sweats, and boots. He hadn’t even gotten completely undressed yet, and here he was wishing he had. He wanted to be completely naked, writhing against him. Feeling his skin against his and to know what Shiro’s cock would feel like against him, _in him-_

“Say my name,” Shiro told him in his ear. He wasn’t nearly as close to cumming as Matt, but hearing the way he whimpered and cried his name did things to him that he didn’t want to admit out loud. “Say it, Matt…”

“S-Shiro,” Matt obeyed, his nails scratching his back. The pin prick of pain was barely there, but it was enough to have the older man groaning. “Shiro…”

“Oh fuck…” One of Shiro’s hands freed itself from his underwear to reach up and push on his chest, his fingers playing with a nipple. Matt gasped out, covering his mouth when he feared someone would hear them, but Shiro quickly slapped it away. _"Say it,”_ He grunted, almost in a predatory like way. Matt clenched up, his muscles shaking as his orgasm rapidly approached.

“Shiro!” He rasped, reaching up to cup his hands around the man’s cheeks. He tugged hard enough to bring him down, pressing his sweaty chest into the older man’s. Their noses bumped painfully together and it knocked the air out of both of them, but all Matt cared about was getting his lips on him again.

Shiro groaned into the kiss, his hips stutter. The rhythm he had built up was faltering as he came close to his peak. It wouldn’t take much now to get him there.

Feeling the way his body tensed, Matt threaded his fingers into his hair again, giving some of it a tug. His body seized up, his lips parting on a silent scream as he was overcome by waves of pleasure, his body burning as he released into his underwear.

Shiro ground into him once, twice more, and then gasped as he came, fucking himself into Matt’s stiff body as the pleasure shook him to his very core.

A couple of more thrusts were spent on riding out their highs before they both became over sensitive, gasping for air against each other and stilling.

Everything in the room was cold all of a sudden, the chill burning against their heated bodies. Everything was morbidly quiet in the room; in the whole castle even. It was just them and their breathing, but Matt remembered that Shiro had rooms next to his that were occupied.

Said man dropped down on top of Matt, resting his head in the crook of his neck while taking in long, deep breaths. His body shivered at the feel of his seed inside of his suit, running down the inside of his upper thighs in a way that was almost cringe inducing.

Vaguely, through the thick smog of drunk induced blurriness, he noticed Matt running his fingers through the longer pieces of his hair. His breath fanning against his forehead as he breathed, his muscles twitching from post orgasmic bliss. His nails lightly scratched at his scalp while the rest of him sunk into the mattress, utterly spent.

Matt’s brain couldn’t even come close to figuring out all that had happened. His brain couldn’t even compute to the idea that they were still laying here on Shiro’s bed, breathing in the scent of sex, his legs still trapped around his hips by his pants and suit, and his body weak with exhaustion.

In his current state, it was so easy to think that sleeping off this nunville was a fantastic idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a note moving forward, you'll know if a chapter has smut in it, because I take forever to write smut.


	5. The Day After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, guys. Like I said earlier on my other fanfic, I've been bleh, with no desires to write. However, Hail got me into this word sprint thing that's really fun, so that helped me plow this chapter away today. ^^ I need to make summaries of the next few chapters so that way I can have an idea of what happens, and then also get myself some motivation to write.  
> Hope you like this chapter today! :D  
> -Misty

When Matt woke up, it was to a blank ceiling, bioluminescent lights barely glittering above him, and a pounding headache.

The ceiling to Matt’s bed had a picture of him and Katie hanging above it, his lights a very dim blue that relaxed him, and a few scratches from the times he’d had a fit and took it out on everything but himself. What was above him was nothing but white tile, and dim, purple lighting from the panels above his head, and a ticker off to the side that read in Altean. It read that it was later in the morning, the equivalent to ten thirty.

This was not his bed, nor his room, and he could tell by those very small details.

Matt waited patiently for the pounding in his head to die down, and when it did, he slowly turned his head to the room around him. Shiro’s room, now that he recognized it, because he recognized the rebel uniform hanging off to the side on his wall, along with his jacket. He recognized the neurotically clean walls and floor, with not an ounce of self resemblance anywhere besides his military attire.

He also saw Shiro, sitting with his head between his hands, hunched over his knees and as still as could be. The only thing that could tell Matt he was alive was the barely there rise and fall of his bare chest, his ribs shakily expanding and exhaling. Matt could even hear a shuddering breath.

He sat up slowly, his muscles aching and protesting him to sit back down and rest some more, but he didn’t. He didn’t stop until he was slouched over, pulling the sheets up and over his own bare chest, which, now he realized, had some light bruising as well. More so he realized that he was almost completely naked, barely modest besides his underwear on underneath the blanket, though damp and messy from what they had done from the night before, but that didn’t feel as covering as it needed to. The blanket would have to do.

At the small tug, Shiro lifted his head at the feeling. He looked back at him, only to look away when his eyes met Matt’s, a flush of color rising on both of their cheeks.

“Uhm…” The brunette uttered, tightening his grip on the blanket covering him. “G-Good morning…”

“… Morning,” Shiro mumbled, sitting up just a bit straighter, but he must have been suffering from a headache far worse than Matt’s, because he hunched over again, a small groan escaping him. Matt shifted in place, eyes darting around to look at anything in the room that could occupy his time, or even be a conversation starter, but nothing. Shiro was notoriously clean.

He shifted uncomfortably again, grimacing at the stickiness coating the inside of his thighs while he tried to get his thoughts together, but it wasn’t happening. His brain hadn’t fully recuperated from the night before, and all he could remember was the mourning of Antok, and a few, not so minor details.

Like them having sex.

Right. They’d done that.

They’d been so drunk that they hadn’t recognized their actions, putting them in bed together, and then doing… _That._

Matt flushed, blurry memories of them together, bodies pressed tight. Trapped beneath Shiro’s as they thrust together, his voice breaking on moans until they finally-

“Matt…?” Shiro asked, startling him from his thoughts. “You okay?”

“Uh… Y-Yeah…” He replied, even though he was most certainly not okay.

“You look like you’re going to puke…” The older man said.

“Nope. Not there yet,” Matt tried laughing it off, only to hear how hoarse his voice sounded. “How about yourself?”

“Getting there…” Shiro’s smile was awkward and forced as he chuckled, looking to the floor while he rubbed the back of his head. From where Matt was sitting, he could see scratches just at the base of his hairline.

He swallowed.

“That’s… Good?” He offered, but he didn’t know what else to say. How did one even breach a docile topic after having drunken sex with someone?

Well, wasn’t this awkward?

Shiro cleared his throat, wincing at the painful burn. The awkward tension sat heavily on both of their shoulders, but at least Matt could look at him. Shiro’s black eyes darted away quickly, and only strayed to look at his hands in his lap, and nothing more. He wasn’t looking at him, and Matt couldn’t decide if that was from last night, or because he still wasn’t wearing a shirt.

“I uh…” The older man began, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. “Last night…”

For longer than necessary he didn’t speak, and Matt felt compelled to finish for him.

“Happened…” He said.

“Yeah…” Shiro swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing, and for whatever reason Matt followed it with his eyes. “I… I don’t know where to begin.”

“From the beginning would be nice.” Matt retorted, sitting up to crawl out from under the blankets.

“You’re so funny…” Shiro’s sarcastically mumbled, his eyes rolling, but the motion didn’t bode well for his headache. He winced, but after a second turned his body to face Matt. He still didn’t look at him. “I guess… Thanks for staying with me… First of all.”

“… You’re welcome.” Matt replied, but Shiro slowly shook his head.

“No, Matt…” He looked like he was struggling with his words. “… Why did you stay?”

“Huh…?”

“Why did you stay?” Shiro asked him again, finally looking up at the brunette for the first time. His eyes were bloodshot red. “Had anyone said to me what I said to you… I would have left. I would have considered them not worth my time.”

 _Oh._ Now Matt understood what he was talking about.

_“I don’t want to hear it. I just want to sit here and drink, and if you’re my friend, you’ll sit down and drink with me, or leave me the fuck alone, and don’t ever show your face to me again.”_

The words still hurt to think about. It still hurt to remember that Shiro had been so belligerent towards him. However, Matt knew that it was all the nunvill. Matt knew he really didn’t mean any of it, even if at the time he probably did.

“Because I knew you were upset…” He answered honestly.

“But…” Shiro seemed at a loss for words.

“I didn’t leave, because you needed me.” Despite the embarrassment he felt, Matt pushed the blankets aside to crawl forward.

“I can’t imagine why you’d do that though. After all I said, after…” Shiro paused, his cheeks dusting a light pink. “After what we did…”

“How many times did I snap at you when I was upset, Shiro?” He asked him.

“That’s no-”

“How many times?” Matt asked again. It wasn’t a rhetorical question. He wanted an answer.

“… Plenty of times, but-”

“Exactly.” Matt spoke before he could argue again. “You know. Revenge kinda.”

“Kinda.” Shiro snorted, leaning forward. “Doesn’t mean you deserved it.”

“You never deserved it either.” The brunette told him, his fingertips gently brushing against his thigh. “But that’s what friends do, Shiro. Even if you were upset and drunk… You shouldn’t have been alone.”

“I wasn’t upset.” Shiro tried to disagree, his eyes closing and his head dropping.

“Shiro…” Matt leaned forward until he could angle his head to see Shiro’s face, offering up a sympathetic look that the older man didn’t see. “You know… It’s okay to be sad about it…”

“There isn’t any time for that.” Shiro argued. “It’s a war. This… _Happens…_ I should know better than to let my emotions get the better of me.”

“Listen, I get that the Galra don’t let their emotions get to them during missions and all, but, and stop me if I’m wrong, but uh… You aren’t Galra.” Matt told him, his hand squeezing lightly at his thigh. “You’re a human being. Your emotions aren’t something to be ignored.”

"Not during a war." Shiro tried once more to argue. Matt huffed before reaching up, pressing a clammy hand into his cheek and turning his head towards him.

"If anything, a war should be the perfect excuse to let your emotions guide you." Matt told him, forcing his black eyes on him and only him. He wouldn't let him look away.

"You're allowed to be upset. There's nothing wrong with that. If anything, _now_ is the time to be upset, and when you're done, you can go back stronger to make sure something like that doesn't happen again."

"Matt-" Shiro began when he saw the teen's eyes become red. He could tell that these words were coming from a dark place, from somewhere he had once been himself, and had trouble getting out of. Knowing Matt's past, he knew what this was about, and yet Matt shook his head, prompting him to stop and let him finish.

"No one is here now, so if you need to cry, there's nothing wrong with that! Cry right now and let it out, so that way you can go back to your team and be the leader they need you to be, b-because seeing you like that..." The brunette huffed, as if trying to collect himself and keeping himself from breaking down. "Fuck, Shiro. I'm supposed to be the emotional one. Not you."

Shiro reached up to touch him, brushing his fingers into his hair and pushing his bangs from his face.

"Sorry..."

"I get how you feel Shiro. Fuck, if anyone understands, it's me, so... So you can be upset, like you always let me. There's nothing wrong with that, and then, you know... Then you can go back to being your usual self, and be happy." Matt swatted at his hand, but it was such a weak hit. He hadn't even pushed it away from his cheek.

"Sorry," Shiro repeated, but the teen could hear the crumble in his usual stoic tone. The shake in his voice.

Matt looked up at him, still pouting, his eyes red and glassy with tears, but Shiro was just about the same, if not worse.

His eyes were red and wet, tears slowly rolling down his cheeks to his sharp jaw line, and then dripping off. His breathing was shallow; there was still a part of him that was holding back the pain, but when Matt's hands lifted up his chest, fluttering across scarred skin to rest on his shoulders, it was over, and Matt was there for him.

It ached. It hurt more than he realized to know that Shiro was actually in pain. He was just another human in a war none of them needed to be in, but he was always so strong and stagnant in his position as a leader and as a friend, and most recently, as a role model to Keith. Matt could understand that he felt like he had an image to uphold, but it was as he said.

No one was here. No one was listening. No one was here to see as he broke down, his head dropping against Matt's shoulder, his body shaking, and hands clinging to his smaller form.

Matt was once again torn; anger boiling in his stomach for something he couldn't control, and sadness for something he couldn't fix. He couldn't bring Antok back, even if he wanted to, and there wasn't much else he could do to make Shiro feel better besides sit here with him and maybe crack some jokes to lighten the mood.

The only thing that would heal his wounds was time. Only time would make him feel better, even when scars would remain. Just like Matt's own.

As they moved on, he noticed the war in front of him shift. His ideas of fighting a battle that felt impossible to win were changing.

He wanted to defeat the Galra. He wanted to take down the resistance until they were safe and sound in the universe, but there was more.

He wanted to help. He wanted to strive for greater things so that people like Shiro would never cry again. So people like his sister and him wouldn't lose family, and so people like Keith weren't trained to be soldiers.

* * *

Matt had stayed close to Shiro for weeks. Getting over Antok's death would be no easy feat, and he knew this, so he was prepared for whatever it would take to make sure that Shiro could appear in front of his teammates stronger, and ready to defeat the Galra as quickly as possible. To return the universe back to its normal, peaceful existence once more.

When the day came, Matt went with him.

Kolivan, with Allura's permission, set up another mission. A very simple mission to break the team in again to the field, and to be ready.

They had a taste of the reality of war; that anything could happen at any time. Even simple missions could go horribly wrong, just as their last one had, but this time they'd be ready. They knew what to expect now, and Shiro was ready for that challenge, if any and ever.

Matt followed him all the way to the briefing room a few weeks later, quiet, but close to him in the case that Shiro would need him for something. Whatever it was, he'd be ready, but the older man had steeled himself. He had prepared himself, and there was something oddly relieving to see him becoming the older version of himself. The brave and strong man who lead teams and was prepared to die for the sake of saving the universe.

When they walked in, everyone was there. Matt remembered the room very well from his first time being there, but he hadn't been there since. He hadn't seen any of them, Shiro's team, nor Allura and Coran, since the fateful day. Not since Allura came to get him, and not since Shiro had walked away from Keith, Olia and Regris with his injured leg.

The Galra had fully healed since then, standing in front of the table with a holographic projection of a control board, inspecting the broken down pieces and making notes on a tablet. Once again his mask was on, and Matt couldn't get an idea of what the man looked like.

Olia was sitting where she had once been, also on a tablet, with Keith sitting in the chair beside her. He was curiously peeking over her arm, staring at the screen with big, oddly colored eyes, but she let him. She even smiled as he leaned against her, leaning over a bit so he could properly look at the screen.

Allura wasn't in the room like last time. This time it was just Coran and Kolivan with the team, most likely going over today's mission in great detail. Why she wasn't with them Matt wasn't sure, but he could only assume she had something even more important that required her attention.

When the door shut behind them, the audible sound in the otherwise quiet room was enough to have everyone look up at them.

He couldn't tell from Regris while his mask was on, but Matt could see Coran and Olia's faces visibly deflate, worry evident by the concerned gazes. Olia's shoulder's even dropped, her paws clenching around the tablet hard enough for Keith to take notice. It was only for a moment though before he looked towards them.

"Shiro!" He cheered, and as quickly as he could, and before anyone could grab onto him to stop him, the child jumped out of his chair, ran around the table, and went right for him.

Shiro's smile was gentle, if not just a bit filled with guilt before he bent down on one knee, his arms open to let Keith collide into him in such a way that the two of them nearly fell. Matt chuckled when they laughed, watching as Shiro held Keith up and looked at him.

"Hey Keith. How have you been?"

"Bored! Where were you?" Keith asked him, his lips pulling tight in a frown. "I missed hanging out with you."

"Aw, I'm sorry. I won't do that again." Shiro assured him, giving him a bigger, happier smile.

"Promise?" Keith asked, his brows knit tightly together as he held up his hand. Shiro chuckled at him, taking up his hand and pulling him close.

"I promise." There was hesitancy in the way he said it, but Keith was too young to take notice of it. So long as Shiro promised he wouldn't leave him like that again, then he was fine with it, and for now, that was the best that could be done.

Shiro stood after a moment, letting Keith hold his hand while looking back to his team. The remaining members of his team. Most likely Kolivan would find others to fill in Antok's place, but for now, this would be fine. They'd be on a sort of parole after what happened, and it would remain that way until Kolivan was assured they were mentally ready for bigger, more threatening situations.

"It's good to see you up and about, Shiro." Olia said as she stood. She hadn't even berated Keith on his previous behavior.

"It's good to be up," Shiro told her, his head slightly bobbing in agreement.

"You bring the human with you." Regris said, looking to the brunette at his side.

"And he's staying." The older man asserted in a way that seemed to end any possible argument that may have come about from Matt being in the briefing room again. "We're here to talk about our newest mission tomorrow, and Matt's here to learn. If anyone wants to argue, tell me now so we can get it out of the way and get on with the meeting."

The room stayed silent, all minus Keith, who was quietly humming something to himself. Matt wasn't sure what.

When no one spoke up, Shiro nodded his head, walking over to the table where his seat sat empty, waiting for him. Keith took up the seat to his left, and Matt quietly sat to his right, just as last time. Regris sat in his own chair next to Olia, leaving a few chairs next to them empty.

Matt could see the way Shiro's eyes looked to Antok's chair, as if he were waiting for the man to come take a seat with them, but it didn't happen. His chair was empty, and for now it would remain as such.

"Before we begin," Shiro said, looking to everyone at the table. Coran and Kolivan stood at the head of the table, staying quiet to allow him the time he needed to speak. "I just wanted to start by taking a moment of silence for Antok."

Kolivan's stare towards him was strange, if not slightly berating. Probably because people like him, trained Galra soldiers, didn't do this. They didn't allow time to feel bad about someone they had lost, so what Shiro was doing technically was taboo in a sense. However, Shiro was human, and somewhere over the few weeks they'd been spending time together, Shiro had allowed that idea to settle into his head.

"On Earth, humans would usually hold memorial services for fallen soldiers, but unfortunately we can't afford that luxury or time. Instead, if we can bow our heads in respect for him and his sacrifice..."

It wasn't as much of a question as Shiro made it out to sound, nor a suggestion. As the team captain, it was an order, and it was followed.

Olia and Regris were the first to put their heads down, Olia's big eyes closing while her paws clasped together in her lap. Keith followed not a moment later, not entirely sure what they were doing, but when Shiro did it, he figured he was supposed to do it to. Matt joined in, though his eyes stayed open to look towards Coran and Kolivan.

Coran had his head down, his eyes closed, and a hand resting gently against the table while the other rested by his side. Kolivan didn't do it right away, but after a few quiet ticks, his head dropped.

At least he had the decency to do this.

"Antok was indeed a great man," Shiro began. The words had everyone looking to him. "It's because of his sacrifice that I am able to stand at this table with my team today, and while I wish it had been me instead, I can't go back in time and change what he had done. I can only learn from this, and let it guide me and help me grow to be a better, stronger leader for you. My plan is to be a leader you can look to in times when we need it, and that hasn't changed. My only regret as that I wasn't there for you this time."

It felt as if people needed to say something, but nothing was said. Everyone was still looking at him, allowing him his chance to speak.

"With that being said, I plan to make sure this doesn't happen to my team again. I can't make any promises in a war, but I will do my best to prevent anything and everything that stands in our way from winning this battle, and from getting back to our old lives. My goal still remains strong, and I hope that you can still look to me as your leader, and trust me to guide you through this fight, all the way until the end."

With that finally off of his chest, Shiro felt more at peace than he had in the long few weeks he'd been hiding in his room with Matt. He felt good about his speech, but he wouldn't openly admit to practicing it in his bathroom for the past few days while Matt was in training himself.

Yet he was still nervous. Anxious. _Afraid._ He still worried for the reaction he would get from everyone, and it didn't help that everyone stayed quiet, as if they were waiting for him to say something more, or do something more. Like they expected him to continue, but that was it. He had nothing more to say on the matter.

It was still quiet too.

"You said you promised." Keith mentioned, reaching up to tug on his suit sleeve.

Shiro chuckled, relief flooding from his body when someone finally spoke, even if it was only Keith. His little outburst was just enough to take the tension off of him and make him smile, and enough that Olia giggle behind her paw, smiling at his act.

"You're right. I promised you, didn't I?" Shiro asked him, tugging on his arm.

"You can't break a promise." Keith pouted.

"You're absolutely right." He encouraged, only to make sure the young child was happy.

"Thank you for that, Shiro." Olia spoke up, looking to the human with a trusting gaze.

"You're welcome," He offered, smiling softly.

"And if it does mean anything, you _are_ our leader, and I plan to follow you until my final breath." The woman said, slowly standing from her chair. "You have my hand all the way."

Regris stood beside her, putting a hand to his chest.

"You cannot be faulted for Antok's actions. We can only move on, and you have my full support." He spoke.

Once again, not knowing anything about the situation, Keith stood up, but decided to stand up in his chair to make himself look taller, Shiro's hand being tugged along with him. He stuck a hand over his heart, a very similar salute to what Regris was doing, though backwards, his thumb tucked out instead of in.

Matt stood up with them, even when he wasn't part of their team, but he hoped he could convey the message to Shiro that he wanted to convey. To show the older man that he too, even when he wasn't part of this team, would fight by his side until the end. His goal to save his sister and have a normal life hadn't been changed, but he had responsibilities here that he couldn't ignore. He wasn't about to leave Shiro behind, and he proved it as he settled a hand against his shoulder.

He could feel the tension in the man's body slipping away with every breath.

"Great." He uttered, bending over to pick up the tablet that lay in front of him. "Then let's get started."


	6. Paladin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHOSE BACK!  
> Yes, I am back, and I apologize for this huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge ass delay. I've finally started a solid work schedule (Which I might need to change to the graveyard shift god help me) and am doing what my doctor told me... Sort of...  
> So now I'm getting myself back into a steady flow. Thankfully, unlike this chapter, the next chapter is already done! And the one after that is also -85%- done! :D So we'll have at least 2 consistent updates. *knocks on wood*  
> Anyway, thank you guys for being so awesomely patient with me. Let me know what you think. :) Hope your end of the week finishes off with a bang, and you get your well deserved weekend off.  
> -Misty

Matt wasn’t sure why he was awake. He wasn’t sure what horrible being in the universe decided it was time for his eyes to open up, and for his entire body to be bouncing with energy. He wasn’t even tired. He was just awake, and in need of movement.

Maybe he could tire himself out with a run. Maybe a few laps would help, or even some sparing with the gladiator. _Anything_ as long as he could fall asleep again and be ready for his next day of training. He didn’t have the luxury of being asleep when he wanted to be.

Matt sighed as he crawled out of bed, throwing on a pair of sweats and boots and tossing his throw over on his tank top before walking out of his room. He sluggishly trudged the halls, blinking back sleep and yawning into his palm. He wasn’t even sure where he was going, be it outside for a run or to the training deck, but he guessed wherever he ended up first would suffice.

Only halfway to the training deck, however, did he stop when something caught his attention. Matt watched as two Blade members ran down the hall to his left, in a rush to get somewhere and _be_ somewhere. A curious mind like his own couldn’t help but wonder what that could have possibly been, and it was only natural that he wanted to investigate.

What if it was something serious? What if there was an attack on the castle? Wouldn’t everyone be needed for a battle then?

If that was the case, then he’d need to be there too.

Matt ran after them, staying at a far distance, and yet making sure he didn’t lose them. Even if he did, he had a feeling that he knew where they were going, and he was right.

Only a few minutes of running brought him to the briefing room for the Blade of Marmora where the two ran in, not alone. Matt came up as the door shut to see the room full of people, from Galra to Arusians, even the Taujeerians. It was the most he had ever seen in that room before.

He came in, scooting past people and staying behind everyone, avoiding eyes. Everyone was talking, discussing things, but some of it wasn’t in English, and the Galra were speaking too fast for him to catch it.

He could see Shiro standing at the front of the room, accompanied by Allura, Coran, Kolivan, and Keith standing at his side, holding onto his hand. The young halfling looked exhausted, rubbing at his eyes and letting out a big yawn as everyone settled into place. Olia and Regris weren’t far from Shiro, looking equally as tired, but far more alert.

Matt carefully maneuvered through the crowded room, ignoring stares from some who wondered what the human was doing here when he hadn’t even completed his training yet, but he ignored them. He ignored it all and went to the front, coming up behind Shiro and setting a hand on his shoulder.

“Shiro…?”

“Matt?” The older man questioned with a frown. “What are you doing here? Why are you awake?”

“I wanted to go for a run, but I saw this.” Matt looked around the room at everyone. “What’s going on?”

Shiro opened his mouth, ready to give him an answer, but stopped short when Kolivan spoke.

“Alright! I need everyone’s attention on me!”

“You’re about to find out,” Shiro mumbled, turning to look at the leader of the Blade with extreme caution. Matt frowned, looking back at the Galra member with worry.

What was going on?

The room settled down, eerily silent as everyone looked to him. Matt had never heard a room silence so fast, so whatever this was must have been serious.

“I’m not going to repeat myself, so listen up. If you don’t already know why we’re here, let me explain.” Kolivan began, using his tablet to pull up a projection screen. The room flooded into darkness to allow the projection to shine, the hologram an oddly shaped arrow of shorts colored in blue. ”As you know, we’ve had a member of the Blade on the inside, gathering intel on Voltron, and any new information he can gain. As of earlier this night, we’ve gotten some very serious news.”

Matt’s breath felt cold as it entered his lungs, his body stiffening. Was this about Katie? Did something happen to his sister?

Shiro must have noticed the way he tensed, because after a silent moment, as everyone waited to hear the news, he reached over with the hand Keith wasn’t holding and grabbed Matt’s.

Maybe that was his way of holding him in place.

“Another Paladin of Voltron has been found.”

The announcement made the room tense, weight crushing on everyone. A few gasps, some small mumbles, discussions, and most of all, dread. Morbid horror.

Another Paladin. Another enemy. Another pawn to the war. A step back for the rebellion, and another fear in everyone’s hearts.

Matt squeezed around Shiro’s hand, looking down at Keith, who was shaking. He was practically clinging to Shiro’s waist, looking around the room at everyone and anyone and seeing their reactions. The fear everyone felt, and it amplified his own.

He didn’t understand how bad this was, but he had an idea based from the reaction.

“Thace has sent us all of the information he can,” Allura said, talking over everyone, but her voice helped the room grow quiet. “But it isn’t much.”

Kolivan pulled up another projection. One of a young boy with dark skin, brown hair that sat at his shoulders, and blue eyes. In the picture that looked like that of a mug shot, he had a bruised lip, a black eye, and a scratch going across his cheek. He was thin and gangly, like he hadn’t eaten in week, and it was frightening.

He was just a child. Another _human_ child.

“This is Lance McClain,” Allura announced, pointing to the boy. “He’s twelve years old. A human from Earth, just as the Green Paladin. He was found in a concentration camp on another planet with his family, forced to work mining Balmera crystals for the Galra.” Kolivan moved the projection to show the side of his face. “As of right now, Thace hasn’t gotten any information on him. No fighting styles, no education; nothing other than this information given.”

“What Paladin is he?” Olia asked, her arms crossed over her chest.

“He is the Blue Paladin.” Coran answered for her.

“The charmer…” Olia muttered, rolling her eyes.

“He’s the heart.” Regris said. “He can be molded very easily.”

“That’s correct,” Kolivan said. “Which is why we’ve decided to take an advanced step. With two of five paladins found, we’re at a huge disadvantage, and growing weaker under the Galra daily. We’ve decided to form a search and rescue to get him and the Green Paladin out of Galra hands and into safety.”

“With that being decided, we must warn anyone thinking of joining.” Allura’s voice alluded to the imminent doom they were speaking of. “You would be breaching enemy territory. They’re held at central command, right in Zarkon’s hands. I don’t want to frighten you, but this is an extremely dangerous mission, and very well might cost lives.”

Matt would have rolled his eyes at her words had the situation not been so severe. Her words were so contradicting.

“With that being said, if you’re willing to join this mission, we will not stop you, but we do wish that you know of the risks involved.” She finished off, her expression worried as she looked about the room.

“We would need a small team. Not a lot of people would be joining to avoid as much loss as possible.” Kolivan explained. “The less information you know, the better. We all know what the Druids do to people who they capture.”

A sense of dread fell over everyone.

While Matt had never experienced it first hand, he had heard of what the Druids did. The magical beings who tortured people to no end. He had seen the pictures of what had been done in their wake, and he was fearful to know what would happen to anyone caught while on this mission.

If they were even alive afterwards.

The room was dead silent, some stares being shared. Some looks. Silent questions and concerns being raised, but couldn’t be said. They all knew what this mission meant. A life or death situation, all in hopes of getting this kid, Lance, and Matt’s little sister away from them.

It sounded like an almost impossible mission. Something that couldn’t be won, but they knew they had to do it. It was better than doing nothing.

That didn’t mean that the fear didn’t remain.

“I’ll go.”

All eyes fell to Shiro, surprised and horrified. The whole room was gawking at him as if he had just sealed in his death, and yet he stood firm, his eyes narrowed on the three standing in front of them, unwavering.

“Shiro no!” Keith cried out, tugging at his hoodie. “You can’t go!”

“It’s alright, Keith.” Shiro assured him, bending down to be at eye level.

“You could get hurt!” The child argued, frowning as he sat on his knee in front of him.

“I know, but I won’t.” The older man assured. “I’ve gotta go help save some kids who really need somewhere safe to be, so I’ve got to do this.”

“Shiro…” Matt mumbled, but it went ignored. Shiro knew there was a discussion that needed to happen between the two of them, but not now. Not in front of Keith and definitely not in front of everyone else.

“Are you sure, Shiro?” Allura asked.

“You hold vital information. If you’re captured, there’s no telling what could happen to you.” Coran mentioned, but he knew that was a lie. They all knew what would happen to Shiro if he was captured, and the idea in itself was horrifying.

They _knew_ what the Druids did.

“Absolutely.” Shiro nodded his head solemnly.

“Shiro…” Keith uttered, tugging on his arm. “What if you don’t come back?”

“I will,” He assured the child.

“Promise?”

“Promise,” Shiro grabbed at his tiny fist and tugged him forward, bringing him into a hug.

“I’ll go too,” Regris said, standing tall.

“Me too,” Olia mentioned.

“No, Olia, you stay here.” Shiro told her.

“What?” She gaped at him. “But why?”

“Keith needs you here. You’re his guardian.”

“Then I’ll go,” Matt announced. He was not so surprisingly met with a couple of glares.

“No Matt. You can’t go.” Shiro told him.

“Why?”

“You haven’t even finished your training yet.” Olia told him. “You’d be in danger.”

“You’d be a hindrance to the mission.” Kolivan stated.

“But she’s _my_ sister! If anyone should go get her, it’s me!” Matt barked at him, glaring in hopes that he could match the dark looks being thrown his way.

“Matt, it’s not just her. There’s another child’s life at stake.” Allura reminded him. “And you aren’t prepared just yet to fight them-!”

“Why not? I’m close to being done with my training!”

“Because you let your emotions get the better of you.” Shiro said, and Matt faltered. It felt like a stab at his heart to hear.

“Shiro…” He uttered, at a loss for words. He could only stare at him in a mix of shock and worry, but mostly betrayal.

“Matt, can you really say you would make a rational decision if she’s involved?” He asked him, standing up straight and letting Keith’s hand fall from his own. “Can you really say you would be able to hold yourself back from making a life ending decision?”

“I-I…”

People were staring. He knew they were, but he didn’t have it in him to look around. He knew it’d be too embarrassing to look and see how many people were glaring daggers at him, judging him, because they knew he wasn’t ready to fight. He wasn’t ready for a battle.

He wasn’t ready to risk his life.

Even when he knew that, how could Shiro assume so little of him? He knew him better than anyone, and had been with him since his first days here. Since long before Matt even knew him. He’d taken care of him and helped him, and let him have his temper tantrums when he needed to have them, and after what happened a few weeks ago…

Matt had figured they had moved forward. That they had pushed a boundary in their relationship they hadn’t crossed before.

They hadn’t talked about that night since. Details were fuzzy, but all they knew was that they had sex while heavily intoxicated. They did some things no one knew of, but the morning after lead to some interesting conversations, along with the most obvious.

Matt thought he would have understood. He thought he would have _helped him,_ but he was wrong apparently. Very, very wrong, and not ready to face those consequences.

Even with everyone around him silently staring, Matt turned away and ran out. He left the room, hearing no one say anything more, and hearing no one call after him. Not even Shiro.

He thought he could trust him. He thought he could go to him, but apparently that was all a lie.

He couldn’t trust him, because Shiro didn’t understand what he was going through. He thought the older man did, but clearly he didn’t, and as such, he needed to simply handle this himself.

* * *

Everything was packed up. Everything he would need was carefully packed away in a knapsack. It wasn’t much, but he figured he wouldn’t need much anyway.

Weapons. Tools. Ammo, and a picture of him and Katie he had in his pocket the day he and her were attacked. This way she’d know for sure it was him by the picture, even if she didn’t recognize him right away.

She would know her big brother came to get him.

Matt snuck out of his room only a few hours later. The mission for the Blade wasn’t set until later tomorrow morning, so that would leave Matt plenty of time to go and get her, and if he could, get this young boy who had recently been chosen as the Blue Paladin.

If Lance was as easily moldable as Regris said, he’d have to be quick about getting him out before he was corrupted, if he hadn’t been already.

He carefully made his way to the flight deck. He had a separate schematic of the whole castle ship, so he wouldn’t need special fingerprints or codes to get in. He just needed a vent big enough for him, and there was one down the hall and to the right.

He used his laser drill to melt the screws, effectively letting him, and then letting him out when he crawled to the other side. He hurriedly made his way down the large deck, looking about the stationed ships until he found one small enough for him and a few others. That would be his ship of choice. Now he just needed to get the bay doors open and leave.

Matt cursed under his breath as he looked about the panel, at the buttons and controls. He had been briefed before on flight programs and simulations to teach him how to fly one of these things, but it was late, he was tired, and his brain was having a hard time concentrating.

Right, right. Because it was a small carrier ship, the controls for the bay door needed to be manually opened. Then he could pilot the ship out. Only the big cargo ships activated the bay doors, so he couldn’t rely on that.

Running up to the panels for the doors proved tiring; it was all the way across the room. Still he managed, and looked about the odd Altean symbols and markings.

This was new. New and not all that well squared away in his head. Wasn’t there supposed to be a power source for this?

“Looking for something?” A voice asked from the dense quiet of the hall.

Matt hastily turned around, his hand reaching under his throw over to grab for his staff, but he stopped short at the sight of Shiro standing behind him.

The older man was standing only a few feet away, leaning carefully against the landing gear of a ship with an energy crystal, the power to the control boards, carelessly being tossed up and down in his hand.

He had known he was coming.

“How did you know I was here?” Matt asked him, his hands balling up into fists.

Shiro stopped tossing the crystal, his eyes narrowed in on him and only him with a deep frown on his lips.

“Because I know you, Matt.” He stated like it was a fact.

“No you don’t,” The brunet argued.

“I know you’re going after your sister.” Shiro insisted, and he was right. Matt couldn’t argue with him.

“I have to get her. She’s my baby sister.” Matt growled.

“Are you stupid? You could get yourself killed.” Shiro replied, bending down to set the crystal on the floor and out of harms way.

“I don’t need to hear what I already know. Especially not from you.” Matt pointed an accusing finger at the man as he walked up to him.

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” Shiro snapped at him.

“How could you do that to me?” Matt asked him. “How could you throw me to the dogs like that?”

“You aren’t ready, Matt!” The older man’s voice was steadily rising.

“Bullshit!” The younger teen barked.

“You haven’t even finished your training yet! What makes you think you can stand up to hundreds of droids?”

“I’ll find a way!” The brunette stated. “If it’s for my sister then I will!”

“Matt, you don’t understand,” Shiro tried to calm himself, to rationalize his thoughts to find a better argument. Matt didn’t respond to yelling and he knew that, but the teen was good at getting under his skin. “You don’t know what they do to people.”

“I don’t know what they do?” Matt reciprocated, pushing a hand into his chest. “I know what they do! They left me for dead and forced my sister into a war at five! I know better than anyone what they do, and I can’t believe you would leave me behind like they did!”

“I’m not leaving you behind!” Shiro yelled at him. “I’m leaving you in a safe place! You’ll be alive to see another sunset staying here!”

“I don’t want to stay here! I want to get my sister and go home!” Matt gave Shiro a hard shove, but it wasn’t all that effective. It was like trying to shove a brick wall. “I thought you of all people would understand that, but you don’t! You don’t, and just made a fool out of me!”

“Of course I understand, Matt! That’s why you have to stay here!”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t lose you too!”

The voices echoed and bounced off of the walls of the hanger, but at some point, though they didn’t know when, it stopped. _They_ stopped. Their yelling ceased, just to realize how painfully dry their throats were from all of it.

The echos and shouts died down. Their voices dwindled to nothing. For a hall so big to have so much sound, it was eerily quiet now.

“I’ve lost my family, my friends, and my comrades in this war…” Shiro’s voice was small and quiet. “You’re my best friend, Matt, and if something happened to you…” He slowly shook his head, swallowing. “If… If something happened, I’d never forgive myself.”

Matt’s breathing stilled as he slowly walked forward, his hands reaching, but unsure. Shiro thankfully understood, his hands coming to grab his own and pull him forward, practically forcing his body against his own, but it didn’t hurt. Matt simply closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around him, his hands tangling into the longer strands of Shiro’s hair.

 “What makes you think I want you to walk to your death too?” He asked, his voice a dull, shaky whisper. “I don’t want to lose you either…”

“This is what I’m trained for.” Shiro assured him. “This is what I’m _fighting_ for…”

“Doesn’t mean accidents can’t happen… You could die…”

“I won’t…” There was a small hint of amusement in his tone. “I promised Keith I’d come back, didn’t I?”

“You’re a horrible person to promise a child something like that.” The brunette mentioned. Shiro chuckled lowly in his throat, the breath leaving him warm. Matt clung to him tighter, trying to figure out which one of them was shaking. Maybe it was both. It was hard to imagine Shiro could be afraid of something.

“It’ll be alright…” He assured, a hand lifting to rub at Matt’s cheek gently. The brunette pulled back, looking up at him with a frown.

“Let me go with you… Please Shiro…”

“Matt…”

“At least let me stay on the ship.” He pleaded with him. “I can be an engineer or something. I’ll stay there, and I won’t move…”

“Matt,” Shiro stopped him with a careful look. “Even if I wanted you to join, it’s not my decision. I’m not the captain on this mission. You’d have to talk to Allura and Kolivan about that…”

“Then I’ll talk to them in the morning before you leave.” He insisted.

“Matt…”

“No, Shiro. At least let me try…” Matt pleaded with him.

Shiro’s gaze softened on him, the hand against his cheek brushing fine hairs along his jaw. His eyes closed for a moment, a moment long enough to let him breathe through his nose, his breath fanning against Matt’s face. “Please Shiro…?”

“I can’t stop you from talking to them, can I?” The older man asked, opening his eyes with a glint of humor in them. Matt smiled wide, so big that his teeth showed.

“Thank you, Shiro…” He almost rasped, too choked up to speak properly.

Shiro understood him after all.

“I’m not giving you permission. I just know you won’t listen to me. You never do.”

“What’s your point?” Matt asked, grinning up at the man. Shiro chuckled again, his fingers tucking his hair behind his ear. It was getting longer, and he needed to cut it soon. Maybe that was Shiro’s way of saying it needed to happen.

“Matt…” The man mumbled.

The teen didn’t verbally respond. Not right away at least. He simply continued looking up at him, blinking slowly as he took in his features.

He hadn’t really allowed himself time to stare. The only time he could vaguely remember was when he was drunk, and he didn’t remember much of what he took in, like Shiro’s strong jaw line, or his thin nose. His high cheek bones, and his long lashes.

The features Matt had seen plenty of times, but since that night, he was looking at them in a different light.

“Hi…” He uttered. Shiro smiled as he leaned down, his eyes closing and his forehead bumping into Matt’s.

“You should get some rest…” The man whispered. His voice did something to Matt that he didn’t want to admit to out loud.

“… Stay with me then…” Matt responded with, tugging lightly on the back of his suit.

“I don’t know about you, but I know I’m going on the mission tomorrow. I need to rest.”

“I don’t care…” Matt tugged harder, and before Shiro could argue with him again, he stood on his tip toes to push his lips into his own.

He hadn’t thought much of it when he’d been drunk. His mind had been too foggy to really take in what Shiro’s lips felt like, or what it felt like being pressed into his body. The way that Shiro momentarily stiffened up at the contact, his eyes wide (that was just a guess. Matt didn’t know for sure with his eyes closed.), and his hands holding tight around his chest.

Shiro’s lips were soft, a stark contrast compared to his dry, chapped lips. His body was warm and sturdy, and his hands were a strong support, especially as they moved off of his chest and to his lower back, pulling him tighter against him.

Matt sighed, his fingers tightening in the short strands on Shiro’s head while his head tilted a little bit to the side to avoid bumping noses again. Shiro’s own tilted the other way, accommodating to allow lips to move. To open and brush together. To allow his tongue in.

Matt whimpered in surprise, stiffening against the man. They hadn’t done this the last time they had kissed. At least he didn’t think they did. A lot of that night was a blur.

It took a couple of moments to get used to the feeling of Shiro’s tongue against his own, rubbing at his and coaxing him to open up more. His hands dropped on the man’s biceps while he tried reciprocating, feeling awkward and under practiced at the way he did it. Meanwhile, Shiro seemed so sure of himself. So intense.

Had he kissed other people like this before?

They broke apart slowly, Matt whimpering as saliva dripped against his lips. He opened his eyes, blearily looking at the man and seeing the drive of something, though he wasn’t sure of what, in his gaze.

“S-Shiro…” He mumbled, licking his lips. Dark eyes followed the movement carefully. “Can I… Can I stay with you tonight?”

“… We should really rest.” Shiro said, because he knew that rest was what they would need. A mission like this meant a clear mind and sound decision choice.

Sleeping with Matt wasn’t any of that, and yet his fingers were unknowingly teasing the hem of his pull over, edging it up along the seams of his suit.

He couldn’t really recall what Matt looked like naked.

“We can…” Matt mentioned, fingers trailing up his arms. “B-But I… I wanna keep kissing you.”

“Matt…”

“Just a little more…” He dropped his forehead down on his shoulder, shifting his weight against the man. “What if I don’t get another chance?”

Shiro’s arm tightened, his hand gripping hard at the fabric of his suit. Clearly the words meant something to him.

“You’ll get another chance…” He whispered, reaching up to tuck his fingers under Matt’s chin and make him look up. “I promise…”

“Stop making promises you can’t keep…” There was an undeniable irritation to his tone as he spoke, clearly angry by his words. Shiro couldn’t promise anything; it wasn’t fair if he promised something he couldn’t keep, and yet the older man let his fingers traveling around his cheek, tucking behind his ear and pulling up.

“I promise…”

Before Matt could argue with him, maybe even yell at his absurdity, Shiro closed the distance between them, pressing his lips hard into Matt’s.

The brunet whimpered into the hasty kiss, his fingers gripping at his hood and holding tight as Shiro had his way with him. As he stood tall over him, kissing him senseless. As he bent him back, his arms wrapped around his whole body and keeping him pressed against him.

As his tongue pushed between their parted lips, pressing into Matt’s.

He squeezed his eyes together tightly and whimpered. He wasn’t used to this feeling of someone else’s tongue inside his mouth, but he couldn’t say it was unpleasant.

Instead, he felt a very odd sense of comfort from it. Something deeper and more emotional that he wasn’t sure he could explain. He definitely couldn’t right now.

He whimpered again and his hands gripped at the older man’s shoulder’s, pushing him away to breathe. He really didn’t remember what they had done that night, but he couldn’t figure out how to breathe while kissing another person.

“Are you okay?” Shiro asked, concern written all over his face, his lips shiny with saliva.

“‘M fine,” Matt breathed, licking his lips. “Just… That was new.”

“Oh…” Shiro let out a small sigh laced with a laugh, something that sounded very relieved.  “Is it… Bad?”

“… Not really?” He didn’t sound nearly as convincing as he wanted to. “How do you breathe and do that at the same time?”

Again Shiro chuckled, but this time is sounded a little darker and deeper than before. It had him shivering with anticipation as Shiro pulled him close by the hips.

“Like this…”

* * *

The door slid shut behind them with a nearly silent click, the two of them staggering to stand straight as they backed up further into Shiro’s room. Bodies pressed tightly together, hands scrapping and searching at clothes to take them off, and breaths heavy against one another’s lips.

The last time they kissed, it had been under the influence, drunken, teeth nipping and noses bumping. It hadn’t been as heart pounding as it should have been, but _this_ was different.

This was lips, hot and heavy, swollen and red against one another. This was Shiro’s tongue pushing past his lips, pressing into his own and making him whimper. This was Matt attempting to keep up, his nails scratching at his back and digging into his suit.

This was desperation. This was a silent plea for more.

Matt felt his knees hit the back of Shiro’s bed, the bunk above bumping into his head. He gasped as they separated, falling back and hands blindly searching out for something to break his fall. He felt dizzy, the room seventy degrees hotter than it needed to be, and a burn sat in the pit of his stomach as he settled back, looking up at the man in front of him shadowed by the dark lighting of the room.

Shiro tugged his throw over off of himself, tossing it away to some random spot on the floor to be forgotten about. This left him with his formfitting suit, seemingly tight against his body, especially every time he would breathe in deeply.

Matt felt the air in his lungs turn cold as he looked over the strong definition of his muscles, of his biceps and triceps, of his pectorals and his abs before Shiro kneeled over him, like he was some predator ready to jump on its pray.

The idea made him shiver.

He reached up with shaking hands, tugging at his collar and bringing him down against his body. Shiro practically dropped all of his weight on him, his arms wrapping around his waist and upper thigh so they could be as close physically possible.

Shiro’s lips were searing hot against his own. Matt’s body ached as they held each other, trembling with want. He had long since been hard, ever since they left the hanger after that kiss, and oh, the things he wanted Shiro to do to him. His memory was still foggy from that night, but the things he did remember he wanted again, and then some.

Whatever Shiro wanted to do was fine with him. He didn’t care so long as he _didn’t stop._

“S-Shiro...” He whimpered, his lower half rolling up into the man’s. He was glad to know he wasn’t the only one completely stiff. Shiro was just as hard as he was, and when he sat up, Matt could see the outline of his cock underneath the fabric.

He shuddered.

When Shiro sat up, his was quick to grab the binding of Matt’s suit and pulling, yanking it apart. He wasn’t slow about it either. The heat muddling his thoughts made him pull until Matt’s neck and collar bones were visible, and then his shoulders. He continued on, but he pressed his lips into the new expanse of skin visible to him, kissing the sweat damp skin and tasting salt on his lips.

Matt sighed as Shiro nibbled at his body, leaving little flourishes of color on him. Just below his ear, however, where his suit wouldn’t cover it, Shiro sucked hard. Matt practically whined, his body arching up into the older man’s chest as he continued on, and only stopped when he was satisfied with the dark mark left on his skin. Something he couldn’t hide from anyone.

Good.

When he was satisfied, Shiro tugged the suit down his arms and waist until it sat bundled at his hips. He only vaguely remembered doing this once before, but they hadn’t gotten far. They’d been too hammered to do much else, but that wouldn’t be tonight. He had plans for the rest of tonight, and he wasn’t stopping now.

So he took his time. It was still rushed and frantic, and the need to just touch him and feel him, to keep his hands on him and never let go was _so bad_ , but his lips lingered on every bit of exposed skin until he had his fair share.

When he got to his nipples, Shiro took extra time to lavish them with his lips and tongue. Matt’s hands were in his hair, sighing and pulling lightly on loose strands, his back arching into his touch. Shiro made sure that while he was focusing on one rosy bud, his free hand was taking care of the other, ensuring pleasure at all times.

Matt bit his lower lip, sighing between his teeth. Shiro took in the sight of him, drinking it up and holding back a moan. His eyes couldn’t help but settle on the scars on his stomach, however. The permanent reminders from five years ago. The ugly keloids and stitched skin overlapping. Even the cryo-pods hadn’t been able to fully heal them.

Matt felt the burn of his stare, shifting uncomfortably below him. He pressed a hand into his chest, covering up what he could while paling in fear.

Shiro had seen them once before. He remembered the drunken look in his eyes, but he’d been too stupid to realize what that meant. The very idea of it made his stomach turn.

“Don’t look at them…” He pleaded, fighting back tears.

Matt saw his scars as failure. Failure that he couldn’t protect his sister, and failure that he still hadn’t managed her back, but Shiro didn’t see it that way. He didn’t see what Matt saw.

What he saw was survival. A goal. A will to live and make it through this war to live a happy life. He saw hope in those scars and in this man, and he’d make sure that Matt understood.

He wanted to be _in him_ now, but that would take time. They only had tonight, and if, god forbid, he didn’t make it back, he wanted this to count.

_If he didn’t make it back…_

Shiro tugged his suit down again, his lips following the fresh path of skin opened to him. He kept moving, kept kissing, kept using his tongue to leave trails and imaginary paths in its wake until he had to stop to sit up and pull his suit and sweats down his legs. Matt fumbled to kick off his boots for him so taking everything off would be easier, and it was.

This left him with only his underwear on, blissfully glistening under the fluorescent night lights above his bed. Shiro stopped at the sight, taking in all of his body.

Matt covered himself again, particularly his chest, because he still didn’t want him to look. He didn’t want Shiro seeing his scars.

“Shiro…” He mumbled, his voice strained from holding back his fear.

“You’re beautiful…” The older man mumbled.

Matt’s eyes widened in the dark, looking up at him like he was a ghost. He didn’t know how Shiro could say that with such a straight face, but he didn’t have the time to think about it. He didn’t have time to argue with him either as Shiro repositioned himself to lay on his stomach, grabbing ahold of Matt’s hips and tugging him forward.

He gasped in surprised, but his cheeks flared with embarrassment as the man settled himself between his legs, his face only inches from his covered erection. He could _feel_ the heat of Shiro’s breath against the fabric of his trousers, his breathing picking up quickly.

“S-Shiro…” He muttered, sitting up on his elbows to look down at him. The man tucked his fingers into the hem of his underwear, pulling it down until his cock came out, the head visibly red, stiff, and with precum in the slit.

The brunet’s heart rate picked up exponentially.

No one had ever seen him like this before. Sure, they’d done with once, but they’d been completely dressed still. Shiro was seeing him completely naked, looking at him, and then what? What else did he have planned?

“Is this okay?” Shiro asked him, his hands moving along his inner thighs that twitched under his touch, as if he was coaxing him further into pleasure.

“Oh god,” Matt grumbled, dropping back onto the bed with his arms covering his eyes. “How can you ask that? That’s just… Weird. I don’t know. Yes? No?”

Matt was only slightly aware that he was babbling, which was verified by Shiro’s deep chuckle. His hands clenched as Shiro’s warm fingers traveled up further on his legs, under the fabric of his underwear and touching where no one had ever touched before.

“Y-You’re wearing too much…” He muttered, more distracted than he wanted to be. He couldn’t keep his thoughts in order.

Just before Shiro’s hands could touch what he wanted them to, they disappeared, and so did the warmth of his breath against him.

Matt peeked from behind his arms to look at him, watching as Shiro sat up and reached behind himself to undo the binding of his suit and pull. He held his breath as his muscles became visible, and _damn_. He might have been drooling just a bit from the sight of the older man.

His pecks, his abs, his biceps; _everything_. He was ripped, and it was impressive to say the least. Matt felt a little bit out of shape now to see that.

“Is this better?” Shiro asked, but his suit still hung low around his hips. Matt’s eyes trailed down to the carved V of his hips, but was disappointed that he couldn’t see what was behind that fabric.

“… Sort of.” He muttered, feeling heat rushing under his cheeks.

Shiro chuckled again, something low and deep and making Matt’s body clench with desire. He shivered as the man settled himself between his legs, hands running up his thighs again, but they didn’t stop. They didn’t stop until one of them was wrapped around his erection with a gentle hold, his thumb running over the wet tip softly.

Matt’s whole body broke out in shivers, taking in a sharp breath as he closed his eyes.

The touch was already a thousand times better than his own.

He sighed, tilting his head back into the mattress, blind to everything but the touch. The touch that moved up and down, stroking him slowly, every now and again the thumb running over the head. He could feel his own precum spreading.

He moaned low in his throat, his hips twitching, sometimes pushing up into Shiro’s hand as the hold got firmer. He wasn’t complaining in the least.

Matt reached out for him blindly, his hand hanging in the air until Shiro grabbed it and brought it to his cheek. He smiled against his palm, his lips warm against his sweaty skin, but the gesture was comforting. He was doing something right.

“Are you alright?” The older man asked while his fingers squeezed into the head slightly.

“H-How can you just… Talk while you’re doing this?” Matt asked him, blinking back the fuzz from his eyes as he moved his arm away, looking for the man.

“I don’t know…” Shiro mumbled, his shoulders shrugging lightly. “I want to make sure you’re alright.”

“Of course I’m alright, so…” Matt huffed impatiently. “J-Just do what you want! If I don’t like it, I’ll say so!”

Shiro slowly lowered their hands before letting go.

“Alright…” It sounded almost skeptical, but he didn’t argue with him. Instead, he bent down, taking the head of his cock into his mouth in a startling motion that had Matt seeing stars.

He threw his head back and moaned loudly, but quickly covered his mouth to hide it. He feared someone would hear them from next door, but it was hard. Shiro made it seem like he was trying to get him to moan and cry out. To have him whimper against him until he was reduced into nothing but panting and moaning.

He sucked hard around the head, his tongue flicking into the slit and picking up what came out. The taste of him wasn’t unpleasant at all, but it was new, and Shiro was unexperienced. If Matt could tell, he wasn’t saying anything about it either.

“F-Fuck…” The brunet groaned, rolling his hips down towards Shiro, as if to have him take more of him in. He did.

The heat of his mouth around him was addicting. Intoxicating even. He couldn’t _breathe_ without some weak sound leaving him, and Shiro most certainly wasn’t helping.

He was doing what he wanted to. Just as Matt had said. He was doing what he wanted, and if there were any complaints, Matt needed to say something. If not, he’d keep going.

His hands pulled the rest of his underwear down while he took as much of Matt in as he could. His fingers scratched up his thighs when they were gone, trailing up light hair dusting his legs and between his thighs where muscles tightened and twitched with arousal. His body was warm and damp with a fresh layer of sweat, shaking every time he so much as breathed. Shiro assumed by this that he was doing something right.

One hand fondled his balls while the other massaged what he couldn’t reach with his mouth. Matt moaned rather loudly at that, only to cover his mouth and hide it from the other people next door. He could only blanch in horror knowing someone had heard them last time, but it was _so hard._

What Shiro was doing had the room spinning. His heart was beating and his mind was racing, lost in so many thoughts. His lungs were heaving for breath he couldn’t get without making a lot of noise, and just when he thought he was at the precipice of release, the older man pulled away.

Matt whined, muffled behind his hands and too embarrassed to look at Shiro. He was too afraid to see him and not yelp in surprise, or make some other horrific sound, but the older man pulled his hands from his mouth with a gentle grip of calloused fingers. He peeked behind tightly closed eyes, finding dark eyes on him with a soft gaze, his lips a little red and swollen, and his cheeks just as flushed as his own. Matt shuddered at the sight of him hovering above him, staring down at him and only him with a look that spoke as if he were the most important thing to him in the world. In the universe even.

Maybe he was.

“Don’t hide your voice,” Shiro mumbled, his fingers running along Matt’s cheek. “I want to hear it…”

“That’s embarrassing…” Matt muttered, feeling like heat was rushing from the tips of his ears and all the way down his neck.

“So…?” Shiro’s free hand ran up his side, giving him goose bumps. “I don’t care if anyone hears. All that matters is that I do, because… If something happens tomorrow, I want this committed to memory.”

“Shiro…” The brunet uttered, his heart dropping in fear.

They may only have this moment for themselves ever again. Even if he didn’t want to think about it, that’s how it had to go.

They only had this moment.

Matt swallowed back pain, fear, and everything else associated with the upcoming mission. His arms wound around Shiro’s neck, tugging him down until they were pressed tightly together. Bare chests against one another, their legs tangled— It was hard to tell where his began and Shiro’s ended. His cock was trapped between them, but he could feel the outline of Shiro’s own hardened erection trapped in his suit, pressing into his hip bone almost painfully. Matt felt compelled to alleviate that.

“Let’s forget about that…” Matt mumbled, running his fingers through short tuffs of hair on the side of Shiro’s head. “It’s just us right now…”

“Just us…” Shiro concluded, his forehead pressing into Matt’s and his eyes closing.

Matt allowed himself just a moment to take in the close up details of Shiro’s face again. Details he didn’t permit himself to often look at with others around, like his long lashes. The bags under his eyes from countless sleepless nights. The small hairs just above his hairline, probably from training, and the paleness of his thin lips.

He took it all in and engrained it into his memory.

The shared a tender kiss with fire burning behind it, tongues intertwining and hips pressing together.

Matt only vaguely remembered them doing something similar the night they were drunk, but he wanted more. So, to alleviate the problem, he reached down between them, tugging on the suit still sitting at Shiro’s hips and pulling. His belts got in the way, but each one he came across he undid until they were all gone. When that was done, he peeled away the suit, revealing fresh, pale, and sweat-damp skin to him, all the while entertaining Shiro’s lips with his own.

A deep groan fell from the man as small, nimble fingers fluttered across his heated skin. Across small nicks and scars, prominent muscles and jutting hip bones. Matt’s touch was feather light and gentle, but it was the nicest, most relaxing thing he’d ever felt before beyond his hugs and the sound of his laughter making his heart melt.

He didn’t want to think what it’d be like to not have this in his life again, so he didn’t.

Instead, he sat up a bit, kicking away the last of his suit and his boots while Matt distracted him with his lips. When he was finally free and gloriously naked, just as Matt, he knelt back down until they were pressed together.

He reveled in the sensation of Matt’s skin against his. Of their erections sliding up against one another with precum dripping on Matt’s belly. Of the gasp that left the brunet, his head tilting back and his neck beautifully exposed for Shiro to suckle on, leaving another dark bruise in its wake.

Shiro’s hips pushed up into Matt’s rather haphazardly, his balls slapping against the teens with an audible sound. Matt groaned, his fingernails scratching into his shoulder blades while his legs splayed out wider, accepting of the sensation. Without any sounds of concern, Shiro did it again, and once more as they built up a rhythm.

His hands braced on either side of Matt’s head, pushing his chest up so he had more strength for his lower half to work. He saw the way Matt’s eyes trailed all over his body, probably taking in the scars littering everywhere, of the bruises across his ribs, or maybe just of his muscles. He’d done it once or twice when he thought Shiro hadn’t noticed.

He nuzzled his cheek into Matt’s, breathing heavily, groaning into his ear when he felt the way Matt’s little whimpers, mewls, and moans fluttered against his ear. The way he pressed into the side of his face, as if seeking out his lips.

He was. He turned Shiro’s face to kiss him heavily on the lips, tongues tangling together. A little bit of saliva ran down his cheek just below his scar.

Shiro grunted against his lips, his hips stuttering in response to the heavy make out and the way Matt clung to him. His legs even wrapped around his hips, feet pressing into his ass and tugging him forward with each thrust.

It felt so good, and it didn’t take long before he knew of the inevitable peak rising close. Of the familiar burn in his stomach, his muscles aching and begging to stop, but he was _right there._

By the sound of Matt’s whimpering, he was even closer. Shiro was more into getting Matt to his peak, and chased after it quickly. One hand reached between them, gripping both of their cocks and pumping them together at a fast speed with a strong grip. His other hand held him up, but still tugged on frayed ends of Matt’s hair.

The brunet cried out, his back arching up into his chest, his legs pushing his hips up into the touch. His blunt nails scratched into biceps, and with one drawn out moan, he came.

Shiro watched with a certain fascination as Matt twitched and writhed beneath him. As his mouth let out beautiful sounds and a mangled version of his name past swollen, pink lips. The way his shoulders tensed and shuddered, and the flush that colored all across his sweaty body.

Just the sight was enthralling, and Shiro selfishly craved his own release. He chased it like a wild man as he thrust down into Matt, who cried out at the over-stimulating movement. His arms wrapped around Shiro and he held out, riding the last of the older man’s pleasure until he came with a heavy groan all over his stomach and chest.

When he was finished, Shiro slumped down, laying halfway on the bed, and the other half draped over Matt’s body. His arm wrapped around his waist and tugged, bringing the brunet as close to him as possible, like he’d never get the chance to do it again.

And as Matt came upon that realization in the blissful aftermath, panting and whimpering, feeling their cum drying on his stomach, everything in him dropped.


	7. Left Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeey guess who wrote all the way to chapter 11 recently~!  
> Guess who's also broken and defeated by season 6~~~  
> This Gal right here. That's right.

Matt awoke to an empty room. A dark, empty room with the solar rays from Arus’s sun beaming in through the small window in Shiro’s room. The fact that the sun was out meant that he’d overslept for once instead of getting up early for training.

He overslept.

_He overslept._

Matt sat up with a gasp, his whole body aching, his lower half screaming at him to lie back down, but he couldn’t.

He staggered out of bed, a strike of pain running up his back through his tail bone and momentarily flooring him. He had to take a moment to push himself up onto his knees to get a head start, and then ran for his clothes that were neatly folded and sitting on Shiro’s desk chair.

It was a painful and annoying process to get everything on, and he didn’t even bother with his throw over. He ignored it and ran out of the room, heading towards the hangers.

He couldn’t have left. He couldn’t have. That wasn’t fair. Shiro should have woken him up so he could go down there and ask Allura if he could join them on the mission. He said he would, so why wouldn’t he wake him up?

Matt growled under his rapid breathing as he ran into the hangers, eyes searching out for the ship he’d seen the night before. The one that had been prepared for their mission today that he’d ignored for another, but Shiro ultimately stopped him.

His heart sank farther and farther the longer his eyes searched out for it, but he couldn’t find it. It was gone, and all that was left were other people running about preparing for their own missions. Even most of the Blade was gone, and that made him feel even sicker to his stomach.

Not far off he saw Coran. Coran who was standing by one of the Olkari’s sides with a tablet, going over something, but he didn’t care for what. He ran up, frazzled and probably looking even worse than he felt. It was enough to spook the two men, surprising them as Matt double over his knees, panting to catch his breath.

“Matt…?” Coran asked him, setting a hand on his shoulder. “What’s happened? Are you alright?”

“Where…” He rasped, looking up at the man. He could tell his cheeks were flushed from running and exertion, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “T-The people going on the mission. Where are they? When do they leave?”

“Do you mean the one heading to the Castle of Doom?” Coran asked, his lips pulling tight into a frown and his thick eyebrows furrowing.

“Yeah!” Matt exclaimed, back straightening. “The mission to get the Paladins! When do they leave?”

Coran and the Olkari shared a look of concern, or worse, a look up sad understanding.

“They left early this morning.” Coran explained, his hand giving Matt’s shoulder a little squeeze.

“What?” Matt gaped in horrific surprise. “I slept in that late?”

“No, they left…” Coran turned to the man beside him. “What? About five varga ago?”

Matt’s heart dropped.

Shiro did it on purpose.

He hadn’t told Matt when they were leaving, but he had said early. It could only mean that they left earlier than he imagined they would, or Shiro had intentionally not woken him up. They left early so he wouldn’t go on the mission with them. Shiro hadn’t woken him up with the intention of making sure that he wouldn’t go on this mission, even if Kolivan and Allura had agreed to him goin.

He he done it to protect him, but all that did was crush his heart.

“T-They left…?” He stuttered, looking around for the ship, as if Coran had just lied to him and told him different, but he didn’t.

The ship was gone. _They_ were gone, and they’d left him behind.

* * *

Matt didn’t leave the briefing room. He waited and waited, and then waited some more. He waited until he heard the first signs that his sister and that boy were safely on the ship and that all of them were heading back home.

It didn’t come.

It was late. Later than it was supposed to be. Hours had gone by, and now everyone, even Coran who had the upmost faith in them, was worried.

A bleep of a signal showed up on the radar, and for a moment the room flooded with aliviation. Allura put her hands to her chest while Coran breathed a sigh of relief, but the screen showed up with a distressed Kolivan, the signal choppy and broken.

“-fai-to——cap-!”

“Kolivan, repeat that!” Allura exclaimed when they heard the static increase. “Your signal is broken!”

“Sh—Taken— Failed! Comi—!”

“What?” She asked. “What failed?”

Matt ran up beside her and Coran, ignoring the people who he’d pushed out of the way and their protests. There weren’t a lot in there, but the ones who were there knew how important this mission was, and were just as anxious as he was to see it succeed.

“Kolivan, we need you to repeat that! You’re breaking up!” Coran called out to him, but the interference worsened as a sound in the background interrupted it. The sound of a shot being taken at the ship he was in.

“Kolivan?” Allura questioned with horrified concerned. “Kolivan, can you hear us?”

“Abort mission-! — It— Failed— Taken hostage!”

“Who was taken hostage?” Coran asked.

“Kolivan, abort the mission and-!” Allura began, but stopped when the screen brightened up considerably, the sound of an explosion breaking the intercoms transmission, and then everything went black.

The whole room was silent when the screen disappeared. The transmission was broken by something, they weren’t sure what, but all they knew was that Kolivan was in a situation that sounded dire, and now he was gone.

No one said anything for a while. It was just tense silence and a fear of what they had seen. What the fear was that they all knew a huge possibility. The fear that had been there when the next Paladin had been found.

The failure that was so heavily possibly. The knowledge that what they had just seen was more than likely the failure of that mission, but what all did that mean?

Taken hostage? Murder? Torture?

What all was going to befall on them? What was going to happen to them if that’s what happened to them?

Any of it, and all of it. _They knew._

“W-We have to go get them!” May exclaimed, stepping in front of Allura and Coran to face them both. “We have to get them out of there!”

“I’ll look and see where the location of their ship was.” Coran told them, heading away from the group to the panel on the wall to the right, pulling up a screen. They all waited, watching as he pulled about the ships coordinates from the last communication only moments before.

“Wherever they are, we have to get them!” Matt bit out in fear, turning to Allura. “We have to! Shiro is there! A-And Regris and Kolivan! We can’t leave them out there to die!”

There were more on that list of people who were on that mission, but not much. They were people who Matt had never really had the chance to converse with, so they didn’t mean as much to him on an emotional level as Shiro did. That didn’t mean that their life held any less value, and they still needed to be saved.

“Coran, where are they?” Allura asked, looking past Matt. She was ignoring him, which part of him understood, but part of him was also annoyed. Annoyed that she wouldn’t openly agree with his idea and get a search and rescue party going out to save them.

“… The ships… Gone.” Coran announced quietly, looking over his shoulder with a solemn expression.

“What?” Matt gaped at him.

 Coran turned, swiping his fingers across the screen and to the right to bring it to the middle table for everyone to see. The image expanded in front of them in blue hues with colored dots around them, solar systems, planets, ships; _everything_.

Everything except the ship.

The Castle of Doom was highlighted in the middle with a blue dots beside it. Way too close for comfort, but it was enough to give them an idea.

“The tracker in the ship disappeared… Around the Neo quadrant.” Coran explained. “Right where the ship is…”

“So…” The word’s died on Matt’s lips. The truth he refused to put out into the universe.

“The ship is gone…” The Altean finished for him, his voice somber and broken by the truth. “It was shot down…”

Heavy tension weighed down everyone’s shoulders. Heads dropped, a broken sob escaped someone as the image above the table disappeared, and the truth settled in.

It was a failed mission, just as everyone had feared, but hoped wouldn’t happen. There was always hope that it could have gone right, even when the chance of it going wrong had been so obviously in front of them.

It was a failure. It had been from the start.

They were dead.

* * *

Allura and Coran held a small memorial for their fallen soldiers.

Matt stood far in the back, dressed down in his suit, his pants, and only that. He didn’t dress up to mourn the dead. What would be the point?

The speech given by Allura was as beautiful as could be for such a tragic night. It brought tears to almost everyone’s eyes. She spoke fondly of working closely with Kolivan and Regris, and spoke of their hard work and dedication to the cause they were fighting for.

She spoke so lovingly of Shiro. Of the man who had basically grown up with her, and helped her after the loss of her father.

Words were spared for the others, but Matt selfishly didn’t care.

He only cared for his loss. For the loss of Shiro, who, like everyone else, was proclaimed dead.

Keith was up front in Olia’s arms. He was the one crying the loudest, and while Matt figured that he should have been upset, he wasn’t.

He couldn’t feel anything. From physical to emotional sensations, all of it was gone.

His heart sat heavy for Keith; it really did. Shiro was the only person he could really connect to and trusted above anyone else, but now that one thing he cherished the most was gone. Shiro was dead, lost in an endless void of space as nothing more than a memory.

Was that all he was supposed to be? A memory? Shiro had been training for too long to be just a memory. He was a hero among the best, and yet he was taken down at such a young age. No one would know who he was ten years from now, because he wasn’t someone that made enough of an impact in the war.

He hadn’t had the chance.

* * *

Matt was lying in bed when there was a subtle knock at his door. At first he didn’t notice; his mind was too far gone to take in the sound, but it happened again, this time a little louder. He lifted his head, frowning towards the door, as if hoping whoever it was behind it would get the point to leave him alone. He didn’t want to be seen, even at the equivalent to three in the morning.

They didn’t. Another knock sounded, and this time Matt was prepared to tell them to go away when a timid voice called out to him.

“Matt…?”

The older teen sat up in confusion at the voice, one he hadn’t been expecting, and surely not this early in the morning. He had to be in training in two varga, so what was he doing here?

Matt climbed out of bed slowly, he knees popping in protest as he walked over the mess in his room to his door. It opened with a quiet slide, and instead of looking straight forward to see who it was, he had to look down.

“Keith…?” He mumbled, his voice scratchy from lack of use and from holding back pain for hours on end.

The pre-teen looked up at him, and it was obvious he had been crying. His nose was red and raw, and his eyes were puffy and swollen. Even his cheeks looked stained with the strain of crying, and his heart hurt to know he’d been in pain.

“Hi…” He mumbled, wiping a snot covered sleeve on his nose. Now Matt could see why his nose was raw.

“What are you doing up?” The brunet asked him, bending down to be at eye level with him. He set a hand down on his shoulder in hopes that it’d be comforting for the child. “You have to be up early for training…”

“C-Can I…?” Keith sniffled, and a fresh wave of tears started. “Can I sleep with you?”

“Oh, Keith…” Matt sighed, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “You’re too old for this.”

“I-I don’t want to be alone…” Keith cried, rubbing furiously at his eyes. “Shiro said the same thing, b-but he’s not here anymore, and I don’t wanna be alone right now…”

For the first time since he woke up alone in bed, Matt felt his eyes burn with tears. He felt the constriction in his throat, the painful lump that settled in the back of his throat and made it hard to breathe of even swallow. He felt his resolve weakening, and the walls he’d tried to force up crumbling fast.

He didn’t want to be alone either.

“Okay,” He forced out past the pain, standing up slowly. “You can stay with me.”

He probably should have said more.

_You can stay for the night. Just until you get sleep. Only this once. This can’t be a habit._

He should have said a lot of things, but he didn’t, because he didn’t want to be alone. He’d lost his sister, and Shiro had been his only salvation, his only strand of _sanity_ through the past five years he’d been separated from her.

Now he was gone. Now Matt’s only safe place had been taken from him, and he didn’t know what else to do. It wasn’t fair to let Keith suffer though. He was young and barely understood the severity of this war, and it wasn’t fair to reprimand him for that.

For how long, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know if this would be a one time thing, or something that happened more often, but he didn’t care for now. All that mattered was that he wasn’t alone.

That _they_ weren’t alone.

So he brought Keith back into his messy bedroom. The child said nothing of it; he only stood by while Matt got an extra pillow from his closet and set it down beside his own. Keith stood patiently until then, fighting back the urge he suck on his thumb like a baby would. Even he knew he was too old for that, but he he didn’t have much else to do.

When everything was set up, Matt laid down, and Keith crawled in beside him. That should have been the end of it, but it wasn’t.

Only after a few minutes did Keith cuddle up into his arms that were open and waiting. He cried out his frustrations into his pajama top, and it took ten, maybe fifteen minutes, but eventually he cried himself to sleep, and when he had, Matt allowed himself a moment of respite.

A moment to silently cry out his pain into Keith’s hair.

* * *

It had been four months since the news of the failed mission. Since Kolivan’s final broadcast, and since their untimely demise.

Matt was standing tall, his hands behind his back, staring off into the small crowd ahead of him. Eyes were on him and everyone else from his training regiment, and yet he only looked at Keith. Keith standing in the back with Olia holding his hand, waving timidly up at him in hopes that he would wave back, but he couldn’t. Not right now at least.

“And to our most prestigious cadet,” Coran spoke through the microphone, walking towards him. Allura followed close behind, her hands holding a small pin that hovered above her hand. “A young man with academic excellence and a strive for a better future. Matt Holt, who I’m sure will excel us further into this war for our freedom.”

The small crowd of people applauded as Allura came up to set the pin above his heart, his award for completing his training.

It was finally done. He had finally made it through all he needed to, and was officially a solider of the war. He was no longer a child, but a tool used to win this battle and restore peace to the universe. Just as Shiro had once been.

He didn’t feel happy like he thought he should had.

Allura rested the pin against his chest, pressing it above his heart, unlike the others where she had simply given them theirs. She looked up, offering up a sympathetic smile and a touch to his cheek.

“Shiro would be so proud of you…” She whispered, rubbing lightly at the scar across the skin under his eye.

Matt swallowed back the words he wanted to say, whatever they may have been. He wasn’t sure exactly what he had to say, but he wouldn’t say them. This was not the time and most certainly not the place to speak out of turn.

Maybe Allura had been hoping for him to say something, or to at least look her in the eye in a sign of recognition, but he didn’t, and her smile fell quickly. Her shoulders dropped a bit before she patted his chest again, leaving his pin in place before moving on to the next cadet hoping to get their reward.

He still didn’t feel anything.

* * *

Two more months went by. No developments other than being placed on a team. _Olia’s_ Team now.

She was now the captain, Shiro’s replacement, and he’d been put on her team with one other alien, one whose face he’d never seen, kind of like Regris and Antok. She was an interesting character who rarely ever spoke unless spoken to, and Matt didn’t hold much of a conversation these days anymore, so he really didn’t care.

The training was extensive and tedious. Unlike his previous training, this was teamwork exercises that didn’t go over well for them. Part of that was Matt’s fault. Actually, a lot of it was.

He’d been distant since Shiro’s death, and he wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t feel like talking out his problems or chatting about useless things. None of that mattered to him anymore, and thankfully Olia understood that he was still in pain. His other partner rarely spoke, but she seemed to pick up on signals fairly easily, and that was fine. She knew to stay clear.

That didn’t sit well with Allura, however. She was all about teamwork, and that these teams were like family. They needed to be closer and to improve their bond, but Matt saw no point.

They would all be dead at some point. Why make friends and family if they were just going to die?

The only person he kept close to was Keith, who seemed to take refuge in his room at night. He’d leave early in the morning for his training with the Blade, but he’d sleep in a cot he brought with him tucked away on the other side of Matt’s room. At least that way he wasn’t alone, but not sleeping in his bed. It didn’t seem right to Matt, who was now nineteen, to be sleeping in the same bed as a thirteen year old boy.

It was one of those nights where Keith was already asleep, huddled under his blankets with barely any of his face showing. It had been a hard day of training for him, and Matt could tell the minute he came back, sluggishly walking over robot parts and metal scraps and dropping down on his cot. Had the older teen not warned him otherwise, he probably would have slept in his uniform, which he couldn’t do. That would have been uncomfortable.

Matt was reading a book Allura had given him days before. Some book with a few Altean symbols he couldn’t read, but most of it, to his utter dismay, was team bonding. He felt the need to at least humor her, but honestly, he was skipping through most of it. He was just skimming things that looked important; key points and highlighted regions he could memorize so that, when he was questioned about it (he knew she’d do it too), he’d have some answers.

He was stopped short of closing the book when a knock hit his door. He looked up and frowned, wondering who it was and why they were here so late at night. Keith was already asleep and didn’t need to be woken up, but maybe they hadn’t been made clear yet that Keith stayed here now.

He set the book aside and went to the door to open it up halfway, looking out to see Allura and Coran standing there and looking like they were the personification of death itself. Something in Matt’s heart sank at the sight of them, and something told him that whatever it was they had to say wouldn’t be good.

He quickly came out and shut the door behind him, because whatever this was didn’t need to be heard by Keith. Not when he needed to rest, so he needed to be kept out of this.

“What’s going on?” There was no need to sugar coat whatever this was. Something bad had happened, and Matt just wanted to get down to it. He didn’t want it to be drawn out slowly.

“We have…” Allura began, her hands clasping together with a white knuckled grip. “An update… On the Paladins of Voltron.”

Matt felt the air in his lungs turn cold.

“… I-Is Katie okay?”

“Your sister is fine,” She told him, reaching out to touch his hand. “It’s… Another Paladin has been found.”

The news wasn’t nearly as soul crushing as it would have been had it been about his sister, but it was still devastating. Three of the five Paladins of Voltron had been found, and that left them at a huge disadvantage now. Far worse than ever. Their chances of survival were dwindling to nothing, and as of now, there wasn’t much they could do.

“… A-Another one?” Matt’s throat felt dry at the words. “Which is it?”

“He’s the Black Paladin…” Coran told him, but his words were slow and deliberate, as if he was afraid of scaring him off.

 _“He…?”_ Matt questioned. “Did we get an identification on them already?”

“Maybe you should sit down.” Allura suggested, pointing towards his door. Matt stepped back into it, pulling out of her hand.

“No,” He snapped. “Who is it?”

Keith was in there. He didn’t need to hear any of this, because that just meant his training would be harder. He may not have been able to keep him from the war, but he sure as hell would try to keep him innocent for as long as he could. This was his redemption for not protecting Katie, and he needed to do it.

Allura and Coran spared a long look at each other, as if a silent conversation was taking place. A silent understanding and coming terms to an agreement he couldn’t figure out. He didn’t know, and it was making him angry.

Why wouldn’t they just jump out and say it?

“… It’s Shiro,” Allura finally answered, and for a moment, Matt felt like the universe just stopped.

Everything was falling apart in seconds. Every wall he’d put up, and every reinforcement behind it broke apart and dropped at his feet. His heart stopped beating, and he stopped _breathing_ with the information that had just been presented to him, but nothing came out. He had nothing to say.

So he ran instead.

He heard Allura and Coran call out for him, but somehow it didn’t make sense. Nothing else made sense, and his brain wasn’t trying to figure it out. His brain wasn’t trying to make heads or tails of what they were saying, even though all it was, was his name.

He kept running, and he wasn’t sure where he was going. He only followed where his legs would carry him, which was outside.

It was dark and wet, the sky pouring rain, which he hadn’t seen in years. He didn’t know the planet had rain like Earth did.

His clothes were soaked in a matter of minutes, and the cold air bit at his lungs, making it hard to breathe. He ran anyway, running through the dense forest nearby, past a small river, and up a hill leading to an open field. He ran for what felt like hours, and maybe it had been, but he finally stopped at the top of that hill, far away from anything and anyone. No captains, no princess’s, no leaders, no Blade of Marmora, no Arusians; no anyone or anything.

Absolutely nothing.

So he screamed.

He screamed at the top of his lungs, hearing it echo and bounce back off of trees and the grass and everything else around him. He screamed until it ached, and then he screamed some more. He screamed until it felt like his throat was actually tearing apart, raw, and eventually a metallic taste sat heavy on his tongue.

He fell to his knees with more screams ripping from his throat coming from deep within his chest, his hands digging into the dirt and nails scrapping at blades of grass that felt similar to Earth’s. He hadn’t felt anything like it in years.

His head dropped and his forehead pressed into mud, and part of him hoped a sharp shard of rock would cut him. It’d ease the pain he felt in his heart.

Voltron had taken everything from him. His home. His family. His sister. Shiro.

It had taken so much from him, and it was the reason for this war. He felt a burn of anger unlike anything he had ever felt before at the simple idea that it existed. A desire to destroy that which took his life from him and left him with nothing.

Somewhere in the back of his head, past the pain and the screams, he figured that he should have been grateful that Shiro and Pidge were alive. After being in mourning for so long from Shiro, he should have been happy to know he was alive, waiting for his rescue, but he wasn’t.

He was mad. He was angry. He was _livid_ , and he couldn’t hide his painful sobs of crying and rage.

Voltron had taken everything from him, but he was going to get it back.


	8. Rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeey~ Guess who is all the way to chapter 11?  
> That's right. This girl. This week is going to be so incredibly busy for me though, so even though chapter 9 is done and just needs proofing, I don't know if I'll have time for any of that. I hope I will. If anything, maybe Sunday? ^^'  
> Sorry this is a short chapter, and a horrible chapter title as well. Bleh. I've changed it multiple times, and I'm just sticking with this, cause bleh.

Five years had gone by. A long, painful five years.

Matt was twenty two now, a full grown adult. He stood an impressive six foot one, and had excelled in any mission given to him and his team.

Captain Olia was as great a captain as anyone could be, and after so many years, they had all warmed up to each other. Their teammate who never took off her mask was quite chatty when they weren’t working, which was fine with Olia. They would talk for hours about anything and everything while Matt stood by, reading hand to hand combat books, encryption instructions, or just about anything to satiate his naturally curious mind. He needed the knowledge.

Despite the information that Shiro and Pidge were still alive, he hadn’t fallen from that quiet state. He was still just as quiet and standoffish as before, but anyone who knew him knew that he’d been through a lot, and it had taken it toll on him. Olia respected him for it at least.

He wasn’t rude, and he always respected others so long as they would respect him, but he didn’t hold a conversation anymore. The only person who seemed to hold a conversation with him for a long period of time (long for them at least) was Keith.

Keith was eighteen now. He was just about to finish his training to be a full blooded member of the Blade of Marmora, and Matt was proud of him. He’d groan up into such a fine young man, handsome as well. He was tall, well built, but not too rugged. His hair had gotten longer, though he still kept it in that mullet shape. He’d filled out after so many years of training, and Matt figured he would be the type of guy he could see dating his sister in the future.

Too bad he was clueless when girls tried to flirt with him, but that was okay. Matt couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t a little bit protective of Keith, who’d become a bit of a younger brother to him. He didn’t want girls all over him, especially when Keith was so oblivious to their acts that he could easily be taken advantage of.

That wasn’t to say that he was stupid. No, Keith was incredibly smart. Not on his level, but still impressively smart for someone who said he hated reading. He was all battle tactics and combat though, not girls and flirting.

Again, Matt was okay with this. He was too young to date anyway.

Keith still roomed with him. After his first night there, it became a habit to come sleep with Matt. After a while, they went ahead and deemed it _their room,_ not his. Besides the lack of privacy, Matt was fine with this. He wasn’t alone, and Keith wasn’t much of a talker beyond asking how his day had been, how a mission went, and when they were leaving for dinner. It was minimal chatter, and then bed.

This was the norm. Day by day went by, and life went on. Thace kept everyone up to speed on the Paladins, but because of his lower ranking, he didn’t get to see them often. He just knew that they were alive, and that was it.

One day Matt got wind of Shiro. It wasn’t much, but just an update on his status as the leader of Voltron. A forced role he had no choice but to play.

So long as he and Katie were fine, then he didn’t need to hear anything else. He just needed to know they were alive, and whenever someone tried to give details about them, he’d leave the room. He wasn’t sure if Keith ever got any of these updates, because the teen didn’t bring it up, but he couldn’t figure out if that was because he didn’t see a need to, or because he didn’t _want_ to.

It was disturbing how fast time went by. How long it had been since he’d seen Shiro, and even longer since he had seen Katie. She’d be fifteen now. A young teenager in a war that she didn’t belong in. Shiro would be twenty five now, and that was just as hard to stomach.

Ten years. Ten years had gone by since his last days on Earth, and since he and his sister were forced into a war they had no place in.

He was twenty two years old, and he had still made no progress getting his sister and Shiro back.

* * *

Keith stumbled into their room in his usual, tired manner, dragging his belt and pouch behind him. Matt looked up from the book he was reading, eyes narrowing in on him after staring for hours at the words on the pages inside of it. He blinked back exhaustion, only now realizing that it was late and dark out, and he’d been sitting in bed for hours now.

“Long day…?” He asked him, his voice slow and more tired than he imagined it to be. It was really late. Keith stumbled around the room for a moment before looking at him, blinking back some exhaustion and pain. He was pretty tired.

“… Were you reading in the dark?” He questioned, but he didn’t look in the least bit angry at him. He hardly looked like anything but _tired._

“Uh...” He uttered, looking around the room. “I didn’t realize how late it was. You’re back normally at ten…”

“It’s two…” The halfing told him before dropping into his bed.

“It’s that late?” Matt asked him, reaching up to pull up the display screen and look at the time. Sure enough, it was that late. Or rather, it was that _early_.

He and Keith still used Earth time, which he was surprised to know he even knew how to do. Keith had been so young when he got here, and where he’d been before that no one knew. That only meant that at one point or another, however, he had been on Earth.

“I told you not to do that.” Keith muttered into his pillow, trying to keep himself awake for a little longer. “You’ll go blind…”

“Nothing the stasis pods can’t fix.” Matt shrugged his shoulders with a mild smirk. Keith grunted, barely conscious enough to think of an argument that would stop him from doing that. However, this was their fifth time in two weeks having this same conversation, and right now he was too tired to say anything against it. “Keith, your uniform.”

“Mhm…” At least it was acknowledgment.

Matt sighed, but smiled softly at the sight of him. He’d grown up so much in such a short amount of time, now five foot eleven and deep voiced, though he still had big, doe eyes.

He could say that he was no less than proud of Keith for how he had grown, but there was a pain in his heart. Anxiety and fear bubbling underneath at the understanding that Keith’s training would be done within two weeks, and soon he’d be battling for real.

He couldn’t protect him forever. He _knew_ that, but he still wished that Keith could be a kid again. Someone who wasn’t worried about a war or even the most trivial of things.

Just like Katie had been. Just like how Matt wanted her to be.

The soft smile he had fell as he got out of bed and went to Keith’s cot, hoping to at least get the armor off of him. Suit be damned, he at least needed to be out of the uncomfortable parts of it.

“Keith…” He mumbled, hoping to rouse him enough to sit up so he could remove the armor, but he stopped short at an odd sound. A sound from outside of his room.

Outside of the _castle_.

Matt looked out their window, looking around for the cause of it. All he could see was a bright flash of light and a streak that followed. It even looked like a shooting star, but something was off. Really, really off.

Shooting starts didn’t have an erratic pattern like this, and they usually burnt up in the atmosphere. They’d be too small to break the sound barrier, which is what he had heard.

This wasn’t a shooting star. It was a _ship._

“Keith-!” Matt exclaimed, wincing at the sound as the ship crashed into the planet _._ His ears rung at the shrill resonance of it, even from inside their room, and it was enough to rouse the teen barely asleep.

“W-What was that?” He asked, jumping up from his bed.

“Something just hit the planet,” Matt told him, grabbing for his staff resting on his shelf. “Come on. Let’s go find out what it is.”

* * *

It was chaos. Total chaos inside of the castle as everyone began running from their rooms, the training hall, the cafeteria, and anywhere else anyone had been. It was a struggle just to run past everyone, and at one point Matt grabbed at Keith’s hand and tugged him along. His first instinct was to run outside by himself and check it out, but Matt knew the protocol. No one was to go anywhere near the crash site until they had Allura and Coran’s approval, as well as a specific team set up to go.

Keith was quiet, but he could tell by the tug of his hand that he wasn’t happy about it.

They made it to the bridge in record time, running through the small crowd of people until they found Allura and Coran standing at the front of it, using the touch panel to zoom in on the crash site.

“What’s going on?” Matt asked, finally letting the teen go and straying from his side to be close to the view finder.

“A ship crashed,” Coran told him. Matt had half a mind to retort to that with a simple _duh,_ but kept himself professional.

“Are we under attack?” He questioned, watching as Allura zoomed in two hundred percent.

“No,” She said, enlarging the picture. “It’s an escape pod.”

“One of ours?” He asked her.

“No, one of theirs.” She brought the image up and towards him, her fingers gliding through the air effortlessly. “It’s a Galra escape pod.”

“Someone left the ship and crashed it here?” He asked, dumbfounded.

“Coran, I need you to check and see if we have any Galra cruisers in the vicinity looking for this. We need to be on high alert.”

“Yes, Princess.” Coran said and sent out a signal tracing any quintessence readings within a hundred mile radius.

“Do you think there’s any survivors?” Matt couldn’t help but ask, walking around the digital image and looking for any signs of life.

“I’m not detecting anything, but the ship wasn’t recognized by our sensors. I think its trackers have been disabled.”

“You can do that on one of these things?” This was a first, even for him.

“Not really? I haven’t heard of this before either.” She answered truthfully.

“So whoever is in there doesn’t want to be found.” Matt concluded, stepping away from the image. “We need to send out a search and rescue.”

“Not yet,” Coran said. “I need to make sure we have nothing breaking past Arus’s atmosphere first before we can deem it safe.”

“The longer we wait, the chances of their survival dwindling in seconds!” He exclaimed and threw his hand towards the projection.

“It won’t take long, lieutenant.” Allura proclaimed, and at the call of his official title, Matt winced. He wasn’t in any place to lash out.

“At least let me gather my team together to be ready.” He offered her. “Let us be prepared, so when we have the go ahead, there’s no wait.”

The side eye that Allura gave him could kill a man if she really tried, and he wasn’t sure if she was debating it or not. However, she sighed disdainfully, her shoulders dropping.

“Gather your team, and let Captain Olia know this is of the most extreme importance.” She commanded. Matt nodded quickly.

“Right away, Princess.”

Matt turned to leave, but stopped short. Something was wrong. He saw everyone around them, more worried faces than confused, but something was missing.

Keith. He was missing. He wasn’t there anymore, and as his eyes glanced around familiar and no-so-familiar faces, he panicked.

“Keith?” He called out, using his impressive height to look over multiple heads. “Keith!” Sure enough, he wasn’t anywhere nearby. He wasn’t even in the same room anymore, and knowing him, he knew exactly where the teen went. “Damn it!”

“What’s wrong?” Coran asked with a look over his shoulder.

“Check the surrounding areas. Keith is gone.” Matt told them, looking at the surveillance feed advertised to everyone’s eyes.

“You think he went out there?” Allura asked, eyes widening in panic.

“He hasn’t even finished his training yet!” Coran exclaimed, pulling up a side screen to bring up the views from around the castle and the video feed of just outside the small Arusian village.

There he was. Not far from the front doors to the castle, but quickly running like he knew that any second now he would be caught, and he had.

“Damn it!” Matt cursed again, fists clenching together at his sides. “What’s he doing?”

“Disobeying direct protocol.” Allura bit out.

“I’ll get him,” Matt bit out in annoyance and turned to leave, but stopped when Allura called out to him.

“You can’t, Matt. We don’t know what’s out there.”

“I’m not letting him get hurt!” Matt exclaimed, frustration evident. He knew the rules by heart, but it was different when it was applied to people he cared about. Keith was like a little brother to him, and he wasn’t ready to lose another person in his life on such short notice.

“Lieutenant, you know how it goes.” Allura said, motioning towards the screen as Keith slowly disappeared, heading in the direction of the crash site. “We can’t go out there yet, and Keith’s gone against that. Whatever happens to him is out of our control until we come off of lock down.”

Rules, rules, rules. Fucking _rules._

Rules never saved his sister from the Galra, and Keith going out there alone meant that anything could happen. They had no idea what they were dealing with, and now he was going to the site to investigate before anyone could stop him.

He was all alone, and he would be until another team was out there with him to investigate.

“Princess-!” Matt tried to argued, but one pointed glance from the young woman told him that it was useless. He wasn’t allowed to do anything other than collect his team and wait for orders.

He was really starting to hate this back and forth protocol.

* * *

They waited. They waited for what felt like forever.

Matt’s team had been collected, but after a dobosh passed, he left. He had never been one for patience, and now was no exception.

He went and hid away in his room, pacing, cleaning, trying to work, reading, and doing whatever he could to pass time. To make this _anxiety_ go away. This fear.

The fear of hearing a knock on the door like many years ago, only to be given bad news once more.

His team was never called for the battle. Allura never deployed them, and that could have meant a number of things.

It could have meant that Keith had died out there. That they were just waiting for the all clear so they could go retrieve his body. That would be a knock on the door.

It could mean that they were in the middle of a hostage situation, and Keith was in the midst of trying to stay alive. If that was the case, Allura and Coran would have deployed the team already. There wouldn’t be a knock for that.

Or it could have meant that nothing had happened at all. That there had been no developments, and that Keith was nowhere to be seen. No one had heard from him, either meaning that he was dead, or he hadn’t found whatever it was that crashed with that ship. There wouldn’t be a knock for that.

There was though.

A timid know that had Matt standing from his bed, his heart racing and his blood running cold. For the air in his lungs it freeze, and for his eyes to widen and his pupils to dilate. It felt like the room was spinning, that it had become twenty degrees hotter, and if he took one step, just one small step, he’d lose it all.

The last ounce of family he had. His only connection to Shiro. A person he took under his wing, thinking of him as the little brother he never had.

He would lose it all, and the thought was so horrifying. He couldn’t handle another loss like that. Surely he wouldn’t make it to see another day, even if it meant seeing Pidge and Shiro again in the future.

He couldn’t do this again.

One foot fell forward. Then another. His now clean floor provided no obstacles that would stop or hinder his progress, and all too soon was he at the door, standing there, rasping for air. His throat was constricting on him and his hand was shaking as it lifted, fingers trembling as they touched the screen by the door.

It slid open with a nearly silent glide, almost mocking him in its track.

All he could do was melt with relief.   

“Keith,” Matt sighed, all of the tension rolling off of his shoulders at the sight of the halfling standing at his door, looking tired and weary. Why he even bothered to knock he wasn’t sure. This was his room too, but Matt didn’t care about that. He yanked him into his arms, bringing his head against his shoulder and holding with an almost bone crushing grip. “Thank god…..”

His voice was shaking as much as he was as he held him close, relief making him melt with numbness to know that he hadn’t lost another important person to him just yet. Keith was here and alive, and that was all that mattered.

All too quickly, however, that relief turn to fear, and that fear rationalized into anger.

He pulled away to look him in the eyes, nearly scratching him through his suit with how tightly his hands were holding him.

“Are you insane? You could have died!” He barked at him, but Keith’s reaction was barely a physical response. He looked almost dead to the world, and it was a frightening look. “Keith, don’t you ever disobey direct orders again! They keep you alive!”

Again he didn’t respond. He just looked at him with mirth in his eyes that wasn’t easily explainable, and he couldn’t figure it out. Keith wasn’t like this. Sure, he was quiet and distant at times, but not like this.

Matt couldn’t seem to figure out the meaning behind the light in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his grip weakening on him.

“… It’s Shiro…”

The words had Matt’s heart drop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a small side note, no more time skips. If anything, the biggest we'll get is a few weeks, but the monthly to yearly time skips are done. We're exactly where the canon story line is. :) Well... Time wise. As far as I know for Matt. Was is age ever released? XD


	9. Welcome Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm sorry about the late response. Work has been... Overbearing, and I've been sick since Friday, so I wasn't able to do anything I wanted to do this weekend besides lay and bed. Bleh. I'm trying to get better.  
> I didn't really do a good job of proofing this, so I apologize for any mistakes.   
> -Misty

“Look how big you’ve gotten.”

Matt was standing outside of the infirmary room’s door. He had been there for an hour, his arms crossed over his chest, his back against the wall, and just listening. Listening to Keith’s conversation with Shiro, retelling the last five years without him, his training, their adventures, and Matt.

The brunet couldn’t work up the nerve to go in though.

“You said that earlier.” Keith’s voice was laced with humor, and Matt could practically hear the smile pulling on his lips. It had been so long since he’d seen a proper, genuine smile on his face, and as much as he wanted to see it, his legs felt like lead. He couldn’t lift them to move. Couldn’t make them walk the two steps it would take to go in there and see him.

To see Shiro after all of these years. Would he be different? Would he look the same?

All that Matt could confirm was that his voice was deeper than it had been, a little raspy from recovery, but that was all he could piece together.

“I know, but it just blows my mind.” Shiro’s voice sounded tired too. “Five years ago you were to my hips. Now you’re almost as tall as me. You’ve grown into such a handsome young man.” Matt could hear the way Keith sputtered in embarrassment. “You still have that horrible haircut though.”

“Hey!”

The brunet couldn’t help the smile tug on the corners of his lips. The light banter was filled with a love for one another that had been gone for so long, and he missed it. All the days of Keith and Shiro hanging with him in the training deck, each one with a specific training regiment, but they’d help each other out. They’d fall, tuckered, and chat and laugh until Olia inevitably came in and took Keith back to his room, which meant bed time for the both of them as well.

Those days seemed so simple. So easy.

“Still playing hairstylist, Keith?” Shiro asked.

“No, actually…” Matt held his breath. “Matt cuts it for me.”

There was an awkward pause. Matt could feel the tension, even from where he stood outside of the room.

“Oh, really?” Shiro asked. Matt could hear the uncertainty in his voice. “That’s good. Great really. Uhm… H-How is Matt?”

“You should ask him yourself.” Keith stated, probably letting some annoyance slip through his words.

“I would, but… He hasn’t come by. I didn’t know he was still here.”

“He’s still here. He’s just busy with missions.”

Poor Keith. He didn’t need to be the adult in this situation, giving excuses for Matt’s inability to grow up and walk in. To face his fears like a man. To handle _himself_ like an adult and talk to Shiro.

He’d left it like this for a week and a half now. Since Shiro crashed his ship, Matt hadn’t gone to see him, purposefully finding excuses to dodge every chance he could get to go see him, but he’d run out of them eventually, and he wasn’t going to use Keith as his scapegoat. That wasn’t fair to the teen, and he knew it.

He had to get it over with.

It felt like it took everything in his being to get his legs moving. To pick up, drag, and slowly turn to the door, but he forgot these doors were automatic. He didn’t even have time to steady his breathing before it slid open, revealing a bright room of white walls and cleans floor. A few machines he still had no names for, nor their uses. Keith leaning against the only occupied bed in the room, and Shiro.

He had to do a double take.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting when he got to see the man again, but it wasn’t this. It wasn’t the years of torture and abuse, fighting for his life etched into his very being. It wasn’t the bags under his eyes, just above the jagged scar running over the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks. Of that tuff of hair he used to tease him about, the longest hair on his head, a striking white color.

He’d been tortured until his hair turned white.

The prosthetic limb that replaced his right hand. At any other time, Matt would have marveled at the advanced technology that moved so fluidly, able to grab at the sheets covering his legs like any regular hand could, with no stuttering or pausing whatsoever, but not now. Not today. Not _ever,_ when realizing that the druids had cut off a limb and replaced it.

He couldn’t have imagined what that must have been like.

The way Shiro’s muscles looked compared to his own when he first came out of his coma was better than he could have imagined. Just as he’d been told about Katie, the Paladins were well taken care of. They had to be. Shiro needed to be strong to fight a war, so at least he looked healthy in that sense. He wasn’t gangly and thin like he feared he would be, but well-built and strong.

The same thing clearly couldn’t be said about his mind, however.

The same light Matt remembered was still there. The hope of a better future burned deep within those dark eyes, and Matt felt himself drawn to his gaze despite the drop in his stomach and the way he felt nauseated just at the sight of the man. He was as mesmerized by the sight of him as the day he awoke from his coma.

He was left speechless.

“… Matt?” Shiro asked, almost as if he didn’t believe it was him standing before him and Keith. He looked so different, and yet _the same._ The same scar across his cheek, the same hair that was longer than it used to be, the same brown eyes that kept him moving through tough times, and yet taller, more muscular, well-built and defined.

The baby fat that used to be on his face was completely gone, replaced with a strong, defined jaw line and chin, thin lips, and noticeable Adams apple. His eyes had hardened through the years, and yet still looked a clear as the day they met. Still full of life and curiosity for the universe they lived in, but broken down from years of war.

He wasn’t the kid he remembered anymore.

“… Hey.” Matt’s voice was deeper than it once was, but still up there. It was probably quieter to avoid tension that was already present.

Keith awkwardly sat between the two of them, his oddly colored eyes shifting back and forth between them before standing. Matt watched as he clapped his hands together, awkwardly smiling, before turning for the door.

“What Allura?” He asked, and before Matt could stop him, he quickly darted past the man.

“Hey, hey!” Matt called after him, watching him run down the hall, not stopping until he was out of sight. “I’m disowning you!” The brunet yelled, but whether Keith actually heard him or not was left up in the air.

Matt felt a chill go down his spine when he realized that he was now alone with Shiro, and for a moment feared turning around to look back in the room. He only did so when he heard the bed creak, turning to see Shiro swinging his legs over the edge. He wasn’t standing, but he simply sat hunching awkwardly over his knees, hands grasping at the mattress to better hold himself up and steady himself from falling.

Matt felt backed into a brick wall. He was just numbly standing by the door, staring at the older man who stared back at him expectantly, as if waiting for him to speak. He was waiting for Matt to make the first move, but he wasn’t even sure of what to say.

Matt hadn’t really thought this part through. He’d worked so hard just to get himself here that he didn’t prepare a speech of some kind, or even to figure out what he wanted to say. There was a lot he had sitting in his chest. Five years of built up pain and misery, the anguish of being left behind, sat heavily over his shoulders, and yet none of the words he had once thought of were coming to mind.

He just stared, and the longer he stared the more he felt compelled to run away.

“… I can’t read your mind, Matt.” Shiro suddenly spoke up. The brunet swallowed back a lump of pain forming in his throat. “I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

“… I don’t know if I want to hug you… Or kiss you… Or beat the ever living shit out of you…” He answered truthfully, leaning back into the nearest wall. His hands sat behind his back, fingernails painfully digging into his palms as a mild distraction.

Shiro looked to the floor for a moment, his head slowly nodding.

“Can’t say I don’t deserve it…”

He looked up slowly, as if expecting something out of the man. Waiting for Matt to say something more, deny it, confirm it, or just keep talking, but he didn’t. Matt didn’t say anything to that, and it was hard to tell by the expression on his face if he truly agreed with that statement or not.

Slowly so as not to spook him, Shiro let his feet touch the floor. He stood up, a little shaky still after coming out of the stasis pod, and walked towards him, faltering every step of the way.

Matt’s whole body stiffened instantly. Shiro stopped, giving him a moment to either accept the advancement, or turn away from it. When he didn’t, he moved again, and didn’t stop until only a few inches of space was between them.

Matt was much taller than he used to be, but he still had to look down at him. He didn’t have to lurch over and tilt his head to get a better angle on his face, or to stand or lean back for a better look. He could see his face just fine, even when Matt’s head was down, his eyes downcast and avoiding his gaze.

His movements were slow, as if Matt was an easily startled animal, as Shiro brought his hand up. His right hand, the prosthetic, that moved to the brunet’s face and brushed a few stray hairs back and out of his eyes. The longer strands that brushed his skin and fluttered over the scar on his cheek, the sensation a light tickle, but Matt wasn’t thinking about that.

He was thinking about how cold the metal was. How unpleasant it was, and how unlike Shiro it felt. It wasn’t his warm skin, but metal pieces and chrome with wires beneath it. He could hear things moving within it as Shiro moved to cup his face, but pain wrenched at his gut so much that he turned his head away from the gentle gesture.

Shiro looked disappointed.

“… I’m sorry.” He apologized, his hand slowly falling to his side. He saw the way Matt ground his teeth together.

“Now you’re sorry…” He uttered, more for himself than Shiro.

“What are you thinking right now, Matt?” The older man asked him.

“I don’t know.”

“Tell me what’s going through that big brain of yours.”

 _“I don’t know,”_ The brunet got out, pushing his back further into the wall. He was trapped where he stood.

“You’ve got to have something to say.” Shiro argued. “I know you do.”

“You left me behind,” Matt spat out, pushing at Shiro’s chest. It wasn’t nearly as hard as he wanted it to be.

“I had to, Matt.” The older man berated.

“You _left me behind,”_ Matt said again, as if verifying something in his head. Maybe the anger finally rose from within his chest.

“You would have died.” Shiro’s tone was clipped.

“You don’t know that.”

“Everyone is dead, Matt.” The older man explained, his prosthetic moving to his chest. “Everyone accept for me, because of who I am. They killed every one of them without a moment of hesitation, and they would have killed you too.”

Matt pushed at his chest again, trying to get space between them, but he couldn’t. He felt the strength in his limbs dissipating so fast that he couldn’t figure out how to get out of this.

“You lied to me…”

“I had to.”

“You left me all alone!”

“So you’ll be able to live!” Shiro exclaimed. “So you’ll be able to see your sister again! So you can go home!”

That was the last of it. Matt couldn’t handle another moment of this, and with the last strength he could gather, he forced it into his legs, ducked under Shiro’s arms, and ran out of the door.

He wasn’t ready. He thought he was, but he wasn’t ready for this. He couldn’t have this conversation knowing he wasn’t prepared to hear what Shiro had to say, and that left him running from the infirmary, gasping for air and hoping his legs could carry him all the way back to his room.

* * *

When Matt went to the briefing room the next day, he wasn’t expecting Shiro to join them.

Allura and Coran had called an emergency meeting for the higher ups, including teams like Olia’s. The Blade was there as well, Keith standing at attention towards the back, quietly staring off at nothing in particular, but seeming unusually happy for some reason.

Matt only found out why later. After taking his seat at the table, looking over the tablet at the recent news within the universe, the room erupted in shouts, cheers, and applause. He lifted his head and looked about, only to see Shiro at the door to the room, looking a bit bashful at everyone’s reaction and rubbing the back of his neck.

Matt visibly paled and looked away, looking down to his tablet and pretending he hadn’t seen him. Maybe if he did that, Shiro wouldn’t see him either, but the universe had always been cruel to him.

The chair beside him pulled out, and he could only guess that it was Shiro who took a seat beside him. He acted like he hadn’t seen him, hadn’t taken in his appearance, but the older man had never been about leaving things unchecked, and that apparently hadn’t changed in five years.

“Hi…” He softly spoke, leaning forward on the table to get a better look at his face. Matt looked past his bangs at the man, his head turning slightly in his direction. Shiro just didn’t know when to take a hint, but he also knew that he didn’t need to. Matt couldn’t make a scene in this room, and the brunet cursed at him for taking advantage of that.

“Hey,” He replied, looking back at the tablet. He managed to find an article about something pertaining to Zarkon, but whatever it was about wasn’t important. He was more curious to know if Zarkon had actually posed for the cover of the article.

“What are you doing here?” Shiro asked, as if trying to make small talk. Matt rolled his eyes.

“I’m a lieutenant now. I’m allowed to be in here.” He explained, pulling up something to write on. Maybe if he was writing, Shiro would leave him be.

“A lieutenant?” Shiro questioned, sounding surprised, but more so in disbelief. “That’s… Really great, Matt.”

“A lot changes in five years, doesn’t it?”

That one was a low blow and he knew it. It wasn’t Shiro’s fault he’d been with the Galra for years, but Matt was bitter and angry. He wasn’t quite ready to forgive him just yet, and by the pause in talking, he assumed Shiro gave up.

“… I finally understand where your sister gets her bite from.” Shiro muttered after a few quiet moments, and the statement had him taken aback.

That’s right. Shiro was a Paladin now. He must have been with Pidge at some point, though he wasn’t sure when, but he’d seen her. He knew how she was.

He looked up, completely surprised, but before he could ask him about Katie, Allura finally began speaking.

“Settle down now, everyone. I need your attention.” She spoke up, waving a hand to the room full of people, both aliens and humans alike. Galra, Arusians, Olkari, and so on. “First off, before we begin, I’d like to be the first to welcome Shiro back to the castle.”

She motioned to the older man, and when she did, the room erupted with more cheers. People applauded, and those who had known him before, such as Olia and Keith, cheered. Keith even whistled, which surprised those who didn’t know that was a thing. Not many aliens could whistle.

“Welcome home, Shiro. We’ve missed having you here.”

“It’s good to be back, Princess.” Shiro said, sitting up slightly. He knew Matt was still looking at him, still looking for an explanation, but now wasn’t the time anymore.

“Yes, it’s been quite dull without you.” Coran said, running the ends of his mustache between his fingers.

“It’s been dull without you as well, Coran. I can even go so far as to say I missed your cooking.” Shiro jokingly stated, but that seemed to make the older man light up with excitement.

“Well then I’ll have to cook you a traditional Altean feast! Complete with Grogarion beetles!”

“No, just… No.”

The whole room broke into laughter at Shiro’s remark. This had been the most laughter Matt had ever heard within this room, and it was a nice change of pace from the usual downtrodden tension and air he was used to.

“Alright, we’ll talk about dinner later.” Allura said, her smile big and bright. It had been a while since Matt had seen her smile like that. “For now, we do have more pressing matters to attend to. I’m sure you all know why.”

Everyone settled into a more comfortable silence, relaxing into the room despite the recent occurrences. There was some speculation as to what this emergency meeting would be about, and if it was true, they all knew it wasn’t good. However, people seemed to be in a relatively good mood, and that was fine. Whatever helped this soon to be transition easier to stomach was much appreciated.

“Since Shiro’s escape, we have seen multiple drones and cruisers recently passing parts of our sector. They’ve come close a couple of times, but never within reach of our radars. While we’ve been lucky, we know the Galra are searching for him, and they’ll eventually come here to find him. At this point, we’re clearly at a disadvantage, and have no choice but to deploy until we can find a more secure form of settlement for the time being.”

Heads fell, and a few people looked to one another. Matt could imagine how they felt.

As much as he knew this was needed, he also knew that Arus was a home for many of them. It had been his home for ten years, with its oddly shaped trees, grass that resembled Earth’s, and rain. It was a home for many, and he hated the idea of leaving. However, he knew they weren’t safe here. They weren’t safe so long as they had Shiro, and unfortunately, they all knew it.

“This will probably be temporary, but we cannot endanger the lives of our Arusian neighbors either. If the Galra come here to find us, their lives are in just as much danger, and we cannot let that happen.

“Why can’t we just leave him here?” A woman asked from towards the back. A tall woman with yellow skin and what could only be hair for her kind, pulled into pig tails. She was wearing a crop top and baggy pants, all of which seemed more relaxed attire than that for battle.

She and her partner had come here only a few months ago. Her name was Nyma, and her partner’s name was Rolo. Along with them had been a small bot called Beezer, and where they came from no one was really sure. However, out of the three, Nyma hadn’t been the friendliest, and that was only amplified by her words.

“If he’s going to be such a problem, why don’t we just deploy and leave him on the planet for them to take back.”

“You’d really give the Galra back their Paladin?” Olia asked in disgust.

“I don’t think you’re seeing the tactical advantage we have here with one of their Paladins with us.” A woman named Te-Osh spoke up.

“Or we could put a ransom on him.” Rolo suggested. “Possibly for our safety.”

“You’re suggesting we gamble with him?” Olia asked. “Quiznack, he’s a human. Shiro is one of _us_ , not a bargaining chip.”

“We’re not doing anything of the sort.” Coran spoke up, putting their argument to an end. “Shiro is a part of this rebellion, and you two may not know this, but he was a captain within our ranks.”

 _“Was.”_ Nyma said, her arms crossing over her chest. “How do we know he hadn’t been brainwashed, and just came here to set us all up?”

“Shiro would never do that!” Keith snapped out of place, his hands fisted together at his sides.

“Keith,” Matt berated the teen, waving a hand at him. The halfing narrowed his eyes on him, but otherwise turned away from the two, looking to the floor with a glare.

“That is enough, Nyma.” Allura said. “As much as I understand your argument, Shiro is one of us. We do not leave our people behind, just like we didn’t leave you behind on that planet.”

The two of them looked slightly crestfallen at that statement, but Nyma looked angrier than she did upset.

“We are not using him for trade.” Matt spoke up. “He’s a Paladin of Voltron. Having him on our side is a huge advantage for us, and the Galra know it. We’re finally a bigger threat to them than they thought we could be, and we have to do everything we can to keep Shiro safe with us.”

“We aren’t leaving him behind either. He comes with us.” Allura assured.

“Didn’t know this was a dictatorship.” Nyma muttered, narrowing her eyes towards the younger woman.

The tension was thick in the room, heavy on everyone. Matt could see some looks being shared, some people completely against the idea, but some seeing the argument Nyma and Rolo had. Some of these people who didn’t know Shiro from before, or didn’t know him well enough to care if anything happened to him. They understood the argument, and the fact that people were thinking about it as much as they were was upsetting.

“You could leave me behind.”

Shiro’s statement was no less than surprising to the whole room. Every set of eyes fell on him, looking at him as if he’d lost his mind, or others wondering why he’d suggest such a thing in the first place.

People like him, Matt, Olia, Allura, Coran and Keith, all looked worried and upset that he’d suggest something so crazy.

“What?” Matt asked him.

“Shiro, you’re coming with us.” Allura told him, setting a hand over her heart. “We aren’t leaving you behind.”

“But you should,” Shiro said, looking towards her. “Think about it. What’s better than having one Paladin? Having all three. You have me now, and if the Galra find me and bring me back, that means we have a direct link to the inside.”

Everyone in the room could understand where this was starting to go.

“I could go in and get Lance and Pidge. I could get them out, and then the Galra are left at a huge disadvantage.”

“That’s suicide, Shiro.” Olia told him. “You’ll be killed for leaving in the first place.”

“They won’t do anything to me. They can’t.” Shiro assured her. “I’m a Paladin. They need me in top physical condition to fight, and if I’m not, I’m no use to them. The worst they can do is stick me in solitary confinement, and even that won’t be long. I’ll need to train.”

“How would we get you there though?” Te-Osh asked him.

“If the Galra are already searching this sector, you can leave. My crash site is far enough away from the Arusians that they should leave them alone. Let them find me and take me back. I can have a tracker on me so you’ll know where I am.”

“So once you have the other Paladins, we should be able to come get you and leave.” Allura mumbled.

“Wait, just wait.” Keith interrupted, stepping up to the table. “So we’re just going to hand him back to the Galra just like that? Even if all that worked, how would we get in their defenses undetected? The mission failed the first time!”

“I know. I spent my time counting android patrol steps, figuring at where people are and when. I’ve spent the past three years studying the ships schematics and drops. Each ship that leaves there has a specific time and place for everything, and each one has a specified docking station to go to.” Shiro explained, taking Matt’s tablet from out in front of him. He poked around at it before bringing up a screen from it. “All of these planets that are under Galra control have docking stations.”

This one in the Palorith sector has multiple ones, some not far from our posts. We can go and steal one of their ships, and use that to get on the ship with the rebels. Then we’ll hide out and wait until it’s time for us to head back to this docking station. When we’re out of range, we can disconnect our tracking device and head back to the castle ship.”

The image in front of everyone showed their recent posts. Shiro must have spent his time memorizing all of the new areas they took back while he’d been with the Galra for the past five years, because he knew which ones were the closest to the Castle of Doom. He knew everything that was around that area and then some, but he must have done that in hopes for planning his escape.

“It’d have to be perfectly timed though. We can’t make any mistakes. By the time you get to the Castle, I’d need Pidge and Lance with me. We’ve have to get on and leave without anyone knowing, and it has to be at a very specific time. The Galra monitor us like crazy.”

“You think the other Paladins will be so willing to go with you just like that?” Coran asked him, bringing the projection around and zooming in on the post that was closest to the Galra outpost.

“Not really, but that’s for me to worry about.” Shiro said.

“This could work,” Allura said. “But are you really willing to go back into the hands of the Galra that fast?”

Matt held his breath as he waited for his answer. Even when he hoped for a negative response, he knew what was coming.

“If this works, this would be the biggest advantage we’ve had in ten thousand years. The Galra haven’t found the other two Paladins yet, but with three on _our_ side, that would probably help bring out the last two. It’s just a matter of getting to them first.”

* * *

“You’re not leaving me again!”

It had all come to a boiling point.

Lying in bed that night, wondering about this mission that Allura and Coran had so foolishly agreed to, and then letting it fester into anger at the thought of the briefing the next morning.

He’d gotten out of bed quickly and practically stomped to the infirmary where Shiro still stayed, because his room had been taken by another refugee. He walked in without preamble, catching Shiro in the middle of a push up, sweating and panting. He must have been doing this for a while.

At the bark from Matt, the older man looked up at him with some confusion, but there was a look of guilt in his eyes. A look of familiarity from a memory from five years ago. He got up off of the floor and grabbed for his shirt, pulling it over himself hastily while looking towards the brunet.

“I have to do this, Matt.” He said with no hint of remorse. Just a look of faltering determination.

“No, no. You don't. You can’t.” Matt spoke hastily, not sure if he wanted to pace or to stand in place. He just felt the need to move around, probably to keep himself distracted.

“I have to, Matt. This is my mission.”

“Fuck the mission!” The younger man spat out. “I-… I can’t lose you again!”

At least that managed to soften the furrow in Shiro’s brows.

“This isn’t just about you,” He uttered, looking regretful. “This is about the entire universe.”

“Stop with the bullshit, Shiro,” Matt berated. “Don’t push me away.”

“Matt, even if I wanted it to be that easy, it just isn’t. I have to do this.” Shiro moved away from him, heading back to his bed to sit. “What about your sister?”

Matt faltered on an argument, the reminder of his baby sister still trapped with the Galra a heavy weight on his mind. He couldn’t argue that he wanted her back.

“Can’t there be another way?” He asked. “I-I want to see her so much, but I… I can’t wake up with you gone again. I just… _Can’t.”_

There was a long moment of quiet. Of just staring at each other and understanding nothing before Shiro finally motioned towards him with his hand. Matt walked up, his stride slow as he came to Shiro’s side. He took a seat beside him, but not close. He kept space between the two of them as a silent way of saying that he was still mad at him for what happened years ago, but Shiro wasn’t having any of it.

The older man swung his prosthetic over his shoulders and tugged, forcing Matt closer, whether he wanted him to or not.

“I understand what I did to you, Matt…” The man mumbled, dropping his head on top of Matt’s. “I can’t take back what I did, but it’s because of that, that I can sit here with you now instead of constantly mourning for you and the mistakes I made. I’d rather do this ten thousand times over again then watch you die once…”

Matt swallowed, fighting back a familiar burn in his eyes. He hadn’t cried in years, and he refused to do it now.

“And for me to think for months that you were dead?”

“Compared to sitting with me now?” Shiro retorted, squeezing his shoulder lightly. “And as badly as everyone thinks of them… I know Pidge and Lance are worried about me. They’re probably wondering where I am, or if I’m even alive right now. I have to fix that.”

Matt reached for Shiro’s shirt, feeling the sweat-damp fabric between his fingers, a familiar sensation.

He hadn’t allowed himself any time for people. Any time for friends or relationships. He barely allowed himself a moment of pleasure, only followed behind it with guilt. Keith was his only stable friend on his ship, but that might have been the internal commitment he gave himself to protect him. To make sure what happened to Pidge didn’t happen to him.

Shiro sighed against him, the feeling of his warm breath fanning against him so familiar. Like home. The countless nights Matt came into his room when he was barely a teenager, afraid to sleep alone on a ship in space, surrounded by people he didn’t know, one of two humans. He felt so alone, but Shiro had always made him feel better, and now was no different.

After a few quiet moments, Shiro’s head moved. His cheek rubbed against Matt’s hair before his lips pressed into the top of his head, just a light touch. He didn’t want to scare Matt off, and after all that happened, he wasn’t sure where they stood anymore.

Were they friends? Something more? Did Matt care about him as much as he used to? Because Shiro never stopped.

He didn’t know anymore though. He didn’t know what Matt thought of him, and back then it was so simple for him to read his thoughts. Matt was like an open book to him, but not anymore, and that was scary.

“I’ll come back this time. I promise…” He whispered against fine hair.

“Don’t make that promise again. I won’t be able to handle it if you broke it.”

“Technically I didn’t break my last one. I did come back, just not when I was supposed to.” Shiro joked light heartedly, but it wasn’t funny to the younger man, who quickly shoved a fist into his side.

“That’s not funny.” Matt berated, frowning as Shiro bent over his stomach.

“You hit as hard as Pidge does…” The older man groaned, taking a few deep breaths to steady himself. Matt’s frown softened into something gentler at the mention of his sister’s name.

“… What’s Katie like?” He asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer or not. Shiro cleared his throat after taking a few more deep breaths, leaning back on the bed with his arms behind his back.

“She’s a mini you,” He answered, smiling at the man. “From the way she looks to the way she acts.”

“Really?” Matt questioned, a relieved smile stretching out his cheeks.

“She’s as spunky and sassy as you are. She really is. She’s quick to question authority, not afraid to speak her mind, and most importantly, smart.”

“She is?”

“Oh my god. _Unbelievably smart_.” Shiro’s eyes rolled at the remark. “I swear, whenever she gets going on her tablet about something scientific or robotic, I can’t keep up. I just nod my head and pretend I understand what she’s talking about.”

Something in Matt’s brain seemed to connect at that. Like he realized that all those years Shiro had done that to him had been him faking it all along.

“Hey,” He uttered, and Shiro chuckled.

“She’s such a beautiful girl too, Matt. It’s almost comical how much she looks like you.”

“Yeah…?” Matt smiled, leaning his head onto Shiro’s shoulder and relaxing on his hands.

“I don’t think she realizes how pretty she is either. She’s such a tomboy, always playing with her robots. She’s not a good people person.”

“I can relate.”

“I know.”

The two of them shared a laugh, feeling any tension from before dissipating. The problem at hand hadn’t been solved, but at least they could forget about it for the time being.

“I’m glad to know she’s okay. At least… She’s okay.” Matt didn’t want to think of what he’d do if he heard that she’d been hurt in any way.

“Well, we all have our scars. That’s the price of being a Paladin, but she’s as much of a human as we are. She’s retained that much.”

“Does she have problems then? Like… _Problems?”_

He meant to ask if she had nightmares like she used to. Night terrors that would wake the both of them up when they were young. Scars like the one across Shiro’s nose. Missing limbs. PTSD.

There could have been a plethora of things that happened to her; war did that to people, but it sounded like she was still a well-rounded person. At least more so than most of them.

However, Shiro didn’t answer right away. It was like he was trying to hold back something, and Matt didn’t like that. He didn’t like the way the older man took in a deep breath, or how he rolled his shoulders, as if ignoring the question entirely.

It was because he was ignoring it.

“… Shiro?” Matt asked, lifting his head up to look at him. “She’s okay, isn’t she?”

Again Shiro looked away, this time towards the wall across the room.

“She’s okay…”

“So look me in the eyes and tell me that to my face.” Matt snapped, fearful for what could be wrong with his baby sister. “Is she hurt?”

“No.”

“Is she sick?”

“No.”

“Then what’s wrong with her?”

“Nothing’s wrong with her, Matt.” Shiro assured, resting a hand against his knee. “It’s just… Pidge doesn’t… _Talk.”_

“What do you mean she _doesn’t talk?”_

“… Pidge is mute.”


	10. Breakdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, who is dying over those spoilers, my friends? ;) Don't worry, I won't say anything here. Promise! Buuuut, I can't promise that when season 7 comes out, there won't be little spoilers thrown around. ;)  
> -Misty

Suffice it to say, Matt was more than nervous about today’s briefing. He wasn’t sure for what, because this wasn’t the mission. This was just the briefing for what would happen on the mission, a mission he surely wasn’t allowed on, but he’d be working from the inside this time, constantly tracking movements, so he wasn’t missing out.

He just wasn’t sure what he was going to hear within the meeting, and whatever he heard, good or bad, he wasn’t allowed to react to. It sounded impossible, because this wasn’t just about the Paladins of Voltron. This was about his baby sister. This was about her survival and freedom. This was a better future for her, for _them_ as a family, and he wasn’t sure what he’d do if something went wrong, or if he heard something he wasn’t going to like.

No matter what though, he had to be on his best behavior. No outbursts, speaking out of place, or even arguing with anyone. Whatever the plan was that Shiro worked on with Allura and Coran was created specifically for this mission, and had to follow a specific time frame and to the smallest detail. If someone _breathed_ , it had to be on time with the mission, not on their own time.

He was surprised though by how many people were in the room. Or rather, by how many _weren’t_ there. The team created was small to avoid as many causalities as possible, and to be quiet and stealthy within a reasonable margin of error. He was surprised to see Olia in the room, with Te-Osh sitting beside her. He was even more surprised when his eyes landed on Nyma and Rolo on the other side of the table, talking amongst themselves while their robot, Beezer, sat behind them, cataloging everything.

A man he met briefly once before, a Blade of Marmora agent named Ulaz, sat towards the front of the table with Keith sitting close by, but Matt knew already that the teen was staying behind just like himself. He wasn’t allowed anywhere off of this ship after disobeying direct orders to save Shiro.

Said man stood at the front of the table with a tablet in hand, but he was being annoyed to the point of rage by a man named Slav. A very irritating man Matt had briefly met a few weeks ago, and that was already one time too many.

He wasn’t sure what species he was. He had multiple arms and weird things hanging off of his chin, and Matt really didn’t want to know what they were or what functions they had. He also spoke from a beak.

Olia looked like a dog, but she made far more sense in looks than Slav did.

Matt wouldn’t downplay Slav’s brain though. He was a genius, far exceeding anyone, even Matt’s intelligence, but after being tortured in prison, his brain ultimately destroyed itself.

He was a very paranoid man of sorts, always thinking of ways they could all die in alternate realities and then judging his decisions based on those factors. He remembered wanting to punch the man out the first time they met, because he didn’t want to walk down the hall Matt and Allura were walking in. Something about a forty two point nine five three percent probability of the walls collapsing, and a two hundred percent probability of the oxygen disappearing and them suffocating to death.

Why was he here again?

Oh right. He was a genius.

“Looks like everyone is here,” Shiro uttered, rubbing the bridge of his nose when he spotted Matt. He was a sight for sore eyes.

“Are we not going to speak of the probability that the ship will break apart from the speed with which we travel?” Slav asked, and the table shared a collective groan.

“Slav, just _sit_.” Shiro growled at him, his hands nearly crushing the tablet he held.

“But the probability-”

“The probability of my hands around your throat is quite high right now, Slav! Quite high!”

Matt was the only one who snickered at that while others were taken by surprise, but they didn’t know Shiro the way he knew him. He was a very level headed man, but he was still human. Things could annoy him if he was pestered enough.

“Please, Slav, save any questions or concerns you may have until the end of the briefing.” Allura told him, ushering him towards the back where a few empty chairs were instead of the front, very much within reach if Shiro snapped. “I’ll talk to you and help you when we’re done.”

“Alright, but the possibility of this mission failing without pillows on the ship is quite high.”

Once again, another collective groan filled the room. Nyma and Keith simultaneously rolled their eyes.

“Can we get started then?” Shiro asked, his eyebrow twitching with irritation.

“Yes, we can.” Allura assured, walking back up front. “Please, Shiro, go ahead and start.”

“Alright…” Matt took a seat closer to the front, sitting back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest. He felt like this would be a good way to sit in case he heard something he didn’t like. The lights in the room dimmed, and Shiro brought up a projection screen towards the middle of the table for everyone to see. It was that oddly shaped V Matt had seen from years back. “Thank you all for joining. As you all know, this mission will determine if we gain an advanced pace within these few weeks or not, so I need everyone’s attention.”

The projection switched to the design of the base he’d spoken of yesterday.

“Today I’m going to be going over every detail we’ll need to accomplish this mission. You need to know where you need to be at the most specific time, because one wrong move in a second could mean failure. I’ll be giving you each a post, and you will stick with your direct orders. Firstly, we’ll be starting with where and when for everyone. Nyma and Rolo, you’ll be piloting the cargo ship off of the outpost that heads to The Castle of Doom. This cargo ship will be carrying a huge supply of Quintessence directly to the main bridge’s docking station, which has corridors leading to everywhere on the ship. This is the most efficient place to be for our quickest escape.”

Shiro was no less than efficient in his descriptions. Nyma and Rolo listened with rapt attention, every now and again nodding to something he said. Behind them, Beezer was taking notes and saving them in its database. Matt didn’t know much of the two new refugees, but apparently Rolo was an impressive pilot, and Nyma was quick and stealthy. She’d make sure no one talked _if_ they were caught.

“Olia, you’ll be with them maintaining communication with Princess Allura, who will be here on the castle ship. Ulaz will be with you guys as well, and Thace will meet you in the hanger on the castle. He’s who’s going to get you in. This trip from the cargo post will be precisely a varga long. The Galra keep things extremely timed, so that ship can’t leave a moment before or after it’s supposed to.”

“So we need to subdue the pilots after we take off.” Nyma concluded.

“Yes, but these ones will be androids. Take them out, and make sure they don’t trigger any alarms.”

“Got it.” She agreed.

“Olia, you’ll keep us in communication, but once you get within 300 kilometers within the castles range, all communication will fall to Ulaz. They’ll be instantly tapping into radio chatter, and Ulaz’s voice will be recognized by their systems. He’s still a registered member of their fleet, so he won’t be suspicious to them.”

“Understood.” The woman agreed.

“Te-Osh, you’ll remain here for tracking. We cannot lose that ship, so I need your eyes on it at all times. Matt, same thing for you, but you also need to keep the Galra channels open. Listen in on their chatter. Since you speak their language, and we have no one here who does, I need you to make sure they aren’t catching on, and if they do, you need to let us know.”

“I can do that.” Matt assured.

He wouldn’t fail them. Failing meant his sister’s safety, her and Shiro’s _life_ , and he wasn’t about to let them down.

“What’s going to happen to you, Shiro?” Keith asked him, worry evident in his tone.

“My mission will be on the inside dealing with Pidge and Lance, which is where we start with the bigger problems.” The projection in front of them changed into the V again, but only briefly as Shiro spoke. “We have a number of things that hinder this mission. We’ll start with the first obvious, and that’s the paladins.”

The projection changed again, and the breath in Matt’s lungs turned cold.

It was a picture of his sister. It wasn’t the greatest picture, at the very best taken while moving and from far away, but it was her. Katie. Pidge.

It was his baby sister.

She wasn’t a baby anymore. He was looking at a teenager standing in that picture, looking down at a tablet. She wore a long, dark-purple sweater of sorts that nearly dragged on the floor behind her, in a body suit that cut off at her upper thighs. Around her waist was a belt that held a pouch, and across her chest was the Galra symbol.

It made his stomach drop to see her transformed into this girl, but that was still her. Still the same brown hair, but shorter. Her round cheeks, though more matured after so many years apart. Still the same big, brassy eyes, and still the same button nose.

Matt felt both alleviated with relief and sickened to death by the sight of her and how much she had changed.

“This is Katie Holt, also known as Pidge. She is the Green Paladin of Voltron, and for those of you who are not aware, she is Matt’s younger sister.” Nyma and Rolo’s eyes traveled to him, but he was too lost at looking at the picture of Pidge to care. “She’s five foot three, fifteen years old, and a certified genius. She can hack into any system without so much as blinking her eyes. She’s small, but she’s strong, and is very capable of using your weaknesses against you. Don’t let her analyze the way you fight, or you _will_ lose to her.”

Another picture came up on the screen. This time it was a closer picture and not as blurry, so it gave Matt the chance to really take in her details. He really should have been paying attention to Shiro, because this was important, but he couldn’t help it.

She was wearing _his_ glasses.

“At the age of six, Galra officials diagnosed her with selective mutism. She doesn’t talk, so she’ll communicate with a tablet she usually carries with her in that pouch on her leg. Otherwise, don't expect much out of her.”

“So she doesn’t talk and is smart. It’s nothing we haven’t dealt with before.” Te-Osh assured.

“Don’t underestimate her. She’s very deceiving and highly capable of handling herself, but that’s where the next problem is.” Shiro said, and just like that, her picture was gone and replaced with that of a young man.

Matt wanted to mourn the loss of her, but pushed his focus into learning the details of this next person. This teenager in the picture who stood almost as tall as Shiro, but was much thinner, with long arms and legs. He had short brown hair and blue eyes, dark skin, and a long, defined jaw and nose, but it was those striking details that helped Matt remember him.

He was older now, but he knew who this was. This was that little boy from five years ago. The picture he saw of him back then was horrendous, so he had obviously filled out. He had to, to be a Paladin of Voltron.

“This is Lance McClain, the Blue Paladin. He’s five foot eleven, seventeen years old, and a sharp shooter. Do not give him the chance to get a gun. I can promise you now that no one in this room, myself included, matches his shooting abilities. You will not survive if he has a gun.”

Matt took in every detail of the teen to heart. His blue eyes, the wisps of hair on his forehead, the long nose; _everything_. He needed to know who this was by heart so that he was prepared for him and whatever he brought to the table.

“Lance carries two guns with him at all times, both attached to harnesses on his legs. Around this time as the cargo ships dock, we’re just getting out of our morning sparing session, so he shouldn’t have them with him. This will put us at a safe advantage.”

“How’s he at hand to hand combat?” Olia inquired, rubbing under her long jaw.

“Not great. He’s unsteady on his legs and lacks balance, so he’s easier to take down.” Shiro explained, switching pictures. This one was of Lance sitting with Pidge, the two of them in what seemed to be a lounge. Galra were all around them, watching their every move it seemed. “But don’t doubt him either. Just because I say this doesn’t make him any less of a threat.”

“So what’s the real problem then?” Nyma questioned, frowning at the picture of him. “If he’s not armed and Matt’s sister is restrained by the time the cargo ship comes in, there shouldn’t be a problem.”

For a moment Shiro didn’t answer, instead looking down at Matt, as if hesitating. Like what the problem was, was something that shouldn’t be said in front of him. Or better yet, something that he knew the man wasn’t going to like, but it was important. It was serious, and it needed to be known, but he was very sure that when Matt heard it, he wasn’t going to like it.

“… There are speculations going around… _Rumors_ amongst Galra officials that these two have been paired.”

_“What?”_

Just as he predicted, Matt’s reaction wasn’t pleasant.

The younger man stood up so fast that his chair pushed out behind him and nearly fell over. His face even flushed in anger at the information, his nails digging into his palms that sat against the table.

“Matt, sit down.” Shiro warned him, his tone authoritative.

“How can I sit by knowing that guy is having sex with my sister?”

“Matt, _sit down,_ or you’ll have to leave.” Shiro warned him again, a final warning.

Matt ground his teeth as he looked about the room, looking at the multiple pairs of eyes staring at him, questioning and annoyed all at the same time.

It was triggering, bringing him to a time when he was barely an adult, looking about a room of disparaging glances that told him he was out of place.

This wasn’t about him. It wasn’t about what they _were_ or _weren’t_ doing. It was about the mission, and if he was forced to leave the room, that meant he wasn’t on the mission, and that couldn’t happen.

He had to be a part of this. He had to do _something_ to save his sister.

Matt bit back the anger and the nausea running through his body, forcing himself back into his chair, all the while scratching at the inside of his palms. He wished he had something, a puzzle or torn pieces of paper in front of him to put together to distract his mind.

“Uh, sorry, but…” Te-Osh spoke up, looking to everyone around the room. “What does it mean that they’re _paired?”_

“It is something within Galra culture.” Ulaz answered for her. “At young ages we’re paired with partners who will breed a suitable child for the empire. We’re with them for life to continue on a suitable army for Zarkon.”

“That’s correct.” Shiro said.

“Oh,” Te-Osh uttered, sitting back in her seat.

“Is she with child then?” Olia asked.

“No. Lance and Pidge trust me enough to tell me more private things, so I can promise you she isn’t pregnant.” Shiro assured them all. “The Galra wouldn’t allow it, at least not right away. They still need them for this war.”

“Wait, I’m confused.” Rolo chimed in. “Why are they paired in the first place?”

“Probably the chance of their kid being another Paladin, right?” Olia asked.

“That’s right,” Shiro said. “The chances of them giving birth to a child who could be a Paladin of Voltron are exponentially high, so it’s easy to see why the Galra have put them together. However, they’re still young, and they’ still need them to fight this battle, so there’s no immediate pressure. I don’t doubt that it won’t start happening soon if they can’t find the other two Paladins though.”

“I see the bigger problem now.” Keith muttered, more for himself and under his breath, but Matt still heard it.

“This goes without saying. They two are ever so rarely apart. Wherever Pidge goes, Lance goes, and that means that you’re fighting two people if you find them.”

“So when we get them, we have to separate them.” Ulaz said.

“And let me tell you now that Lance will fight to the death for her. He’s very protective of her, so be ready for a serious fight when that happens.”

“So how’s this gonna happen then, Shiro?” Rolo asked him. “How are you going to get back to the Galra without raising suspicions?”

Shiro didn’t answer right away, instead looking back to Allura and Coran with a worried look and a horrible sensation in the pit of his stomach.

* * *

“You don’t have to do this, Shiro…” Matt mumbled, looking away from his lap and to the man standing beside him. Shiro’s arms were crossed over his chest, his posture stiff and tense, and his breathing intentionally slowed and even to keep the fear away.

“Yeah, I do…” He heaved a heavy sigh, his voice filled with tension. “It’s nothing I haven’t endured before.”

“To the point of death?” Matt grimaced.

“Multiple times… Unfortunately.” The older man responded, looking inside the room where Ulaz and Rolo were setting everything up.

Matt slowly stood, reaching for his hand, the prosthetic, and taking it in his own.

“Shiro… I…” He uttered, but stopped short. The words died on his tongue at the thought of what he was about to endure. “I-I can’t watch this. If you do this, I can’t watch.”

“I don’t want you to.” Shiro assured him, squeezing his hand as he turned to him. “I don’t want you to see me in that sort of pain. You’ve seen enough bad things in this life.”

“Shiro…” The brunet’s voice fell, but just before he could try once again to convince him not to do this, Rolo stepped out of the room.

“Hey Shiro, we’re ready.” The man’s tone was no less than morbid.

“Alright.” Shiro sighed, taking in a few slow, deep breaths to calm his nerves.

“Please Shiro…” Matt whispered, placing a hand over the man’s chest. He could feel Shiro’s heart beating against his palm. “Don’t do this…”

“I’ll be alright.” Shiro spoked softly, reaching up to hold that hand. “I promise.”

“… That’s a promise then.” Matt mumbled. “If you break it, I’ll find you and kill you myself.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Shiro said, chuckling at his response. Matt didn’t seem too pleased by that.

“Shiro…?” Rolo asked from the room.

“Right…” The older man sighed. “Coming…”

Before he could turn away, however, Matt’s hold on him tightened. He pulled, bringing Shiro back a couple of steps and into his arms that wound around his neck. Shiro couldn’t even question the action before the softest of kisses was placed against his lips, the touch so feather light compared to any kiss they had ever shared.

For a quick millisecond, Shiro figured that this was what their first kiss should have been like, but he couldn’t really recall it. They’d been too drunk, and he’d been so guilt ridden with thoughts of leaving that he hadn’t fully enjoyed his last night with Matt.

This was what it should have been like.

All too quickly did it end, and Matt backed away slowly, his brassy eyes still silently begging and pleading with him to turn away and come with him, but he knew. He knew that Shiro had to do this. It was the only way he could safely get back to the Castle of Doom without suspicions being raised.

Shiro had once told himself to remember what it would feel like to have Matt in his arms, and to engrain everything into his mind. He had never thought he’d need it, or rather, he had hoped he never would, but he had to, and it came in handy. The memories of them together was all that kept Shiro going for so many years, and it was what would be his drive this time. His drive to save Lance and Pidge and come back.

To _survive._

“Be careful…” Matt spoke before turning away. He disappeared down the hall, and Shiro watched him as he walked away, wishing he could join him, ask him to stay for his sake, but he couldn’t.

He had to do this.

He turned back, following Rolo into the room and letting the door click behind him. It was the most sickening sound he’d ever heard in his life.

“Are you ready?” Ulaz asked him, pulling a syringe from the table.

“That’s a trick question, right?” Shiro asked him, laughing lightly. It was a weak laugh.

“I’m sorry about this, Shiro.” Rolo said as he tied his arms behind his back.

“It’s alright. You have to do this, and that’s okay. Just don’t hold back. That’s only going to make it hurt worse.” Shiro replied, slowly walking to the middle of the room, hands tied and restricted from movement.

“Somehow I don’t believe that, but I’ll believe you.” Rolo said. “I’ll try to make it hurt as little as possible.”

“What you’re doing to me has been done before. You can’t hurt me like the druids have, so don’t worry.” Shiro assured, slowly kneeling to the floor.

Rolo and Ulaz shared a pained look, a look of disgust and horror before Rolo grabbed ahold of his arm. He didn’t even give Shiro a chance to prepare himself before he pulled, and a sickening snap of bones filled the room, followed by his scream.

* * *

Shiro remembered the pain. Searing pain. He remembered heat beaming down on him, burning his skin. Left for days with no water or food. He remembered thinking that maybe they’d never show, and this was really the end.

Moments went by hazily. Time seemed to stop, then go, and then stop again. He didn’t know what day it was, what time it was, and at one point, he didn’t remember _who he was._

He dreamed of things. Random things that made no sense, and of things that made him happy.

He dreamt of Matt. Of him and his smile, his laugh and voice. Of his brown eyes that he could look into for hours, and of the touch of his hands. The way his arms would be around him, or how his lips felt against his own.

Just when he thought he’d finally seen peace, and that he could die happily with this thought in mind, he was awake. Awake with tears in his eyes for the loss of Matt’s smile. He was panting, gasping, and sweating, in such a small space, and no matter how much he pushed, he couldn’t get out. He couldn’t make it bigger. He couldn’t handle such a small space, but he could see.

He could see figures standing in front of him through what must have been glass. At first very blurry, but as ticks went by and the fog of pain and dreams faded, he saw more.

He saw two figures. One tall and one short. Smiles. Familiar smiles. A pair of glasses and a face so similar to Matt’s that he almost wanted to call out to him, but didn’t, because that wasn’t Matt. No, not Matt, but a familiar, welcoming person he couldn’t be happier to see. Two people he was relieved to see, because that meant the first part of his mission was complete.

Seeing Lance and Pidge outside of the stasis pod meant that the mission had officially started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is ready to see Pidge and Lance? :D


	11. Change of Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~  
> What's a regular uploading schedule??? I don't even know, but I can say no update this weekend, and why? Cause Voltron baby! :D It's this Friday! And no, I'm not ready. However, I'm excited... And ready to vomit.  
> I also have to finish narrating this one book that I'm so behind on and then I'm done. ^^ Well, with that book anyway, so that needs to be my main focus.  
> Have fun guys! May the odds be ever in your favor with this latest season!  
> -Misty

“We’re glad to see you up, Shiro.” Lance’s voice was filled with mirth, his smile big and bright. Almost as big as Pidge’s, who was sitting on the end of Shiro’s bed, her legs crossed and her hands holding her ankles. “We were so worried after you left.”

“That’s comforting to hear. I was worried you guys weren’t too fond of me after last month’s training session.” The older man joked lightly, slowly sitting up in his bed to be at eye level with the teens. His back still ached, and more than anything, he wanted to sleep, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as a few days ago.

“It was an argument. We can all look past that.” The brunet assured him, sweeping his hand to the side. “And it was my fault really. I take full responsibility.”

“That sounds like something Pidge made you say.” Shiro remarked. He heard the lightest puff of air from Pidge, her way of laughing, as she covered her mouth, smiling.

“I am _offended_.” Lance gaped, but after a pointed glance from the older man, he quickly gave in. “Alright, yeah. Pidge yelled at me for it.”

“Well apology accept on Pidge’s behalf.” Shiro nodded his head towards the young girl, who nodded back to him. “And I apologize too. I didn’t mean to be so hard on you guys, but… I had to have another _talk_ with Sendak again.” He admitted.

“Again?” Lance asked. “Were you in trouble?”

“Not so much, but he’s getting at me to push you guys. He doesn’t understand that humans can’t do what the Galra do.”

Pidge crawled up the bed until she could sit next to Shiro, lifting up her tablet and typing into it. It didn’t take long, because years of using it meant she was quite fast at typing, and after a quiet moment she turned it around, brandishing words for him to read.

_“We can always play dead again.”_

“No, not again. I don’t need to be beaten on for that, thank you.” Shiro berated her. The girl rolled her eyes and sighed, her shoulders slumping down.

“They did a real number on you.” Lance muttered, his shoulders dropping like Pidge’s. His expression fell into something more somber and reflective. “I didn’t think… I mean I know the rebellion isn’t pacifist, but I didn’t think they’d go so far as to leave you for dead.”

If only he knew, but he didn’t, and he _couldn’t_. Not yet at least. Lance was the most vulnerable to his emotions, and while Shiro didn’t want him thinking lowly about the rebellion, therefore agreeing to what the Galra had been teaching them all along, he couldn’t let him and Pidge in on their plans just yet. They couldn’t know.

“It was… Surprising for me too.” Shiro spoke softly, carefully. “It wasn’t all that bad. It’s nothing I haven’t had happen to me here before.” He added on, hoping to keep a better light on things.

“Shiro… You were in the stasis pod for days.” Lance argued, frowning at him, his eyebrows knitted together, but it was hard to tell if that was from sadness or anger. “All of your limbs were broken. You had been drugged. Your organs were _failing_.”

“Again, nothing I haven’t had happen here.” The older man said, hoping he could shed some light on the gloomy situation.

Lance gave him a disbelieving look, as if he couldn’t understand why Shiro was standing up for them. He really didn’t understand, but that was fine. He didn’t need to understand right now, and neither did Pidge, who had been looking between the two of them, silently following their conversation.

“Come on, Pidge.” Lance said with an air of defeat, patting her knee. “Let’s give Shiro some alone time. I’m sure he wants his sleep.”

“I could use some, yeah.” Shiro said, slowly nodding.

The two teens offered up smiles, though Lance’s just a bit weaker before getting up to leave. Shiro watched them, taking note of how Lance threaded his fingers into Pidge’s, but she tugged away for a moment, holding up her finger to him.

“What’s up?” Lance asked her.

Pidge darted from his side and back to Shiro’s bed, quickly throwing her arms around Shiro’s shoulders in a hasty hug. The older man grunted in surprise, his hands resting on her back, keeping her steady and returning the hug.

It was warm, and for some reason, Shiro realized that she had a very similar scent to Matt. Some earthy, woodsy smell that he hadn’t noticed before. He didn’t know how that was possible, but Pidge pulled away before he had time to think about it further.

“Thanks Pidge,” He said. The brunette offered up a toothy grin before returning to Lance’s side. This time it was her who brought their hands together, and she didn’t let go.

Without another word, the two of them left his room, leaving him alone with nothing but his thoughts to entertain him. It wasn’t much beyond the mission, and that this needed to succeed.

He could already see Lance going through an internal crisis. The teen had always thought better of the rebels, and he was right, but to hear that they beat Shiro to the point of barely living, and then leaving him in an open world for anything to happen to him, waiting, maybe even hoping for death after what they had done to him, was making Lance think bad things.

He was a good, pure heart, and it needed to stay that way. They only had a few days left before the next cargo ship was set to deploy, and a lot could change within that time. He had to keep the two of them on the right side of this fight.

He wasn’t so sure about Pidge. It wasn’t that she didn’t wear her emotions like Lance did. She was quite expressive, but that came from ten years of needing to use her emotions to speak for her. However, she was better at controlling them than Lance was. She was harder to read, because she didn’t let her emotions take over in bad situations.

In that sense, she was very much _unlike_ her brother. Their different situations and different upbringings meant that Matt was more of an open book than she was, but that was fine.

If Shiro could keep Lance from thinking too much like the Galra, Pidge would follow. They were a team in that aspect, so he had to work with them. He had to work together with them to keep them on the right side of this war.

Already those thoughts were too tiring for him. The stasis pods here left him more tired than the ones on the Castle Ship, and right now, sleep sounded like a much needed thing.

* * *

A rumble woke him up. Something he hadn’t heard for a few weeks now, and surprisingly missed.

It was still really late. He could tell by the lack of people on the ship as he walked through the halls, sometimes walking through ones that were off the usual path to the hangers, inevitably making the trip longer, but he knew where the droids were scouting for anyone on the ship, so he had to avoid them.

He wasn’t sure what possessed him to walk to the hangers, especially to his own, but he soon found himself face to face with his lion.

The Black Lion.

Well, face to paw. It was huge in comparison to him. He must have been an ant to it.

“Hey there…” He greeted the mechanical beast, walking up to place his hand over a protruding nail. “What’d you wake me up for?”

No one would ever believe him other than Pidge and Lance. People wouldn’t understand the bond a person had with their lion was _real,_ and that these machines were sentient. They had personalities and voices, though no one ever heard them. The only people who heard their voices were them, the Paladins, and that was it.

Yet he could hear the low hum. It was never words like what he spoke. Never Galra or even Altean dialect, but a rumble. A purr. It was very reminiscent of a cat, which made sense based on their design. He could never explain to someone what he heard. It never made sense to anyone, because no one heard it other than Paladins, but that was okay. He still heard it.

Black was always an ever present voice in the back of his head, always keeping him going.

He could hear it, especially now. The soft whispers and mumbles of a voice that spoke to him. Talking to him. Telling him that he was missed, and it was calming. It was the calmest he had felt in a while.

“I missed you too. I really did…” He sighed as he sat down on the end of its paw, leaning his head back into cool metal. It wasn’t the most comfortable place to sit, but it was better than tossing and turning in his bed. Better yet, it was better than being strapped to a table and being tortured.

He heard a small rumble come from his lion. He saw images from it. A place like an astro plane of sorts. At least that’s what he thought of it, but it was a nice place to visit when Black projected the images to his mind.

“I’m okay. I promise. Rolo and Ulaz didn’t mean it, and were very apologetic the entire time.” There was a small breath in his ear. A simple _I know._ “It’s alright. It’s gotten us this far, so we just have to keep moving forward.”

He let out a sigh, closing his eyes.

“We have too…” He looked up, catching a glimpse of its huge jaw, neck line, barrel and chest. If it could, he was sure it’d look down at him. Maybe even nudge him with its nose. “It won’t just be us that’ll be free. You’ll be free too.”

A soft purr followed him as he closed his eyes again, picturing the world around him as nothing more than shapes and colors. No problems, responsibilities, or a need for battle. No war or death.

Just here where he could breathe for a few minutes.

“Are we doing the right thing?” He asked the lion, leaning his head back further until his chin was up in the air. “All that we’re doing, all of this battling, and all of this death. All this _fighting_. Is it really all for nothing?”

There was no response. Not right away at least.

“Is there supposed to be a better future at the end of this long road?”

The last question wasn’t directed at the lion, but more to himself, and yet he heard a gentle whisper and felt a soft tug on his heart.

_Yes…_

* * *

Shiro was violently awoken. Not in a way the Black Lion would wake him up, and most certainly not any special way he wanted to be woken up. It was a matter of being hit repeatedly, all along his arms, his shoulders, his waist line, and the side of his head. It wasn’t painful, but bordering so, and annoying with how many times it happened.

Shiro grunted, throwing his arm up in an attempt to push away small hands, but it was thwarted by a push. Those small hands dug into his sides and pulled, yanking him off of the paw he’d fallen asleep on and to the ground with a painful thump.

He groaned in pain, rolling over and looking up at the bright lights of the deck only shadowed by a head with brown hair and glasses hiding brassy eyes.

Pidge was looking down at him with worry, kneeling down to shake at his shoulder again and again until he could finally shake the fog of sleep off of him and sit up on his elbows.

“W-What’s going on?” He asked her, rubbing at his eyes. It was probably the most peaceful sleep he had gotten in a while. “What’s wrong?”

Pidge pulled her tablet out of her pouch and typed quickly, hurriedly writing out what she needed to before flipping it around for him to read.

_“You slept in! We need to be on the training deck now!”_

The words on the screen were enough for him to jump up to his feet, silently cursing under his breath. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep with his lion, and then being caught only meant more punishment. If he gave orders to follow each direction to a T, he needed to do that himself, and that meant not rousing suspicions, or evoking another week in solitary confinement.

“Come on, let’s go!” He told her, grabbing her hand and yanking her off of the floor.

* * *

If it hadn’t been for Pidge getting him there, and Lance’s quick thinking that gave Sendak an excuse as to why he was late, he’d be in confinement right now. Not walking the familiar halls, heading back to his room.

He didn’t really care what some of the other rebels thought of them. He knew that in a few eyes, he was looked at as a threat. A traitor, and he could understand their concern. However, he believed that he, Lance and Pidge worked well together, and after Black’s comforting presence from the night before, he felt like they could do something. Change something.

_Be something._

The thought was what made his feet stop for a moment on his way back to his room, instead turning around and walking down the hall. A few other halls later, some twists and turns to carefully avoid Galra patrol, and he found himself at Pidge’s door. He knocked softly, and despite the many years of working with her, he still expected a verbal response.

When the door opened, Pidge was standing there in her regular clothes, looking up at him with some confusion, but more expectancy. She offered up a small wave to him and a gentle smile, her simple way of saying _hi._

“Hey Pidge,” He returned the greeting. “May I come in?”

The small teen waved her arm at him before walking back into her room, tip toeing past the trash, clothes, metal scraps, and everything the ship could possibly have on her floor. Shiro used to joke with Matt that everything in the universe was on the floor of his room, and Pidge was the same exact way.

He wished so much that he could make a joke about it right now, but he couldn’t.

A small tap against her desk brought him out of his thoughts, looking towards her as she held up her tablet to him.

_“What’s up?”_ It read.

“Oh, nothing much.” Shiro took a seat on the only clean spot on her bed, which he could only assume was where she slept. “I actually came by to say thanks for this morning.”

She quickly typed up a response.

_“It’s not a problem,”_ But then, after a moment, she typed something else. _“But why were you there in the first place? We aren’t allowed to be alone with our lions.”_

“Black woke me up,” He explained, hunching over his knees. “It wanted to talk to me.”

Pidge slowly nodded, completely understanding. The lions talked to them, and often times it’d be at the most inopportune of times. Like last night for example.

She understood just as much as he did that they had to stick together.

_“What did Black say?”_ She wrote out on the tablet.

“Not much. I think Black was just worried about me and was making sure I was okay, you know?” He told her. Pidge nodded her head, her eyes falling to his arm for a moment. She frowned. “What? Do I have a bug on me?”

_“What happened to your arm?”_ She asked him.

“My arm?” He looked at it, inspecting the prosthetic closely to find what she was referring to before noticing one of the panels on the forearm was loose. His heart sank in realization, fear spreading through his body and the air in his lungs turning cold. “O-Oh, it probably came loose. You know, from training today.”

He knew he needed to check and make sure the tracker was still in his arm. If it fell out, he needed to find it, and _fast_ , but he had to get her eyes off of him first.

Pidge didn’t seem to be buying his excuse for a second, reaching out to touch the lifted panel.

“I’m sure it’s fine Pidge. It’ll probably just pop back into place.” He assured, tucking his arm to his chest to keep it out of her reach. The brunette gave him a puzzled look, as if upset that he wouldn’t let her check it out. It wasn’t the first time Pidge had messed around with his arm, and it wouldn’t be the last, but right now she absolutely could not touch it. “Well, I’m tuckered out. I’m sure you are too.”

Shiro hurriedly stood up from her bed, tip toeing a bit as he walked over her things. Pidge followed him, watching and keeping close as he headed for her door.

“I’m going back to my room. I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early for training, and I promise I won’t sleep in.” He assured her, giving her the biggest smile he could offer while his heart felt like it was ready to pound out of his chest.

Before he could turn and leave, however, Pidge grabbed ahold of his arm and yanked.

_Hard_.

Hard enough to pull the loose panel open and have it hit the floor, exposing wires and chips and everything that kept Shiro’s arm moving like the regular arm would. It also exposed the tracker under the wires. A piece of tech clearly not meant to be there, and Pidge narrowed her eyes at it, at first confused.

It didn’t take long for her mind to figure out what it was she was looking at, panic spreading across her face before she turned away, tripping over stuff to grab her tablet.

Shiro chased after her, grabbing the back of her sweater and yanking her back into his arms. The smaller teen let out a small yip, quickly struggling within his hold. Her legs kicked out in front of her until she kicked the wall, forcing the two of them back. With everything on her floor, it was easy for Shiro to trip up and fall.

They tumbled together, his grip on her faltering for a moment, and it was long enough for her to take advantage of that and pull from his grip. She crawled across the floor a few feet, but Shiro grabbed at her ankles, pulling her back and pinning her with his weight to the floor.

He reached up to cover her mouth, because he wasn’t sure if she’d scream or not. Just because she was mute didn’t mean that she wouldn’t scream if she felt threatened enough, and he couldn’t take the chance of her alerting anyone of the situation.

Pidge tossed her head back into his, the back of her skull smacking right into his nose. She wiggled her arm free and smacked her elbow back into the side of his head, right into his temple, rendering him dizzy. Like that, she managed to once again pull herself from his arms and stand.

Despite how foggy his whole head suddenly felt, Shiro stood just as fast, the world spinning as he grabbed her, his left arm wrapping around her waist while the other covered her mouth. She struggled in his grip, her legs flailing and her hands scratching at everything they could reach, but nothing was close enough to grab and use as a weapon, and she couldn’t kick off any of the walls.

In a sheer attempt of desperation, Shiro let go of her waist and dug his fingers into the side of her neck.

“I’m sorry, Pidge!” He panted his apology as she looked up at him, her eyes glaring daggers past her glasses sitting askew on her face. She grunted against his hand, but the longer his fingers pushed, the more her strength faded from her body. Everything around her got fuzzier and fuzzier, her hands falling from his until she slumped against his chest.

Shiro watched the awareness fade from her eyes, the pang of guilt weighing his shoulders.

He hadn’t meant for it to come to this, but he really should have taken her brain into account. He should have known better, but it was too late now. Now he just had to think of a way to get off of this ship with her and still live to see another day.

He didn’t have any choice now. Their options had dwindled to very little, but he had faith in his team back home. They could figure this out.

If anyone could do it, Matt certainly could. He’d think quickly, and if he was lucky, Matt would be quick to figure out the quickest ship leaving the cargo post and use that one instead.

God he hoped so.

“Sorry…” One last apology was given to her before everything faded around her, her eyes rolling back into her head before shutting. Shiro caught her when the rest of her weight gave out, tucking his arms under her own and her legs to carry her limp body. “Shit…”

He flipped the tracker switch on his arm before he could go over any more variables. All that would be on their side now was luck. It was days ahead of schedule, but he could only hope for the best.

Shiro carried Pidge out of her room, at first looking down the halls to make sure no one was coming before walking out. He walked quietly, carefully, and quickly down the halls, hoping he could get to the docking station before anyone noticed he and Pidge weren’t in their rooms, or even that someone saw the blood on the floor, all still dripping from his nose.

He memorized everyone’s work patterns. He memorized shift changes, android patrols, and drones that would occasionally fly by, but he hadn’t taken anyone else into account.

People like Lance turning the corner as he did, nearly bumping into him and Pidge in the process.

“Whoa!” The teen exclaimed, backing up in surprise. “Shiro, what-?” He stopped when he saw the two of them; Pidge unconscious in his arms, and Shiro with his arm disassembled and his nose bleeding. “Shit, what happened?”

“I don’t have time to explain.” He quickly excused, looking past Lance’s shoulder and behind himself to make sure no one was around.

“What happened to Pidge?” Lance gasped, reaching out to take her from Shiro’s arms, but the older man stepped back before he could do so.

“We don’t have time this, Lance! We just… We have to go!”

“What? W-Where?” Lance stuttered, worry filling his eyes when he couldn’t hold Pidge.

“I can’t say. We just have to.” Shiro was counting the time ticking by, realizing that another patrol would happen through this hallway in two minutes and forty three seconds. They had to leave and find a way around the hall.

“What…?” Lance stepped back, looking at him for a long, hard moment. He didn’t trust him enough to just listen to him like this. Definitely not while Pidge was unconscious in his arms and while he had visible injuries to him. “Shiro-”

Two minutes and thirty five seconds.

“Lance, we have to go!” Shiro barked at him, hoping that the hasty tone of his voice would help move things along.

It didn’t.

Lance took a couple of steps back, shaking his head. He didn’t understand, but as he did, Shiro took noticed of his guns still on his legs. He was still armed, and the moment he noticed is when Lance pulled one of them out of its harness and held it up at him.  

“What’s going on, Shiro?” He demanded of the older man, but his hand was shaking. He didn’t want to do this.

Two minutes and fifteen seconds.

“I can’t tell you, Lance.” Shiro said, holding up one of his hands under Pidge’s leg to show he wasn’t going to do anything to him.

“What’s happening? Why is Pidge unconscious?”

“Lance, we don’t have time-”

“Tell me!” Lance barked, his fingers running along the trigger as a reminder that he was still at an advantage.

“Lance, please…” Shiro uttered, his voice softer and more relaxed.

He knew better than to yell at him, because the teen didn’t respond well to that. If he wanted to get his point across, he had to stay calm. That was the only way they could do this. “I know this looks bad, but you have to trust me on this.”

“How can I trust you when you won’t even tell me what’s going on?” Lance asked him.

“You just have to. It’s the only way we’re going to make it out of here alive.” He said, hoping that the threat was enough. The Galra would never kill them, but they’d torture them to the point that they would wish for death. They’d already done it to him.

Lance’s grip on his gun faltered. He lowered his arms just the tinniest bit, taken aback by his words. Shiro could already see the resolve in his eyes teetering.

“Please Lance, you have to trust me. I’ll explain everything later, I promise, but right now you just have to put your faith in me.” Blue eyes fell to Pidge, taking in her comatose state. Maybe it was his fear that something would happen to her, because Shiro didn’t think Lance really trusted him completely, but his arms fell, his finger coming off of the trigger. “Give me your gun, Lance.”

That seemed to be a hard task to ask for, but the teen did it after a few ticks of internal debate.

One minutes and thirty three seconds.

“Give me the other one.” Shiro told him, motioning down with the weapon to the one still hooked to Lance’s other leg. The teen hesitated greatly, lost between doing what he said and running before he could shoot him, but whatever this was involved them. It involved _Pidge_ , and he couldn’t let anything happen to her. So with great reluctance, he unhooked the one on his right leg, hooking it to the belt around Shiro’s waist. “Alright, start walking that way.”

Shiro pointed the gun down the hall before pointing it at him, a small threat to get him moving, whether he wanted to or not. Lance turned around slowly, moving forward, knowing full well that the gun was pointed at the back of his head.

“Should I put my hands up?” He asked, barely looking over his shoulder.

“If you have any plans of trying to get this gun from me, then yes.” Shiro said. Lance felt it poke him in the back, a reminder to keep moving forward when his steps slowed.

His hands slowly lifted up above his head.

He wasn’t sure where they were going at first, but he could only hold his breath as they walked to god knows where. Every couple of minutes he’d look back over his shoulder to check on Pidge and see if she was alright. He wasn’t sure what happened, but he was left only to wonder why she was unconscious in the first place.

After a while of winding down many corridors, avoiding drones (Every time he wanted to call out to them, Shiro pushed the gun hard into his back), they eventually came to an open hanger.

It was empty. This late at night not as many ships came through, so there wasn’t any point for standbys. However, an alarm would be raised soon when patrol came around and saw all three of them weren’t in their respected rooms. They’d have to figure out a way around this.

“Shiro…?” The older man jumped at the new voice, but he couldn’t have been more relieved to turn and see Thace standing behind them, looking lost and confused.

“Thank god you’re here,” Shiro breathed as he slowly set Pidge down, but he didn’t take his eyes off Lance, keeping the gun squarely pointed in his direction.

“The castle got your tracker inscription. A man that went by the title of Lieutenant Holt had me come verify the situation.” Thace explained. Shiro couldn’t help but feel a warmth spread in his chest to know that Matt understood. He figured it out, and was already calculating a plan to help them escape.

“Wait,” Lance mumbled, looking towards the man. “You mean you’re part of the rebe-!”

Just as he turned his head to look at Shiro, he received a sharp jab into the side of his head with the butt of his gun. He grunted on impact, but a hit that hard dropped him to the ground, completely unresponsive.

“Sorry Lance,” Shiro apologized, taking up his arms and pulling him to where Pidge was laying.

“What happened, Captain?” Thace asked him, completely unfazed by what he had just witnessed.

“Pidge found the tracker in my arm. She was trying to alert someone, so I had to knock her out. Lance found us, and, well, now we’re here.” Shiro motioned to the two unconscious teenagers laying side by side. “I don’t know how much time we have before either of them wake up, but we don’t have shit for time now anyway.”

“I can send a transmission to the base you spoke of in your briefing. With any luck, your team is already heading there. We can send an emergency supply of quintessence to the castle, and that can give you a ship to get out of here.” The Galra told him.

“That should be good, but it has to be fast. Any minute now they’re going to know we aren’t in our rooms. They’ll send the whole army looking for us.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Thace assured before leaving ahead. He was going to send out the message to the cargo post, and with a serious amount of luck, the team would be there in time.

Shiro took in a deep breath, holding it as he moved to sit by Pidge and Lance. They had to stay hidden for a while, but now it was just a matter of time before something happened. Good or bad.

“Please Matt…” Shiro breathed out. “Get us out of here…”

* * *

Shiro knew how long it took to get from the cargo bay to the castle. It would then take one varga to get from the cargo bay to here, and he counted each passing tick with baited breath.

He waited, and when a ship came to dock, he felt his stomach drop. It was now or never.

“State your identification code.” Thace called through the coms. Shiro held his breath.

_“Knowledge or death.”_

The sudden upheaval of relief was ridiculously overwhelming. Shiro could recognize Ulaz’s voice anywhere.

They’d done it. His team did it.

“Land, Ulaz. We don’t have much time.” Thace told him before leaving the panel.

“Help me with Lance.” Shiro spoke, desperation evident in the tone of his voice as he picked Pidge up within his arms. Thace threw Lance over his shoulder, almost as if he were a rag doll, as the ship came in to port.

Just as they both feared, the first alarms went off.

“They’ve found that you aren’t in your rooms,” Thace stated the obvious as he ran ahead. “Come on! You need to be on that ship!”

They ran down the railing to the deck, a rush of adrenaline spiking with fear that they be found any moment now. Air gushed out from the landing gear of the ship as it dropped haphazardly, making them stagger. They watched as the bay door opened, Nyma and Olia standing behind it and waving their hands.

“Come on!” Nyma called out to them.

“Go! I’ll hold them back!” Thace good him, handing Lance off to Olia when she came up to them.

“Thace no! You’re going to get yourself killed!” Shiro told him, grabbing for his arm, but it wasn’t easy with Pidge still in his arms.

“The lives of the Paladins are far more important than mine!” Thace assured him, tugging free from his grip. “Get out of here!”

“They’ll torture you!”

_“Go!”_ Thace shoved at him, pushing him forward until his feet touched the metal plating of the ship’s bay door. Nyma grabbed him and yanked him forward, forcibly pulling Pidge out of his arms to get her on.

Shiro looked back at his comrade, the man who had helped him throughout the years. Galra droids were coming in with guns raised, poised to kill anyone who got in their way. Thace was already armed and taking aim, shouting one last order to him to leave.

His heart sat heavily, but Shiro turned away, running into the ship.

“Rolo, get us out of here!” Olia yelled at him.

Shiro staggered as the ship suddenly moved out from under them, quickly and not all that smoothly. It rocked back and forth, and the tail end bumped into something, they couldn’t be sure what. Everyone was sitting down to buckle in, prepared for the rough ride, but he stayed standing, pressing his arm into the wall and looking through the windshield.

“Captain, what do we do?” Nyma asked, and at first he thought it was to him. That wasn’t until, however, a taller man ran by him, dropping to the floor to open up the console beneath the control panel.

“We have to kill the tracker! Rolo, keep flying!”

For some reason, maybe his hope that Matt would _listen_ to him for once in his life and do as he told him, he wasn’t surprised to see the man crawling under the control panel, yanking out wires, and yet he _was_ surprised. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling at this point.

“Matt?” He gaped at the man, running over to where he laid beside Rolo’s feet. “What are you doing here? You aren’t supposed to be on this ship!”

“Shiro, buckle up!” Matt yelled at him from under the panels.

“Matt!” Shiro grabbed ahold of his legs and yanked, pulling him out. “You are supposed to be back on the castle ship!”

Suffice it to say, the look Matt was giving him was probably one of the ugliest looks he’d ever received from the man. A very angry, enraged look filled with a bit of annoyance, most likely because this was not the time or the place to be having this discussion, and yet Shiro was still trying to tell him what to do.

The only thing that seemed to cross his mind at the moment, other than letting Matt do what he needed to, was a simple _‘Now I know why Pidge’s angry face looks so familiar.”_

“Buckle up or shut up! One way or another, get the hell out of the way!”

That was most certainly not a tone Matt had ever taken up with him. Even on the days where he threw the most horrible temper tantrums a fifteen year old could ever throw, it was never as angry and authoritative as he was right this second.

To that, all Shiro could do was listen, staggering back to where Pidge and Lance were strapped in, still unconscious, and sitting down beside them.

“Rolo, get us out of here!” Nyma cried out, looking through one of the window panels to see the androids shooting directly at them.

“I’m going!” The man yelled back, pushing the ship as hard as he could to make it fly. The whiplash was intense, and Matt even went barreling back into the nearest wall, loose wires following.

“Fuck!” He bit out, reaching for his forehead. Something, he wasn’t sure what, hit him in the head, and now blood ran down his face, dripping onto the floor.

“Matt, sit down! You’re going to get hurt!” Olia warned him, but he didn’t listen.

“Rolo, do me a favor!” He called out, forcing himself up onto shaking legs. “Get a transmission going with the castle! I have a few suggestions for Zarkon…”

“Are you insane?” Rolo questioned, looking back at him as he piloted the ship out into open space.

“Just do it!” Matt walked over to Shiro and grabbed for his arm, yanking him out of his seat. The older man didn’t say a word, simply following along with whatever he had planned.

He wasn’t expecting for the man to pull him down by the neck, wrapping his arm around it and tightening it to the point he could barely breathe. Shiro gasped for air and tugged on his arm, but Matt didn’t let go. Not until Rolo haled the castle, and the screen showed a very displeasing figure.

Zarkon.

_“Where do you think you’re going?”_

That deep, stentorian voice easily put fear into hearts. The low gravel that had once been only the thing of nightmares was right there on their screens, looking at them in anger.

The ship shook, an alarm going off to let them know of the impact. Rolo could see three cruises to his left, two more to the right, and was sure more were behind them. That was probably where the blast came from.

“We’ve got your Paladins! You shoot us down and they die with us!” Matt warned him, tightening his grip on Shiro’s neck.

_“Your threats are useless. We’re well aware of your ruse.”_

“We nearly killed him once…” Matt yanked his staff from its holster on his back and let it extend, a flash of electrical current coming from the end. He wasn’t hesitant to hold it towards Shiro’s head. “This time we’ll make sure he’s dead.”

_“I know you won’t kill him.”_ Zarkon’s words was so sure just as his expression hardened. _“You, Mathew Holt, are not the type to murder those you love.”_

Matt faltered, his arm around Shiro’s neck loosening, and his staff dropping.

How did Zarkon know who he was? From Katie? From _Shiro?_ How did he know what he could and couldn’t do?

What else did he know?

Shiro pulled from his weak grip, standing in front of him to get Zarkon’s gaze off of him. His arm stretched out to the side as extra coverage, glaring at the screen and at the man who’d held him captive for five years. It was as if he was fighting to see who could have a more frightening glare, but before anyone could break this undeclared staring contest, the transmission faltered.

There was an explosion in the background, cutting off the signal and clearing the windshield of Zarkon’s gruesome face. They watched The Castle of Doom in the distance, noticing another ship shooting towards it. So late into the night cycle without proper warning, the ships defenses hadn’t been up, so the rouge ship’s shot was a direct hit.

“What the heck was that?” Olia asked, trying hard to see out the window.

“Who’s dumb enough to do something like that? They’re gonna get themselves killed!” Nyma exclaimed, her eyes shifting between the view finder as it zoomed in on the ship to the two unconscious teens buckled in beside her.

“Can we get a transmission from them?” Shiro asked.

“I can’t do ten things at one, people!” Rolo barked, narrowly avoiding the shot of a Galra cruisers.

“I’ll do it…” Matt muttered, stumbling to the control panel. “Galra ship, identify yourself!”

_“You guys need to get out of here!”_

The young, familiar voice sent shivers of fear running up Matt’s spine. All at once the blood running through his veins went cold.

“Keith?” He questioned like he couldn’t put the voice to the person. “Are you insane? You’re going to get yourself killed!”

_“I’m saving your life!”_ Was the teen’s response, the signal choppy and breaking up his voice, especially when his cruiser took damage.

“Keith, no!” Matt cried out, watching another shot hit his cruiser.

He was being overrun.

His plan had worked. Keith was getting their attention, giving the team their chance to escape, but only at the cost of his life. He was nothing to the Galra Empire, and as such, they wouldn’t care to kill him.

Matt couldn’t lose another important person. Not again.

His body froze at the sight of the cruisers closing in. Shots blasting and landing.

This was it. It was all over for him, wasn’t it?

He couldn’t watch. It made him sick to his stomach to see his ship receding away as Rolo piloted them further and further away, but he couldn’t look away. He was afraid to look away, and maybe for good reason.

Another explosion emitted from the Castle of Doom, but it hadn’t been directed at it.

No, it came _from_ it.

The explosion was so bright, so frighteningly powerful that it even caused a backlash to their own ship, tossing it around. Olia and Nyma screamed while Shiro staggered, throwing his arms around Matt to keep him grounded against the control panel.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Rolo cursed, more to himself than the others as he stabilized the ship. The warning sirens were blaring at them until it slowed, its speed dropping to almost still.

“Rolo, what are you doing?” Nyma asked him, unbuckling her seat belt to get up and look at him. “Get us out of here!”

All he could do was aimlessly stare. Now that she noticed, so were Shiro and Matt.

“Shiro…” Matt’s voice shook with utter horror. “Is that… Voltron?”

All eyes fell to look out the windshield at the massive beast at the castle. The great machine that was far larger than any of the ships, though small in comparison to the castle. The great beast that had simply knocked all of the drones prone. All except for one.

Keith’s ship was aimlessly floating, but they could head him panting through the still staticky transmission, so he hadn’t been hurt. Chances were, those sounds coming from him were made of fear, because he was _right there._ Looking up at the great lion that was merely feet from him, floating between him and the Castle of Doom like a guard.

The Lions of Voltron had always been an urban legend. A myth. Stuff that everyone assumed the Galra had made up, and yet here one was.

They were real.

“No…” Shiro mumbled, slowly standing straight. “That’s the Red Lion, but… H-He doesn’t have a Paladin…”

The lion in question quickly turned, his mighty jaw opening and closing around a wing of Keith’s stolen cruiser and carrying it away. There was a moment of panic, both from Keith and the team, but it did nothing more to hurt the ship. It simply flew in their direction, bringing his battle-worn ship with him.

“Go…” Matt mumbled, feeling the prickle of anxiety overtake the numbness in his body. “Rolo, get is out of here!”

“Got it!”

Rolo spun their cargo ship around and in the opposite direction of the castle, the Red Lion following close behind with Keith’s cruiser still firmly in its mouth. He assured them with some panic stricken tone that he was okay, but he wasn’t entirely sure what was going on and why.

None of them knew why, and without its Paladin, there were more questions raised. None of them could seem to understand, though Shiro had an inkling.

The Red Paladin was here. That had to have been the only explanation as to why the Red Lion would protect them all, but that left an even bigger question.

Who was the Red Paladin?

“Are we off their radars yet?” Olia asked, a simple reminder.

“I’m pretty sure I fucked them up enough…” Matt uttered, his legs finally giving out on him. He fell to the floor in a boneless heap, tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks, but he didn’t know why. He wasn’t sad, just relieved. Relieved because they weren’t being followed. Relieved, because Shiro and Pidge were on the ship. Relieved, because they were going back to the Castle of Lions.

Relieved, because they _did it._

“W-We…” Olia stuttered, slowly melting from her seat when she undid her seat belts. “We did it?”

“Holy shit…” Rolo spoke, his voice shaking. “… We fucking did it.”

“We actually did that just now…” Matt’s voice was shaking the most as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “W-We, a-and then they… And then we…”

_“Yep…”_ Keith’s voice came through the transmission just as shaky. Maybe he was crying too, but it managed to pull a small, unsettled laugh from everyone. He’d been so quite that they almost forgot he was there.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here,” Nyma said, dropping into the pilot’s seat beside Rolo, practically slumping in relief.

“Holy shit, we can go have another dinner.” Rolo said, bringing about another laugh. The only who didn’t laugh was Matt, and that was because his eyes finally fell to Pidge.

He couldn’t walk just yet, but he could crawl, and he slowly pushed himself on his hands and knees towards her. He looked like someone trying not to spook an easily startled animal, even when she was out cold, her head gently leaning to the side, her soft, brown hair brushing against her cheeks.

He reached out to her slowly, pressing a hand into her knee to feel warm skin beneath the sheer tights she wore. Warm, real skin. Not just the hologram he’d seen weeks before. In her unconscious state, she took in a deep breath and let out a sigh, seemingly content in her sleep.

Matt’s heart warmed, beating hard within his chest. It almost felt like it was trying to escape.

He finally had his sister back. She was home.

“… She has your eyes,” Olia spoke softly, gently motioning to Matt’s own face. Matt smiled, taking in her long lashes that left shadows on her cheeks. Her cute, round cheeks. He wanted nothing more than to pinch them, but he knew better. Save that for another time.

“You’re kidding, right?” Nyma asked, spinning around in her chair to face them. “She’s got his _everything_. She’s like the female version of him.”

Matt couldn’t help the bark of laughter that erupted from him; something from deep within his stomach, making his ribs ache from the tightness of it.

He hadn’t laughed that hard in years. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna sneak over to my tumblr, I do have a picture drawn out for this chapter. If you want of course. Then you get to see Matt's design. ;)


	12. The Green Paladin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maaaaan, what a season, am I right? When (Spoiler retracted) said (spoiler retracted)? And then (spoiler retracted)!!!  
> Good times, my friends. Good times.  
> -Misty

Matt wasn’t sure his eyes would ever come off of her.

He had watched the video feed for hours, his brown eyes following the footage of his sister roaming about her small cell, her hand pressing into the walls until she got to the clear glass gate. She’d stop, turn around, and then repeat the process once more.

He’d seen her do it so many times, and yet he couldn’t seem to figure out what it was she was looking for. She wasn’t looking for a way out that was for certain.

For now, however, he didn’t seem to care all that much. He just wanted to watch her for as long as he could. If he had it his way, he’d be down there in the cell block talking to her, regaling her with tales of the rebels and his survival with them. How he was saved after they’d been torn apart, and how he’d been brought all the way here. When he met Shiro, and when he came to be a lieutenant in the rebel forces, currently acting captain. That was only temporary of course.

He wasn’t allowed to do any of that though. Allura and Coran had forbidden Matt from going near her until they could get her and Lance to trust them, but it hadn’t been that easy.

Matt looked away from the video feed, his head turning from the wall he’d been leaning against to the table Rolo and Te-Osh sat at. Their side was a bit different as they monitored Lance’s cell, and even from here, the brunet could hear the arguing.

_“I don’t want to talk to you!”_

_“Lance, please listen-!”_

_“I don’t wanna hear it!”_

Shiro had tried multiple times now to talk to Lance. This was his seventh time, and yet it was ending in the same way the previous arguments had.

Matt got up from his post against the wall, leaning over Rolo’s body to take a closer look at the screens. The man barely flinched at his presence as he and the woman beside him glanced at the screen.

“No luck, huh?” Matt sarcastically quipped.

“Oh yeah. Lots of luck.” Was Rolo’s retort.

“ _You lied to us! You were part of the rebel forces! You_ are _a part of the rebel forces!”_ Matt watched as Lance fiercely stood his ground, arms crossed and everything. _“That’s why they never killed you! They were probing your for information!”_

 _“What do you want me to say, Lance?”_ The older man asked him, clearly losing his fighting energy.

_“Nothing! I just want to see Pidge!”_

Matt didn’t need to see his face to know that one hurt Shiro. He could tell by the way his shoulders slumped, or the way he let out an exasperated sigh. Matt had only known a bit about their small team’s relationship, starting with how it was a bit rocky. Lance was dependent on Pidge to keep him in check, and vice versa. Often times Pidge would be the one derailing a bad situation, but now she wasn’t there. She was in another cell, which left Shiro with the brunt of Lance’s anger for what he had done the day before.

That meant he was getting exactly what Lance currently thought of him. No filter to stop the brunet from tearing him apart.

“This is getting us nowhere.” Te-Osh mumbled, slowly leaning back in her chair as Shiro disappeared from the screen. He had left the room to come back to their floor.

“You think?” Rolo quipped. “And miss _prissy_ _baby_ still hasn’t said a word.”

“And she won’t,” Matt said, squeezing Rolo’s shoulder in a non-so-threatening way. “I would appreciate it if you don’t refer to my sister as a baby either.”

Rolo threw his hands up in the air, a sign of defeat as the doors to the room opened, a very disheveled Shiro coming into the room.

“How are you holding up?” Te-Osh asked him, her head turning to look at the man as he walked towards them.

“Define holding up.” Shiro said, leaning against the table.

“That bad, huh?” Rolo mocked.

“Like our relationship wasn’t bad before. Lance absolutely refuses to talk to me.” The older man ran his hand through his hair, sighing to reduce the pressure in his chest.

“We know,” Rolo pointed towards the screen. “He’s not too happy with any of us right now.”

“Gee, I wonder why.” Matt mumbled. “Not like we just pulled a shit stunt to save them, including nearly killing you.”

“Lance was already teetering on the edge of trusting the rebellion as it was. Now we’ve just ruined any chance of getting him on our side.” Shiro said, his arms crossing over his chest.

“I wouldn’t say any,” Te-Osh assured. “If he’s the heart, he can still see the positives. It’s just going to take some time to get him to trust us.”

“Yeah, but how long?” Rolo asked. “We’re in a fucking war. We don’t really have a lot of time, especially since you’re all human.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Matt asked, taking up a similar stance to Shiro, though his hips cocked to the side.

“You guys die earlier than Galra do. Zarkon has been around for ten thousand years, and quiznack knows how much longer he’s going to be around for. You humans barely live a tenth of a Galra life.”

“Zarkon got lucky,” Matt replied, rolling his eyes. Rolo scoffed before looking back at the screens, his hand pointing towards the one with the security footage of Pidge.

“Pretty sure she’s lost her mind. The fuck is she even doing?”

“Rolo, make one more snarky ass remark about my sister. I dare you.” Matt warned, standing up from the edge of the table.

“That’s enough, you two.” Te-Osh quickly spoke up, standing up to yank Rolo away from him. “Rolo, back off from her.”

“This is not how we’re going to handle this situation.” Shiro said, pushing a hand into Matt’s chest that was puffed out to make him seem bigger.

“If we had it our way, I’d be down there with her!” Matt exclaimed, his hands tossing out at his sides.

“Even if Allura and Coran hadn’t said otherwise, you shouldn’t go down there.” Shiro told him.

“Why not?” The brunet snapped at him. “She’s my sister! If anything, me going down there might make this whole process a lot easier on ourselves!”

“If she even remembers.” Shiro stated in a calm tone, hoping it would defuse a bit of Matt’s anger. It didn’t.

“What do you mean _if?”_ Matt asked. “Does she not remember me or something?”

“I didn’t say that-”

“Then what do you mean?” The brunet pushed Shiro’s hand away when it reached out to touch his shoulder. “If she remembers me, don’t you think her seeing me alive would get her on our side? And if she’s on our side, Lance is likely to follow what she does!”

“He does have a point, Shiro…” Te-Osh hesitated. “If she remembers him, then Matt talking to her might turn this whole thing around.”

“Exactly!” Matt fumed. “So why shouldn’t I talk to her?”

“Matt, it’s not that simple,” Shiro said, his hands up in a gesture to calm him down, but it didn’t seem to work.

“Why not?” The younger man questioned. “What could possibly go wrong from this?”

“Matt, just listen-”

“Are you afraid she’s going to trust me more?” Matt interrupted him before he could say anything more. “Is it going to hurt your pride or something that I might be the only thing that changes this?”

“No-!”

“Then back the fuck off and let me handle this!”

The room fell eerily quiet. Rolo and Te-Osh were standing further back, staring between the two of them. It wasn’t often they saw their lieutenant lose his cool like that, but it was rare to see Shiro do it too. Te-Osh never thought he could, and Rolo was beginning to think the same thing.

However, seeing him standing with only a foot of space between him and Matt, his whole body stiff and ridged, hands fisted at his sides, and his eyebrows knitted together with anger was not a thing they liked seeing. It felt like they were a part of an argument they didn’t belong in, some unresolved things being silently spoken between them that told the two that they should leave the room, but they felt like they couldn’t move. One move meant another explosion of yelling.

A pin dropping could have been heard outside of this room.

“… Fine.” Shiro gave in, throwing his hands up in defeat. “Do whatever you want.”

The older man stepped away from Matt, turning his back and crossing his arms over his chest. He’d finally given up with trying to reason with him, but that was fine to Matt. He didn’t feel like getting a lecture that made him feel like he was fourteen again. He just wanted to see his sister.

Matt walked away from them, leaving the room and stepping into the elevator to go down to their cellblock. His heart was pounding in his chest as the lift dropped slowly, bringing him closer and closer to his sister. The weight of his words and what he had said to Shiro were starting to sit heavy on his shoulders, but he couldn’t think about that. Apologies could be given later. Right now he had to think about Pidge, and what this possibly could do for their fight against the Galra.

This had to be his only focus right now. It had to be. He didn’t have any other choice.

The lift stopped on the cellblock floor. He held his breath as it opened, revealing the long corridor separating to different walkways. He took the one on the far right, walking slowly, treading his way until he could see her cell.

He hadn’t been this close to her since yesterday, when he got the chance to look at her in person for the first time, to touch her knee and later hold her hand, hoping she’d wake up and see him and ask for a hug. She always made him feel better with her hugs, but she hadn’t, and now might not have been the same. Not right away. He had to be careful with this.

He came up to the glass wall as she made her fifth turn, stopping for a moment to look at him.

Matt caught sight of her brown eyes, holding back a smile. This was the first time she was looking at him.

Seeing him did something to her. He wasn’t sure what, but she stalled. She froze in place, her hand falling from the wall to rest at her side as he pressed his hand into the touch panel, letting the door slide open for him. He walked in, watching her carefully in the chance she wanted to try and run past him, but she didn’t move. She only shifted her weight on her legs, looking stiff and uncomfortable.

“… Hey Katie,” Matt greeted, offering up a small smile. Pidge took in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it out. When was the last time someone had called her by that name? “You okay?”

She didn’t respond, and he didn’t expect her to. He’d get her speaking soon, but for now, he just wanted her to be comfortable.

“Do you… Know who I am?” Matt asked, the words hard to speak.

Pidge’s brassy eyes looked over him once, twice, three times, pulling her lips between her teeth to bite before turning away. Her brother watched as she began pacing again, but it wasn’t along the wall. Her arms crossed over her chest as she began walking around the small cell, as if contemplating something he couldn’t fathom. He couldn’t get into her head to figure out what it was she was thinking about.

“Katie,” He called to her. Pidge stopped in her tracks, her head turning, and her eyes peering at him from over her shoulder. He pressed a hand into his chest, taking a few steps forward to be closer. “It’s me… It’s me, Matt.”

She didn’t seem like she wanted to hear it.

Pidge shook her head slowly, walking away from him to the corner of the room, standing there as if to hide herself. There was nowhere else for her to go to hide from him.

“You… You remember me, don’t you?” Matt quavered.

Pidge’s hand lifted, making a fist in the air and squeezing before coming back to her chest. Matt frowned, trying to figure out what that could have meant. He had no idea what that could have been to answer his question; if she remembered or not. It didn’t sound like she did.

“Pidge…?”

She did it again, this time just barely looking over her shoulder at him. Her hand clenched a couple of times, fingers tight enough to make her knuckles white before Matt understood.

She wanted to answer, but she couldn’t. She had nothing to answer with. They had taken her tablet away to avoid her giving away their location in this solar system, and they couldn’t risk giving it back to her to talk.

Matt fumbled, reaching into the pouch on his arm for something for her to write with. Eventually he settled on the small piece of paper folded up next to the picture of him and her as kids.

He kept paper on him occasionally to write down formulas, numbers, or anything else pertaining to any of his projects. He was probably one of the few people in the universe who still had paper with him when everything else around him was so technologically advanced, but he didn’t care.

After looking around in his other pouch, he found a pencil, checking to make sure it still had led before holding it out for her.

“Here,” He offered.

The smaller teen looked over her shoulder again, spotting the piece of paper and pencil in his hand. Her eyes glimmered, probably happy to know he had understood her, before slowly stepping forward.

Matt smiled softly, hoping that someday she wouldn’t need to tread so slowly around him as she took the items from him, her fingers gently brushing against his palm.

Pidge walked over to the nearest wall, quick to write up what she wanted to before tossing it back to him. The paper fluttered to her feet while the pencil rolled to his own, which he bent down to pick up both.

She had written in Galra. This was probably what she was more used to writing in, but thankfully for him, he could still read and understand what it was she wrote down, but he was still left confused.

_“Where’s Lance?”_

He frowned, looking at her as she stood there, arms still crossed over her chest and her hip cocked to the side.

“He’s in another holding cell.” He answered.

Her eyes widened, staring up at him like she had just been slapped in the face. He assumed that she didn’t take into account that he could, in fact, read the Galra language, and as such, she wasn’t expecting him to give her a quick answer, let alone a truthful one.

Pidge quickly grabbed the paper and pencil from him to write again, but this time, she wrote it in English. He was glad to see she still retained some of her lessons he gave her as a kid.

 _“I want to see Lance.”_ Was written down when she handed it back to him.

“Why…?” He asked. Pidge shook her head, refusing to answer verbally, or to write her reason on the paper. She made it clear she was done talking now. “You can’t see him.”

Pidge pushed at his hand, forcing the paper into his chest to get her point across. She wanted to see Lance, and this was her way of asserting the statement written on the paper.

“No, Pidge, you aren’t going to see him.” He refused. Pidge whined, pushing the paper into his chest again. “Why do you want to see him anyway? Cause you two are paired?”

That seemed to be pushing a boundary she didn’t appreciate. Pidge glared at him, and if looks could kill, she’d be doing it right about now. She shook her head again as she did so, her fingers tightening around his wrist as she pushed at him.

“You know he doesn’t actually care about you, right?” He questioned, pushing back at her hand. “He doesn’t care about you the way you think he does, Pidge. He’s only pretending to care about you, because the Galra are making him.”

That went too far, and he knew it, but he didn’t think it would hurt her the way it did, and he certainly wasn’t expecting for her fist to lash out and punch him right in the face.

Matt staggered back, the pencil and paper falling to the ground as he covered his nose. Blood dribbled down his lips and chin, dripping off of his fingers to the floor below him. The flow of blood was about as bad as the time the gladiator hit him in training and knocked him out, but that didn’t hurt him nearly as bad as this did.

It hadn’t been his sister who hit him before. It hadn’t been a punch to the face that felt like it destroyed every fiber of happiness in his body, and it hadn’t been the angry, amber stare of his baby sister turning guilty, or her pulling her hand to her chest to cover the quickly forming bruise.

Matt felt frozen in place, and yet ready to run. He knew he wasn’t welcome here anymore, and knowing that Shiro, Te-Osh and Rolo had seen it made it all the more painful. He had come down here to fix everything, but he wasn’t even sure if there was anything to even _fix_. It was broken in a way he didn’t know how to repair.

Matt turned away, leaving her in her cell alone to get back to the lift and leave. His nose didn’t stop bleeding, even as he tilted his head back, holding his hand under it to keep the blood from getting on the floor.

It didn’t help.

He got back to the main floor, the doors opening and letting him into to the room where the three of them were standing, looking towards him with sadness.

Shiro looked the most disturbed by what he had seen.

Matt couldn’t handle being looked at like this, especially since he had been so sure that he could fix everything. He ran out of the room, fighting back the tears from his eyes and refusing to look back.

* * *

Matt never expected one of the lions of Voltron to be this big. Granted, he never expected it to be real, but sitting here on the observation deck, looking at the massive machine in front of him behind its particle barrier was surreal.

He had stopped his nose from bleeding hours ago, but he hadn’t bothered to clean himself up. He hadn’t bothered to wipe away the dried tears on his cheeks, or the stains of blood on his lips. He just sat, thinking about anything other than what happened and hiding in hopes that no one would ever find him. That no one would ever speak to him again.

The universe had other plans, it seemed. As it always did.

The universe just hated him.

Matt heard the person walk in behind him, but he didn’t turn around. He waited until they sat down beside him, letting their legs dangling off of the railing as he did to relax.

“… I probably should have mentioned that Pidge is extremely protective of Lance too…” Shiro mentioned after clearing his throat. Matt scoffed, slowly closing his eyes.

“… You knew she didn’t remember me, didn’t you?” He asked him, opening his eyes and looking to the man.

“No,” Shiro responded. “I don’t know what she does and doesn’t remember.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Matt asked him.

“Pidge’s memories have been mutilated by years of being with the Galra. Some days it sounds like she remembers certain things, and other days she doesn’t, but she’s never made it clear on what she remembers going through.”

Matt sighed, looking away from him and to the lion with tired eyes.

“So she doesn’t remember me…”

“I’m not sure.” Shiro said. “I think she does, but I don’t think she’s willing to believe it’s you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think she’s blocking out the idea that you could really be standing in front of her.” Shiro answered, simple and honest. “I think she’s refusing to believe it, because it hurts her too much.”

“Huh…” Matt uttered before sighing. “What was the point of living this whole time if she doesn’t even want to remember me?”

“Don’t say that, Matt.” Shiro’s arm wrapped around him, pulling him close so the brunet could rest his head on his shoulder. “She still needs you.”

“Doesn’t sound like she does.”

“She does,” Shiro pressed his fingers under Matt’s chin, making him lift his head to look at him. “I know she doesn’t act like it, but she’s scared, Matt. She’s terrified, and right now she’s all alone. You’re her brother, and I know you can get through to her. You’ll just… Have to go about it differently.”

“Right…” Matt sighed, slowly shaking his head.

“Matt…” Shiro spoke softly, running his thumb along his cheek. The cool metal was a welcomed touch. “I know you can do it. I trust you more than anyone else in the universe to do it.”

“Then why did you try to stop me?” He asked the older man. “Why were you so adamant about me not talking to her?”

“Because I didn’t want you getting hurt…” Shiro responded, his answer so simple and easy that Matt’s shoulders fell. “I feel like I’ve hurt you enough these past few years. I didn’t want to do it again…”

A quiet moment passed between them. A quiet, tired moment. Matt closed his eyes and leaned his head down into Shiro’s shoulder again, taking in a few deep breaths, taking in his natural, musky scent. He had forgotten how much he had missed this.

Shiro’s arms wrapped around him, his hands running up his back, his fingers carding through his hair in a slow, relaxing touch. It had been a long day already, and an emotional one at that. Matt could easily fall asleep in his arms right here, right now, but he knew they still had more to do.

“It doesn’t seem like she broke anything…” Shiro mumbled, the pad of his finger running under his eyes, along his cheekbone where a bruise was forming around his nose.

“… She hits hard.” Matt mindlessly mumbled. Shiro chuckled, the rumble in his chest a jostle against him.

“She hits hard for such a small person, doesn’t she?” He asked, looking down at the brunet as he nodded his head. “You want to hear a funny story?”

“I guess…” Matt responded, though he wasn’t in the mood for humor.

“One time, Senkdak had us fight each other. He wanted to pin us against one another to see who would and wouldn’t break under the pressure.”

“How’s that funny?” Matt asked with a frown.

“I’m not done.” Shiro assured him. “Now obviously I was holding back on both of them, and Lance was holding back on Pidge, but let me tell you what she did to the both of us.” Matt sat up a little, looking up expectantly. “She kicked the shit out of Lance: Number one, and number two: She remotely hacked into my arm and started making me hit myself in the face.”

Shiro wiggled his fingers in front of Matt’s face, emphasizing his point.

“And, just to make matters worse, Lance then began saying: _Why are you hitting yourself? Stop hitting yourself. Why are you hitting yourself?”_

That one made the man laugh. Matt hid his laughter in Shiro’s shoulder, tucking his face against his hoodie, but it didn’t muffle out all of it. Shiro joined in, their laughter infectious and the only sound in the otherwise quiet docking bay.

When they managed to calm themselves, Shiro lifted Matt’s head again, using the back of his glove to wipe away the splotches of blood long since dried on his face. It crusted and flaked off, falling in Matt’s lap as his eyes drifted to the large beast.

“I feel like it’s staring at me…” He mumbled. Shiro looked to the side at the Red Lion before smiling, looking back at him to continue his job.

“He probably is. Red is the most temperamental…” Shiro explained.

“I always thought… Well, not thought really.” Matt began, sitting up when Shiro had finished what he had been doing. “They’re just… _There,_ and real. They’re huge too. This is what you pilot?”

“Truthfully…” Shiro began, his lips pulling into a grin. “Mine is bigger.”

Matt snorted.

“You’re such an ass…” He retorted, lightly punching the older man’s shoulder. “Is it really though?”

“Yeah. Honestly, Red is one of the smaller ones. Both Red and Green are the smallest lions in the group. Black is the biggest.”

“Huh…” Matt uttered. “So why did this one come with us? I mean if Pidge is the Green Paladin, Lance is the Blue Paladin, and you’re the Black Paladin, why did the Red Lion follow us home?

“… The Red Paladin is probably with us.” Shiro answered.

“Really…?” Matt asked. “But who?”

“I don’t know. Lance, Pidge and I are already Paladins, so that narrows it down to you, Olia, Nyma, Rolo and Keith.”

“It’s not Keith.” The brunet quickly asserted.

“Matt-”

“It’s not.” He continued on. “I’m not losing another person I love to one of these lions again. I’m just not.”

His breathing was strained by the possible idea that Keith would end up another a Paladin of Voltron. He had already lost so much, and he wasn’t about to lose them again now that he had them back.

“Matt…” Shiro’s fingers were gentle as his hand cupped his cheek, warm and soft skin, though slightly callused, rubbing just below his eye. Matt looked up at him, feeling his stomach twirling horribly as he took in the softened, understanding expression on Shiro’s face. Something not pain filled for racked with guilt for once.

“Shiro… I can’t keep doing this anymore…” Matt mumbled, reaching up to touch the back of his hand.

“We aren’t going anywhere anymore…” The older man assured him, leaning forward to press his forehead into the brunet’s. “ _I’m_ not going anywhere anymore.”

“Don’t say it like that, Shiro…” Matt breathed. “I hate it when you say it like that…”

“But it’s true…”

Matt couldn’t argue anymore, even if he wanted to.

Shiro’s lips pressed into his own, a soft, tender kiss filled with words he didn’t feel like he could speak. His hand tangled into his hair, a light pull that had the brunet tilting his head, participating in the kiss.

Matt sighed against his lips, his arms traveling up Shiro’s biceps, over his shoulders, and wrapping behind his neck. He hadn’t allowed himself time to enjoy their last kiss, not when the threat of Shiro’s fate hung heavily over everyone’s heads, but now he could.

Now he could, and all he could think about was that now wasn’t the time.

He pulled away before Shiro could do anymore, biting his bottom lip as he looked into black eyes that silently questioned him.

“I-I uhm…” Matt uttered, shivering in his arms. He missed being held in Shiro’s embrace.

“What’s wrong?”

“… I can’t do this.” The brunet replied, feeling his stomach sit uncomfortably, his heart hammering in his chest like it was trying to escape again.

“… Oh.” Shiro breathed, the sound so broken and defeated that Matt nearly took back his words.

“I just… Everything is so up in the air right now, Shiro. I just… I need to make things right with Katie first…”

“I understand…” Shiro looked away, his arms falling from Matt’s body as he moved to stand.

“Shiro, wait,” The younger man spoke quickly, standing up before Shiro could leave him behind.

Matt pulled him down by the hood of his pull over, yanking him to his height and kissing him before the older man could question his actions. Matt tried to pour all of his emotions, his feelings and concerns into this kiss, because he wasn’t sure if could say what he needed to.

He needed Shiro to know though. He needed Shiro to know he still cared about him. It just wasn’t the right time.

When they pulled apart, Shiro held him as close as Matt did with him. He had his hands on his hips, holding him in a firm, but relaxed grip that told Matt he still wanted this. He still wanted _him_.

“It’s not that I don’t care about you, Shiro…” Matt began, holding his cheeks to make sure Shiro’s gaze never left his. “Because I do. I care about you so much that it hurts, but I-… I just… I need time…”

That wasn’t exactly how he wanted to say it. Time sounded like a never ending break up, and that’s not what he wanted. Whether they were ever together or not he still wasn’t sure, but he knew he wanted to be with him. He wanted Shiro, but with everything like it was, things would only be complicated.

“I understand…” Shiro whispered, tucking Matt’s overgrown bangs behind his ears. “I do… Because I care about you too…”

Matt’s heart sank for some reason, like that was the response Shiro was expecting. Maybe he was expecting something more, or maybe he was hoping for less. Less would have made this easier on the both of them, but knowing Shiro cared about him as much as he did meant that this process of putting things where they needed to be was going to be harder.

He wasn’t sure what all went into this pause in their relationship. If they were free to talk as normal, or leave it at business. If Matt could visit him when they weren’t working or training, or if it was just back to his and Keith’s room for bed. If they could share a few drinks of nunvill, or if he’d be drinking alone.

He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a process.


	13. The Blue Paladin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo I rewrote the last part really quickly, because it wasn't at all how I wanted it to be. The few ending sentences aren't there either, but it's a whole lot better than before. :3  
> -Misty

“I think she broke it…” Rolo commented, inspecting Matt’s nose up close. He was too close for comfort.

“She didn’t break it.” Matt assured him. “Humans bruise when they get injuries. This is normal.”

“Alright, if you say so…” Rolo walked away, his shoulder shrugging as he plopped back down in his chair beside Te-Osh.

“You make it sound like I don’t know the workings of a human body.” Matt remarked, rubbing gently over the forming bruise.

“It just looks like a nasty injury,” Allura spoke up, coming up to him to run her thumb over the bridge of his nose. “Maybe some time in the stasis pods will make you feel better.”

“I’m fine,” The man assured her, moving her hand. “Besides, I’m not leaving here until we get somewhere with Pidge.”

“That’s gonna be a while.” Rolo muttered.

Matt glared at him from the corner of his eyes, annoyance evident in the way his features fell. He was still angry about earlier, but after blowing off steam, and subsequently calling a time out between him and Shiro yesterday, he wasn’t nearly as irritated with the man as he was today.

Didn’t mean the snarky remarks about his sister were appreciated.

“We’re going to have to take a different approach with Pidge,” A voice spoke up. One Matt could place in a heartbeat.

He shuddered, his eyes falling to the floor as Shiro walked into the room. He couldn’t look him in the eye, even as a commanding officer in the ranks. He had told himself he could put this aside while working, and that he’d treat Shiro like nothing had changed between them, but something did, and he wasn’t good at hiding it.

It wasn’t forever. He kept telling himself this, but he still felt a great distance between him and the man.

It was only temporary.

“Shiro, you’ve been with Pidge and Lance the longest,” Allura pointed out. “What are some things we can do to get them talking?”

“Well…” Matt watched as Shiro rubbed the back of his neck, and for whatever reason, his mind wandered to the thought of him holding those arms against him.

_Get your mind together, Matt. You have work to do._

It was easier said than done.

“There’s only a few things I know really works for them. Matt already figured out that bad talking about the other does poorly, so that’s out.” Shiro stated. “We know Pidge loves robots and tech, and Lance loves his family and friends…”

“So maybe we just talk to Lance.” Te-Osh said. “If he’s the one who is more people friendly, he’s more likely to be the first to open up.”

“I don’t think Lance wants to talk to anyone, especially me.” Shiro mentioned, crossing his arms over his chest.

A quiet moment in the room settled between everyone. A few moments of serious thinking passed before anyone came up with something.

“Let me talk to him.” Matt said.

“Oh that’s a brilliant idea.” Rolo piped up, grabbing for his tablet pen. “Let you talk to the guy who’s sleeping with your sister. Why didn’t we-?”

Before he could finish his sentence, he jabbed the pen into his side, faking a serious injury, grunting and groaning in faux pain and rolling half way out of his chair.

“Rolo, knock it off.” Shiro warned. “And I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“And why is that?” Mary asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Rolo and Te-Osh got out of their chairs and backed away.

“Just as Rolo stated, I don’t think letting you in there when his relationship with your sister closely affects you.”

“You don’t think I can keep my personal opinions out of this?”

“H-Hey!” Te-Osh exclaimed, stepping between the two of them. “Let’s pro and con this! What’s the worst that could happen with Matt talking to Lance?”

“He shuts down and Matt blows up at him.” Rolo spoke up. Matt glared over the woman’s shoulder at him.

“And the best?” She asked.

“He scares him.” Shiro said. Matt glared at him too.

“Actually,” Allura spoke softly, pressing a hand into her chin, deep in thought. “That might help.”

“Scaring him?” Rolo asked.

“Well, yes and no. I mean, look at him.” Allura motioned to Matt’s being. “He and Katie could be twins. Lance is more than likely to recognize him.”

“But what do we gain from that?” Shiro asked her.

“I’m not sure, but it’s worth a shot.” Allura said. “I’ll allow it, but Matt, you have to keep yourself in check.”

“I can do that,” Matt assured, his back straightening.

He could, because he had to. Making any progress with his sister meant making an alley where he least expected it. Getting one Paladin on their side meant getting two, so he had to do this.

“Alright. Go on then.”

With the order from Allura, Matt turned away and headed for the lift. Before his eyes could tread to the floor, he caught a glimpse of Shiro.

He looked so distraught, and Matt didn’t know how to fix that.

He allowed himself a moment to breathe in the elevator. To lean into the wall, cross his arms over his chest, and check his emotions before meeting with Pidge’s paired partner. Lance seemed like the type of easily shut down, so he had to do this right.

That was _if_ he didn’t immediately shut down when he saw the brunet. Matt was a carbon copy of his sister, and seeing him walk into the room might have meant bad news for everyone.

All he could do now was hope.

The lift put him on their floor, and he followed the long halls right to Lance’s cell. Said teen was sitting on the floor, his back turned away from the glass wall, so he didn’t see Matt walk up. He only noticed him walk in, and by then, he was forcing himself to his feet.

He looked angry. He looked annoyed. He looked ready for a fight, but then he saw Matt.

He stopped.

His lips were parted to talk, but he didn’t. His eyes held a mixture of annoyed bemusement. His stance was tense, his shoulders up and drawn back like he expected a blow to the face, but it never came.

Matt shoved his hands in his pockets, standing quietly for a few tics to let his appearance sink in for the teen before speaking.

“… You know who I am?”

Lance looked taken aback by his voice. Almost as if he wasn’t expecting him to sound like that. Maybe he thought Pidge was pulling a prank on him, but clearly that wasn’t it, and he wasn’t sure what to think.

“… Y-You aren’t…” Lance’s voice was a little shaky, matching his posture. “… Matt?”

“Ding ding.” The older man crudely sounded. Lance shook his head in disbelief.

“N-No, you can’t be… You’re dead. You… You died.”

“Surprise.” Matt deadpanned.

“Wait, holy shit…” Lance finally broke from his frozen posture to walk in a small line back and forth, running his hands through his hair. “You… You’re alive.”

“Ta-da.”

Matt was very away he wasn’t doing a good job at talking with him just yet.

“T-This is…” Lance stopped, turning to completely face him. “Does Pidge know you’re alive?”

“I’m not here to talk about her right now.” Matt said, pulling his hands from his pockets and crossing them over his chest. “I’m here to talk to you.”

“Why? Pidge would be thrilled!”

If only it were that easy, then maybe Matt wouldn’t have been here in the first place.

“Focus, McClain.” Matt said. “Trust me. I have a lot to say about my sister. The one you’re _paired_ with.”

Lance flushed, but at the same time, it looked like the rest of his body drained of color. Interesting.

“O-Oh boy…” He stuttered.

“Uh huh…” Matt uttered. “But like I said. I’m here for you. Not her.”

“I didn’t touch your sister!” Lance blurted, putting his hands up in defense. “I swear!”

“Lance-” Matt began, but he interrupted him before he could go on.

“The Galra make us! I’d never do anything to her!”

For some stupid reason, maybe his overprotectiveness of his sister or his big brother instincts kicking in, but that one set something off in him.

“Why? Is she not good enough for you?”

“Huh?” Lance barely peeked from his eyes to see Matt’s angry stance.

“You’re just willing to give the Galra whatever they want, huh?”

“N-No, I-!”

“You think it’s alright to force that on her? To just screw her over and expect no consequences?”

“No!”

“Babies are a real thing Lance! They aren’t some pawn!”

“I know that!”

“And you’re just willing to knock her up and let your child die for the sake of some war?”

“Hey!” Lance barked, and suddenly that fearfulness of Pidge’s older brother was gone, replaced with anger. “I would never do that to either of them!” His words made Matt go quiet, his brown eyes betraying him and showing his hurt confusion. “I love Pidge! I would never do anything like that to her, because I respect her, and fuck you for thinking I’d be so willing as to give the Galra our baby! That’s my child someday, and I’d never let them have our kid!”

Lance threw a hand into his own chest, the other a fist in his side. He looked about ready to punch Matt out as well.

“All I want is to get the fuck out of here and go somewhere where Pidge and I can live in peace! For our kids to go out and play and not worry about a war! I’d never give the Galra our kids! That’s why we haven’t even had sex yet! Because they aren’t touching my family!”

Lance’s eyes were alight with anger, seething and panting from his fuming rant. He hadn’t dared take a step closer to Matt, but Matt was sure that, if he pushed just a bit more, he would.

So he didn’t.

He didn’t have any plans to, but even if he did, he couldn’t. Shiro ran up to the glass wall, opening the door and coming in. Slightly out of breath from running all the way here, he looked frazzled to say the least.

“Matt, come here.” Shiro said, waving a hand at him. The brunet looked over his shoulder at him, scoffing at the sudden interruption. It hadn’t been his intent to break out into an argument, and he had every intention to talk as if Lance hadn’t barked at him for his remarks, so why did Shiro still feel the need to come down and monitor him like a child?

“I can handle this, Shiro.” Matt said, his eyes narrowing at him.

_“Now.”_

It wasn’t a question or suggestion. It was a command. Matt was already in enough trouble for going to talk to Pidge against direct orders, so he had no choice but to follow.

“Stay here,” Matt warned, pointing a threatening finger at Lance. He turned to leave, but heard the snarky remark thrown his way.

“Like I can fucking leave...”

The brunet turned to glare at Lance, and when Lance caught on, he flushed and turned away.

“Matt,” Shiro spoke up, pulling his attention back to leave the room.

Once they were far enough away from the room, Matt was immediately irate.

“I could have handled that.” He bit out.

“We don’t have time for that.” Shiro said, pacing towards the lift. “Pidge is gone.”

“What?” Matt gasped. “What do you mean she’s gone?”

“She’s gone,” Shiro repeated. “She pulled a panel out of the walls and disabled the cell door, and now we don’t know where she is.”

As soon as the words left his lips, Pidge’s odd behavior made so much sense.

She wasn’t crazy. She’s been walking around the room with her hand on the wall, because she was looking for a weak spot to break and get to the wires locking her cell.

His sister was an absolute genius, and in a sense, she was very dangerous, but that didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was finding her before she did something stupid or endangered herself.

She was on an entire ship filled with many who considered her an enemy, and now they had to find her and keep her safe from their own _comrades_.

“Oh god…”

The realization hit Matt the moment they were in the elevator, his heart hammering hard and fast within his chest, and his knees shaking. His eyes burned with tears he hadn’t shed in years, and for a moment, even as the elevator moved up to the main floor, he felt like the world stopped.

This was happening. It was really happening. He was going to lose her again, and _again,_ he was too damn weak to do anything.

He was going to lose her, and maybe, had he listened and stayed to watch her through the cameras, she wouldn’t have snuck off.

“I-I lost her…” He shook, his voice wavering as he covered his mouth with a gloved hand. “I-I lost her again…”

“No, Matt…” Shiro grabbed the younger man by the shoulders, turning him until he was face to face with him. “We’re going to find her. Everything will be alright.”

“B-But she-”

“I know…” The soft hand rested against his cheek, his thumb brushing under Matt’s eye. “But we’ll find her. Trust me…”

Matt didn’t know how he did this. He didn’t know how Shiro could move on so easily, but part of him was really thankful about that. He was glad one of them could be the adult in this situation, because he would have been a mess had it not been for him.

They got to the main floor, and it was instant chaos. Everyone was on high alert, people running about, searching the nearby area while others monitored everything on the ship. Allura and Coran were scattering everyone, keeping everyone on designated sectors so that, if she showed up, she wouldn’t go far. They wouldn’t allow her to, but that started with finding where she went first.

Despite himself, Matt grabbed Shiro’s hand, allowing himself to be tugged around like a child, and he didn’t care who saw. He didn’t care what anyone said, because the comfort of Shiro’s hand, even the metal prosthetic, was worth it.

He was regretting what he had said yesterday.

“Any signs of her yet?” Shiro asked, pulling Matt along and keeping him close. Their fingers were intertwined, tangled, and no one asked why.

“We’ve picked up an anomaly in the ventilation shaft that might be her. It’s moving fast to the south wing by the training decks.” Olia told him, pointing to the hologram projected out into the room, showing the ventilation systems through the castle.

“She’s heading right towards the trainees. She’ll be surrounded.” Coran said.

“Let’s get down there then!” Matt exclaimed, already pulling on Shiro’s hand to run ahead.

“Matt, we need to make sure that’s where she goes.” Shiro said.

“But-!”

“I’ll keep you updated,” Olia assured them. “Go on. If she changes course, I’ll tell you.”

Olia could tell he was upset. It wasn’t often when they saw their lieutenant so disheveled, so to see him like this now meant needing to work with him. He wasn’t in the right frame of mind, and knowing it was his sister’s doing meant having to find her. It was the only was Olia knew she could help.

“Thank you.” Matt’s voice was a shaky whisper before he and Shiro left the room, Allura right on their tails.

* * *

Sure enough, when they got down to the training deck, it was exactly what Coran had said.

One of the wall panels had been destroyed, kicked out by Pidge. Said Paladin was now standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by the new recruits and older generals who had been working when she got there, unaware of the situation.

At least they _had_ been. Coran probably told one of them through the coms what was happening, which meant that they expected her arrival. All of them, from recruits to generals, and even some of the Arusians who joined them on their travel, had weapons in hand. Pointed. Aimed. Poised to kill if she made one wrong move, because she wasn’t important to them. She was an enemy, and as such, her death meant nothing to them.

“Pidge,” Allura called out, stepping slowly into the tightly packed circle of people around her.

The teen’s eyes were shifting between everyone, and at any other time, one would simply think she was nervous. Shiro could tell by years of training that she was scoping out her surroundings, however. Monitoring the weakest and for their weak points. Looking for all possible escape routes and ways to use the area around her to her advantage. Anything and anyway to get herself out of this.

That’s what Pidge did, and she did it very well.

“We aren’t here to hurt you. We’re trying to help you.” Allura spoke up, a hand outstretched to the teen in a manner that showed no harm. The teen scoffed, as if she couldn’t believe her words. Who would when one was staring at nothing but weapons and angry faces? “Please, let us take you back to your cell. We can talk there.”

Pidge was having none of it. She looked even more defensive now that she knew that they wanted to take her back.

“Put down your weapons. She’s not an enemy to us.” Shiro called over the crowd.

Many were hesitant, but they did as told. Even when some still followed the idea that she was in fact a threat to them, it was an order, and they had to listen.

That was when all hell broke loose.

Pidge bolted from her spot, running to the person closest to her and kicking their legs out from under them. She scattered and reached for their blaster, grabbing for it and bringing it to her chest, but already she was pinned.

Two people from behind her grabbed at her, one yanking the weapon from her hands while the other held her back. When she kicked and thrashed out, another alien came up to grab at her swinging legs, struggling to keep her still.

Pidge let out a loud grunt as they threw her down, pinning her to the floor with their weight, hands on the back of her head, neck, and back, and pulling her arms behind herself to tie them up. The teen let out a pained cry, wincing at the sensation that was none to pleasant, and suddenly, the image in front of Matt changed.

His heart drummed against his ribs. He saw blood. He saw Galra. He saw his small, twelve year old hands reaching for his baby sister as they pried her from his grasp. He saw them hurting her. Forcing her further and further away from him. He saw her crying, tears streaking down her face as Galra hurried to get her away from him, never to be seen again

Matt couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t speak without a stutter, his whole body shaking as he stepped away from Shiro’s side, his free hand reaching under his throw over to grab his retracted staff.

“Stop…”

His voice was trembling as much as he was.

Pidge cried out as they forced her back to the floor, this time with a painful thump that left her momentarily dizzy.

He saw Galra. He saw them taking her away again. He saw blood and felt pain in his chest and stomach from where their swords seared at his flesh.

“Matt..?”

The younger man didn’t hear Shiro behind him. He only saw ahead, watching the way they manhandled his baby sister, all because of who she was.

She wasn’t a Paladin.

_She’s just a little girl!_

“Stop it!” Matt screamed, running ahead to push past people.

His staff shot out, landing the first electrifying hit to one of the new cadets, and then another to someone standing beside them, completely unprepared. He didn’t know who they were either.

He only saw Galra.

Matt forced the electric current into two others who tried to stop him, but they fell quickly. He didn’t kill them, but he just needed them to _move_.

He jabbed at the two aliens on her back, and then the other forcing her head into the floor, pressing her nose into the metal so hard that it would surely bleed if he didn’t stop. They all fell, one by one until Pidge was freed, her unbound hands falling at her sides.

The brunet wasted no time in forcing her up to her feet, yanking her into his chest and wrapping a protective arm around her to keep her close and safe.

Not again. This wouldn’t happen again. They weren’t going to take her from him. He wasn’t going to lose here again-

“Matt!”

Matt swiftly turned around, his staff outstretched and poised to strike, but stopped at the sight of Shiro.

Shiro in a sea of Galra, a horrified expression on his face as he held out his arms, defensive and cautious. He was only a hairs breath away from the end of his staff, seeing the way it wavered and shook within Matt’s hand as he held it up.

This had to be done right. Matt wasn’t in his right mind. He’d been triggered enough to attack, and nothing stopped him from pushing the last few centimeters and thoroughly knocking Shiro unconscious, or worse.

He had to be careful with what he did next.

“Matt, it’s me…” The older man breathed, noticing when Pidge peeked past Matt’s shoulder to see him. She didn’t necessarily look scared, but she wasn’t happy either. “It’s me, Shiro…”

Matt stepped back with Pidge in his arms, putting space between them.

This wasn’t real. It was some trick of the eye. The Galra were just torturing him again, and he wasn’t going to fall for their tricks.

“Look, Matt…” Shiro held him arms up even more. “It’s only me. Just me. I’m not going to hurt you…”

When Matt didn’t move, Shiro lowered his arms. He noticed Allura off to the side, looking guilty and fearful. She had never seen Matt do this.

This wasn’t some fourteen year olds temper tantrum. Matt had momentarily been triggered by what he had seen, and she didn’t know how to handle this type of situation. Truthfully, Shiro didn’t either, but talking to him was better than doing nothing.

“Matt, please listen to me…” Shiro pleaded, bending over slightly to seem less threatening. _“No one here_ is trying to hurt you. No one wants to hurt your or Katie. We just want to make sure you guys are safe…”

“Y-You were hurting her!”

“That was an accident,” Shiro insisted, sucking in air when Matt forced his staff closer. Any closer and Shiro was in for the shock of his life, quite literally. “They were just scared Katie would get lost, but she isn’t. She’s right here. She’s safe with you…”

Matt’s arm lowered just the slightest, but it didn’t go far. He was still on high alert, his white-knuckled grip around Pidge still strong. She was beginning to look uncomfortable.

“No one is taking her from you again. I _promise._ We only want to keep you two together…”

Again his arm lowered. Matt looked down at his sister, tears burning his eyes as the blood stains in his vision began to fade. The room didn’t look like the desert they once lived in. He was seeing less and less Galra, and more familiar, _scared_ faces. The burning in his stomach and chest was still intense, but it didn’t feel fresh. It didn’t feel new. It was just there. Just a reminder of his past.

His past.

As in not happening now.

“Matt…” Shiro whispered, slowly reaching past the staff and to his hand. He felt the younger man’s hand tremble under his touch as he reached under his fingers, loosening his grip to make him drop his weapon. “We’re your friends, Matt… We’re here to protect the both of you…”

The staff clamored to the ground with a metallic clang, a collective sigh following from others around them, but Matt didn’t hear them.

He wrapped both of his arms around Pidge, keeping her pressed hard into his chest and he took a few slow, deep breaths to collect himself. He was shaking, his body tense and his muscles tight. His body broke out into a full shudder as Shiro’s hand fell to his lower back, a gentle touch that kept him grounded as he worked his way back to reality.

He had to remind himself of wear he was. Of what this was. Of _who_ he was, because the line was currently so thin. Was he twelve? Was he twenty-two? It was hard to remember.

Against his chest, he felt a small, quick movement.

Matt pulled his head back to look down, seeing Pidge looking at his chest, her fist clenching and unclenching like it had been yesterday, but it was a quick sort of movement that told him that she was anxious.

She wanted to talk.

Matt turned, looking to Shiro before reaching for his pack. He opened it up, ignoring Shiro’s question to pull out his tablet and hold it out.

“Here…”

He didn’t need to see it to know everyone around them tensed. What he was doing was dangerous, and the chances of her giving away their position were incredibly high, but he didn’t know.

He just trusted her.

Pidge took it from him, quickly looking for somewhere to type before doing so. When she handed it back, however, one of her hands tightened in the sleeve of his pullover, as if looking for comfort.

Or maybe it was help.

_“I just wanted to see Lance…”_

Matt’s eyes drifted to her, catching a quick glimpse of her amber eyes looking up at him, silently pleading and begging. She was relying on him now, and honestly, that wasn’t fair. One look of those big brown eyes, and he was hooked into wanting to do anything and everything to make sure she was happy.

She was his sister though. Somehow, he understood. 


	14. The Red Paladin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM THE DEAD, MOTHER F-  
> *shot*

Lance wasn’t sure what he was doing in this room. This room of nicer walls and a bed already made. This room with a small table and chairs, like a small hotel room off of a trading center. Definitely smaller than his cell, but far cozier.

He’d been put in here for hours now, left to pace and wonder what in the hell he was supposed to do. Left wondering how he and Pidge would get out of this, and if there was any way the two of them could sneak off from both the rebellion and the Galra when there was a knock on his door.

He sat up a little in his chair at the table, on high alert when the door opened. Shiro walked in, looking tired, disheveled, and worse for wear. That man from before, _Matt_ , walked in after him, seemingly in a same state. After that, Pidge was ushered in, her arms held back, but unbound, and her clothes a bit disheveled, but she was a sight for sore eyes.

“Pidge!” He exclaimed, standing from the table.

Pidge’s head shot up from looking at the floor, her eyes brightening and her cheeks stretching with a smile. Shiro let her go, and she left his and Matt’s sides, running to the Blue Paladin and throwing herself into his open and waiting arms. They almost fell to the floor in a heap, but Lance managed to hold her tightly against himself and keep them both stable.

They were shaking. Their arms trembling, legs numb, chests heavy with the weight of fear that was slowly disappearing. The familiar feeling of their arms around one another was enough to quell most of the anxiety from these past few days, and Lance couldn’t help but tear up.

He finally had her back in his arms again.

“Are you okay?” Lance asked, pulling back to look at her face. The brunette nodded, smiling to him as her eyes burned with tears. A few even spilled over her lashes, but he rubbed them away with his thumb and kissed her damp skin. “I’m so glad. I was so worried about you…”

Pidge nodded again, her way of saying she had been worried for him too before burying her face in his neck. Lance kissed along the side of her face, his fingers digging into the fabric of her sweater with a white-knuckled grip. She was sniffling against his ear, shaking and trembling, her fingers tangled in his short hair, but it didn’t hurt. If anything, he was glad she did it. It just meant that she had missed him too.

Blue eyes looked up to the other two men in the room, noticing the distant look on Matt’s face, with a soft, forced smile. He looked like he was hiding pain, and judging by the swelling of his eyes that hadn’t been there a varga ago, he very well might have been.

“Thank you…” He spoke up, feeling a stray tear slide down his cheek. Matt offered a brighter smile, a hint of happiness in his eyes. Something real and tangible, and not just lost in fog.

He nodded before turning away, leaving the room. He wasn’t too sure he wanted to stay any longer, but he couldn’t figure out why. He was happy to see his sister so happy, and to know that Lance actually cared for her beyond their paired relationship was relieving. She was safe with Lance, but maybe that was the real problem.

He wanted her to feel safe with _him,_ and she didn’t.

The problems they faced still remained. There was no trust given from the Paladins, and as it stood, Pidge didn’t remember him. Or maybe she did, but she made no signs that she remembered anything from her past.

It killed him. He may have been able to put on a fake smile for Lance, but on the inside, he was dying. This wasn’t how he picture their reunion going _at all,_ but what else could he do?

He didn’t have a clue.

“Are you okay?”

Matt wasn’t aware that Shiro had followed him out of the room, much less down the long corridor. He was been completely silent, waiting until they were out of earshot before speaking up.

“… I just want to go to bed…” The brunet mumbled, pushing his hands into his pockets.

“You’ve had a long, and frankly, emotional day.” Shiro agreed, pressing a hand into his shoulder. “If you want, you can stay with me.”

“I’m okay…” Matt mumbled, looking to the strong, comforting hand on his shoulder. “Keith is there. I won’t be alone.”

“… Are you sure?” Shiro asked him, and that comforting hand fell from his shoulder, trailing slowly down his arm. “It wouldn’t be a problem…”

“I’m sure,” Matt assured, stepping away from his touch. He had told himself he needed space and time to figure things out, but every time he backed away from Shiro’s touch, it felt like something burned him from within. Shouldn’t it have been the other way around?

“Alright…”

The rejection looked like it hit Shiro hard. Harder than Matt wanted it to. He only meant that he needed his space, but he could understand how that could have been misconstrued as something else.

“Shiro…” Matt quickly wrapped his arms around him, hugging him close and tight, hoping he got his point across. He wasn’t entirely sure what his point even was anymore, but whatever it was, he had to make sure Shiro understood.

“What is it?”

The brunet was relieved to feel his hands wrap around his waist.

“I suck at this…” Matt mentioned, pulling back to look at him. “B-But I just…”

What did he _just have_ to do? He wasn’t even sure he knew anymore.

“I know,” Shiro smiled, a chuckle deep in his throat as he looked into his eyes.

“Thank you… For earlier…” Matt mumbled, feeling the older man’s breath against his lips. “If it wasn’t for you, I would have fallen apart… Or… Killed some people.”

Matt looked away, guilt heavy on his shoulders.

“Matt,” Shiro said, a heavy breath leaving him. “There’s nothing wrong with what happened. You were triggered by what you saw, and it happens to the best of us. It happens to me too.” He added with a shrug.

“It’s horrifying…” The brunet uttered.

“Never said it wasn’t.” Shiro pulled back slowly, the warmth of his body leaving Matt’s before he had a chance to cuddle into his chest. “Now go to bed. You need your sleep.”

* * *

Matt awoke to a familiar sound, but he wasn’t sure why it happened.

His eyes opened slowly, exhaustion heavy on his mind and body. Everything in him told him to go back to sleep. Sleep in a dreamless state for as long as he could, but he couldn’t do it.

No. The bed beside his was empty, and while he normally knew Keith left early in the morning for training, it was never this early. His blanket was gone too, armor and suit left behind. Even his knife was sitting on its shelf, left in its sheath and waiting for its owner to return.

Where had he run off too?

Matt sluggishly got out of bed, tugging on his boots and not even bothering to lace them before wandering out of his room.

The halls were dim for the night cycle, the hall floors line with bioluminescent lights for anyone and everyone to see where they were walking, and the ceiling absolutely pitch black. The slow sound of the engines a gentle hum that told him to go back to bed, but his protective instincts were telling him he needed to find Keith first.

Matt had an idea. He had hoped he was wrong, but he had a feeling it was the only logical answer.

So he made out the short fifteen minute walk to the docking bay. There, where the red lion was held, still hiding behind its partial barrier, the bay room was nearly silent. The engines were louder here, and there were only a few in the room monitoring the great beasts’ statistics and data configuration.

And Keith. Couldn’t forget about him sitting on the ledge of the platform overlooking the machine, bundled up in his heavy blanket and looking exhausted.

Matt slowly came over, taking a seat beside him and letting his legs dangle over the edge of the observation deck. Keith jumped slightly when he noticed him, only to blink back the sleep from his eyes with a well-timed yawn.

“What are you doing up?” He asked mid yawn.

“I could ask you the same thing.” Matt said, scooting closer to tuck the blanket under Keith’s chin. He couldn’t help himself.

“… I don’t know.” The teen said, slowly looking to the beast in front of them. “I had this dream that someone was talking to me, but I didn’t know who, and I didn’t recognize the language. I woke up, and it was like… Like the voice in my dream was still there. So I thought maybe I could follow it...”

Matt took in his words carefully, eyeing the tired teen with an exhausted, but otherwise disbelieving expression.

“You followed a random, disembodied voice?”

“Stranger things have happened…” Keith mentioned, and Matt had no argument for it. “It just brought me here. I figured I’d sit for a while and wait until I was ready for bed.”

“So you didn’t figure out who was talking then?” Matt asked him.

“No. I don’t know how to explain it, but I don’t think it was a voice.” Again, Matt gave him a bemused look, one that Keith saw from the corner of his tired eyes and scoffed at. “I don’t know either. I can’t explain what I heard. It just… It lead me here. That’s all.”

Brassy eyes turned up to the red lion in front of them, staring at the creature with fascination, but also horror.

_You have a funny way of showing it…_

Matt would have grunted in its direction had it not been for the oddly specific stare he felt it was giving him. He tried to recall what Shiro had said about the lions that formed Voltron, but he was so tired, he couldn’t seem to collect his thoughts.

All he could remember for certain, however, was Shiro’s assumption wavering his certainty in his mind.

“Hey, Keith…” He mumbled without looking away.

“Yeah…?”

“Was there any other reason other than saving us that brought you to the Castle of Doom?” He asked him, slowly turning to look his way.

“Huh?” Keith gaped at him. “What do you mean? I just came to save you guys.”

“You didn’t hear the same thing then?” The older man asked curiously. “Nothing talked to you then?”

“What are you getting at…?”

“I’m just curious.”

The two of them fell into a dull silence. Something at least normal, however. Keith and Matt were used to being quiet around one another, so nothing was awkward at least.

“… It’s not something I heard, but… _Felt.”_ Keith eventually said, leaning into Matt’s side.

“What do you mean?” Matt asked him, looking down at the teen.

“I felt… Safe.” Keith spoke slowly, trying to to figure out the right words to explain this. “I should have been horrified when the red lion got me, but instead, I felt really… Safe. Like, no matter what happened outside the ship, he’d take care of me…”

 _Strange,_ Matt thought. He was acutely aware that Shiro never mentioned this lions particular gender around Keith. How could he have possibly figured that out on his own?

The answer was so painfully obvious. Shiro’s words were practically screaming in his head now, and yet he was forcibly telling himself that he was wrong. This was wrong. This whole situation that Keith was thrown into was so, so wrong.

He wasn’t the Red Paladin. He couldn’t have been. It wasn’t fair that Voltron would claim another person that he loved, and why him? Out of everyone in the universe, Voltron only chose children? How messed up was that?

Well. Excluding Shiro.

“Keith…” Matt sighed, slowly wrapping his arm around the teen’s shoulders. Keith’s body relaxed against his, his shoulders dropping in the familiar comfort of Matt’s touch. “Whatever happens… Just know that I’m here for you, okay? That I’ll never let anything or anyone hurt you…”

The soft snore beside him stopped him in his tracks.

Looking down, Matt couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Keith sleeping against his shoulder, head lulled into his neck and eyes closed peacefully. Lips parted to let out just the tiniest hint of a snore, one that Matt didn’t often hear unless Keith was dead to the world from training.

It was a sight for sore eyes.

“Sleep well, Keith…”

* * *

“Matt, wake up…”

The brunet started from his sleep, blearily blinking back the fog of a dreamless sleep to see the ceiling of his bunk, the picture of him and Katie as kids tapped off to the side, and the dull nightlights illuminating the otherwise dark room. He felt a squeeze against his arm and a gentle push against his bare chest, eyes drifting to find Shiro standing over him, one knee resting against his bed while he hovered over him.

“Shiro…?” He saw Keith barely sitting up from his bed, equally as confused by the older man’s presence in the room. “What’s wrong…?”

“It’s Pidge…”

* * *

Matt was hardly dressed when they got to the security room. He’d only thrown on his under armor and his boots, which left him feeling oddly naked, even though he wasn’t. Keith was barely any better, wearing a pair of shorts and his sleep shirt, but he wasn’t going to miss the rush of anxiety that was happening.

“What’s going on?” Matt asked, wandering over to the table where his teammates sat, one of which was frantically writing on a paper while looking at a screen.

“Glad you finally made it,” Rolo said, motioning down to Te-Osh. “She’s been doing her best to write down everything, but since we don’t speak Galra, we can’t make heads or tails of any of this.”

Matt leaned over the woman’s shoulder, looking over the horrible handwriting and terrible excuse for Galra alphabet, but he couldn’t hold it against her. He was only one of the few who really picked it up, and as such, he was one of the few currently on the ship who could read what his sister was saying.

“Here,” Matt took the pen from her when she offered it up to him, standing to let him sit down in the chair she had occupied. He looked to the screen, seeing it zoomed in on his sister and Lance, laying in the bed within the room together.

Her fingers were hard to see, but she was scribbling in his hand. Small little symbols and Romanization of Galra chatter. She must have known they were being watched, and as such, she wasn’t afraid to use her own knowledge of the Galra language to talk to Lance in her own way. Without her tablet, and without so much as a pen and paper, she resorted to using his hand to talk to him.

 _“I’m not sure,”_ Lance’s words were in response to something he didn’t catch between his and Te-Osh’s exchange of seat, so he opted to just start from here.

Ver, a partical with qui and a present tense. Matt’s mind was so muddled with a lack of sleep that it was hard to keep up, but all he needed to do was write out what she was gesturing in his hand. He could catch up later.

_“So what do we do then?”_

Pidge was like him. A healthy curiosity and knowledge, and being raised by Galra meant it was her second language. She actually mastered the language far better than he had, so it was hard to keep up, but he had to do this. Whatever they were talking about, which they figured was being privately discussed, would be important. Why else would she write in his hand?

 _“I don’t know…”_ Lance spoke, probably not as concerned by the possible eyes watching him. Maybe that’s what he wanted.

_“We have to do something. We have to leave.”_

_“I don’t…”_ Lance sighed, sitting up a little so he could lean his weight into an elbow. _“Pidge… Maybe we should just sit back for a bit.”_

Pidge sat up too, shaking her head to voice her confusion to him.

 _“What do you mean?”_ She wrote this into the pillow instead.

 _“I’m just saying that… Maybe it’s okay if we’re stuck here for a bit.”_ Pidge sat up completely, a small whine escaping her. That was probably her only way of showing her displeasure. _“I’m not saying forever, but it’s just… I mean, it’s not like they plan on torturing us like the Galra have.”_

The brunette suddenly shot up from the bed, throwing the covers back and stomping on sock clad feet. Matt watched her pace, waiting for her to do something, say something (He could always hope), or write something so he could continue translating what it was she was saying.

 _“Pidge, it’s not that insane, is it?”_ Lance asked her, sitting on the edge of the bed. His partner waved her hand at him, almost as if tossing the idea out entirely. _“Listen, I’m not happy about it either, especially after what Shiro did, but we know these guys aren’t going to hurt us.”_

It was impressive to see how well Lance had adapted himself to her lack of spoken language. He was so used to her non-verbal cues and body language that he barely needed her to write what it was she needed to say out.

Whatever she did; be it a simple wave of her hand or her fingers squeezing together, he just understood whatever it was she had to say.

_“I just know. I know they do bad things too, but you can’t disagree here that they aren’t fighting for the right reasons. They were forced into this war just as much as we were.”_

Matt could only wonder if it was Lance’s older age that brought about his different way of thinking. His time spent with his family at such a pivotal growth period meant he was old enough to take in the proper teachings of his parents. He could still see which side of the war they needed to be on, which was better than they could ask for.

In a sense, that made him and Pidge like fire and ice.

 _“Pidge, I get it.”_ Pidge tossed her hands out at him, as if confused and bewildered by his words. _“But… I mean, this is already a hell of a lot better than we’ve had it. I’m not saying we need to join the rebellion, but working with them for a bit might mean we get the hell out of here faster.”_

Pidge went over to the nearest wall to furiously write out what she needed to say. Some things she still had to get out, especially sentences either too long or too important for her not to speak.

_“I’m not working with them!”_

_“Don’t you think it’s better though?”_ He asked her. _“I mean… What about your brother? He’s fighting for us too.”_

Matt couldn’t say he hadn’t been expecting that, but he hadn’t been expecting the effect it would have. It was like a pin had been pulled from a grenade, and they were all just waiting for that to go off.

_“That is not my brother.”_

The man really hadn’t expected those words to hurt as much as it did. To feel like someone had stabbed him.

He could honestly say that he’d much rather prefer for a Galra general to stab him again then have to hear that.

 _“Pidge…”_ Lance remarked, his voice laced with a sense of guilt. When Pidge swatted her hand at him again, his shoulders slumped. _“Katie, listen. I know that’s hard to believe, but haven’t you seen the guy?”_

The sound she made, something like an Asusian being strangled, came as a surprise. Especially when it was the loudest sound she had made since she got here, minus the one incident Matt wanted to forget about entirely.

 _“I mean…”_ Lance sighed, as if bracing himself for the impact. _“Don’t you think… Maybe there’s some way he survived? That the guy who has been walking around here really is your brother?”_

Again she released another sound. Something much louder, bordering a held back scream of pain. Lance immediately jumped from the bed at that, grabbing her arms and steadying her when she clamped her hands over her ears.

_“Katie-!”_

She screamed again, and this time she didn’t hold back. Maybe she wasn’t aware of how loud she screamed with her ears covered, but she didn’t seem taken aback by her own throaty screech.

Lance wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest as she struggled within his grip, but it didn’t seem like she was fighting him.

It was almost as if she was fighting herself, or better yet, fighting the memories.

Matt’s breath caught in his throat, the pen falling from his fingers. The sound of her painful sob made him dig his nails into his palms, swallowing back his own tears.

Shiro had been right.

 _“I’m sorry…”_ Lance apologized, hushed and guilty as he rocked her gently in his arms, his fingers carding through her hair. He kissed the top of her head over and over again, apologetically wincing every time she so much as whimpered against his chest. _“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Katie. I won’t bring it up again. I promise…”_

Matt felt the hand pressed into his shoulder. He knew he wasn’t alone in this room, Shiro right beside him, keeping him grounded while Keith stood behind him, watching him break down.

He hadn’t done that in front of Keith yet, and he couldn’t. He still had to be the stable minded adult in the room. He still-

“Matt,” Keith said, reaching for the pen he dropped. The brunet looked to him, watching the teen slip the tablet out from under his hands and take it into his own. “I’ve got this. You can go rest…”

Once again, Keith had to be the adult in a situation he didn’t need to be in. It had probably just been their first idea to grab Matt considering he was Pidge’s brother, but it might have been simpler to let Keith handle the translation. He was one of the few who was fluent in the Galra language too.

“… I-I can do this.” Matt assured, but his voice was shaky and unsteady. He didn’t sound half as confident as he wanted to be, because he was an adult. He could put his emotions to the side. He could _handle this_ , couldn’t he?

“Matt…” Shiro spoke softly, squeezing at his shoulders. “It sounds like their discussion is over anyway. There no need for a translator…”

The younger man looked back at him, hurt and discomfort written all over his face, but Shiro was right. There wasn’t much he was needed for in this situation.

Why did that hurt so much to admit?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will make up for the shortness of this chapter. e-e I promise.


	15. Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo if it tells you how excited I am for the next chapter, chapter 16 is already done, and was proof read before this one. This also means we're reaching the end! Well, not exactly the end. I don't have the chapters written down and summarized yet, BUT I know we're coming close. I'm thinking maybe 6 left? We'll see.  
> -Misty

It was hot. Scalding. Every nerve in his body was alight with fire.

A groan left the brunet’s lips, his arms covering his face to hide his red cheeks and parted lips. His chest heaved with exertion, of pleasure sucking the air from his lungs as hands trailed down his chest. Down his abdomen, over his scars, and down, down right to where everything was radiating from.

“S-Shiro…”

The older man’s name was a pleading whimper for more. For faster, harder, _everything_ , until he couldn’t take much more.

Lips found his aching cock, curling around the tip and taking it into the hot cavern that was Shiro’s mouth. His tongue rolled on the underside, below the head where he was most sensitive, and Shiro knew it. He knew just how to get him right on the edge.

Matt’s fingers tangled into his hair, holding him in place as the man’s head bobbed up and down, swallowing him whole. Taking him further and further until he reached fine hair at the base, and then back up to play with the slit and taste the precum practically oozing.

He wasn’t going to make it. He wasn’t going to last, and he wanted to say so, but the words were caught in his throat, trapped between whimpers and groans and moans and pleas for more, more, _more_. He wanted to cum, and Shiro knew how to keep him teetering before sweet release, and just when he felt he was right there, ready to cry out in pure orgasmic bliss-

He woke up.

Matt awoke with a start, eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling of his dark room, far too early into the morning cycle to actually be awake. He was panting, hands clutching at his blankets so tight that he was surprised there were no tears.

Everything around him was painfully quiet. A stark contrast to the echoing moans in his ears. It was cold, unlike Shiro’s warm, inviting touch, and everything was still a mess.

The brunet sat up on his elbows, looking about the dark room with some form of hope building in his chest that Shiro would be there. That what had been wasn’t actually a dream, and that Shiro was with him, not off somewhere on the ship, probably sleeping too. Probably uncaring for the two weeks that had gone by with no progress towards the paladins, and none between themselves either.

Keith was fast asleep in his cot, laying on his side facing the wall. The only sound in the room was his soft snoring, barely audible to the universe had it not been so quiet. His shoulders rose and fell with a dreamless sleep, and Matt smiled groggily, happy to know Keith was temporarily away from the horrible war that was their life.

He sat up all of the way, feeling an awfully familiar wetness in his sleep pants, along with his cock falling limp from the dream. Just a dream and not a reality that Matt so desperately wished for. A reality that seemed so simple, if only for the problem that was their current situation.

He sighed quietly to himself, slowly kicking the sheets away and stepping out of bed. He made quick work of the laboratory, washing himself up and donning a new pair of pajamas before slipping on his boots and leaving the room.

He needed to walk. He needed to clear his mind and free his trouble, though that sounded like a pipe dream. He just needed to be away from sleep, even if and when he knew it was pivotal.

Matt wasn’t sure where he was walking to. He decided wherever his feet carried him he’d go. He figured he’d go to the Red Lion to see it close up, or maybe the training deck to spare with the gladiator and blow off steam. Keith really seemed to enjoy doing that when he had nightmares, but instead, Matt found himself walking towards the private monitored corridors instead.

Rolo has long since fallen asleep. Matt couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the way the man drooled onto the tablet under his face, ruining the notes he’d been taking. He was completely unaware of everything around him, and the brunet would bet anything that if a ship crashed into them, he’d have no idea.

Brown eyes fluttered to the screens, taking a look inside the room to where his sister and her partner were.

Pidge was laying in bed, fast asleep and curled on top of Lance’s chest. A small fist tugged at his jacket, tangled in the fabric so tight Matt wondered if she were actually asleep, or possibly just that possessive.

Lance lay awake under her, a hand of his stroking down her back while the other ran through her hair. His blue eyes stared up at the ceiling, and for a brief moment it almost looked like he was staring at the camera, like he was aware that her brother was there and watching them intently. He was probably aware he was being watched in the first place.

Lance wasn’t dumb.

Matt couldn’t help but wander from the cameras, and why he did it he wasn’t too sure, but his fingers touched the lock screen, letting the door slide open to the room.

He stood there quietly as Lance lifted his head, careful not to jostle his girlfriend against his chest. Apparently she was dead to the world, unaware of Matt’s presence, or as he came into the room, letting the door slide shut behind him.

“You’re awake late…” Matt mumbled, finding a low gravel to his voice that only ever came with a lack of sleep.

“I could say the same to you,” The brunet whispered, his hands slowly wrapped around Pidge. His protectiveness of her hadn’t dispelled in the past two weeks either.

“Don’t worry,” Her brother said, taking a chair from the table and bringing it up to their bedside. “I’m not here to interrogate or anything like that. Even if I was, your guard is fast asleep. He’s useless right now.”

“So why are you here?” Lance asked him, clearly cautious. He’d been a little more open towards interacting with Matt after he brought Pidge back to him. He still refused to talk to Shiro, but Matt seemed to be okay in his book, at least for now anyway.

“… Not sure.” Matt shrugged his shoulders, stifling a yawn. “I’m tired as hell.”

“… So why don’t you go back to bed?” It wasn’t meant to sound as much of a question as it had. Matt has picked up on Lance’s attempts at sarcasm with him whenever they talked.

“Can’t. This ship is haunted as fuck and I’m not sitting next to a bloody ghost anymore.”

Matt’s sense of humor was, for back of a better word, _lack-luster_ when he was tired.

“This place is haunted?” Lance asked, and had it not been for Pidge laying against his chest, he probably would have sat upright.

“I’m fucking with you,” The older man deadpanned, rolling his eyes. “I can’t sleep. I needed to walk to clear my head and it brought me here. That’s all.”

The teen seemed anxious at that, like he’d much rather prefer the castle ship being haunted than Matt’s lame, but real excuse.

“… Why can’t you sleep?” He asked, looking down just to make sure Pidge was still sleeping.

“Start with why you can’t and I’ll tell you.” Of course he wouldn’t say the real reason he couldn’t sleep, but it gave him something to talk about until he got tired.

“Oh, just… Thinking too much.” Lance admitted, and once again his eyes drifted down. His blue gaze softened on Pidge, his fingers once again carding through her hair when she sighed in her sleep. His voice dropped to a soft whisper to avoid waking her. “I’ll be honest… I’m trying to think of how Pidge and I can get out of here safely.”

“I bet.”

“I just… I want to be somewhere where I know we’re safe. No Galra forcing us to risk our lives and no rebels fighting for our lives. Why does that seem so hard to ask for?”

“It’s not,” Matt admitted, scooting forward to sit on the edge of his chair. “You don’t know how often I’ve wanted to take Pidge and go home. All I want is for this war to be done, and so I can raise her with the childhood she deserved. Sometimes I wonder myself why that seems so hard to imagine…”

Lance’s lips parted, as if wanting to say something, but something in his eyes, some emotion Matt couldn’t quite place, made him change his mind.

“You mean Earth?” He asked with uncertainty.

“Yeah… Haven’t been there in ten years…” Matt confided. “I know how you feel, Lance. Trust me. No one on this ship will understand more than I do how you feel, which is why I was hoping you could help us somehow.”

“I tried…” Lance admitted, but stopped short of speaking any louder to remind himself that Pidge slept on, unaware of the conversation happening above her head. ”I tried, but I… She didn’t like it.”

“I know. I saw.” Matt gently nodded as he spoke.

“I should have known. You guys watch every move we make. I can’t even sneeze without you knowing about it.”

“If it makes you feel any better, no one knows I’m here. I’m pretty sure I can get in a shit ton of trouble for this, but I thought it would help if you had a friend to talk to.”

Lance’s brows furrowed at that.

“A friend…?” He asked.

“Well, friend is a long shot, but maybe later down the road, we can work on it. For now, I have a feeling you need someone to talk to.” Matt explained, sitting up a little when his back started to ache.

“I’m not alone. I have Pidge, and I talk to her all of the time.” Lance reminded him, his fingers tucking some soft hair behind her ear.

“You… You _talk_ to her?” Matt asked, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Well, not _talk_ talk, but we make it work.” Lance told him. “Whatever makes her comfortable, I guess…”

“So you’ve never heard Pidge talk, huh…?”

“No…” The brunet sighed. “I’ve never heard her voice before. I’ve tried before to get her to talk, but she always shuts down on me when I do, almost like she physically can’t, but I know nothing medically is stopping her from doing it.”

Pidge took in a long, deep breath and let out a sigh. Lance waited until he knew for sure she was asleep before continuing.

“I know she has her reasons, and that those reasons have absolutely nothing to do with me, but…” Lance’s shoulders slumped, his eyes falling in what could only be described as guilt.

“But you wish she’d still talk to you…” Matt finished for him.

“I know it’s completely selfish. She doesn’t talk because she chooses not to, and I know that’s got nothing to do with me, but sometimes I wonder… If maybe I’m not enough to help her through whatever it is she’s going through…” Lance sighed, obviously struggling with the topic. “A-And I know it isn’t me, but… I just wish it _could be_ me.”

“You’re right,” Matt spoke up, and Lance’s eyes quickly fell to him. “It has nothing to do with you, but that doesn’t mean she cares any less for you.”

“I know…” The teen slowly nodded. “I know she cares about me… I just wish I could hear her say it.”

For whatever reason, Matt chuckled. Something soft and oddly confusing for Lance.

“You really care about my sister, don’t you?” He asked, though the answer was obvious. It wasn’t meant to be an actual question, just rhetorical.

“I-I uh…”

“I’m glad. That tells me that she’s safe with you, and that’s all that really matters to me.”

“To be fair, she kicks way better ass than I do.”

The two of them laughed at that, something quiet, because they were pushing their luck with how long Pidge would sleep. Being trapped inside a room left very little to do, and much of their time was spent sleeping. She couldn’t have been that tired.

“Good to hear,” Matt said, covering his mouth to hide a smile. “I knew I raised her right.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did.”

Lance shot him a disapproving look, and Matt held up his hands in defeat.

“I know some stuff about you from Katie, but… How did you survive?” Lance asked him, all jokes aside.

“A man named Alfor saved me. He took me off of Earth and brought me back here.” Matt explained, an open book. It wasn’t like his scars didn’t show or the emotional wounds didn’t make it obvious already.

“He took you from Earth?”

“Yeah… I was in a coma for two years before waking up to find out the rest of the universe had gone to shit.”

“Wow…” Lance uttered, his breath stuttering. “How… How bad was Earth when you left?”

“Pretty bad, but I can’t say for sure. We were in the desert outside of Las Vegas, hiding from heavily populated areas. We really didn’t see much in the ways of grass or flowers unless they were desert flowers.”

“Huh…” Lance breathed slowly. “It’s probably in bad shape… But I wish I could go back…”

“You’ll get the chance.” Matt offered, setting a hand down on Lance’s shoulder. It was the first bit of contact from him that didn’t have the brunet jumping away. In fact, Lance looked thankful. “I swore this war would end so I could take Katie home. That’s all I want, and I want that for you and your family too.”

Matt would have liked to have said more, but Pidge breathed in sharply, letting out a slow, deep breath as the world returned to her. Her eyes twitched as her mind became aware, and her brother stood, moving the chair back to the table to avoid being seen.

Lance’s eyes followed him briefly, but only left him when Pidge lifted her head, eyes blearily blinking before Matt disappeared behind the door. He wanted to stay and talk more, but it wasn’t his place. He wasn’t allowed to be in contact with Pidge, and what he had done had gone against many protocols. He was simply asking to be kicked off of the ship at this point, but he couldn’t resist.

He was getting somewhere with Lance. He wasn’t sure what that meant for Pidge, because she was a far different battle to fight, but maybe having Lance on his side would help, even just a little?

They both wished for the same things. They wanted to be back on Earth. They wanted freedom and peace, to be away from war and safe from anyone who dared hurt them. Lance just wanted a safe place for Pidge to be, where they could both live without a war, and that’s all Matt wanted too. Granted, his reasoning was different, but their end goal was the same.

Just like that, an idea popped into Matt’s head on his slow walk back to his room. A crazy one, but an idea nonetheless.

* * *

Matt steeled himself with a slow, deep breath, feigning the confidence he needed for this meeting, but that was hard when he didn’t have much of it for his plan to begin with. There was no telling if it would work, and in his head he factored out that the chances of it working were slim to none.

Regardless, he had to try.

With the very little confidence he had securely tucked away, he knocked gently on the door, hearing a brief order from within the room telling him to come in before doing so.

Matt instantly caught the eyes of the three in the room. Allura and Coran, who smiled affectionately to see him up and about (he hadn’t been doing much of anything since his incident with Pidge), and a woman to the side who had been speaking with them. A woman he barely remembered as the leader of the Olkari, and he could come to the conclusion by her clothes, but he couldn’t remember her name.

“Ahh, Matt! To what do we owe the privilege of your visit?” Coran asked him, ushering him to come forward to stand with the small group.

“I don’t know what you mean about privilege, but I’ll take it.” He joked, smiling at them.

“You’re hardly ever up this early.” Allura pointed out. “It’s nice to see you moving around.”

“There’s hardly any sleep happening anyway.” Matt shrugged his shoulders, brushing off the concerned looks, because that wasn’t what he was here for.

“Oh, where are my manners.” Allura recollected her thoughts, turning in her seat to face the woman she’d been speaking with. “Mathew Holt, this is Ryner, the leader of the Olkari and a major trading expert to our rebellion.” Allura motioned to the woman with a gentle wave of her hand. “And Ryner, this is Lieutenant Mathew Holt, brother to the Green Paladin of Voltron, and our resident tech expert.”

“Lost the captain tag I see.” Matt mumbled, more for himself than for others, and yet Allura shot him an aggravated glare. “Still in trouble. Got it.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, lieutenant. I’ve heard a lot about your endeavors and academic achievements through Allura and Coran.” Ryner smiled at him as she shook his hand.

“Nah, they’re just gushing.” The brunet remarked, shrugging his shoulders lightly, but there was some form of pride swelling in his chest to know he was so highly received. “It’s nice to meet you too. I’ve been hoping to meet our main supporters for a while now.”

“Well I apologize for the delay. We’ve been in hiding under constant Galra chatter and radar, so it’s been tough to properly communicate or escort supplies when it’s needed.”

“No apologies, Ryner. We understand the circumstances.” Allura assured before turning her gaze towards the man before her. “So what do we owe the pleasure, Matt?”

It was quite common for Allura to say Matt’s name without the title added on. They were close enough friends that she actually forgot about it, but she also forgot that she was in the presence of other leaders, and Ryner was no less than taken aback by the lack of proper etiquette from none other than a princess herself.

“I’d like to request a short meeting with you.” He explained, taking up a more stiff posture.

Well, here goes nothing.

“Can this be done here?” Allura asked him. “Ryner doesn’t have much time before she has to be on her way.”

“Yes, I promise it won’t take long.” He assured. The princess offered up a silent nod, her way of saying to go ahead. Coran took a seat next to her, and the three of them fell silent to listen to him.

Yep. Here really went nothing.

_Come on, Matt, you got this..._

“… I’d like to take Katie back to Earth.” He announced, and the reaction was just about as expected.

Ryner didn’t have much of a take on it, but Allura and Coran both immediately looked horrified, if not slightly angry at the idea he had spoken allowed.

“You what?” Allura asked, slowly standing from her seat.

Uh oh. That was never good.

“I’d like to take Katie back to Earth.” He repeated, standing tall despite the drop in his stomach. Something that felt insanely akin to when he sparred with her and she socked him in the gut. “With your permission.”

“Absolutely not,” Allura declined quickly.

“Princess Allura, please.” Matt pleaded with her, losing the tough posture he kept. It wasn’t helping him anyway. “Just hear me out-”

“Matt, I know you miss home,” Coran interrupted him, standing from his chair as well. “But we can’t allow you to go home with her. Not right now.”

“No, it’s not like that! Please, just listen…” Again he had to find the courage to keep going. He couldn’t think of anything left to do to get his sister on their side, on _his_ , and to believe he really was her brother. This was all he had left in him, and it just had to work. It had too. “Allura, you should understand this better than anyone.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” The young woman asked, her arms crossing over her chest in a very un-princess like manner.

“Put yourself in her shoes.” He told her, motioning to the castle around them. “She has no family other than those she trusts, and she’s already lost someone like that. She’s in a place that’s unfamiliar to her. This isn’t her home and she’s _scared._ Shiro told me how you were once you awoke from the cryopods.”

Allura looked taken aback, almost as if she hadn’t known Matt knew about that time. He hadn’t been here, but it shouldn’t have surprised her that he heard it from someone who had been close by. Maybe it was because it was Shiro that told him that truly upset her, but hearing it in a different light helped her better understand.

“I know how dangerous this is, but maybe if you let her out, let her go home to see where she came from, and give her a chance to breathe without constant eyes on her, she may be more willing to help us. Maybe… Maybe if seeing how far Earth has fallen, she would be willing to help more. It’s her home.”

“You said you would take her back.” Coran stated cautiously.

“I would go with her, yeah, but just us. Let me take her back home, and let me talk to her. I know I messed up the first time, but Shiro was right when he said I shouldn’t have talked to her. I wasn’t ready.”

“What makes you so sure you can handle it now?” Ryner asked, her hands clasping together and resting her chin on top of them, knobby elbows resting on the table. She wasn’t trying to be insulting; it was a legitimate question that deserved an answer, and coming from a logical point of view that wasn’t biased.

“… I don’t know if I can, to be honest.” He responded, his eyes dropping to look at the floor and avoid her tactile stare. “She’s my sister, and Earth is my home… Right now all I’m going on is gut instinct that it’ll work out somehow.”

“I don’t mean to be negative, but your last instincts nearly killed an entire crew, as well as got you a black eye. They haven’t been completely right.” Coran said, but it went ignored.

“Princess…” Matt spoke to her and only her. “You know what it’s like to lose your home and your family. If you had the opportunity to visit Altea again, especially if it meant furthering our victory in this war, wouldn’t that be something you wanted?”

Allura scoffed, her head turning away as she frowned deeply. He wasn’t too sure what that meant for someone like her.

“That’s a low blow, Lieutenant.” Allura remarked, practically scowling.

“You know I’m right, and I know you know how she feels.”

Allura sighed heavily, some of the anger in her expression dwindling, because Matt was right. She knew exactly how Pidge felt, and right now the only person she had to trust was in the same predicament.

Maybe some of that separation would be good for the two of them too. It would force her to communicate without him.

“… I won’t give you a long visit.” Allura spoke up, surprising the room. Matt mostly, who felt like the world’s weight dropped off of his shoulders.

“Really?”

“Allura, are you sure?” Coran asked her, setting a hand on her shoulder. “If something happens and she runs off-”

“I’ll accept full consequences.” Matt assured him. “But if she doesn’t have Lance nearby, something tells me she won’t go far without him.”

“You’ll have two varga to do what you need, and no more.” The princess asserted, and Matt nodded slowly.

Yeah. He could do that. Two hours was all he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I post the next chapter too as a Christmas present? ;)


	16. No Talking Zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What was that I said last chapter? That I "Had this done before chapter 15, and might upload it for Christmas"???   
> I don't know why I put stuff like that out into the universe when adulting happens only two seconds later.  
> Hope you all had a beautiful holiday season though. :)   
> -Misty

Back to where it all started.

Matt’s eyes drifted over the lifeless desert. Not even a tumble weed in sight. Everything was dead at this point, and not too far, probably ten miles, he could see the remnants of the city they used to hide from in the distance.

No longer smoky. No longer on fire. No longer anything but what looked like dust and rubble scattered across the desert, long since forgotten about.

Ten years.

It had been ten years since his feet touched Earth’s soil, and while he longed for the days he could return home, now it only brought him dread.

“Are you alright?”

Shiro’s deep voice brought him from his dark thoughts, his eyes lifting from the dust fluttering over his boots to look at the man standing beside him.

“I should be asking you that…” He said, watching the light breeze blow the white bits of Shiro’s hair in his face. “You’ve been gone from Earth longer than I have.”

“My home is where my family is…” Shiro stated slowly, carefully, offering a gentle smile towards him. “That’s on this ship with you, Keith, Allura, Coran, and everyone else who took me in.”

Matt smiled, reaching out to brush his fingers along the back of Shiro’s hand, but stopped short at the small grunt coming from the lift as it came down.

Nyma and Rolo stood on it, Pidge in Nyma’s arms and struggling in her grip. The smaller brunette had a canvas bag over her head, her arms cuffed behind her back like she was some kind of animal that needed to be kept from the light. Matt’s heart ached to see her like that, but he knew they had to take precautions.

They were just following orders.

“It was a bitch to separate her and Lance.” Nyma said, forcing Pidge forward off the lift and into Matt’s waiting arms to hold her against his chest. “You better make this worth it.”

Matt had nothing to say to that. Instead he smoothed a hand down his sister’s arm, hoping that something, _anything_ would help her relax, though he didn’t think it would. She had no idea what was going on, trapped and blinded to the world to simply let herself be forced around and separated from her partner against her will, and he hated that it had to happen like this.

It was his only chance though. Whatever saved her and got her onto their side, and this was his last idea. If this didn’t work…

If it didn’t work, he wasn’t sure where they would go from here.

“We’ve scanned the area ahead of time, and the Galra outposts have been abandoned, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any lingering droids left.” Shiro told him, resting a hand on his shoulders. “Remember, Allura said two varga only. I can try to buy you some time, but I can’t promise anything.”

“It’s alright. I’ll get through this as fast as possible. I’ve gotten you into enough trouble already.”

“I think it’s the other way around, Matt.”

The two of them chuckled, something lack luster and broken, because all of their problems still remained. Matt wasn’t sure what would happen between him and Shiro if he couldn’t get through to his sister, but it had to work. He couldn’t think of what would happen if it didn’t, because he didn’t know himself.

“We have to head back up.” Rolo announced, looking down at the notification on his watch.

“Okay…” Shiro slowly nodded, offering up one last smile to him. Oh how Matt wished he could kiss those lips again. “Be safe.”

“I will…” He assured, turning away from them and gently leading Pidge from the lift and to the hover bike they had provided. “Careful, Pidge. I got you.”

Without a word, the teen jerked. She wasn’t trying to break free and run (She couldn’t see where she would go if she wanted to), but she wasn’t appreciating his touch.

Matt ignored the stab of pain in his chest, the way his heart clenched and his lungs ached as he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up. Pidge whined and kicked about, but he ignored her attempts at freedom and settled her down on the back seat of the bike carefully.

“It’s okay, Pidge. It’s just a bike.”

He felt like he was talking to his little sister again. The days where he stole his old hover bike so he didn’t have to walk five miles a day to the nearest place to raid. The days where she hated the sounds it made, and wouldn’t come anywhere near it. The days she rode it with him, and he watched her little arms flail from his lap as she felt the wind rush by, watching the desert disappear behind them as they rode off to scavenge.

Those days used to feel so horrible, but now they seemed so simple. Matt didn’t think he’d ever want the days of starving back, but he figured he just wanted his sister back more than anything. To have her consciously love him again was all he wanted now.

This had to work. He didn’t know what he’d do if it didn’t.

“Hang on tight, Pidge.” He told her, turning the bike on. This one was much quieter than the one they used to use, but the rumble of it felt so familiar.

There wasn’t much the teen could do from behind him, but she was smart enough to know what was happening, what they were on, and he watched the way she braced herself against the vehicle as much as she could in her position.

Matt looked behind them one last time, looking to see the lift hadn’t left just yet. They were waiting to make sure everything would go smoothly, and he was glad for it. Shiro’s eyes were still on him, worried and concerned, but he offered up the most confident smile he could for him, and Matt gave one back.

He turned to look ahead, eyes falling on the road that had long since disappeared, cracked, and fallen apart. He closed his eyes and breathed in, feeling the familiar scents of Earth, of _home_ fill his lungs before opening them again, bringing his legs up, and driving off.

The sensations were hitting him much harder than he thought they would as he drove away. The wind blew in his hair that was getting much too long, the feeling of his clothes blowing like they’d fly from his body, or the bumps along the way as they drove. The crumbled roads he once knew so well had gotten so much worse over ten years.

His heart was pounding, and for some reason unbeknownst to him, tears managed to leak from his eyes. He thought it silly, because really, they were coming back. This wasn’t goodbye in the least, but he felt like he wasn’t going to see any of them again.

Maybe it was the anxiety. The knowledge that this was it. If this didn’t work, they had no other plans. That they all were relying on this moment, and if it didn’t work, the fate of the universe was at stake.

He steeled away the pain and fear. The ache in his heart that needed to stop telling his brain _what if,_ because he couldn’t think like that. As much as he wanted to, this was a mission, _his mission,_ and he couldn’t come back with a failure again. He just couldn’t.

Matt let the wind dry his tears for him, forcing the rest away for a time when he was alone. They drove quietly for a bit, just the hover bike and the world passing by before he came to a slow stop. He looked back, seeing the ship in the distance, but far enough that they wouldn’t see him.

“Okay, this is far enough…” He announced, turning in his seat to look at Pidge. “Watch your eyes. The sun is really bright.”

Slowly, Matt undid the loose knot around her neck, pulling the canvas loose. He waited for her to react, but all he saw was her breathing speed up as he gently pulled the bag off of her head.

Pidge winced, her amber eyes closing as the sun beamed brightly, too bright for her sensitive eyes to handle. Matt fixed her glasses, _his_ glasses, to sit on her nose properly before reaching behind her, using his watch to undo the cuffs on her wrists.

“They didn’t have to do this. You aren’t an animal.” He said, dropping the cuffs into the dried crust of Earth to be forgotten about.

His sister looked up at him cautiously as she rubbed her red, aching wrists. She was cautious, still breathing heavy, because she didn’t know what he had planned for her. Surely she could figure out it was nothing harmful. He wouldn’t have released her arms or let her see otherwise.

Maybe she was too scared to trust it. Maybe she was refusing to believe he wouldn’t hurt her, just like she refused to believe he was alive. He wasn’t so sure.

“Hold onto me, okay? I don’t want you falling off.” Matt said, turning back in his seat. He adjusted himself, giving it a moment before he felt small hands grab at the back of his throw over to hang on to.

He tried not to let the feeling take over the mission.

* * *

Pidge watched the city go by. She watched a crumbling, decaying city disappear in the distance, looking at broken windows and sky scrapers, buildings, houses, and apartments long since abandoned and forgotten about.

She didn’t know how she knew what they were. She wasn’t sure how she could place a name to the things she saw, but she knew she saw a city, and she knew it was broken.

Things felt familiar, and she couldn’t place why.

The feeling of the wind in her hair. The air brushing past them both, rumpling her clothes. The bumps and cracks of the road underneath them. The dust that agitated her allergies. It was all so familiar.

Her eyes looked out again at the city, taking in the sight with an unsettling weight before it changed in front of her eyes.

She saw smoke. She saw fire. She saw thick fog and smog and charred remains of something that was once great. A great city, she had once been told, but just as she panicked, wondering why she saw all of this, she blinked, and it was back to normal. The world around them wasn’t as grey, and the city was dead.

Tension eased into her shoulders and she leaned down, hugging tighter to Matt’s waist. The man she would only call that, because she had no other name for him. She had no one else to comfort her from what she just saw, but she needed something to help even out her breathing.

She could feel the man tense under her touch, but after a few short minutes, he relaxed, and the feeling felt…

Familiar.

Where was this coming from? Why did she feel like this? What was that glimpse she had seen, and why did it hurt?

Pidge settled against him completely after a while, pressing her face into his back and hiding her eyes. Her head was starting to ache, but she figured it was from the sun. It had to be, because she saw no other reasons for the dull throbbing she felt.

She hid until the wind died down, and only when she felt them stopping did she slowly look up, wincing slightly at the light bouncing off of the metal of an old trailer. Something broken down, with shattered windows and glass scattered along the ground. Tumble weeds caught against strips of peeled paint and extended metal poles that looked more like death traps. Tires that had popped and long since disappeared, leaving behind only remnants and wheels that didn’t move, rusted over so badly that the whole trailer was leaning to one side.

Pidge felt Matt’s body go ridged, every muscle tightening so much that she thought he might explode. She looked over his shoulder to see his expression so lost, broken, and confused. So _hurt_ , swallowing what looked like pain and holding back everything in him not to fall apart.

She leaned back in her seat, her hands falling to her lap as he slowly slid off the bike. For a short moment she thought she could run; he was distracted enough that he wouldn’t notice her gone, but she needed to get back to Lance. She needed him to get back to where Lance was, so she couldn’t leave just yet.

“Wow…” Matt uttered, letting out a heavy breath. “It’s… So old…”

Pidge hopped off after him, walking behind him and taking in everything. A knocked over tent with torn fabric wasn’t far from them, and he stopped to look at the ground, as if it had done something to offend him.

He looked like he was in pain. Like something physically hurt him, and when he reached up to touch his stomach, she could only wonder.

He moved ahead, and she followed slowly. Matt walked up the rusty, not-so-trustworthy stair and clicked the screen door open, pulling, only for the whole thing to fall off its hinges. They both jumped back, and Pidge wondered why his arms covered her from it in the chance it fell on them, which it didn’t.

After a moment of letting the surprise pass, he went back up and slid open another door, one that didn’t break, though squeaked horribly when he did. Pidge winced at the sound before following him inside, eyes curiously looking around at the contents inside the dark trailer.

The inside was in far better shape. Barely touched by the conditions of the outside world, only covered in years’ worth of dust and dirt, some shattered glass from the windows, and no signs of life within years minus a few spiders in the corners of the place.

“Holy shit…” Matt muttered, wandering from her side to walk towards a small bed, covered with a few stuffed animals and a toy mermaid. “It hasn’t changed…”

He had been here before? Matt must have known the place before it fell apart, which mean that he had seen what it looked like before the Galra took over the planet.

What that must have been like.

She didn’t remember much from her childhood. Only that her brother had taken care of her for a bit before he was killed, and that was it. She didn’t even remember the faces of her parents or what they sounded like.

This man was lucky to remember that much.

Pidge wandered to the front of the trailer to the small kitchenette that hadn’t been disturbed. She trailed her fingers along the mini fridge, leaving behind her finger prints over the metal until she touched a piece of paper.

Her curiosity piqued as she pulled it out from under the magnet, wiping it off to see what was on it.

A picture. A small little green lion colored outside of black lines. There was a small box of crayons on the counter, and next to it was a little pile of paper.

_“Matt, look-look what I drew!”_

Pidge gasped softly at the voice, her fingers clenching the paper tightly, nearly tearing it at the thought.

She saw tiny hands holding the paper instead, held up and shown to someone she couldn’t see, because the paper was in the way.

“You always loved drawing lions…” Matt spoke up. Pidge looked over to him instead, her breathing labored as she took in the sight of him sitting on the edge of the small bed, holding the small, plush mermaid fondly. “I asked if you could draw rabbits or cats, even flowers, but you always drew lions instead. You kept saying you liked them more once you were done.”

Pidge looked back at the paper, and the tiny hands were gone. She saw her own hands, bitten nails and rough skin holding the drawing in her grasp.

She couldn’t understand what he meant by that. She had never been here. She had been with the Galra this whole time, so how could she have possibly drawn this stuff?

Pidge shook her head, pushing away the small voice that sat in the back of her head and setting the paper down on the table. She turned away from him entirely and looked out the broken windows, trying to bring her focus back onto the situation at hand. Her fingers clenched at her arms when she crossed them over her chest, and for a moment she focused on breathing. Focused on regaining her composure-

_“Matt!”_

She heard crying. She heard distant, childish sobs and saw darkness. She saw light only a moment later, and the figure of her brother coming to her aid. She recognized the feeling of his arms around her. Of his hugs. Of his touch as he shushed her and promised her that he was right there for her.

She heard it so vividly.

“I should have figured it out sooner.” Matt mumbled, looking down at the toy in his hands, his face shadowed by the light of the small room. “I kept saying it wasn’t true, because you were a baby. It wasn’t possible. I was young and naïve, and all I wanted was to keep you safe... And my arrogance put you in danger anyway…”

She couldn’t breathe. No matter how much she tried, her head throbbed, her stomach was doing flips, and her heart was pounding so hard it felt like it was trying to escape her chest.

_“I-I couldn’t find you! It’s dark, Matt! I don’t l-like the dark!”_

No, she didn’t. She never did. She always had lights on, and he knew that.

_“Well, well. Look what we have here.”_

She knew that voice. A distant voice that plagued her memories for years, and she didn’t know why.

“It’s my fault you’re here in this position now. I should have known better, but I was twelve. I didn’t know what to do, and all I did was fail in saving you… And I’m so sorry, Katie.” Matt apologized, seeing the way she trembled and panted. How her nails dug into her palms and how she pressed her hands into the side of her head, almost like someone was yelling in her ears. “If I could go back in time and change the past, I would. Anything if it meant saving you.”

Pidge waved her hands at him, trying to tell him to shut up. He had to stop talking. It was hurting her head.

_“You want food? Water? Medicine? You can have whatever you want, but leave us alone!”_

_“What we want is the Paladin in your arms.”_

She couldn’t breathe. There wasn’t enough space in here. She was suffocating.

Pidge gasped before she ran out of the trailer, stumbling on the stairs and falling into the dirt to scratch her palms and her knees, her tights ripping. She stood up quickly, looking around the area that suddenly seemed more familiar now than it did earlier.

Everything looked different, but it looked the same. The same sky. The same city in the distance. The same trailer, albeit rundown. The same tent that used to cover a hover bike, and the same smells of desert air.

_“M-Matt!”_

_“Don’t ever stop fighting, Katie! Don’t ever let them win!”_

Pidge looked to the ground, seeing the dirt beneath her covered in blood.

It wasn’t there. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real.

“Pidge,” Matt called out to her, slowly coming out of the trailer, approaching her with trepidation. “Are you okay?”

No, no. She wasn’t okay. She couldn’t breathe. Everything was too bright. Her head hurt so bad she felt like it was going to explode, and she didn’t even try to hide the tears that rolled down her cheeks or the sobs of pain.

Physical or mental? She couldn’t tell anymore.

_“I guess it’ll be okay…”_

_“How about you draw me something like a flower?”_

_“What’s that for?”_

_“You-You need them to see, don’t you?”_

_“They don’t really help much…”_

_“This is a no talking zone now, Katie. Don’t talk until I say it’s okay to talk.”_

_“I’ll find you, Pidge! I swear I will! I promise!”_

“Katie…” Matt’s voice was suddenly clearer than it had been, more normal, but with a hint of child to it that she so fondly remembered. He stood with his hands out, just barely brushing her side as she shook hard. “This is a talking zone now, Katie… It’s okay to talk…”

Pidge fell to the ground with a scream tearing from her throat, covering her ears to stop the flood of voices, of _memories_ that rushed back to her so hard and fast.

It hurt. It hurt so much to remember all at once, but Matt was there at her side. He was there collecting her in his arms, pulling her against his chest and into his lap to hold her and cradle her like he once used to.

Her throat ached from the pain, from the emotions forcing out agonizing sobs and screams _desperate_ for release. Something she hadn’t known she needed for ten years of her life, and yet Matt didn’t leave her. He didn’t tell her that she was making too much noise or being too loud. He just rocked her back and forth, whispering soft words for her to hear and listen to over and over again, barely able to comprehend what any of it meant.

She was safe. She was okay and alive. She was there with him.

That’s all that made sense.

“ _I_ -I’m sorry…”

Her voice was so weak and broken. So tired and scratchy from ten years of never using it.

Matt’s head lifted from her shoulder to look at her, his eyes widening at the sound of it, and even though it was hard to understand what she said between her broken sobs and the tears drenching his throw over, it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard.

“What…?” He asked, rubbing gently at her shoulder.

“I-I’m sorry!” She cried out, covering her face with her hands. “I _cou_ -couldn’t save you! I couldn’t _sa-_ ve you, I couldn’t d- _do_ it…”

“Katie…” Matt spoke, almost disapproving, but his expression looked nothing short of heartbroken. “I didn’t want you to save me. All I wanted was for you to survive. I just wanted you to live, and you did…” 

Pidge gasped for air, heaving from the exertion and effort it took to collect herself and her thoughts. Everything was a jumbled mess of memories and words and thoughts and things she couldn’t comprehend at the moment, and she didn’t want to. She just wanted to sit here in her brother’s lap and cry until she passed out.

“You did, and I’m so proud of you, Katie. I’m so proud of everything you’ve done.”

Pidge cried harder, hiding her face in Matt’s shoulder and hugging him with all of the energy she had left in her. It was like the world was falling apart around them, and if a weblum came and ate it now, they wouldn’t even know. All Pidge knew was that she had her brother in her arms, and that was all she needed to know.

That was all she cared about.

* * *

“They’re ten doboshes late,” Nyma reminded, leaning hard against the lift with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Allura is wondering if we’re on our way back to the bridge. What do I tell her?” Rolo asked, shifting uncomfortably in place. He had a feeling this wasn’t going to go right, and Shiro wasn’t helping at all.

“Tell her we’ll be there soon.” The older man said, staring out into the distance. His heart was beating fast in his chest, but he kept telling himself to stay calm. Save face, because Matt would be here. He said he would, and he trusted Matt. He knew if anyone could do this, it would be him.

“Are you sure?” Nyma asked. “We don’t have a lot of time before Galra patrol this sector again.”

“He’ll be here,” Shiro said, but it was more like he was assuring himself and Lance, who stood quietly behind him, just as petrified by this as he was. His girlfriend was out there on a planet he barely had memories of, and they had no idea what was out there, or what was left on the planet.

He had heard bears were pretty scary…

“Wait,” Rolo spoke up, squinting his eyes. “I think I see them.”

Shiro’s eyes narrowed, looking out into the distance to see a small cloud of dirt rush up behind a bike coming their way.

A sigh of relief passed through the group, and Lance’s shoulders dropped as they got closer, happy to see Pidge still with him, safely tucked under his arms in the front where she couldn’t fall off. He knew he trusted Matt enough to keep her safe, and he was right.

“Is she-?” Nyma asked, and stopped short when she realized that what she had seen was right. “What was the point of tying her up if he was only going to undo it all?”

Shiro rolled his eyes, just happy to know they were both safe as they pulled up to the lift. Matt shook out his hair as Pidge lingered on the bike, looking far too exhausted to move let along get up and walk.

“Pidge!” Lance called out, weakly pulling at the restraints around his wrists.

Her eyes found him, and all too quickly did she jump off the bike with newfound energy, running right up to him to throw her arms around him. All Lance could manage was to hug her, barely able to bend his hands to touch her back, but this was fine. So long as she was here, he was happy.

Matt came up only a few moments later, clothes and hair a disheveled mess as he unlocked the cuffs from Lance’s wrists. They fell to the ground with a heavy thump, and Lance took the opportunity to wrap his arms completely around her, cradling her against his chest and pressing a kiss into the side of her head.

“Could you, like, _not?”_ Nyma reprimanded Matt’s careless behavior, but it fell on deaf ears.

“I’m so glad you’re back,” Lance rasped, pulling back to look at Pidge’s tear stained face and red eyes, but she had a smile that stretched from ear to ear. His heart leapt with panic at the way she looked, instantly looking over her to see if she had any visible injuries. Seeing her knees scuffed up didn’t help any. “What’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay?”

Instead of answering, Pidge turned to look at Matt. Her eyes watched him, as if waiting for something that told her everything was okay.

Matt only nodded, smiling at her softly.

She was okay. She didn’t need to hide anymore.

“… _I_ -I’m ok- _ay_ …” She whispered, looking up at Lance with such a fond expression for him and only him.

Lance looked flabbergasted. He looked shocked. He looked like a whole bunch of different adjectives to describe someone who had just heard the voice of their girlfriend for the first time ever.

His eyes welled up with tears he didn’t even try to hide. He swallowed heavily as his hands fell to her cheeks, as if trying to ground himself. Maybe he didn’t believe what he had just heard.

“… W-What?” He asked, his voice cracking. Pidge smiled as she cupped his cheeks, wiping under his eyes when tears started to fall from his lashes.

“I’m ok- _ay_ , Lance…”

That was all he needed to hear.

Lance’s smile was so big and wide as tears rolled past his parted lips. His head shook a little bit, almost as if he were trying to deny what he had just heard, and yet he couldn’t.

He was too happy. He was just too happy to do anything other than cry.

His forehead fell to rest against her, their noses bumping, his eyes shut painfully tight to reel himself in, but it wasn’t working. Not that he was trying too hard in the first place.

“Y-You have the most beautiful voice…” He whimpered, and Pidge giggled past her own tears that started falling, smiling a big, toothy grin up at him as she cried.

Matt smiled at them, happy for them both. Surprisingly, he was happier for Lance. The teen had gotten exactly what he had been hoping for since he met Pidge, and by the look on his face to the way he held her so close, like he could never let her go again, he wasn’t disappointed.

“God, I-I love you. I love you so much, Katie…” Lance sniffled, running his fingers through her hair and looking deep into those brown eyes that were watering and wide.

“I lo- _ve_ you to- _o…_ ”

Hearing the admission, not seeing it written down or written in his palm brought on another fresh wave of happiness. Lance fell apart against her, kissing her like it was the last kiss he’d ever get to have with her and not caring for anyone who saw, and no one stopped them.

“Hey Allura, we’ll be up in a few doboshes. Just typing up some loose strings…”

Rolo’s voice to Allura over the coms was reassuring. He was giving Lance and Pidge their moment of peace. A moment to themselves and a moment for them to soak in the admission of their feelings. Whether they had said it before or not, Matt wasn’t sure, but he was glad Lance got to have this moment. He was glad Pidge got to have this moment with him.

He was happy to know that Pidge had Lance in her life. She would always be safe with him, and it made his heart soar to know she would never be alone, and that she never had been. Lance had been there every step of the way, and his feelings were real. It wasn’t because they were paired by the Galra. It was because they _loved_ each other.

Matt looked over to Shiro, eyes finding the man not far off, smiling and happy to see the exchange. He smiled even more, looking at the way Shiro seemed so happy for them. So happy for the love that they shared and the freedom they now had. They were free, and while the war was far from over, they could finally breathe and take a moment to be human again.

He had to wonder if that was what Shiro was thinking. If Shiro wanted the same things. He must have in some way. Matt cared for him just as much and Pidge loved Lance, and-

Oh.

_Oh…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I sufficiently water the Plance?


	17. Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Didn't take me two months to write a chapter? Whoa... I must be sick...  
> -Misty

“Good night, Katie…” Matt spoke softly, tucking a loose strand of Pidge’s hair behind her ears.

“Night _Ma_ -tt…” She mumbled, wincing at the foreign feeling in her throat. The overuse after saying every confession of _I love you_ possible to Lance that day.

“Sleep well, okay?”

“I will…”

Ah. The first small sentence that didn’t sound like it was being butchered by a hammer.

“Come on, Pidge…” Lance ushered gently, a hand on her lower back and helping her into the room. “Thank you again, Matt.”

“Anytime.” Matt shrugged at him, watching his sister and Lance disappear back into their room, the door shutting behind them.

“So you plan on getting any sleep anytime soon?” Rolo asked him, leaning against the wall beside him.

“Sleep if for the weak, my friend.”

Matt ignored the glare he got from him, instead leaving to find who he needed to find.

He needed sleep. He knew he did. It had been one hell of a long day, and as exhausted as his mind and body were, there was one thing he still had left to do. He couldn’t put this off any longer than he already had.

Matt tried not to run, but he did anyway. He ran to the lifts and headed to the bunkers, his foot irritably tapping while he waited to get to the right floor. Once he was there, he darted for Shiro’s room.

He had to do this, and after all that happened today, he couldn’t tell if this scared him more than everything else.

No, this wasn’t that hard. He just made it seem that way by putting it off long enough. He had been dumb enough to just let it sit and boil instead of fixing it like he should have.

Well, that was about to change.

Matt stood firm at the door, his heart pounding up into his throat and his limbs numb. He barely felt the metal against his knuckles when he knocked, but the sounds of shuffling from inside lit his whole body up with fire.

Holy shit. It was finally happening.

A very tired and disheveled Shiro appeared from behind the door, looking exhausted and in need of ten years of sleep. He was slightly winded though, and judging by the sweat along his collar bone barely hidden under his suit, he could conclude he had been working out, probably to make sure he slept through the night.

Matt swallowed hard.

“Oh, hey Matt…” Shiro said, rubbing the back of his neck. “What are you doing here?”

“I-I need to talk to you.” The brunet asserted, but was no less than short of breath.

No more wasting time. No more beating around the bush. No more _anything._ This had to be done, and it had to happen now before his heart jumped out of his rib cage and splattered into the walls.

“Okay…?” Shiro stepped aside, letting him into the room that was more or less spotless, just like his room always was and always had been. He never left much to give off a sign that he had ever been there, but it was just so Shiro that it made his heart ache.

This wasn’t the room that he once bunked in during his first days of training, when he was alone and scared and just needed to be by someone. This wasn’t the same room that they had sex in, and somehow it hurt to know that.

They had lost five years together, and Matt wanted to make all of that lost time up.

“So… What’s up?”

The younger man could hear the apprehension in his voice. The way Shiro was trying to hide something (a nervous thrill, Matt hoped) from being too obvious.

“Okay, I…” He faltered on his words, suddenly very aware of what he was about to do, and that he was alone in Shiro’s room to do it. He swallowed hard, forcing the nervous bubbling in his stomach to stop and to collect himself and his thoughts.

Horrifically did he realize now that he didn’t plan this through. He hadn’t thought of how he was going to explain any of this to Shiro, much less talk about his feels. He hadn’t prepared a speech or monologue or anything, too worked up in his realization to stop and think that maybe it was a good idea to figure out where he wanted to start and how.

This was definitely not the way to go about this.

“Matt…?”

“I-I’m going to need you to not talk while I say this. It’s not gonna help.” Okay, snapping at him wasn’t how he confessed to him at all. “I… I love you, okay?”

Holy shit.

He actually said it.

Maybe Shiro wasn’t expecting that forward of a confession either, because his normally calm and stoic demeanor crumbled instantly, his eyes widening and his cheeks darkening with a pale tint of pink.

Matt couldn’t remember a time Shiro had ever blushed in his damn life.

“Holy fuck I said it…” Matt mumbled, not really meant for a response. “I-I said it, I… Fuck, Shiro, I don’t know how to do this!”

The younger man stumbled over his own two feet as he began to pace, rubbing his head and futzing up his hair in a horrible disarray of tangles that must have looked like shit. His heart was hammering even harder now, which he didn’t think was possible, or even healthy at this point. Neither did he think _feeling_ his cheeks heat up was healthy either.

He had assumed he was ready for this. Everything lead up to this, but he only now realized that it was all an adrenaline rush. He’d been so buzzed after today, and he still had some adrenaline left in him to make this rash move, but now it all crashed around him, and he realized with fear that he hadn’t even properly prepared how he was supposed to say this.

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing! I just know I love you! I’m horrible for dragging this out and just putting you to the side, because you didn’t deserve that! Fuck, Shiro, you’ve been with me since the very beginning! Hell, you’ve been there since I was in a coma! Y-You never asked for anything back either! You just did it, and fuck I’m an _idiot_ , because I didn’t fucking say thanks, but all I know is that love you and I wanna be with you-”

“Matt-”

“A-And I know I fucked up big time. Like, I don’t know why you even talk to me anymore after the way I treated you, and how long I put this off, so if that’s not how you feel, then that’s fine, but I can’t keep this in my chest any longer-”

“Matt-”

“I told you not to talk while I’m trying to explain this!” He exclaimed, unaware of anything Shiro was doing, because he was too afraid to look and see his reaction to his train wreck of a confession.

The older man grabbed at his hands, forcing them down and away from his head and yanking him haphazardly against his chest. Matt struggled deftly in his grasp, but all of it meant nothing when lips pressed into his own, so shaky and unfocused. Their noses bumped together, his teeth nicked Shiro’s bottom lip, and he was pretty sure he was stepping on one of his feet, but he couldn’t focus on anything other than this.

This one clumsy kiss that felt like something teenagers did when they first started dating. This one clumsy kiss that spoke the rest of his argument, and some of Shiro’s own. This kiss that meant he most likely hadn’t royally fucked everything up.

Matt pulled back abruptly, breaking it far too soon for either of their liking, his eyes wide and his lips parted, but he didn’t know what to say. On top of not figuring out how to confess, he didn’t bother to fathom Shiro’s reactions.

“I love you too…” The man spoke softly, gently, his eyes softening and his lips pulling into a bright smile. Something that lit up the whole room, and something in his chest ached to see it.

“… Why?”

That wasn’t actually what he wanted to say, damn it.

“What…?”

“W-Why do you…?” Matt was very much aware that he was gaping at the man like a fish out of water gasping for breath, but he couldn’t wrap his mind around what he had just said. “After all I did?”

“You make it sound like you’re as evil as Zarkon, Matt.” Shiro reprimanded him, idly playing with a strand of Matt’s hair before tucking it behind his ear.

“… I never even said thanks.”

To that, all the older man could do was shrug.

“I wasn’t looking for appreciation. I just wanted to make sure you were happy.”

“… Who are you and what have you done with my Shiro?” Matt asked, looking him up and down. “That was sappy and corny as hell. Shiro never talks like that.”

Shiro laughed hard, something right from the belly with tears beading at the corners of his eyes.

Now _that_ he recognized, if only distantly. It had been a long time since he had heard Shiro laugh at anything, and it was a sound so full of human emotion that Matt couldn’t help but smile.

“I-It’s the truth though,” Shiro finished off the last of his chuckles, wiping away imaginary tears and forcing himself to take this more seriously than he was, but, to be fair, Matt knew he was a total train wreck. He didn’t blame him for laughing. “So I’m _your_ Shiro, huh?”

“I-I didn’t mean it like that!” Matt flushed with color, eyes widening in surprise. That was definitely not what he meant. Or maybe he did. He wasn’t even sure. He never properly thought this through.

“Bummer,” Shiro said, his shoulders shrugging. “I like the sound of it.”

“What the fuck…” Matt groaned, dropping his head down on Shiro’s shoulder. “Fucking… Stupid idiot…”

He wasn’t actually trying to insult him, but it was as if he’d gone back to being a child again, palms sweating when he tried to confess his feelings for a girl in his class, instead talking about how she was a dumb dumb and how her pig tails were stupid.

Apparently Matt had never learned to properly articulate his feelings. That he hadn’t grown out of.

“I’m your stupid idiot.”

“Stop being so corny. It’s weird. Makes me think you aren’t the real Shiro.”

With a deep chuckle in his throat, Shiro pulled away ever so slightly, forcing Matt up and off his shoulder. Brown eyes looked up, distraught by the sudden distance and wondering if he had said something that pushed his buttons too much, but the look in those eyes spoke it all.

His breath caught in his throat as he leaned in, pressing his lips into Shiro’s without a second thought. This kiss went far better than the first, a perfect slotting of lips against one another, Matt’s arms wrapping around his shoulders while Shiro held his waist, pulling him in so close than no space was between them. It was a gentle tilt of the head, allowing more room to work, to feel and learn, because Matt wanted to start over.

He’d never forget the times they spent together, but he wanted this relationship to start anew. He wanted it to start like they hadn’t slept with each other a few times, and that they were good friends becoming more.

No more unanswered questions. No more confusion. All he wanted was him.

“Shiro…” He breathed, pressing his forehead against the older man’s. He felt an affectionate brush against his nose, the tips of white hair tickling his cheeks. “… I-I don’t want this to be a onetime thing anymore. I love you, a-and I want to be with you. I… I can’t wake up again with you gone…”

His heart sunk at the memory of the first time it happened. The first time he awoke to a cold spot in the bed, the fear in his heart that he had been dead.

He couldn’t do it again. Not again.

“You won’t…” Shiro assured in a gentle, but firm tone. Something with confidence behind it that made Matt believe that no matter what, this was _it_. He could rest well knowing he’d never be alone again.

Their lips sealed in a silent promise, but the heat behind it was ever growing. Matt found himself drawn into Shiro’s touched, bending to every little brush of his fingers and sighing every time their lips parted for air. When Shiro’s tongue touched his own, his knees felt weak and ready to buckle. His fingers tangled into the longer parts of Shiro’s hair, the soft strands pleasant against his skin. He wanted to feel more.

Whatever silent gesture he gave to Shiro indicating his thoughts told him just that. Shiro’s arms wrapped around him entirely, lifting him up against his chest to hold like the world was falling apart. Matt’s legs wrapped around his waist, his mind reeling when the older man’s hands fell to his upper thighs, holding him close.

Matt let out an involuntary grunt, feeling the need to be closer. This wasn’t enough. He didn’t know how, but it wasn’t enough. They couldn’t be any physically closer if they tried, and yet what Shiro was doing, how he was holding him and kissing him, just wasn’t enough.

He groaned against his lips when he realized how excited he already was, embarrassment flooding his senses. His brain was screaming at his body, arguing that it shouldn’t have been getting aroused when all they had done was kissed, but remembering how Shiro had felt against him did him it.

“Fuck…” He grumbled against him, quickly trying to step down on his feet. He didn’t want Shiro feeling him this hard, and yet, as embarrassing as it was, Shiro didn’t put him down. He didn’t let him down to his feet when he tried, and with a pointed glance, all he saw was some unspoken mischief hidden behind dark, foggy eyes. “Y-You can put me down, Shiro.” He spoke up, figuring maybe that Shiro just didn’t get the message.

Instead, Shiro turned him towards his bed. Without so much as a warning, he dropped him haphazardly on the unmade bed, a pillow falling to the floor in the process as he crawled over him.

Matt didn’t even try to run. He only watched, feeling trapped under his hungry gaze as Shiro settled over him, knees on either sides of his hips and hands clutching at the sheets on either side of his head.

It was unspoken, and yet the words felt screamed into existence as they looked at one another. Shiro came down on him with all of the pent up frustration that Matt had felt these past few weeks, his legs wrapping around his hips and keeping him right between his legs, right where he wanted him.

Hands grasped at his ass, pulling him forward with each jarring motion of their lips. Matt groaned into Shiro’s lips, stomach coiling tightly at the friction between their hips. It was all reminiscent of the previous times, but there was no drunken haze fogged over this time, and no fear of death and a search and rescue creating a painful need to get to the main act.

And no dream either. This wasn’t a dream. This was all real, and much appreciated.

Matt grabbed for the hemming of Shiro’s pull over, tugging it up under his arms until they parted, and then throwing it off somewhere into the room to be forgotten about. With his suit on, Matt could see all the fine lines and every defined curve of Shiro’s muscles. Every little detail that had him panting, especially when he yanked at the zipper holding his suit in place.

When it came off and sat around his hips, Matt wasn’t sure what to think.

This wasn’t the same body of a twenty year old man. The last time he had seen him, while still fit, Shiro wasn’t nearly this rugged or buff. He wasn’t so thick of muscles that his pecks stood out the most, but it was the scars.

Matt should have known he’d have them. Of course he’d have them. Shiro was tortured for five years of his life with the Galra, forced to fight for his life to survive. God knows what else he had lived through, and Matt didn’t want to think about it.

While the sight of Shiro shirtless was much appreciated, the sight of his scars left something heavy sitting in his stomach. Guilt maybe? It was too hard to tell.

“They’re hideous. I know…” Shiro mumbled gravely, running a hand across his chest. Across the particularly large one going over his heart.

Matt pressed his palm right over Shiro’s hand. Over his heart.

“You’re beautiful…”

In the back of his mind, he didn’t realize the connection those words had. He didn’t really remember the night too well, but he remembered Shiro glorifying his own scars. He remembered how Shiro kissed each one, willing for the pain to go away, and to hope that maybe someday, Matt wouldn’t look at them like they were trophies to the Galra. They weren’t a prize indicating who the victors were.

They were symbols of the life fought for, and the freedom they both dearly wished for.

Shiro sighed, chest constricting and his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. He kissed the younger man again, but it wasn’t as feverish as before. Softer, with a new understanding behind it.

They’d both been to hell and back, and in that time of separation, they both had seen things that they wished they could forget.

They had to spend their time learning their scars again.

Shiro was quick to usher Matt out of his pull over, throwing it to make a pile in the room. Somewhere he could care less. He was just as fast to undo the many belts and straps fastened to him, holding down any weapons he would carry on his person, or the many tools he used for work. All the while, his lips ran along the curve of his jaw, to his ear where Matt seemed to like the most, and nibbled on his earlobe.

Matt moaned softly, tucking his fingers into Shiro’s suit at his hips and dipping his fingers in like he was going to push it down, but stopping short. When he didn’t get an immediate negative response, and once his own top half had been completely barren, did he let his hands wander.

Shiro groaned wonderfully when he rubbed over the bulge in his underwear, feeling the outline of his cock hanging heavy and hot against his palm. It made him shiver with want. With desire and pent up lust he hadn’t been able to let go of in five years. Any time he tried, he felt guilty for it, but _this._

This felt _right._

Matt dipped his fingers into Shiro’s underwear, gently stroking his cock as Shiro mouthed around his nipple. They groaned in unison, his voice higher than Shiro’s, but the older man’s was so deep that he was sure not once had he ever heard him make a sound like that before. Not even their previous times made him do that.

Matt tilted his head back into the mattress, letting out a pleasant sigh while running his fingers through Shiro’s hair. The soft white strands tickled at the skin on his chest, brushing over a nipple when Shiro was done torturing it, and then lower around his naval. His hand fell from the man’s pants, a trail of pre cum on his palm and glistening in the dim lighting of his room.

Shiro looked up at him, a questioning, but mischievous glint in his eyes. His hands trailed along the waist band of his sweats, around his hips and down his thighs and back up, a silent question sitting in the back of his throat.

“You still treat me like I’m fragile…” Matt mumbled, reaching down to brush stray hairs from Shiro’s face.

“I want to make sure you’re okay…” Was his honest reply, and Matt’s heart did summersaults from it. The older man was always worried for his well-being.

“Shiro,” The brunet sat up on his elbows, caressing a scarred cheek with a calloused thumb. “I want this. I’m not some drunk idiot teenager, and this isn’t some fling. I want this more than you know, so whatever you want… Just do it, okay? Don’t even ask.”

Shiro’s smile was the biggest Matt had seen him make in a long time. It stretched his cheeks apart under his palm and crinkled his nose and eyes as he sat up, forcing his own suit farther down his hips just to the carved v of his hip.

What a tease.

“You’re still so rash…” Shiro said, leaning in and kissing him before Matt could argue his point. Not like he had a very good one. He didn’t have enough fingers to count the number of times within the past month he’d done something stupid.

Matt decided it was better left unsaid. Don’t ruin the moment, he figured, because this so wasn’t the time.

Shiro grabbed at his sweats and suit and pulled them both down in one swift motion, boxers and all. He was left bare in a matter of seconds, his feet kicking off his boots and everything with it.

Shiro’s eyes roamed over his body like a predator does prey. He felt shrunken by his gaze, feeling the need to curl away in fear. He had new scars after all, but the most prominent ones remained. The ones the Galra did to him ten years ago that never faded away. If anything, they just grew with his body.

Shiro’s hands ran down the flat planes of his chest, feeling the muscles quiver beneath them. Matt was far more muscular than he ever used to be, and for a while, Shiro mourned the loss of what they had, or what they could have had, but stopped himself before her became too somber.

He knelt down between his legs, pushing his thighs apart on either side of his head, and got right to the point. He sucked Matt’s cock into his mouth without much warning, or even a little tease like he’d done before. It was all just there and happening, and Matt was groaning loudly, his back arching as the familiar warmth took over his body. The burn and ache in the pit of his stomach that he selfishly craved for so many years.

“Aah, fuck… Yes…”

He was in nirvana. He never thought this would do as much to his body as it was, but all of the years of separation must have done more to his psyche than he thought.

The buildup was there. He wanted it, _needed_ it so badly that he didn’t care who heard him as he moaned. It felt too good, and his hips were on fire as they pushed up gently into his mouth.

Every time Shiro sucked on the head, the tip of his tongue licking at the slit and taking in the pre-cum, he’d gasp for air, his brain feeling foggy. When Shiro stroked whatever he couldn’t reach with his mouth, following a pattern of going down as far as he could and taking what he could to ensure that Matt was seeing stars, he did just that.

His voice got louder, the pitch getting higher the harder Shiro sucked and jerked his hand. He felt light-headed, panting so hard he thought he might pass out if he didn’t cum soon.

He didn’t think he’d be this wound up, but he was, and the truth was that he didn’t care. Let it happen however it needed to happen. He was ready.

“S-Shiro, fuck ahh…” He tangled his fingers in Shiro’s hair again, pulling lightly, scratching at his scalp. Anything for a grip to reality. Judging by the groan that vibrates down his cock, he liked it too. “H-Holy shit. Fuck, i-it’s so good…”

Shiro sat back with a soft pop, wiping his lips with the back of his hand as Matt bucked his hips in a silent plea for more. Shiro leaned back to his bedside table, reaching in the drawer for something Matt couldn’t make out in the horrible lighting.

“I want to do something a little different, okay?” Shiro spoke like it was a question, but somehow, Matt seemed to think it wasn’t. It was almost like he was telling him, and the subtle command ran shivers up his spine.

“O-Okay, but please, I…” His hips rolled against Shiro’s lap as the man settled between his legs, pushing them back against his chest.

“Fuck, Matt…” Shiro uttered, rolling clear liquid between his fingers. Matt barely saw it in the light, glistening on his fingertips before they went down his legs, past his dick, and to a place no one had even touched before.

“S-Shiro-” He squirmed in shock, feeling Shiro’s finger pushing past the rim of his asshole and inside of him.

“Just relax…”

How could he relax? Shiro knew what came out of there, right? That was where things went out, not in.

Matt dropped against the bed, squirming at the unusual sensation. It didn’t hurt, but the foreign feeling was unlike anything he had felt before.

If he had to (horribly) describe it, it felt like going to the bathroom, which he needed to get out of his mind right this instant.

“S-Shiro, this is… It’s weird…” Matt whispered, covering his eyes with his arm.

“I’m telling you to relax.” Shiro said, almost like a command. Matt’s whole body shuddered, all while still feeling that weird pressure where’s Shiro’s finger was.

“B-But-”

And then Shiro crooked his finger up.

Matt wasn’t sure what happened next. All he knew was that something pleasurable, far better than anything that happened thus far, took over. Every nerve lit up with pleasure like fire coursing through his veins, and Matt was only vaguely aware of the scream-like moan he let out before covering his mouth with both hands.

If he was focusing enough, he could hear Shiro whisper something under his breath. Something along the lines of _found it_ before the assault on that one spot began.

Matt gasped aloud, his hands dropping to grip the sheets and Shiro thrust his finger up into him, attacking that one place until he cried out in bliss, cum dripping on his stomach. He thrust his hips in time with Shiro’s hand, the stimulation a whole new level of high he couldn’t seem to come down from. He was only blissfully aware that Shiro pushed another finger into him, stretching his hole in scissoring motions.

“Ahh, fuck yes!”

He came with a silent moan, his back lifted off the bed in an arch while Shiro thrust his hand into him, working him through it. He gasped when the high crashed, and the sensitivity hit him hard. He whined, squirming in his grasp, only now realizing that Shiro was gripping his hip tightly, holding him in place as his fingers slowed. His breathing was labored, heavy and erratic as he stared up at the ceiling above him, looking at the dim purple lights and wondering why it seemed so quiet in the room all of a sudden. It hadn’t sounded so quiet five seconds ago, but maybe that was the bliss rushing through his body.

“Shit…”

Shiro’s muttered curse and uneven breathing reminded Matt that he wasn’t alone, his heart jumping around in his chest at the thought.

Thank god he wasn’t alone.

“S-Shiro…” He whimpered, looking down the line of his body at the man. He could see his cock straining against his suit, begging for freedom. “I bet that hurts…”

“You have no idea…”

Matt sat up slowly, surprised to find that his whole body felt weak and useless. His arms felt heavy and his legs felt numb, but he forced himself up anyway. Forced himself to tug the offending material down his hips, freeing Shiro’s cock.

He had to give Shiro the same pleasure he felt. He’d feel horrible if he wasn’t able to do something. Anything at all, but damn if he didn’t want to try that himself.

What would it be like to be the one doing that to Shiro? To see his face as he was enthralled with pleasure? To make him cum so hard his voice would probably reach the neighbors in the other room?

 _Holy shit_ he wanted to know, but before he could even properly stroke his length, Shiro pushed him on his back, using his impressive strength to flip him over onto his stomach. Matt gasped at the forceful, brutish motion, clinging to the sheets when Shiro pulled him up by the hips, forcing him up into his knees and hands. He looked over his shoulder at the man, watching as he poured that clear liquid over his hand again before smothering it on his cock.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what was going to happen next.

“W-Wait,” Matt stuttered, trying to sit up, but a firm palm against the small of his back kept him down. “I-Is that…? I mean, is this normal?”

“It can be, yeah.” Shiro responded, gently running his wet hand down Matt’s thigh.

“That didn’t sound confident at all…” Matt begrudgingly grumbled, side eying the man cautiously.

“Just relax, Matt…”

There was something demanding in his tone that told him that was the end of the conversation for now. No more questions. After all, he said Shiro could do whatever he wanted to do. He told him not to ask, and that’s what Shiro was doing.

He worried though as if Shiro would ever hurt him. Of course he wouldn’t. Not physically anyway. He’d never hurt him in a million years, and Matt could find solace in knowing that for sure.

Matt fell back into the position Shiro put him in, resting with his palms and knees against the mattress, taking in heavy breaths as Shiro ran his fingers along his ass. He felt them dip into his hole, stretch it a little past the resistance, and then pull out, only to be replaced with what he could only assume was the head of Shiro’s cock.

Shiro held him firmly in place, so even when he jumped lightly at the sensation, he couldn’t move. Slowly, ever so slowly, he pushed in, thrusting past the ring of muscle and into his tight channel.

Matt let out a hiss, or maybe a moan. Maybe both. It didn’t feel good, but it didn’t actually feel painful. There was a slight sting, but with the number of injuries he had accumulated over the years, this was nothing.

He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath until he felt Shiro’s hips press flush against his own, fully sheathed inside of him. Matt felt the nudge of his hard cock against that place that had him seeing stars, already making him pant heavily against the sheets of Shiro’s bed.

“Y-You okay?” Shiro asked him, running his hands all along his back, down his sides, and up his chest. A meager distraction to keep his mind off anything uncomfortable.

 _That_ there was a lot of.

“I-It’s… Weird…” Matt breathed, fisting the sheets beneath him. “D-Doesn’t hurt, but… I feel full…”

That hadn’t meant to sound the way it did, and yet the reaction he got from Shiro was perfect all on its own. The way he groaned out, like he’d been holding it in, his hands gripping his hips so hard he thought it would leave bruises.

“Holy shit, Matt…” Shiro panted, pulling his hips back slowly. Matt whined at the motion, not sure how to take the feeling, and yet he gasped when the older man thrust back in, a wet slap sounding between their hips. “Y-You’re so hot and tight…”

Matt shuddered at the words, his eyes rolling back when Shiro’s cock started rubbing into that one spot. That place that caused friction and lit his whole body up with flames. He nearly collapsed against the bed, but Shiro’s fingers tangled in his hair, not pulling, but definitely holding him in place.

“Y-You’re so perfect. So warm and incredible. Fuck…”

Whether he was aware of the kind words slipping past his lips, Matt wasn’t sure, but Matt whimpered with each praise and comment that rang through his ears. Each little tug on his scalp reminded him to stay up, stay in place, and each little tug felt like a reminder to thrust back into Shiro’s hips, take him in, and keep him there.

It didn’t hurt. It was uncomfortable, but he was starting to think that it was in a good way. He was panting, whimpering a few broken slurs and something that sounded vaguely like Shiro’s name. Sweat slid down his back, his ass and his thighs, adding to the increasing heat of his body. His cock, though half hard, thrumming with the need to be touched again. To be taken and stroked and milked for everything he had in him.

He reached down to touch himself, to increase the pleasure, but Shiro slapped it away. The metal smacked hard and left a sting, but Shiro tugged hard on his hair, forcing him up off of his hands, leaning back into Shiro’s chest.

He hands barely reached the headboard instead, bracing himself as Shiro fucked into him harder, his hips snapping against his with an audible wet slap. His hand came around to stroke his cock, playing with the head and rubbing under it where the veins were most prominent.

Matt gasped, his head dropping back on Shiro’s shoulder. He moaned rather loudly, any concerns someone would hear them thrown out the window. He moaned anyway, and each thrust into him had him getting louder. Each deadly hit of his cock head into that bundle of nerves had him whimpering, reaching back to grab Shiro’s hair and pull on it, holding him in place.

Shiro was grunting against his pale skin, sucking hard on the skin along his shoulder and leaving blooming blotches of color as evidence of this night. Evidence that he was there, and he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“Right there, Shiro, right there- Ahh!” Matt begged, pushing back to time his thrusting with Shiro’s. It was a mess, but it was _so good,_ right where he wanted him, _needed him_ so badly for days. Weeks. Months. Years. His whole god damn life at this point.

The bed creaked under their erratic pace. The headboard was built into the wall, and yet it sounded like it was ready to break off at any second. Matt should have figured how hard they were going from that alone, but it wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t enough.

He needed more. Harder, faster, _more, more, more-_

He wasn’t aware he had said any of that out loud until Shiro yanked him back by the hair again, forcing his head back against his to kiss him with tongue and nips of his teeth to his lips.

Matt panted into his mouth, moaned and whimpered into their kisses, and keened when Shiro cupped his balls and massaged them. There was so much happening in this one moment, and his mind was wiped clean of anything but this.

Shiro, his dick inside of him, making a mess out of him and reducing him to nothing more than pleading and begging for him and only him. That coil in his stomach was wound so tight. Tighter than before, ready to snap at any second. He was begging for it, clinging to the point of nirvana where he’d cum with Shiro’s name on his lips.

“M-Matt-!”

Shiro was close too. He could tell by the heavy breathing, the pace of his thrusts slipping and losing its rhythmic thrust. The stuttering of is hips was an indicator, and he was so ready for it all.

If he could do it _inside-_

Matt choked on air, his lips parted on a silent scream as he came again. His nails clawed into Shiro’s arm and his scalp, leaving angry red marks in their wake, and if anything, it only spelled Shiro’s doom.

He came only a few seconds later, groaning loudly into Matt’s throat as he came inside of him. Matt could feel the hot stickiness coating his insides, leaving behind a warmth of heat in his chest he felt for only the man holding him and thrusting through their powerful bliss.

Matt finally cried out in ecstasy, his length aching at the painful grip around it. Something he hadn’t noticed until the high started dissipating into something more like a fog. He whimpered and whined, buckling under the weight of them both and falling against the mattress, relieved when Shiro let him go. He only now realized how painfully tight the muscles in his back were from staying in that position, but he had absolutely no regrets.

Shiro pulled out of him slowly, carefully, letting Matt take his time to adjust to the feeling. He watched the way his cum slowly dripped out of him, running against the red and flushed skin of his thighs.

Matt staggered to stay up straight, but one small prompt from the other man was enough to have him falling over, a twitching and panting mess. Shiro fell beside him only ticks after, pressing flush against his back and wrapping his arms around his body. One laid under his head like a pillow while the other wrapped around his waist, taking his hand in his and threading their fingers together.

Matt was still panting, light-headed and intoxicated with the high of his orgasm, but he recognized the sound of Shiro’s breathing, felt it against his neck, and noticed the way his muscles relaxed in a way he only recognized from the times they had stayed together.

Shiro was sound asleep in a matter of seconds, and Matt could only wonder if this was the first time in five years he was getting his first decent night of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized it took 17 chapters for this to happen............... Oh my.

**Author's Note:**

> By the way, this fanfic was inspired by and named after T-Ara's Day by Day MV, which, if you haven't seen it, I highly suggest you do. It is the greatest mini drama you'll ever watch, with a continuation called "Sexy Love," That follows up.  
> P.S. If anyone would like the see character designs and profiles, they are on my tumblr. ^^  
> Thanks for reading! :D Let me know what you think. ^^


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